brian kiley @kileynoodles
Comedian/Conan Writer/Biped Joined December 2010-
Tweets4K
-
Followers10K
-
Following371
-
Likes14K
Anybody else check their phone whenever a character’s phone dings in a TV show or movie?
I have a friend who manages an Olive Garden. He says business is so bad lately, they’re thinking of serving Italian food.
I don’t know what my gravestone will say but knowing me, it’ll have at least one typo.
My grandmother is on steroids. You can tell. Last year, she lead the National League in RBIs.
Wait ‘til my kids find out that I know how to shut off the flashlight on my phone.
If aliens do make contact, they’ll be way smarter. They’ll ruin Jeopardy. “Our returning champ , 6000 nights in a row, Zeldar from the planet Gonchar.”
Taylor Williamson - Live At The Comedy Store | FULL SPECIAL youtu.be/5DQtK6FM7jM?si… via @YouTube hey guys, check out my friend Taylor’s very funny comedy special.
One of my friends told me that UFOs might be us time-traveling back in time to visit ourselves. That’s right, I have friends who smoke a lot of weed.
My dad and I never hugged unless you count the time I gave him the Heimlich.
My uncle told me that he “can talk to anybody.” He can also offend everybody.
@kileynoodles a hilarious human, did the 50 Tastes Of Gray show! * Our show together (Video version) is at YouTube.com/@50TastesOfGray The Audio-only version is at LoveLife.com - Enjoy!
When my dad died, a lot of comedians came to the funeral to offer their support and ask how they could get on Conan.
My best friend grew up in Los Angeles. His family’s Coat of Arms is a windbreaker.
Brian Kiley, the king of one-liners is my guest on tomorrow's 50 Tastes Of Gray, available at YouTube.com/@50TastesOfGray and at LoveLife.com - This guy *effing* cracks me up! #standupcomedy #lol #laugh
I did a show for some super rich people. They’re just like us, they fly to Singapore one leg at a time.
The most older I get, the more I realize what’s important in life…keeping receipts.
haha. a career highlight.
Fun fact: Tennessee touches 8 states. 4 inappropriately.
The Most One-Liners You'll Ever Hear In A Comedy Show. Brian Kiley - Ful... youtu.be/aEACJV9n3QI?si… via @YouTube my dry bar special is up to 1.7 million viewers which means it should reach 1.8 in time for the next eclipse.
I went to my high school reunion. I was the only person in my high school to be on a TV show other than COPS.
Laurie Kilmartin @anylaurie16
106K Followers 6K Following Comedian / Emmy-Nominated & WGA Award-Winning Writer / Seen on After Midnight, Conan, Corden / NYT Best Selling Author / "Cis Woke Grief Sl*t" out now.
Sam Morril @sammorril
215K Followers 930 Following Stand-up Comic. Knicks fan. See me in your city: https://t.co/NGdY2cYtXP
Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman
200K Followers 4K Following Year round iced coffee drinker. Stand-up special "People Pleaser" out now. Previously: Last Week Tonight, Mrs. Maisel, Head Writer/EP Desus & Mero.
Joe List @JoeListComedy
112K Followers 1K Following I'm a comedian and I have a 3 one hour comedy specials available for free on YouTube. “I Hate Myself” & “This Years Material” & “Enough For Everybody”
Wendy Liebman ☮️ @WendyLiebman
41K Followers 11K Following I hope you feel light. I’m on Threads. For a PDF copy of my book Swear on Lily, go to the last page of my website: https://t.co/L6jblQylf1
Andy Kindler @AndyKindler
135K Followers 7K Following A Comedium. Mort on #BobsBurgers Podcast: @thought_spiral with @JElvisWeinstein https://t.co/DLxHtjMc5n #FOT he/him
Todd Barry @toddbarry
300K Followers 1K Following YouTube: DOMESTIC SHORTHAIR Netflix: SPICY HONEY Prime: THE CROWD WORK TOUR Book: THANK YOU FOR COMING TO HATTIESBURG https://t.co/AgBudWd5Ff & @ToddBarryPdcast
Brian Stack @BrianStack153
53K Followers 3K Following Writer, @ColbertLateShow Formerly at "Conan". @TheSecondCity Other stuff. @IUBloomington @UWMadison
Erica Rhodes @ericarhodes
137K Followers 147K Following I like the ocean & coffee. My second album, Ladybug out now on iTunes.
gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi
64K Followers 7K Following “you miss 100% of the shots you take” -my high school basketball coach
eddie pepitone @eddiepepitone
91K Followers 2K Following PATREON: https://t.co/dm05RJF6Af / APOCALYPSE SOON Podcast: https://t.co/S6IV0RCzYA / FOR THE MASSES Special: https://t.co/x7GkqTeRYn
Chris Regan @ChrisRRegan
31K Followers 1K Following I write for Family Guy and have written for many other television programs including The Daily Show. Also, GIF replies to my tweets will make me hate you.
Julius Sharpe @juliussharpe
133K Followers 352 Following Prominent figure in the bald community, creator of two cancelled TV shows, and worst-selling author. Buy my book, “So You’re Going Bald!” at link below.
Matt Goldich @MattGoldich
22K Followers 2K Following I write jokes for @latenightseth. Stand-up special NO QUESTIONS ASKED out now! https://t.co/ZzVOeIGJie
Greg Fitzsimmons @GregFitzShow
87K Followers 328 Following Fitzdog Radio, Childish and Sunday Papers podcasts every week!
Mike Reiss @MikeReissWriter
22K Followers 422 Following It's me, Mike Reiss! 4x Emmy Award-Winning writer & producer for @TheSimpsons.
Fairy @E3bHP6Uhp5fcx
44 Followers 1K Following I am a lively and cheerful girl who would like to meet a good friend.
Endless Roaming @endless_roaming
68K Followers 45K Following Posting photos using various camera phones taken during my travels around the world. Happy to answer any questions.
Lin xin @Linzara458940
435 Followers 3K Following Strong is always more beautiful than hypocritical.
AsliBeyhan @AsliBeyhan2
24 Followers 186 Following Fullstack Software Developer | Mathematician | Java Developer
Discounted Jason Stat.. @JasTheFace715
1K Followers 5K Following I'm not good I'm not bad I'm somewhere in between ☯️| Witty and an Smartass 🖤| No-Gi Jiu-Jitsu practitioner | NY Giants & Miami Hurricanes fan 🏈
Andrew Goldman @andrewrgoldman
2K Followers 2K Following Host, LA Mag's "The Originals," Town & Country, WSJ Mag, NY Mag/Vulture contributor, journalist, filmmaker, chronic interrupter, lawn killer.
Jeff Sulski @nemoiam
52 Followers 81 Following
Jeff Posterboy @JPosterboy9613
834 Followers 4K Following
ᴘᴅᴍ @PoorDeadMan
177 Followers 147 Following Interim Director, Wuhan Institute of Virology | @2Guys1Grave
Gilly🇦🇺 @gilly1188
406 Followers 4K Following #DR3 #SV5 #FA14 #MV33 F1, AFL, NBA, MotoGP, Serie A Heinz Harald Frentzen is criminally underrated.
Garrick Dion @GareRick
7K Followers 7K Following Story & Script Consultant/Writer/Producer. Definitely movies. But also art, animals, edibles, beauty, bawdy, nature, nonsense. https://t.co/LWBDMVHXi0…
Stephen Randall @MrMisocainea
549 Followers 1K Following Editor. Writer. Consultant. As Dan Rather says, "I’ve seen a lot in my lifetime. But I’ve never seen anything like this."
Gilardinho Young @LMNRRR2
108 Followers 851 Following
Ethan @EthanHarris515
433 Followers 639 Following Des Moineser...NFL Draft enthusiast...Chiefs fan...obscure art lover...NWMSU alumnus. He/Him. Black Lives Matter.
