Zach Rapp @_ZachRapp_
it's better to live a short life doing something you enjoy than a long life doing something that makes you miserable. Norman, Ok Joined February 2012-
Tweets15K
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Followers389
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Following451
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Likes6K
Trebek: I'm sorry, but your answer was not in the form of a question. Me: *lips on mic* THATS BECAUSE THATS NOT HOW ANSWERS WORK, MORON.
Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels.
[Job Interview] Interviewer: So tell me about your hobbies. Me: Well I really enjoy minding my own goddamn business.
If you want sparkling, sophisticated conversation, catch me early in the month, before I've used up my ten free New York Times articles.
I ain't gonna join the enemy I'm here to compete
Just had a dream that I was attacked by a shark and then colonel Sanders showed up and punched the shark to death. I wonder what that means
If I said it, I probably meant it, unless I didn't or I kind of did, but I was also joking, or I was just hungry and bitchy. -women
Fireworks are illegal in Minnesota so all the family has to play with tonight are some silly little sparklers and automatic assault rifles.
Me: [crying so hard I can't breathe] why Waiter: [returning my plate] sorry, I thought you were done
Maybe we don't need a president after all. Maybe we should just be single until they get their shit together.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
An F wouldn’t be such bad grade if the scale went from A to Z. That'd be like a...whatever percent. Sorry, I got a W in math.
I never understood why they were called chicken tenders until I let one caress my face.
I worry my neighbours only fight because of my massive wind chime collection.

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