𝗧𝘄𝗼𝗽 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝗽𝘀 @TwopTwips
Please listen to my awful music by following ‘The Rocket House’ on yer usual music platforms. spotify.link/2XJSZWCg9Cb Holywell, Northumberland Joined September 2009-
Tweets30K
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Followers164K
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Following3K
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Likes7K
Suspect was last seen guarding a Soviet base in GoldenEye 64.
Suspect was last seen guarding a Soviet base in GoldenEye 64.
PRETEND you have kids by getting back up as soon as you sit down. (via @wasmjp)
GIVE your airport security experience an erotic twist by biting your bottom lip whilst removing your shoes and belt. (via @jayckb)
What is the charge? Being a spy? A succulent Chinese spy?
What is the charge? Being a spy? A succulent Chinese spy? https://t.co/SnsdPrckoo
CONVINCE other public toilet users you are much younger by loudly shouting "I've Finished!" from within your cubicle. (via @_w0z_)
CONVINCE bank tellers they’re in prison by touching the glass divide and mouthing ‘I love you’. Then pass drugs through the gap. @mrwavey
I can’t believe they threw me out for jumping around.
Marathon runners Why not do your big sprint at the beginning when you're fresh, instead of waiting until the end when you're exhausted? @TwopTwips
Henry VIII to his servants when Anne Boleyn wasn’t looking
This work-shy scammer thinks that having died in the 1630s and been naturally mummified is an excuse not to work. Sick note culture in action. He could work at Tesco.
IF YOU cut your tennis balls in half you can fit more in the container (via @WWarped)
Do you remember Princess Diana's heroic defending?
ADVERTISE the fact that nozzle advertising doesn't work by only advertising nozzle ads on your nozzle (via @jimhomeschool)
CONVINCE people your horse is actually two people in a costume by making it wear trainers. (via @John_Joe)
PLAY a real life game of ‘Guess Who' by asking your wife if she has a beard before pushing her over. (via @PalmHerNova)
RICHARD DREYFUSS. Save potato-sculpting time and effort with Morrisons creme caramel (68p for 6). @SteveSparshott
Me looking back at the queue when I take the last sausage roll at Greggs
Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain
139K Followers 3K Following He/him. Illustrator, cartoonist, husband, father, son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, second cousin, grandson, friend, acquaintance, enemy. @[email protected]
GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge
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joe heenan @joeheenan
66K Followers 3K Following Award losing stand up comedian. Co host of Stu & Joe's Big Dumb Film Show. Subscribe here https://t.co/Ts0zTiHNI9
Rob Manuel 🍳 @robmanuel
44K Followers 885 Following I do @b3ta / @fesshole / @anon_opin - email: robmanuel @ gmail dot com - Buy The New Fesstament: https://t.co/VVRUZVMkuT
Pundamentalism @Pundamentalism
102K Followers 1K Following Puns don't kill people. Writer. DM for work enquiries.
mutable joe @mutablejoe
48K Followers 1K Following former blue tick | [email protected] | represented by @jounwin | buy me a coffee https://t.co/ohy98SjCxh
John Rain 🥇 @ItsJohnRain
20K Followers 4K Following I do @SmershPod I co-do @WheezingPod Author of Thunderbook, Explodobook and Superbook.
Tokyo Sexwhale @tokyosexwhale
22K Followers 990 Following IIllustrator | Commissions: [email protected]
Craig Deeley 🇪🇺.. @craiguito
21K Followers 7K Following I do stand-up and tweet silly things. My podcast Trish of the Day out now, link below.