Dick Deal @DustyForsight
324 Followers 995 Following Doing my best to make Doctor Peyton Westlake's dreams a reality.
Jovian Gautama 劉恆.. @jovvvian
1K Followers 1K Following Luck creator. Grass toucher. Sometimes tweet about baseball. Making tech funnier @serioustechnewz prev: @CastroPodcasts, @strongapp, @arcdotdev, @inside
Skywalker @sewalkerdesign
291 Followers 4K Following Life long creative, Dad of two amazing humans and (once) proud Iowan.
TeachUrb @Teachurble
326 Followers 4K Following Passionate about storytelling in gaming and the arts. Project portfolios listed. https://t.co/kP0ayQgJrP https://t.co/EIF5JIYT27 https://t.co/zdQ1jYsjbf
Tom Thakkar @TomAThakkar
14K Followers 1K Following Special coming TODAY: https://t.co/Znhp3gwVmJ see more clips at https://t.co/GaLW6dzUb9
KG Rose @KGRose111
267 Followers 340 Following Head Gardener @MetaRoseGardens Lucid Dreamer💤🤯 Elbow model. Basically I'm Seth Rogen sans the laugh, sans the fro ❤️ Shakespeare, comedy, cat yoga
Danielle Koenig @DanielleBKoenig
4K Followers 325 Following Co-host of How to Survive with Danielle & Kristine @podhowtosurvive https://t.co/V4Y3mze5yR
It's me @HeyNow00515119
49 Followers 635 Following
folding chable @itsmeitswill
345 Followers 2K Following lover of non fiction books and comics. imagine my brain as a plate of runny oatmeal. g*y.
f f @bubububutt
135 Followers 4K Following
John Amir @jawn_a_meer
209 Followers 573 Following Actor. Comedian. Visionary. Also decent Pet Sitter. I Will Not Lose Your Dogs
Helen Ronin @helen_roni24394
28 Followers 457 Following
Nat Luurtsema @natluurtsema
10K Followers 6K Following Writes and swims. Literary rep @WMEBooks, @TALLAgent for film/tv 👩🏻💻 https://t.co/lIi9R139YK
Amy Kuperinsky @AmyKup
3K Followers 6K Following Alive and sick! @starledger features & entertainment writer/preexisiting condition. Reporter for 20 years. IG: kupamy. Contact: [email protected]
Ken Seneca @ken_seneca
30 Followers 208 Following
Brad Gosse @bradgosse
67K Followers 7K Following Comedian and author of over 120 books. Inventor of BabyMute and ToddlerShred. Professional troll. If you’re triggered I’m thrilled.
Collen Slater @collenslateryt
149 Followers 130 Following CALL-LEN not CALL-LEAN .don't ask me, I signed up when elon bought it to chase pornstars and back-talk politics interns
Davis Loose @dcloose
120 Followers 1K Following System Engineering Researcher at The University of Virginia | Data Scientist
youdont evenknow @onlyeatsham
19 Followers 257 Following
Jenna Nicole @pettycashthief
57 Followers 301 Following Life-long learner. Married to my best friend. Love my chosen profession. I human pretty well most of the time.
Laurie Kilmartin @anylaurie16
106K Followers 6K Following Comedian / Emmy-Nominated & WGA Award-Winning Writer / Seen on After Midnight, Conan, Corden / NYT Best Selling Author / "Cis Woke Grief Sl*t" out now.
Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman
200K Followers 4K Following Year round iced coffee drinker. Stand-up special "People Pleaser" out now. Previously: Last Week Tonight, Mrs. Maisel, Head Writer/EP Desus & Mero.
