Matt☕☕ (that's Matt with 2 teas) @Smartmatthew
Big blackcurrant cheesecake fan. Quite good until it's turned on, then blackcurrants and cream cheese fly everywhere! South East, England Joined April 2009-
Tweets7K
-
Followers447
-
Following753
-
Likes21K
The new Wolverine looks a bit rubbish.
1
0
3
36
0
Download Image
Matt☕☕ (that's Matt with 2 teas) retweeted
On the off-chance any of my old crew are still on here - I'm doing my first Ed Fringe show in 6 years! Last night (first of my run) sold out, so please prebook via @Gildedballoon to avoid disappointment! Xxx
A workaholic architect discovers a universal remote, and you would not believe what happens next! #ClickBait
Any idea where I can get one of these?
My favourite bit of Jurassic Park/world is when a large dinosaur is about to attack a human, but is then attacked and eaten by an even larger dinosaur. That's the best bit in all of the dinosaur films.
Getting Krypto vibes off puppy this morning.
That's the last foreplay concert I mean Coldplay concert they'll attend.
That's the last foreplay concert I mean Coldplay concert they'll attend.
Matt☕☕ (that's Matt with 2 teas) retweeted
I'm in Sandwich - not going to do a food pun - on Thursday, which is publication day for My Family: The Memoir paperback...
I'm not sure if I should believe this or not.
I'm not sure if I should believe this or not.
How long are the rounds, and does it count if the Gorilla taps.
Caught the Easter Bunny.
Wow, Black Mirror is back! I just watched the 1st 2 episodes, and all of the emotions are evoked. I don't know how they keep coming up with this stuff. Brilliant.
If there's one thing that I really can't stand. It's a tripod with a leg missing.
It appears that 98% out of 101% of people got this correct 🤔
My Link n Link Intelligent Super Gateway Max has arrived. I love my Link n Link Intelligent Super Gateway Max. But what are they going to call the next version to make it sound even better than the Link n Link Intelligent Super Gateway Max!? 🤔🤣
My name isn't Dave Gorman and I approve this message.
My name isn't Dave Gorman and I approve this message.
According to Alexa, my thermostat is currently nan degrees. I'm assuming that's quite cold, as she's been dead for about 10 years.
Alf - currently writi... @whoelsebutalf
15K Followers 13K Following You'll be glad to know, I won't be posting any jokes in future about Protein Powder, Yoghurt or my Tax return. Not in any Whey, Shape or form.
Stevie Vegas (Steve t... @SteveJuggler
8K Followers 4K Following Professional Entertainer (Juggling/Comedy/Magic/Circus Skills Tutor) 8-time @UKPunOff winner. New #LunchPun joke each day. https://t.co/8h8dDcuhfs
Gareth George - Groan... @groanman2020
7K Followers 6K Following Hobbying pun writer. My mates describe me as 'unadventurous' - I wouldn't go that far
John-Paul Keates @jpkeates
3K Followers 4K Following And I'm done. Adding content here supports a platform that's increasingly doing bad things. @jpkeates.com on bluesky @[email protected]
Iain MacDonald @imacpun
4K Followers 4K Following Using Twitter for testing material for puns for my comedy shows. And trust me, you will be tested... https://t.co/jVMaxloF5j
The Bard of Cleasby (... @Norfolkinidea
3K Followers 4K Following Ever youthful and eternally optimistic purveyor of puns, silliness, rhyme and occasional song. Fluent in both English and Bullshit. Lifelong follower of #LUFC
Richard Stone @RichardStone21
6K Followers 5K Following Ex financial programmer, economics, the 3Rs, humour and puns, walking, nature, music, photography, board games.
Paddy Gallagher @pad_gal
3K Followers 3K Following
Daniel Edison @DanEdisonComedy
12K Followers 7K Following One-liner comedian / writer of nonsense. I post original jokes. Jack of all trades, master of pun.
