Jared Shroyer @jaredshroyer
Midwest, USA Joined March 2011-
Tweets35K
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Followers2K
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Following3K
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Likes125K
Zeno’s Paradox of Dichotomy is why I never have folded laundry.
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Jared Shroyer retweeted
Welp I'm all set
Jared Shroyer retweeted
I always wait until April 9, when the eclipse glasses are 50% off.
Jared Shroyer retweeted
a lot of you don’t know what “hear me out” really means, for example mine is the chicago dogs ketchup mascot in a trench coat
Um, this dog looks dope. Clearly they need them.
Um, this dog looks dope. Clearly they need them.
Jared Shroyer retweeted
get frogged. idiot
Can we get Cillian Murphy? -No, we have Cillian Murphy at home. Cillian Murphy at home:
You've been murdered. Who do you want to avenge your death?
You've been murdered. Who do you want to avenge your death? https://t.co/VqHTjJFqbA
Jared Shroyer retweeted
(Sniffing wine box spigot like a fine cork) Yes, 2 weeks ago was a very fine month for this particular Red Wine Product 𝗧𝗠
Jared Shroyer retweeted
they really went crazy with calling pancakes "flapjacks"
Jared Shroyer retweeted
Sometimes my dog’s collar is really far up her neck so I yell “haha nerd!” but she doesn’t care because I’ve already told her she’s good so much her self confidence is out of control.
Most iconic smile from a movie?
Most iconic smile from a movie? https://t.co/cpGMqiHKfU
Jared Shroyer retweeted
Who called it a royal carriage and not a nobility scooter?
All I'm saying is kids love putting stickers on themselves and a low, steady dose of nicotine would calm them down.
Jared Shroyer retweeted
Roses are rubicund Violets are amaranthine I bought a thesaurus
Jared Shroyer retweeted
It’s 2024 and we’ve still got assholes yelling “GET IN THE HOLE!!” at golf tournaments. I think one legally adjudicated public execution would be sufficient to end this phenomenon.
Jared Shroyer retweeted
People say that musical improv is hard, but I make up 50 songs a day about my dog being cute, and they’re all fire.
I love that Neil Diamond song he sings about E.T. You know, Coming to America.
Jared Shroyer retweeted
I just fired up Photoshop to put Dom DeLuise into leather dominatrix gear when I was suddenly seized by the realization that my time on Earth is limited. Does anyone else have this bug?
Susan optimistically @realsusandixon
5K Followers 3K Following Pathologically polite, hopefully amusing, often dancing. #WearAMask
Karmin @beingkarmin
16K Followers 7K Following Introverted #extrovert | #Coffee addict | #MusicIsLife | #Prince 🐐| #donor | #momlife | #Humanitarian | #KindnessMatters | #HashtagGames | Just being Karmin 🦄
Hashtag Roundup @HashtagRoundup
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CK @charley_ck14
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🍁Canadian Fletchy�.. @Darth_Pingu
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B. R.Nekked selflessl.. @BRNekked42
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Calendar Girl Bot @CalendarGirlBot
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Justinnnnnn☕️🤗 @fivefortweeting
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10K Followers 6K Following Music. Jokes. Hashtagger. #BillsMafia #LetsGoBuffalo #Sabres #USAF vet. Pug mourner. Just a castaway, on an island, lost at sea.
MrsJenzyJenJenzinita .. @47young1
11K Followers 9K Following Mom. Wife. Headbanger. Teacher. I was here before computers. #horror #ReadingRecovery #MentalHealth •Surgery Aficionado #FrightClub
Lädy Ä @aphotomama
7K Followers 5K Following I speak in pictures.🦄🌊. She/Goddess/Queen #IronBoomerang A taken ♏️ #ResistanceIsMyMiddleName IG: artbyselfie https://t.co/ULRBURUEQd
Mario Speedwagon @SilipigniMario
19K Followers 12K Following Beer monger. Sorcerer. Ostrobogulous. Flirty. Best described as a trashbag filled with mango pulp. #FidgetSays @NationalDazeTag @BrainBlondies @kickasspopups
Jeff Dwoskin Has A Po.. @bigmacher
42K Followers 18K Following 🎙️Semi-famous podcast host @JeffDwoskinShow 🎧 Podcast: https://t.co/guVp5s6JNi 📱Co-founder @stampede_social
TunaOfTheSky @tunaofthesky
12K Followers 7K Following I'm a series of tubes. New York Times Best-selling reader. Fashion crime scene photographer. Independently filthy. Pathological liger. Alfalfa male.