Modern Toss @ModernToss
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Nick Harvey @mrnickharvey
61K Followers 912 Following I write music for TV so you don’t have to. Baskerville’s dad. Paul’s son. Ember’s accompanist.
barney farmer @barneyfarmer
27K Followers 15K Following Yūgen appreciation society. Writes Drunken bakers etc for Viz. Wrote this https://t.co/EkFvmRP7kD this https://t.co/wh1hmG5V8R and that https://t.co/K4H7zE1TgG so…
Elaine @Ellen7170368885
27 Followers 1K Following I am a lively and cheerful girl who would like to meet a good friend.
Lucha DS @LuchaDS
2K Followers 365 Following Scottish Professional Wrestler, Champion, masked guy, even a wee bit of stand up comedy https://t.co/CmCToZHsW5 #Lucha #Scottish #Champion #StandUp
stillabitpacy @stillabitpacy
68 Followers 178 Following
Daniel Newell @Dan84905
1 Followers 11 Following
Elaine Jones @EJ962
7 Followers 225 Following
johnsexybum @h_howlett
58 Followers 512 Following
David Windle @dwindledum
385 Followers 966 Following Deputy headteacher. Curriculum lead. English specialist. ELE. NPQH. Author of children's book Spudboy and Chip (6 - 11yr old reader). Also @primarypoems
TheReverand @i_reverant
59 Followers 282 Following Lover of the car and all things engineering. Is the answer not a straight-six wagon?
Dan @DanInRealLife0
18 Followers 194 Following
Isaak Sirko @Jimmy_S_Oldham
312 Followers 406 Following All views are my own. Other than those that are insightful, witty or intelligent, which I will have stolen.
Matt_M 🍓🥕🌻 �.. @AllotmentMatt
80 Followers 393 Following Red & Green #DontBuyTheSun Anti-Growth Tofu Eating Wokerati
Barry Edwards @BarryEd25019755
73 Followers 646 Following Middle aged man who once starred in a Drayton Manor Park & Zoo advert. Views expressed are my own. LCFC LTID 🦊
Laurence Jones @lucutus_of_borg
20 Followers 139 Following
David Smith (the 83rd.. @mondodavo
133 Followers 329 Following Trying to understand media preservation, contemporary art and vintage game consoles in Hong Kong.
Paul Holloway @paulholloway85
21 Followers 223 Following
GBH @graham_hunter68
1K Followers 2K Following Proud husband of NHS A&E Nurse, NUFC Sanddancer. Python, Eighties, Curry & Wine.
Grant Cartledge @NotAhhGeeCee
9 Followers 273 Following
Gus Jones @augustusjones7
573 Followers 584 Following Saving the world, one discharge summary at a time
brockmonkey @Brockmonkey
73 Followers 332 Following
robbie millington @robertmilligton
129 Followers 781 Following
Sir Andrew Knight �.. @AndrewK77360434
54 Followers 645 Following Husband, father to two girls, owner of a Tibetan Terrier, and sadly now no guinea pigs, interested in history, quantum mechanics and rejoining the EU
David Kaufmann @Blueribble
350 Followers 2K Following Proud dad. BSc physiotherapy. Soigneur. Liverpool FC, NY Mets, Sopranos, and Pearl Jam fan.
Leonardo Del Borka @Stestin_1
37 Followers 62 Following getting a nice wage to call out gammons and bastards
Rebecca Tromans @Milforama
58 Followers 151 Following Writer and sub-editor formerly living in Dubai, now back in the UK...
George Williams @knutsfordgeorge
757 Followers 2K Following Town Guide 🏰 Ghost Hunter 👻 Football Shirt Collector 👕⚽️🥅
Nick Marrs @NickyMarrs
64 Followers 336 Following
Andy @Andy26737146240
84 Followers 256 Following
CozyBear 💥diz*gust.. @AuldDizgustin
60 Followers 130 Following He / Who / HaHa Same Shite Different Year. 😊 I got engaged, that's rite, I need to remember that.