Joe List @JoeListComedy
112K Followers 1K Following I'm a comedian and I have a 3 one hour comedy specials available for free on YouTube. “I Hate Myself” & “This Years Material” & “Enough For Everybody”
Wendy Liebman ☮️ @WendyLiebman
41K Followers 11K Following I hope you feel light. I’m on Threads. For a PDF copy of my book Swear on Lily, go to the last page of my website: https://t.co/L6jblQylf1
Andy Kindler @AndyKindler
135K Followers 7K Following A Comedium. Mort on #BobsBurgers Podcast: @thought_spiral with @JElvisWeinstein https://t.co/DLxHtjMc5n #FOT he/him
Todd Barry @toddbarry
300K Followers 1K Following YouTube: DOMESTIC SHORTHAIR Netflix: SPICY HONEY Prime: THE CROWD WORK TOUR Book: THANK YOU FOR COMING TO HATTIESBURG https://t.co/AgBudWd5Ff & @ToddBarryPdcast
Brian Stack @BrianStack153
53K Followers 3K Following Writer, @ColbertLateShow Formerly at "Conan". @TheSecondCity Other stuff. @IUBloomington @UWMadison
Erica Rhodes @ericarhodes
137K Followers 147K Following I like the ocean & coffee. My second album, Ladybug out now on iTunes.
Chris Regan @ChrisRRegan
31K Followers 1K Following I write for Family Guy and have written for many other television programs including The Daily Show. Also, GIF replies to my tweets will make me hate you.
Julius Sharpe @juliussharpe
133K Followers 352 Following Prominent figure in the bald community, creator of two cancelled TV shows, and worst-selling author. Buy my book, “So You’re Going Bald!” at link below.
Matt Goldich @MattGoldich
22K Followers 2K Following I write jokes for @latenightseth. Stand-up special NO QUESTIONS ASKED out now! https://t.co/ZzVOeIGJie
Greg Fitzsimmons @GregFitzShow
87K Followers 328 Following Fitzdog Radio, Childish and Sunday Papers podcasts every week!
Mike Reiss @MikeReissWriter
22K Followers 422 Following It's me, Mike Reiss! 4x Emmy Award-Winning writer & producer for @TheSimpsons.
Chris Estrada - Texas.. @ChrisEstrada85
12K Followers 2K Following Stand-up Comic / Star & Co-Creator of @thisfoolhulu / https://t.co/vbztYeLh78 / My Don't Tell Comedy set in the link below.
Jimmy Pardo @jimmypardo
29K Followers 730 Following Standing up comedian & host of the award-winning podcast @NeverNotFunny. Appeared on Conan, Tonight Show, Late Late Show & more. I quit Bryan Adams' band.
Jackie Kashian @jackiekashian
45K Followers 2K Following 🎤Touring Stand-Up Comedian 📺See me on After Midnight, HBO, NPR, Conan, Corden, & more! 🎤Podcasts — Dork Forest🌳 Jackie & Laurie Show🎧
Alex Hooper @HooperHairPuff
13K Followers 3K Following Comedian. Weirdo. Eccentric Socialite. America's Got Talent. Comedy Central. Ellen. Dirty Briefs Podcast.
Alex Edelman @AlexEdelman
39K Followers 2K Following Comedian. JUST FOR US on @HBO on April 6. 🎟️s for LA in link.
Gabrielle Union @itsgabrielleu
4.3M Followers 1K Following Loving fashion, beauty, fitness, dogs and sports :) IG: GabUnion FB: GabrielleUnionOfficial Snap: GabUnionWade
Mencarelli @GoldGloveJulien
844 Followers 627 Following Stand Up Comic. I ❤️Minnesota Twins baseball. Butterscotch pudding is underrated. Saved ✝️
Johnny Cardinale @JohnnyCardinale
723 Followers 283 Following Dad jokes and memes, mostly. Sirius/XM's "Laughs USA."
Chris Cope @ChrisCopeComedy
59K Followers 14K Following @Wafflehouse Brand Ambassador Comedian/Actor Sunshine State Stories Podcast
Tom Thakkar @TomAThakkar
14K Followers 1K Following Special coming TODAY: https://t.co/Znhp3gwVmJ see more clips at https://t.co/GaLW6dzUb9
Danielle Koenig @DanielleBKoenig
4K Followers 325 Following Co-host of How to Survive with Danielle & Kristine @podhowtosurvive https://t.co/V4Y3mze5yR
Paul Lander @paul_lander
46K Followers 46K Following Professional Comedy Writer/Producer. If it requires a noun, a verb and laughter I've done it. Won a few awards to give my Mom stuff to talk about with family.