Dan Gerous, Inc.🐷�.. @Anythingpork
18K Followers 7K Following Most tweets are 4.5%ABV🍺. Owner @HashtagTavern🍻, Philly 4/4 🏈⚾️🏀🏒 Created @Somethingpork👻 in my garage. Trolls get instablocked🖕
ŁȺᵾǤĦƗNǤ 💀.. @laughingskull59
11K Followers 6K Following Sold my soul for Rock & Roll!!! PopUp Game @WildCardTags1 Will guest host for free
portmanteau jones �.. @SadlyCatless
20K Followers 10K Following caregiver | hashtag host @HashtagJones1 @CrossyPondTags @CalmDownTags @FrikkinMisfits2 #BlackLivesMatter #StopAsianHate #LGBTQIAlly I have a cat
Tell Ya 🌸 @telliabear
17K Followers 7K Following Art 🎨 Music 🎹 Hashtag Games#️⃣ Wolves🐺 #Horror 🔪 Blackcats🐈⬛ Sharks🦈 *Art posted is not mine Co-Host @HourlongTags Pickles🥒 🌭🚫🥪
Collin Murr @CollinMurr
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Kelly Kass @KelKass
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Barbara Marschel @MarschBarb
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Nicole @Nicole115557
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Susan optimistically @realsusandixon
5K Followers 3K Following Pathologically polite, hopefully amusing, often dancing. #WearAMask
Karmin @beingkarmin
16K Followers 7K Following Introverted #extrovert | #Coffee addict | #MusicIsLife | #Prince 🐐| #donor | #momlife | #Humanitarian | #KindnessMatters | #HashtagGames | Just being Karmin 🦄
Hashtag Roundup @HashtagRoundup
38K Followers 4K Following +27K # games/17M Rts/1000's of trends/ Over 500 national mentions in press /+9million # tweets/ +1K hosts/ Closed on 12/31/22 XOXO @bigmacher & @robyndwoskin
CK @charley_ck14
23K Followers 8K Following People say I’m skeptical, but I don’t believe it. 3X @midnight TOTD winner & Fallon Tonight # finalist. Host of @HoosierMamaTags.
🍁Canadian Fletchy�.. @Darth_Pingu
27K Followers 16K Following Made in 🇨🇦 w/Irish Bits☘ Host @FletchyTags /Co-host @FeelGoodNFresh 🏳🌈🏳⚧ Ally Emotional Support Canadian 🍁 #EveryChildMatters 🧡
B. R.Nekked selflessl.. @BRNekked42
3K Followers 2K Following 2x vaxed, 3x boosted. 5G + x-ray eyes + now levitation New follower?. Be patient please. Proud Canuck 🙈🙊🙉🇨🇦 #BlockedbyShatner club Header by @BuckInEars
Calendar Girl Bot @CalendarGirlBot
12K Followers 5K Following I send out reminders of the regularly-scheduled #HashtagGames on TwiX! Follow me & enable notifications if you play hashtag games ❤️
Justinnnnnn☕️🤗 @fivefortweeting
13K Followers 6K Following They/Him Feminist and I Stand up for Autism Acceptance also I love Dinosaurs 🦖 #ActuallyAutistic
HEY-EY-EY-EY! (HEY-EY.. @SethFromThe716
10K Followers 6K Following Music. Jokes. Hashtagger. #BillsMafia #LetsGoBuffalo #Sabres #USAF vet. Pug mourner. Just a castaway, on an island, lost at sea.
Dan Levey @iamdanlevey
7K Followers 3K Following Senior Social Media Strategist | Social Strategy Development | Social Listening | Host @HashtagsAGoGo | Cohost @PrimeTimePranks #GoAvsGo!