Gary Miller @gazgagsman
3K Followers 3K Following Turned up on my first day at the supermarket with a piggy bank strapped to the side of my head. I'm now a cash ear.
A Shining Wit @Caffeine748
1K Followers 689 Following Crusader for wordplay, puns and corect spelling.
Dred D Red🌎 @dredd_dred
1K Followers 1K Following Peace. One love, one ❤ 🇯🇲 and all that.🤞🏿Rubbish punster but great funster, Fluent in Gobbledygook.MUFC, NTFC
Nic J @tismenic70
16K Followers 6K Following Tis me. Published photographer. Follow if you like photos and rubbish jokes Only art DMs. Thank you 😊
Zara Zee @Zeddeee
13K Followers 11K Following Techy tree-hugger with a passion for the collective consciousness. Hotel California Hashtag Game @ 3pm. Also find me on @zeddeee.bsky.social
Fi 🇪🇺 @rahhead01
15K Followers 13K Following Mum to Bethany and wife to Steve 💕 JZ FM games 3pm every Saturday with @albolt76 @zeddeee @MrFlibble72LFC - Woke lefty
Richard Pulsford @RichardPulsford
9K Followers 8K Following UK Pun Champion 2022 & current SCOTY runner-up. Top 10 Jokes EdinFringe 2019-22. On UK-wide tour in 2025. JOKE BOOK Punball Wizard PODCAST It Just So Happened
UncleTog1️⃣9️�... @tog1989
2K Followers 2K Following Someone has destroyed the dumplings at the local Chinese takeaway, I think that’s Wonton Vandalism. The Man With The Golden Puns. #CFC #Traveller #BrentfordFC
Shrooms Bars @Johnson449767
3 Followers 308 Following Proud Dad❤🇬🇧 an also a lover of football, Nature and Psychedelic click the Telegram link in my bio to view my shop👇
Heiress Harris @oliriaroy30
42 Followers 3K Following
Zoe Johnson @ZoeJohnson30474
10 Followers 174 Following
Clara Brown @ClaraBrown26058
11 Followers 270 Following
alton taylor @ronerto1596fgr4
718 Followers 7K Following Kindly send me a text if you could use a little help. The world would be a better place if we are all kind to each other.
Ariana Smith @ArianaSmit1338
10 Followers 142 Following
Ako Ahmed @Akoahmed5133232
505 Followers 5K Following Sarcastic remarks, occasional wisdom. Dreamer by day, night owl by night. Full-time investor.
Talia Orton @talia_orton23
117 Followers 5K Following
Adam Samuel @Adamsam999
1K Followers 8K Following Born and raised in Kent. All adult life in Cardiff. (Naturalised Welshman!) Left-wing. Networking for the Revolution. Multimedia metrosexual. National rock DJ.
Elvline Agathe @PatriciaVi26697
69 Followers 715 Following
Sapna Ella @BetaniaOktavia
465 Followers 7K Following Lady who likes: travelling, painting & exploring cultures. Own a graphic design company. 🚫Porn. Retweets aren't endorsements.
Bryce Cronin @cronin_bry55951
53 Followers 3K Following
Jaycee Koch @pckbl79723186
545 Followers 5K Following
LEDI GAGA @migwm28624355
624 Followers 7K Following
Angela White @AngelaWhit84566
68 Followers 2K Following
Sophia @sophiasutton07
121 Followers 3K Following Do what makes you happy! And if you really want to make more money at home hit me up 🤙🏻
Colin 💙 @ColinChat
139 Followers 311 Following Listening & digesting since 1981 but now moved to BlueSky: @ColinGoodwin. Should there be doubt: My views are my own, some formed by experiences & life!
Lord John Black @Lordblackthe5th
21 Followers 68 Following
shirley johnston @shirlywirly
1K Followers 2K Following wife,mother,grandmother,retired.love music and star gazing!
