Jeb🐋 @jebthedoggo

procurer of nose exhalations Joined August 2020

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King Glouis XI @king_glouis_XI

4 years ago

*AA meeting* group leader: the first step to recovery is recognizing you have a problem, which — me: *standing up as batteries fall out of my pockets* I don’t think I’m in the right place

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Jeb🐋 @jebthedoggo

4 years ago

Saw a Hawaii license plate today. Tf.

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Jeb🐋 @jebthedoggo

4 years ago

ME AT OLIVE GARDEN: When you’re here, you’re family MY STEP-SON: I’m still not calling you dad

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Jeb🐋 @jebthedoggo

4 years ago

Is anyone else mad that when a sitcom character tries to sound like they’re saying something complicated in Spanish they always throw in the word “library”? or am I just hyperfocusing?

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Jeb🐋 @jebthedoggo

5 years ago

What if you go camping and take a dump in the woods with your buddy and that’s how you find out he’s got a wombat butthole and poops in cubes

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the hype @TheHyyyype

5 years ago

becca: *fries beans* rebecca: *refries beans*

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Jeb🐋 @jebthedoggo

5 years ago

real quick, are collagen shots something you drink or am i an alcoholic

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PUBLISHER: yeah no the story is fantastic HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSON: then what’s wrong PUBLISHER: I just think the title could use some work— HANS: Listen here, The Gargantuan Fucking Mermaid will be a timeless classic