MrsJenzyJenJenzinita .. @47young1
11K Followers 9K Following Mom. Wife. Headbanger. Teacher. I was here before computers. #horror #ReadingRecovery #MentalHealth •Surgery Aficionado #FrightClub
Lädy Ä @aphotomama
7K Followers 5K Following I speak in pictures.🦄🌊. She/Goddess/Queen #IronBoomerang A taken ♏️ #ResistanceIsMyMiddleName IG: artbyselfie https://t.co/ULRBURUEQd
Mario Speedwagon @SilipigniMario
19K Followers 12K Following Beer monger. Sorcerer. Ostrobogulous. Flirty. Best described as a trashbag filled with mango pulp. #FidgetSays @NationalDazeTag @BrainBlondies @kickasspopups
Jeff Dwoskin Has A Po.. @bigmacher
42K Followers 18K Following 🎙️Semi-famous podcast host @JeffDwoskinShow 🎧 Podcast: https://t.co/guVp5s6JNi 📱Co-founder @stampede_social
TunaOfTheSky @tunaofthesky
12K Followers 7K Following I'm a series of tubes. New York Times Best-selling reader. Fashion crime scene photographer. Independently filthy. Pathological liger. Alfalfa male.
Dan Gerous, Inc.🐷�.. @Anythingpork
18K Followers 7K Following Most tweets are 4.5%ABV🍺. Owner @HashtagTavern🍻, Philly 4/4 🏈⚾️🏀🏒 Created @Somethingpork👻 in my garage. Trolls get instablocked🖕
ŁȺᵾǤĦƗNǤ 💀.. @laughingskull59
11K Followers 6K Following Sold my soul for Rock & Roll!!! PopUp Game @WildCardTags1 Will guest host for free
portmanteau jones �.. @SadlyCatless
20K Followers 10K Following caregiver | hashtag host @HashtagJones1 @CrossyPondTags @CalmDownTags @FrikkinMisfits2 #BlackLivesMatter #StopAsianHate #LGBTQIAlly I have a cat
Tell Ya 🌸 @telliabear
17K Followers 7K Following Art 🎨 Music 🎹 Hashtag Games#️⃣ Wolves🐺 #Horror 🔪 Blackcats🐈⬛ Sharks🦈 *Art posted is not mine Co-Host @HourlongTags Pickles🥒 🌭🚫🥪
Collin Murr @CollinMurr
4K Followers 3K Following Writer. Host of Lie Cheat and Steal on Wednesday Night. Multiple people have told me I'm a better game show host than Pat Sajak. Jokes so bad they lead to arson
🍹 Princess Consuel.. @kimmie_c_
28K Followers 3K Following Line straddling Libertine You couldn't handle my undivided attention I want to pet your dog Pronouns: Princess/Her Royal Highness Consider it's a joke
Cow of the Day🐮 @CowoftheDay1
117K Followers 347 Following DM your submissions 💗We don’t own content published 🐮 family:@frogofthe @hamsterofthe @goatofthe @rabbitoftheday @pigofthe @Dogofthe_ @DonkeyoftheDay1
ᴇʟɪᴀꜱ ᴛᴏ�.. @EliasToufexis
38K Followers 7K Following Gravelly voiced guy who dies on TV a lot. L'ak - STAR TREK - Seraphim - BLOOD OF ZEUS - Sam Coe - STARFIELD - Kenzo - THE EXPANSE - Jensen - DEUS EX etc et al
posts you can show yo.. @ohshidt
28K Followers 203 Following you can show your mom these posts but she won’t like all of them
Ladytron Fan Account @Lady_FanAccount
152K Followers 12K Following Fan account that posts various music genres. 🤍@Ladytrongroup @marnieofficial 🤍 @my_music_backup YNWA
Why you should have a.. @vineszoo
1K Followers 390 Following random animal videos since the beginning of the internet
VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish
3.9M Followers 1 Following For everything VBP, including books, clothes, mugs, cards, calendars & contact: https://t.co/51E7az46a4 Written by @RobTemple101
Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman
461K Followers 1K Following Youth Football Coaching Legend, Die-hard Georgia Fan, Three-Year High School Football Letterman, Showstopping Little League Umpire, Region Champion (3-way tie)
out of context 30 Roc.. @30rockposts
19K Followers 4 Following
Kristi Yamaguccimane @TheWapplehouse
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NurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 825 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thing
Letterkenny Problems @LetterkennyProb
211K Followers 41K Following OFFICIAL page for “Letterkenny” on @cravecanada and @hulu. A @newmetricmedia production. https://t.co/po4rImvFSN
8 Out Of 10 Cats Does.. @CatsCountdown
1K Followers 51 Following A page for fans of the show where the world's best comedians collide with letters and numbers in a battle for a luke-warm (at best) prize
Everyday ElizaDeath @TheLizWasser
1K Followers 827 Following actor | copywriter | writer writer | “My BFF!” -Betty Buckley | opinions are my own and objectively correct | she/her
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.