Lukas Finn @F12130Lukas
43 Followers 516 Following Tall, ambitious, and knows how to treat a woman right. Gentleman with a wild side. Let’s make memories — not just small talk. ✨
Sheena valentine @SheenaVale66786
1K Followers 7K Following
Sabrina joy @Joyjessica144
103 Followers 2K Following Make a request of your choice of contents @affordable rate👅👌👈🌹🍑🍌
PAM Tia @TiaPam123
361 Followers 7K Following
Bloopos @BlooposyJly
46 Followers 2K Following
MICHAEL FIXED🇬🇧 @oddswizza
58 Followers 994 Following 100% guaranteed sure fixed correct score,High Odds📈, No delay,No Lost, Interested Client only🇨🇦🇬🇧🇺🇸🇮🇪 odds wizard 🪄💸💰
Teresa F. Yeary @yeary_f5932
38 Followers 153 Following I love dancing, reading and most especially I love listening to music 🎵🎶
Stephanie E. Magee @StephanieE44397
62 Followers 308 Following I believe in pushing boundaries, embracing challenges, and inspiring others along the way.
Naomi Victoria @NaomiVicto75531
224 Followers 2K Following
Anna Harris @AnnaHarris33866
212 Followers 2K Following
Phyllis Powell @PPowell24269
207 Followers 2K Following
Roice @RoiceMathew
7K Followers 8K Following Agile consultant. Husband, Father, into information technology. Likes the nature and all in it.
Caroline sukie @carolsukie79410
132 Followers 2K Following Hookup available here now dm and I’m fun to chat😘🥰
scribble and discard @scribblediscard
508 Followers 1K Following @magichatgrok.bsky.social, member of the gobbiegirls 11%club published #nmj
Michael J Weirsky @MJWeirsky25
251 Followers 3K Following Mega millions jackpot winner, Michael J, Weirsky ,jackpot winner of $273,000,000 giving away $50,000 to my first 2k followers..be a winner today 💰 💰💰
James Sarah @JamesSarah83279
9 Followers 534 Following
Wu Jiaqi （Anna） @Anna988121
412 Followers 904 Following Reject pornography, keep your nether regions safe, reject unscrupulous content, love your career, make friends but not idlers
Clare Heathcote @clarence_tamar
900 Followers 5K Following
Anna Cookson @annacookson
6K Followers 4K Following Presenter. Journalist. Writer. @bbcradiokent breakfast. Management: @MarchyMGMT. Debut novel #TheSoundOfYourSoul out now. Follow @CallyDune for more. (she/her)
Alf - currently writi... @whoelsebutalf
15K Followers 13K Following You'll be glad to know, I won't be posting any jokes in future about Protein Powder, Yoghurt or my Tax return. Not in any Whey, Shape or form.
Stevie Vegas (Steve t... @SteveJuggler
8K Followers 4K Following Professional Entertainer (Juggling/Comedy/Magic/Circus Skills Tutor) 8-time @UKPunOff winner. New #LunchPun joke each day. https://t.co/8h8dDcuhfs
Gareth George - Groan... @groanman2020
7K Followers 6K Following Hobbying pun writer. My mates describe me as 'unadventurous' - I wouldn't go that far
John-Paul Keates @jpkeates
3K Followers 4K Following And I'm done. Adding content here supports a platform that's increasingly doing bad things. @jpkeates.com on bluesky @[email protected]
Iain MacDonald @imacpun
4K Followers 4K Following Using Twitter for testing material for puns for my comedy shows. And trust me, you will be tested... https://t.co/jVMaxloF5j
The Bard of Cleasby (... @Norfolkinidea
3K Followers 4K Following Ever youthful and eternally optimistic purveyor of puns, silliness, rhyme and occasional song. Fluent in both English and Bullshit. Lifelong follower of #LUFC
Richard Stone @RichardStone21
6K Followers 5K Following Ex financial programmer, economics, the 3Rs, humour and puns, walking, nature, music, photography, board games.