Samantha Ruddy @samlymatters
49K Followers 2K Following Comedian from the Tonight Show & the Late Show. Dozens of followers on TikTok.
mark schiff @markschiff
614 Followers 136 Following Comedian and host of the hit podcast “You Don’t Know Schiff”: https://t.co/XJZ0kCp56V
Barry Weintraub @BarryWeintraub1
206 Followers 363 Following Comic & (on the beach) talk radio host. I was the last "Lib" to host a show on Fox "News" Radio. I enjoy asking questions and confusing people.
Paul D'Angelo @PaulDAngelo2
379 Followers 135 Following
Dave Reinitz @davereinitz
241 Followers 485 Following
Kimberly Clark @ClarkKimberlyL
3K Followers 774 Following Writer/Comedian Tiffany Haddish presents: They Ready Season 2 (NETFLIX) The Late Late Show with James Corden (CBS) https://t.co/3lCjrtL6wL…
Cristela Alonzo @cristela9
47K Followers 1K Following Podcast: https://t.co/roKdARojsk Stand-up 🎤: #MiddleClassy #LowerClassy @netflix Book: #MusictoMyYears Sitcom: #Cristela #DallasCowboys #ClipperNation
Raanan Hershberg @Raanancomedy
5K Followers 1K Following I'm raising 30K in 30 Days to Make a Movie! Donate at link 👇👇👇👇
monday.com @mondaydotcom
43K Followers 2K Following Work OS. GIF lover. Time saver. Email chain breaker. Not the YouTube ad team. For platform status & customer support, follow @mondaysupport
Paul Douglas Moomjean.. @themoomabides
1K Followers 1K Following Comedian. Not Traditionally Handsome. VC Reporter Writer. Dry Bar Comedy special "Guys Like You And Me" out now!!!!!
Jimmy Burns @TeacherComedian
1K Followers 336 Following Former Elementary School Teacher Turned Stand-up Comedian. Was the House MC @icehousecomedy in Pasadena, CA
Jon Hayman @Jon_Hayman
687 Followers 102 Following writer/producer Curb Your Enthusiasm, former writer/ producer The Chris Rock Show, former writer Seinfeld, aspiring notary public.
mitchfatel @mitchfatel
16K Followers 841 Following Click here to watch my entire special for free because I care about you..(not you, but all the others) https://t.co/hFBCFgFPHp
Mike Binder @MikeBinderjokes
10K Followers 1K Following Stand up comic. Writer. Director. Please follow and Sign up for my newsletter for Standup clips, insiders info on the business and world of Stand-up, 👇👇👇
Michael Markowitz (@m.. @markowitz
2K Followers 4K Following I'm a writer. https://t.co/0S6epf7DHS ...also #duckman #HorribleBosses On Threads I’m https://t.co/EZeMieoiKV
Felicia Michaels @FeliciaMichaels
9K Followers 2K Following Comedian, photographer and filmmaker. Watch my comedy special on Amazon Prime: https://t.co/vprNMmdlc6
David Spade @DavidSpade
2.8M Followers 60 Following This is the real, official David Spade. Any other accounts are fake.
Rich Talarico @richtalarico
3K Followers 1K Following Writer/Producer — Key & Peele, MADtv, SNL, Second City, Improv Olympic, WGA and SAG-AFTRA.
Grace Anaclerio @Granaclerio
206 Followers 610 Following distinguished member of the clean plate club
Dana Eagle @DanaEagleTweets
4K Followers 2K Following Dana's been seen on NBC's Last Comic Standing, The Late, Late Show, Comedy Central, and Comics Unleashed. She began in musical theater but was asked to leave.