Book of Taskmaster @BookOfTM
3K Followers 295 Following Nicki. page dedicated to the best (and worst) quotes, videos and reactions from the #Taskmaster universe. sometimes it’s all out of context.
community notes viola.. @cnviolations
864K Followers 6 Following not affiliated with @x or @communitynotes | DM Submissions
Aba Amuquandoh @abaquan
1K Followers 793 Following I write and perform for @22_Minutes, and I’m the host of Best in Miniature, season 2 coming to @CBC Feb 19th!
Detroit Metro Times @metrotimes
92K Followers 1K Following Metro Detroit's award-winning alternative weekly. Founded 1980. Tips: ☎️ 313-202-8011 or 📩 [email protected]
Celina 52 Truck Stop @celinatruckstop
18K Followers 28 Following The only truck stop serving the Weaber Valley Region. We are a real place don't believe Snopes. --Our Shop: https://t.co/aR8ANr5mma
Sooz Kempner @SoozUK
107K Followers 6K Following "Comedian" Currently in Withnail & I @birmingham. DOOM in @bbcdoctorwho. Host @mysteryontherox @thequeenpod. Agen: @ryanioscoholmes @gag_reflex @TheJonesesVoice
Charlie Berens @CharlieBerens
108K Followers 18K Following Comedian | Emmy winning journalist | Host of da @ManitowocMinute and the @Cripescast l Instagram: https://t.co/1u2cxSVs3p
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
nAmyste 6ft away from.. @stilljustAmy83
2K Followers 2K Following can’t. busy eating Oreos in my blanket fort.✨(was @justAmy83)✨ @AhHaTags host✨MS warrior🧡✨introvert af✨all of me belongs to @Johnsense38✨#DetroitRoots ✨🦉
RetroGirls @retroco_girls
60K Followers 3 Following
Fletchy Tags @FletchyTags
2K Followers 2K Following Just another silly hashtag game hosted by @Darth_Pingu. Thursdays at 12:30 pm ET/9:30 am PT
mike☺︎ (joke f.. @PhilipJFried
5K Followers 3K Following Once described as "like a cool dude" | not worth getting to know | sad clown | https://t.co/KrrLsxBmbQ
Kate again @Kateness8
10K Followers 2K Following I’m doing amazing, sweetie • she/her • as seen on buzzfeed that one time • Reese’s goblin• wishlist: https://t.co/mY0eO30PnD
zach silberberg @zachsilberberg
53K Followers 4K Following tv in new york. no views my own. my birthday is this year
@MysterySolvent2.0 @DarkMSolvent
14K Followers 9K Following A Twitter cult classic with a new account. A reliable place to go when you need a quick laugh at the GOP’s expense. Put your outrage to good use. #BidenHarris
Jill Twiss @jilltwiss
24K Followers 1K Following Writing for @AmberMRuffin, @LastWeekTonight. Author of Marlon Bundo & The Someone New. https://t.co/adAZeQdoC5
bob mortimer @RealBobMortimer
1.2M Followers 204 Following in our home, in our special drawer, we keep all the items we adore. in a sterilzed cabinet they are kept, and the surrounding environs are regularly swept
Connie @xonjie123
5K Followers 5K Following Artist. Accordion player. I tweet original art at #ConnieB_art.