Paddy Gallagher @pad_gal
3K Followers 3K Following
Daniel Edison @DanEdisonComedy
12K Followers 7K Following One-liner comedian / writer of nonsense. I post original jokes. Jack of all trades, master of pun.
Gary Miller @gazgagsman
3K Followers 3K Following Turned up on my first day at the supermarket with a piggy bank strapped to the side of my head. I'm now a cash ear.
Jonathan Harvey @Harvey741
2K Followers 3K Following
A Shining Wit @Caffeine748
1K Followers 689 Following Crusader for wordplay, puns and corect spelling.
Dred D Red🌎 @dredd_dred
1K Followers 1K Following Peace. One love, one ❤ 🇯🇲 and all that.🤞🏿Rubbish punster but great funster, Fluent in Gobbledygook.MUFC, NTFC
Nic J @tismenic70
16K Followers 6K Following Tis me. Published photographer. Follow if you like photos and rubbish jokes Only art DMs. Thank you 😊
Zara Zee @Zeddeee
13K Followers 11K Following Techy tree-hugger with a passion for the collective consciousness. Hotel California Hashtag Game @ 3pm. Also find me on @zeddeee.bsky.social
Fi 🇪🇺 @rahhead01
15K Followers 13K Following Mum to Bethany and wife to Steve 💕 JZ FM games 3pm every Saturday with @albolt76 @zeddeee @MrFlibble72LFC - Woke lefty
Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston
9K Followers 854 Following I still haven't found my 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For' CD. Oh wait, there it is, under my 'Whoomp! (There It Is)' CD...
Adam Samuel @Adamsam999
1K Followers 8K Following Born and raised in Kent. All adult life in Cardiff. (Naturalised Welshman!) Left-wing. Networking for the Revolution. Multimedia metrosexual. National rock DJ.
Tiffany Fong @TiffanyFong_
385K Followers 2K Following i’m a potato. sometimes, i interview criminals 👉 https://t.co/8sZhrHgUp3 👀 ig: tiffanyfong 🤙 retarded: @tiffanyxfong serious: @tiffanyfongetc
Lloyds @LloydsBank
141K Followers 14K Following We're here 24/7 to answer customer queries. Please don’t tweet any personal details. Privacy Policy:https://t.co/N2jyBjMy9U & Terms of Use:https://t.co/FIA96zqOxT
Stevie Martin @5tevieM
76K Followers 2K Following comedian/writer. same username on IG. i'm touring around the UK with my show clout - tix below
Ferret @Ferretgrove
15K Followers 6K Following Queen of The Snark. I may have met a horse. Can lead a man to despair with a single tweet. Dullard. Worse than a cow she is. Cringe effort of a bio. Thilth.
Colin 💙 @ColinChat
139 Followers 311 Following Listening & digesting since 1981 but now moved to BlueSky: @ColinGoodwin. Should there be doubt: My views are my own, some formed by experiences & life!
Roice @RoiceMathew
7K Followers 8K Following Agile consultant. Husband, Father, into information technology. Likes the nature and all in it.
Rick Wakeman CBE @GrumpyOldRick
90K Followers 350 Following Musician , Perpetual Weight Loss Failure and Grumpy Old Man.
Chris and Rosie Ramse... @4pmWineTimeBaby
99K Followers 9 Following The ONLY official Twitter of the hit podcast baby! The ONLY home of tweets from the Shagged Married Annoyed duo, ma darlin’! #ShaggedMarriedAnnoyed
Gyles Brandreth @GylesB1
204K Followers 2K Following Play the anagram game https://t.co/CMZ1uAzOey. Listen to the podcasts https://t.co/OOPoLcU6ph With Susie Dent #SomethingRhymesWithPurple Star memories #Rosebud
Peter Rednall @PRednall
710 Followers 2K Following What you see, is what you get. I'm honest, hardworking and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm passionate about music and history and I'm a bookworm.
