Dan Licata @danlicatasucks
i am still in high school... comedian & writer for joe pera talks with you, snl, hurt locker linktr.ee/danlicatasucks Brooklyn, NY Joined January 2011-
Tweets6K
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Followers23K
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Following1K
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Likes17K
tonight's Corn Beef is stacked like Katz deli: eventbrite.com/e/corn-beef-42…
tonight's Corn Beef is stacked like Katz deli: eventbrite.com/e/corn-beef-42…
Can you believe it has been one year since James Cordens last episode? (April 27, 2023) Ticket sales from this weeks Corn Beef will go to Corden, in hopes that he can reclaim his rightful time slot!! 🎟️: eventbrite.com/e/corn-beef-42…
Comedian Asks A Crazy Question Then Goes Crazy At Da End!
Thank freaking god Corn Beef is back tomorrow, I was goin through withdrawal so bad I started getting da meat shakes 🎟️: eventbrite.com/e/corn-beef-42…
this woman came to speak at my middle school & gave a 30 min presentation about her experience. then she opened it up for questions & a kid asked “how come you lived in a tree” 🤣
this woman came to speak at my middle school & gave a 30 min presentation about her experience. then she opened it up for questions & a kid asked “how come you lived in a tree” 🤣
ruining da vibe across America w/ @middleKidGould again in May! 5/12 at @thelincolnlodge 5/14 at @CactusClubMKE 5/16 at @TheCCU 5/19 at @PhilaMOCA 🎟️: linktr.ee/danlicatasucks
today is da 20th anniversary of my infamous April fools prank I pulled when I was a HS freshman that got me out of school suspended. i will tell this epic story on Corn Beef tonite w/ @robbyhoffman @rachel_kaly @honeypluton @westonhaney @rojoperezzz 🎟️: eventbrite.com/e/corn-beef-41…
Christopher abbott at da end of Poor Things 🤣 Nah but for real @jimbruer should sue that Greek freak for stealing his intellectual property. and while we are at it, Chris Kattan could make a damn good case that Emma Stone was based off Mr Peepers!!🤬
Pitchfork gone, Vice gone…what next? Another website no ones looked at for 9 years is also gone??🤣 Vice would still be around if they’d greenlit Nightmare Blunt Rotation (each ep I smoke high-grade kush w/ a serial killer, a guy from Slipknot & one of my middle school bullies)
do yall think this movie will happen in real life?? tryin to get my body count up before then 😭
everyone in my polycule has a dookie kink!! when we leave da airbnb, it be looking like da cafeteria after a sloppy Joe food fight 🤣
we are putting in da work because Two Guys Who Ruin the Vibe tour begins TOMORROW at @littlefieldnyc, with special guest @GKuhlenschmidt Portland: 2/4 at @MississippiStud Seattle: 2/6 at Here-After LA: 2/7 at @ElysianTheater (w/ @BardiaSalimi1) 🎟️: linktr.ee/danlicatasucks
rubbing coke on my lips so it feels like someone else is suckin my dick
me & @middleKidGould are all packed for tour! NYC: 2/1 at @littlefieldnyc (w/ @GKuhlenschmidt) Portland: 2/4 at @MississippiStud Seattle: 2/6 at Here-After LA: 2/7 at @ElysianTheater (w/ @BardiaSalimi1) 🎟️: linktr.ee/danlicatasucks
at my school in addition to fire drills & active shooter drills we do drills in case Bam margera shows up
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max kriegel @kreegull
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____🖋️ @rednalogiarc
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Josh @Luk5591
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oakey @oakeymations
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Charlie 🥸 Chaplin .. @AdamLane1021
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R @R73227524
184 Followers 1K Following Acid capitalist Technical analysis Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication notes to self
Charlotta Nill @MissHavisham69
82 Followers 1K Following I have not avoided certainty It has always just eluded me
moron @rotundloser
195 Followers 210 Following Dreamer, serial procrastinator, hopeless romantic, perfectly flawed, idiot magnet, White tea addict, lives to shop.
Gubsy @hornyonmain69_
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Jack Bensinger @JackBensinger
36K Followers 685 Following
Mike Hanford @MikeHanford
33K Followers 176 Following
Joe Pera @JosephPera
98K Followers 1K Following JPTWY Seasons 1-3 now on @adultswim and @hbomax. My new standup special 'SLOW & STEADY' just released : https://t.co/sd2CSFQUJg
Conner O'Malley @conner_omalley
156K Followers 528 Following
whitmer thomas @WhitmerThomas
29K Followers 708 Following The Civil Dead movie out now. watch The Golden One on HBO. THE CASINO BOYS podcast 🎲
Tim Kalpakis @TimKalpakis
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Ana Fabrega @anafabregagood
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Carmen Christopher @CarmChristopher
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pierce @cringe_genius
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Steven Castillo @STEEEZUSCHRIST
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:•) @claytatum
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PhilaMOCA @PhilaMOCA
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It’s Biden’s last day in office. “Hey everyone. If you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone for a bit.” Staff leaves. Biden sits on the floor of the Oval Office, cracks open a cold one, puts his aviator shades on and gives himself the craziest self suck of all time.
Just found out about a random way to save money merp
@danlicatasucks the idea that this man wrote some of the best joe pera episodes is so funny to me
This goes crazy at da end
Comedian Asks A Crazy Question Then Goes Crazy At Da End!
@danlicatasucks Forced Feedback is such a great crowdwork trick 🙏🏼 blessed
I maybe wouldn’t have gone with a portmanteau here
There is NO EXCUSE to act the way my hamster acted toward me. I don’t play around. You bite me for no reason, I handle the situation.
starting drama with my landlord again
i asked my drug dealer in college if i could hold his supply to do a photoshoot
I found a way to resolve the whole trans women in bathrooms situation (this mostly involves stuff I can do on my end)
@TheVendaGuy they throw stuff at the baby and if it doesn’t react they put glasses on it
Brooklyn Hipsters enjoy Raiders of the Lost Ark... because it is the first "Indie" film!
Aaaaaand suddenly I feel like shit for all the times I got drunk and beat the fuck out of tortoises with golf clubs 😐
Tortoise shells have nerve endings and are sensitive to the slightest touch. This tortoise at Badger Run Wildlife Rehab loves to feel her shell scratched, so a kind volunteer made her a scratching device.
@velodus Fun Fact: Every single thing Pierre talked about in these bits was something that he was genuinely annoyed about.
One of my favorite old Conan bits was when they'd let their show's graphic designer come out in a recliner and awkwardly rant about something extremely nerdy for two straight minutes.
its basically a documentary at this point
OJ Simpson died peacefully last night surrounded by friends and family, watching YouTube documentaries on his phone about the downfall of Bert Kreischer
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