Lenny Marcus @LennyMarcusNYC
4K Followers 484 Following Stand-up Comedian. Husband. Daddy. Statistician for the NY Giants. Co-host of the @FckryPodcast Tour with Leslie Jones: https://t.co/zn3wfv7KMk
Kelly Carlin @kelly_carlin
87K Followers 5K Following Leader of the free world inside my head. Writer. Talker. Doodler. Escorting folks through the liminal via Humans on the Verge.
Dawn Brodey @dawn_brodey
1K Followers 1K Following Comic 🤡 Historian ☠️ Writer ✒️. HILFPodcast: History I’d Like to F*ck. Former River Rat - MM 845.
Jon Zucker @J0NZucker
350 Followers 603 Following check out my short film Holding that made some people happy: https://t.co/K3p1n3pCHk…
Steve Skrovan @skrocentral
728 Followers 717 Following Writer for Everybody Loves Raymond, Co-host Ralph Nader Radio Hour, "Bits & Pieces" on S+bstack, Twitter has blocked links to it, so search my name. #WGAStrong
George Carlin's Echo @WeiserAlby
7K Followers 1K Following shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker... & tits! Be sure to follow my other account @BooslerS for animal videos to help @ElayneBoosler's #tailsofjoy!
Latif Tayour @latiftayour
814 Followers 630 Following Managing Director of @elysiantheater / Comedian
Suli McCullough @SuliMcCullough
3K Followers 1K Following Comedian/Actor/Writer/Producer I played #Crazylegs in "Don’t Be A Menace" & Mouse on The Jamie Foxx Show #SuliStrong 💪🏾,
@kileynoodles Sometimes I'll be driving and there will be an ambulance or other siren sound as part of an actual song I happen to be playing in the car, and I'm fooled into thinking that it's a real ambulance/police car.
😂😂😂
Anybody else check their phone whenever a character’s phone dings in a TV show or movie?
Thank you to all my family, friends and teammates for the guidance and support! Thanks to the fans for watching! Won 2 Super Bowls and got out happy and healthy to be the best father for my children! Thanks again for 11 seasons! Cheers to what’s next 🥂 #LogOut
2 more weeks that’s right 2 more weeks it’s on @psychicpebble @MichaelRCusack @adultswim @hbomax @mlcpodcast
My friend @VitoGesualdi made this for me 12 years ago & now it’s a viable platform.
Please feel free to share with a friend. If our daily humor makes you smile, please consider making a quick donation to support our live and digital ComedyCures programs and research for patients, caregivers, and healthcare workers: bit.ly/ComedyCuresDon…
Another reason to love ER is that everyone is so normal looking
I'm really trying to go to sleep but this Dateline episode is holding me hostage
Thx to @MikeMcMahanTM & @joechandler for insisting their writers have @WGAWest coverage that all animation writers deserve! Thx to @CBSTVStudios for doing right thing. If u have a pitch for an animated series, take it to studios that don’t screw writers! Call @WGAWest for info
Congratulations to @MikeMcMahanTM and @joechandler on their WGA covered animated series order for Golden Axe! #WGAStrong #WGAanimation deadline.com/2024/04/golden…
There are only 2 things Trump is afraid of: A strong woman, & a strong wind.
What is happening with Trump's hair here?
Last year, we secured the release of Abigail, a 4-year-old who was being held by Hamas. She’s remarkable and recovering from unspeakable trauma. Our time together yesterday was a reminder of the work we have in front of us to secure the release of all remaining hostages.
Catch me and this all-star lineup at the Hollywood Bowl on May 1 and 2 for #NetflixIsAJokeFest! Get your tickets at netflixisajokefest.com
🤣🤣🤣
My dad and I never hugged unless you count the time I gave him the Heimlich.
@kileynoodles And losing your early inheritance out of love.
Trends for United States
You might like