Chris McCausland - Pr... @chrismccausland
45K Followers 314 Following click the link to pre-order my autobiography, out Oct 9th 📖 - And get tickets for my UK stand-up tour "Yonks!" 🎟️
Tara @ArcadianAnge1
3K Followers 3K Following Founder of WyldRoots • Therapist • Heritage Consultant • Certified Fitness Coach • Tech & Creative • Advocate 💔 • CrohnsWarrior “I am rooted, but I flow.”
greg @greg16676935420
1.2M Followers 509 Following im greg I like football and stocks and my birthday im from kentuckey. I'm a investor. I like to golf at the golf course. subscribe for just 10¢ a day ⤴️
James Harkin @JamesHarkin
54K Followers 1K Following Podcaster: @nosuchthing Head Elf: @qikipedia Book: https://t.co/q0V3yIIlaI Tour: https://t.co/iCOCw93Ck3 IG: nosuchthingasjamesharkin email us: [email protected]
Andrew Hunter Murray @andrewhunterm
78K Followers 882 Following A Beginner’s Guide To Breaking And Entering OUT NOW - also @privateeyenews writer, @NoSuchThing -er, lush. Agents: RCW (lit) and The Agency (showbizz).
Nerine Skinner @nerineskinner
8K Followers 2K Following Comedian/BGT Semi-Finalist. Runner up Funny Women ‘23. Live Shows ➡️ https://t.co/0vb4cYemoj
Nate Armbruster @natecomedy
4K Followers 2K Following I like to write jokes. And tell those jokes to audiences in the form of stand-up comedy.
Lord Sugar @Lord_Sugar
5.0M Followers 3K Following Chairman of Amshold Group, owner of @Amscreen and Amsprop. https://t.co/EBac0bLBMz Host of BBC TV's The Apprentice.
Craig Poulsen - Craig... @craigpoulsen
2K Followers 213 Following Tech Content Creator / Craig’s Tech Talk Channel - https://t.co/JI5CFZS1oW / Business Inquires - [email protected]
Joanne McNally @jomcnally
40K Followers 3K Following Listen to ‘My Therapist Ghosted Me’ & ‘Who Replaced Avril Lavigne’ wherever you get your pods.
BJHAM @BJHam7
4K Followers 7K Following Advocate for Kids, Prevent Child Abuse, volunteer for children’s programs and charities, mother of two, married
BBC News (UK) @BBCNews
15.5M Followers 86 Following News, features and analysis. For world news, follow @BBCWorld. Breaking news, follow @BBCBreaking. Latest sport news @BBCSport. Our Instagram: BBCNews
Bob Ross Official @BobRossOfficial
34K Followers 100 Following Official account of Bob Ross Inc. Home to happy little quotes, Bob Ross related news, and peaceful landscapes.
BBC Dragons' Den @BBCDragonsDen
184K Followers 5K Following Official Twitter feed for BBC Dragons' Den! 🐉🔥 Home to five multimillionaire Dragons ready to invest. To apply, click here https://t.co/B0baOvYiWz
Steven Bartlett @StevenBartlett
341K Followers 3K Following Founder of FlightStory, Co-Founder: @thirdweb. 🛠️ Investor: @whoop @SpaceX @Join_Zoe @huel @groqinc @mrbeast + 45 more companies 🎙️ Diary Of A CEO.
Sara Davies @SaraDaviesCC
57K Followers 317 Following Founder of Crafters Companion 💜 Dragons’ Den Investor 🐉📗The 6 Minute Entrepreneur
Touker Suleyman @toukersuleyman
42K Followers 104 Following Entrepreneur, Dragon and owner of Hawes & Curtis, Ghost, Low Profile Group
Deborah Meaden 🇺�... @DeborahMeaden
699K Followers 3K Following Star of Dragons’Den,Co -Host of the big Green Money Show,Bestselling Childrens Author- instagram, threads @deborahmeaden. [email protected]
Peter Jones @dragonjones
872K Followers 705 Following Entrepreneur, Investor, founder of the UKs 1st Enterprise Academy.Creator of American Inventor in US & Star of Dragons' Den in UK. Guest Shark on Shark Tank USA
Chroma Incorporated @ChromaInc
1K Followers 134 Following Manufacturer of paints & mediums: oils, acrylics, airbrush, tempera & more. Archival Oils, Atelier Interactive, Jo Sonja, A2, Chromacryl, Chroma Mural Paint...