out of context raccoo.. @contextraccoons
142K Followers 38 Following follow us for daily raccoons Content 🦝 | art by @sillynubcat | free Palestine 🇵🇸
Detroit’s Builder �.. @He2real__
4K Followers 3K Following The Home Improvement Specialist. Yo friendly neighborhood Bob The Builder👨🏾🔧 & Sagitterroist. Follow my business IG : BrooksTheBuilder IG: He2real_
Alison Burke @TiredActor
74K Followers 273 Following Aiming for the spotlight while avoiding the sunlight • actor/comedian • she/her
Susie Dent @susie_dent
1.1M Followers 780 Following That woman in Dictionary Corner. Guide Dogs Ambassador. Podcast: Something Rhymes with Purple.
Horror Ads🔪 @horrorads
25K Followers 97 Following Scary ads, back from the dead. 🧟🧟♀️ Tweets by @creepshows.
𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃.. @im_all_id
6K Followers 1K Following middling jokes & existential dread // been seen in a meme
Rachel Riley MBE 💙 @RachelRileyRR
688K Followers 2K Following Proud maths geek off the telly. MBE - Services to Holocaust Education. @CCDHate Ambassador. Baby spam spreader. Author of ‘At Sixes and Sevens’
John Wesley Shipp @JohnWesleyShipp
98K Followers 943 Following
𝐬𝐞𝐱 𝐚𝐧.. @SexAndHorror
384K Followers 8 Following At the crossroads of sex and horror, dirt and desire; the fine line between pain and pleasure. That which causes terror may also arouse. — @westayupatnight
cats with jobs 🛠 @CatWorkers
2.2M Followers 172 Following Good cats being workers • Unionized • Mascot @JobertTheCat • Takedown/credit/submissions: [email protected]
Haus of Decline @hausofdecline
190K Followers 1K Following Hank of Decline Podcast & Comics - https://t.co/kAfnFnh7AX Patreon - https://t.co/Awbuy7xogD
March Danceness, 00s .. @marchxness
2K Followers 1K Following Music, culture, memory. 2024's tournament of 00s Dance Bangers plays March 2024. Selection Committee: @angermonsoon & @embracethehag.
Earth Updates @Earth_Updates
804K Followers 211 Following Follow so you won't miss out on new updates | You can submit update ideas in our Twitter community | My game @ProjPlanetGame | Patch notes @Earth_Devlog
Criterion Channel @criterionchannl
180K Followers 864 Following Classics and discoveries from around the world, thematically programmed with special features, on a streaming service brought to you by @Criterion.
welcome to your 40's: would you like some food with your black pepper?
Look outside.
My debut children’s book! Rooted in the true events of my life, “One Lawn At A Time” is more than just a story for children. It serves as a powerful reminder of the impact a single deed can have in igniting a wave of kindness. This narrative invites readers of all ages to…
No budget shot on video stuff rules cause you'll be watching a fuzzy clip of two homies having a drink then get blindsided by the most horrifying creature you've ever seen in your life.
Your moment of beauty ❤️
question for men: what are your favourite things to do with other men?
something magical in seeing a clean cable run
I haven’t seen it yet but this is what I imagine CHALLENGERS is
This is Gilbert. He's been around a while. Attributes his long life to many, many years of always getting what he wants. 13/10 #SeniorPupSaturday
Okay but what if DUNE was a comedy? Fan trailer by yours truly.
If you enjoyed this very fun trailer, may I also recommend my video “What if Call Me By Your Name was an 80’s Movie”
Okay but what if DUNE was a comedy? Fan trailer by yours truly.
Somewhere over the Rambo 🎶 #1980sInMoviesAndSongs
1st anime soundtrack I ever bought #FLCL
FLCL premiered 24 Years Ago Today.
Months of my life went into TMNT on the NES.
Changed locals with my old fashioned
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