Zach Rapp @_ZachRapp_
it's better to live a short life doing something you enjoy than a long life doing something that makes you miserable. Norman, Ok Joined February 2012-
Tweets15K
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Followers389
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Following451
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Likes6K
Zach Rapp retweeted
Trebek: I'm sorry, but your answer was not in the form of a question. Me: *lips on mic* THATS BECAUSE THATS NOT HOW ANSWERS WORK, MORON.
Zach Rapp retweeted
Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels.
Zach Rapp retweeted
[Job Interview] Interviewer: So tell me about your hobbies. Me: Well I really enjoy minding my own goddamn business.
Zach Rapp retweeted
If you want sparkling, sophisticated conversation, catch me early in the month, before I've used up my ten free New York Times articles.
Zach Rapp retweeted
I ain't gonna join the enemy I'm here to compete
Zach Rapp retweeted
Just had a dream that I was attacked by a shark and then colonel Sanders showed up and punched the shark to death. I wonder what that means
Zach Rapp retweeted
If I said it, I probably meant it, unless I didn't or I kind of did, but I was also joking, or I was just hungry and bitchy. -women
Zach Rapp retweeted
Fireworks are illegal in Minnesota so all the family has to play with tonight are some silly little sparklers and automatic assault rifles.
Zach Rapp retweeted
Me: [crying so hard I can't breathe] why Waiter: [returning my plate] sorry, I thought you were done
Zach Rapp retweeted
Maybe we don't need a president after all. Maybe we should just be single until they get their shit together.
Zach Rapp retweeted
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Zach Rapp retweeted
An F wouldn’t be such bad grade if the scale went from A to Z. That'd be like a...whatever percent. Sorry, I got a W in math.
Zach Rapp retweeted
I never understood why they were called chicken tenders until I let one caress my face.
Zach Rapp retweeted
I worry my neighbours only fight because of my massive wind chime collection.
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