Derek Todd @supra_fox
425 Followers 332 Following English Long-term career journalist One who's done the work and put in the time Since long-ago two-year military service DM-free zone 🇬🇧 🇫🇷 🇩🇪
Brett Bristow @TechWithBrett
6K Followers 730 Following Tech Tips, Tricks & Tutorials. Finding tech solutions for you! As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Rohit Sharma @omni_sharma
116 Followers 196 Following Researcher,sports,electronic music, #OneLinerJokes and #puns. 100% follow back
Alagie Jawarose @JawaroseA
826 Followers 3K Following we all bleed the same. We all die in the end. Nobody better than the other. Just a tougher road for some
opalbeetle @opalbeetle
132 Followers 486 Following Cruciverbalist Ideas are bulletproof Nextdoor fuckjar
John 🇨🇾🌈 @johnski2000
384 Followers 635 Following I'm a bbc living on gmt, ish #cyprus. (British Born Cypriot & Greek Maybe Time)
David Williams @DavidWi2834475
60 Followers 162 Following
PL Bompard @PLBompard
7K Followers 817 Following Indie hacker - Building Snowball 👉 the 𝕏 growth platform that actually works.
💚🤍Vicky🤍💚 @vemspics
5K Followers 3K Following Married mum of 5 sharing the love of music, photography and random nonsense. Bulldog owner-gin drinker-bag maker-hairstylist and barber -NO DM’S 🤘🏽
SONOFF_Global @sonoff_global
1K Followers 91 Following SONOFF - Your premier home automation solution. Partnered with #HomeAssistant, #GoogleHome, #Alexa. Join us for simple, secure, and practical smart living!
Justine @justineWichita
560 Followers 1K Following Wife, mother, grandmother & retired teacher, conservative. "Who you are hovers over you and speaks so loudly, I can scarcely hear what you say." RWEmerson
Howard K 🇬🇧 �... @Kirrane_H
3K Followers 4K Following Traveller, ex Military (Navy ⚓), running 🏃🏼♂️, project manager, lecturer, athlete, desert island castaway 😂, 70s Music 🎶🎵Trends for United States
7.308 posts
8.912 posts
827 B posts
42,7 B posts
63,7 B posts
1.537 posts
23,5 B posts
98,9 B posts
1.347 posts
1.932 posts
6.306 posts
216 B posts
221 B posts
2.344 posts
5.560 posts
33,1 B posts
7.004 posts
58,9 B posts
394 B posts
1.270 posts
You might like
Lee O'Connell
@MisterOConnell_
1K Followers
Peter Cole
@petercolepoet
896 Followers
Sharpey
@mnsharpelad
736 Followers
Sam Adams
@SamonChar
2K Followers
Call Me Al Farm
@eggforbread
2K Followers
RL Parrot Dee
@ranman789
718 Followers
Andy Wilkes
@Andy_Wilkes
185 Followers
Jez Fayerman
@FayermanJez
485 Followers
jamesdecay
@jamesdecay
892 Followers
A Shining Wit
@Caffeine748
1K Followers
Steve Strong
@skybluesteve70
650 Followers
Tim Mad Dog parody - ...
@Palindrome_poet
916 Followers
Rob Grace Comedy
@RobGraceComedy
571 Followers
Arnie Haybridge
@ArnieHaybridge
1K Followers
Paul Bradshaw
@castrovalvo
624 Followers