I'm Not Crazy @YouStillLoveMe
I know you still love me. Did you read the letters I sent? I wrote you a Song. Can we get married? Sorry I threw that rock through your window, call me back! Joined September 2011-
Tweets5K
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Followers66K
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Following65K
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Likes13K
Alright, I'll be giving away this $10,000 Gucci XBox to a follower who retweets this in the next 24 hours. I'll ship it anywhere on earth. Good luck. Here's what's inside: youtu.be/JnGXTk57rOU
Playing Madden with my 6yr old daughter for the first time… 6yr Old Daughter: I’m the one running around in circles just so you know!
I hate when like some hot dude takes his shirt off in a movie and he has like rock hard abs and that V line that goes to his legs and then I have to spend the next 30 minutes explaining to my wife that it’s all CGI because men aren’t really made like that…
you gotta try this place. it’s a hole in the wall restaurant. it’s actually falling apart. several safety code violations. you could die there actually. food is amazing.
If a Woman says you're "unfuckable" she means "you're unattractive" ... If a Man says you're "unfuckable" he means "you're a Mermaid"
It might sound childish, but when my wife pisses me off, I dry my hands on the towels that “are just for decoration”
Just saw a tow truck towing a tow truck… Pretty simple thing to see… But it reminded me that sometimes, even the ones who pick you up all the time need saving.
I miss the world where we could disagree and still be friends…
my father has started calling me “daughter number one” either bc (1) im the firstborn daughter or (2) im his favorite daughter or (3) he forgot my name, which is what i tell my sister, “other daughter” & my brother, “boy daughter”
Yes I tweet about my children and my boobs, I'm a mom not a fucking nun.
The fact that my kid can single handedly complete a $300 Lego set in under 5 hours means he needs to get a job
You know what sucks? Me after several tequila shots probably
I still get a little worked up when someone says the name Winnie Cooper.
Sex so bad you finish by signing the divorce papers
I'm having sex tonight! Who's in? Wait, what?
LoL ain’t nobody got Paramount+
Messed around during the Pandemic and learned how to Knit...
This pandemic was so bad that people started thinking it was okay to wear Crocs in public...
I was going to follow you, but I can't remember if you didn't like me on my last account, or not...
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I’m not saying we’re bad parents but… Whenever we ask the kids to clean up they always reply, “Why, who is coming over?
My wife and I just pretended that our middle child was invisible for a half hour, he was freaking out and screaming at all of us… we pretended to hear nothing. Oldest child and baby both played along wonderfully. In case you were wondering what kind of parents we were…
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It’s that time of year again… Let’s Go! #HookEm #Longhorns
Playing Madden with my 6yr old daughter for the first time… 6yr Old Daughter: I’m the one running around in circles just so you know!
I hate when like some hot dude takes his shirt off in a movie and he has like rock hard abs and that V line that goes to his legs and then I have to spend the next 30 minutes explaining to my wife that it’s all CGI because men aren’t really made like that…
you gotta try this place. it’s a hole in the wall restaurant. it’s actually falling apart. several safety code violations. you could die there actually. food is amazing.
Val Kilmer is to Tombstone As Steve Buscemi is to Con Air
It might sound childish, but when my wife pisses me off, I dry my hands on the towels that “are just for decoration”
Just saw a tow truck towing a tow truck… Pretty simple thing to see… But it reminded me that sometimes, even the ones who pick you up all the time need saving.
I miss the world where we could disagree and still be friends…
my father has started calling me “daughter number one” either bc (1) im the firstborn daughter or (2) im his favorite daughter or (3) he forgot my name, which is what i tell my sister, “other daughter” & my brother, “boy daughter”
Yes I tweet about my children and my boobs, I'm a mom not a fucking nun.
@YouStillLoveMe No automated message here! We care about your issue and our team is here to help. Please send us a DM with further details, so we can assist. Thank you. x.com/messages/compo…
The fact that my kid can single handedly complete a $300 Lego set in under 5 hours means he needs to get a job
@vissersixxx @YouStillLoveMe Definitely number 2. You don't wear a tie at the top of your neck. Or maybe you do, and I can respect your individuality.
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