just relax… 🃏 @bananatripping
I used to twitter Joined February 2022-
Tweets212
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Followers119
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Following153
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Likes263
The true story of Benedict Arnold was that he escaped to a country to hide out with the Dutch. He fell in love with some young English muffin and together they spent the rest of their lives laying peacefully in their ham-mocks, enjoying their Holland days.
Ewoks In Star Wars: fuzzy little being In England: biped
I’m not allowed to listen to Motown records during the day, that’s why I’m Gladys Knight.
You can wear out furniture if you do nothing enough
When people start a message to me with “Deer Adam” I don’t reply. I figure you don’t know me and probably don’t know my parents or even my uncles or antlers
Who needs a furnace if you have an air fryer? Like, hello? I can fry air now 🙄
I’m so drunk that I can’t even believe that it’s 3.99 o’clock
Sigmund Freud probably gets really aneud with stupid people
I am a man who will fight for your honor - Peter Cetera at his bailiff job interview
Maybe Daniel LaRusso had dust mites and really needed his leg to be swept. We don’t know.
I’ve saved up all the minutes that I didn’t use by typing NVM instead of “nevermind” and I think I’m gonna use them to make a sammich. Wait…did I just save more time?
This last drink I just poured has informed me that my fingers might stop working I’m not a PhD but I shave tof dossgeee ain’t no shooossh gonna teell my fingers what did do!
Spring rolls sound like a food but also a gymnastics thing Hamburgers just sound delicious and not like exercise I’m not a life coach but come on, people
Flo Rida has number one hits Flou Ride has clean teeth and brain damage
I often think my kids are idiots. Then I remember some of the things I did as a kid and wonder why they aren’t parenting me
I have a midget friend and when I go out on a limb for him he only meets me half way.
Moment in history: Gibson breaks up with Paul… makes a commemorative guitar
Ever worry that your brain works too fast that you need too foc… *turn tape over*
Mar Lescarbeau @Lescarbeau88046
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MELapalooza 🐈⚽�.. @MELisCrazyInAZ
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Jakery never said @jakery
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The Eh Factor 🇨�.. @AngelaEhh
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Tre Lucas @trlucas3
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Cheerleader @CandyStrehlau
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AbbyDabbyDoobyDoo @DearAuntAbby
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Dam Goodlay @DamGoodlay
184 Followers 263 Following Places I've seen no-where I've been, haven't gone anywhere 15 years. Nobody to trust or friends to go. Left to rot on my own why am I so Alone.
The Canadian Independ.. @canindependent
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John McElhenney #mind.. @jmacofearth
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Freedom Trainn @FreedomTrainn
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28K Followers 7K Following Your Rules Don't Apply. No time for drama. Move along ⚔
Alexis Kloude @COLDCLOUDS96
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🅿🅸🆇🅸🅴 @PixieRainbow23
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MELapalooza 🐈⚽�.. @MELisCrazyInAZ
32K Followers 15K Following MY ONE AND ONLY PROFILE $MelisCrazyInAz https://t.co/rjxWV6PjFA 🤪Teetering on the edge of insanity 🤣98.2% of my tweets are jokes. Respond accordingly
Spaceman Spliff @probe_uranus_
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Elon Musk @elonmusk
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Jakery never said @jakery
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Jeremy’s Razors @JeremysRazors
143K Followers 1 Following Stop giving your money to woke corporations that hate you. Give it to me instead. For support, click this link: https://t.co/UB0Q47ZpnU
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AbbyDabbyDoobyDoo @DearAuntAbby
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Tre Lucas @trlucas3
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Dam Goodlay @DamGoodlay
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LearningToFly 🍹 @DownRunnin
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SeaShell @DianeP89
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The hotel lobby is playing ‘Everlong’ so it looks like I’m not checking out
The girl at Subway always asks if I’m a teacher when I have my cardigan on.
I’m not allowed to listen to Motown records during the day, that’s why I’m Gladys Knight.
Someone who makes you see the beauty of a sunrise when you were always waiting for the sunset.
There are so many typos here, this is why I don’t tweet anymore
Hahaha. Awesome. Twitter rightly labels @CBC a government organization. Their propaganda checkmark is now official.
@JustinTrudeau Why did you lie under oath at the Emergencies Act Inquiry? and how do you expect us to trust anything you say after that?
Last night, car carrying lil X in LA was followed by crazy stalker (thinking it was me), who later blocked car from moving & climbed onto hood. Legal action is being taken against Sweeney & organizations who supported harm to my family.
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