LaBelleVerte @EllBeeVee
81 Followers 399 Following
Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain
139K Followers 3K Following He/him. Illustrator, cartoonist, husband, father, son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, second cousin, grandson, friend, acquaintance, enemy. @[email protected]
Viz Comic @vizcomic
327K Followers 2K Following Our readers have understood the concept of Buyer's Remorse since 1979. Digital Sub: https://t.co/skgViHMilK… Postal Sub: https://t.co/VZunTaPule
GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge
27K Followers 1K Following Screenwriter, comedian, actor, socialist and model. These are words. As are custard, trumpet, wardrobe, trousers and dandelion.
joe heenan @joeheenan
66K Followers 3K Following Award losing stand up comedian. Co host of Stu & Joe's Big Dumb Film Show. Subscribe here https://t.co/Ts0zTiHNI9
Rob Manuel 🍳 @robmanuel
44K Followers 885 Following I do @b3ta / @fesshole / @anon_opin - email: robmanuel @ gmail dot com - Buy The New Fesstament: https://t.co/VVRUZVMkuT
Pundamentalism @Pundamentalism
102K Followers 1K Following Puns don't kill people. Writer. DM for work enquiries.
christhebarker @christhebarker
25K Followers 2K Following Professional art director/illustrator/comedy photoshopper. Follow me for good pics and photos of ham I sometimes feed the sparrows too.
mutable joe @mutablejoe
48K Followers 1K Following former blue tick | [email protected] | represented by @jounwin | buy me a coffee https://t.co/ohy98SjCxh
John Rain 🥇 @ItsJohnRain
20K Followers 4K Following I do @SmershPod I co-do @WheezingPod Author of Thunderbook, Explodobook and Superbook.
Tokyo Sexwhale @tokyosexwhale
22K Followers 990 Following IIllustrator | Commissions: [email protected]
Craig Deeley 🇪🇺.. @craiguito
21K Followers 7K Following I do stand-up and tweet silly things. My podcast Trish of the Day out now, link below.
Modern Toss @ModernToss
62K Followers 590 Following the stink of excellence in a world gone tits up. Contact: [email protected]
EL PAÍS @el_pais
8.8M Followers 873 Following La mejor información en español. Con nuestra mirada puesta en España, Europa y América. Suscríbete: https://t.co/Zh3X1PF9zE
old jumpers @oldjumpers
33K Followers 3K Following stand-up comedian and comedy writer floating through a master’s in history
HLTCO @HLTCO
168K Followers 35K Following Home of the HLTCO Palace Podcast & HLTCO Football Podcast, published daily Monday-Friday. Always opinionated, not always right. Patreon - https://t.co/drp6z5k63Q
AudioKit Pro @AudioKitPro
6K Followers 3K Following The leading free & open-source iOS/macOS music & audio dev tools. https://t.co/Ik1FiorZWH proudly powers millions of iOS app installs
Ben See @ClimateBen
123K Followers 45K Following Literature Teacher providing information on the rapid Extinction-Climate Catastrophe and urging radical degrowth system change action to try to limit the doom.
Shiiine On @ShiiineOn_
40K Followers 2K Following An indoor festival with your own bed. Shiiine On 15 - 17 Nov 2024 On sale now https://t.co/dD7QO0dnvv NCB10 code for discount
Robert Komaniecki @Komaniecki_R
31K Followers 847 Following Dad and music theory/history guy. Will help you with your theory homework.
Damian Shields @DamianShields1
17K Followers 2K Following Scottish Landscape Photographer and Deputy Picture Editor at the Herald,Times & National. Contact me through my site for enquiries/prints 👇
Michael Manoel Chaves.. @qandamazon
3K Followers 419 Following The UK's leading conspiracy theorist Michael's tweets are both heartening and discombobulating in equal measure - James Melville https://t.co/ZAzrqIKEYv
Bex Luther @Superbreeze_Bex
34K Followers 1K Following Rebecca B Mostly chuntering but nice gams. Gender blurrer Superbreeze_Bex elsewhere https://t.co/QldTjCPi9c
Dr Ethan Hein @ethanhein
7K Followers 734 Following Co-author of Electronic Music School with Will Kuhn and Orff tunes with Heather Fortune; columnist for @musicradar; adjunct prof at NYU and the New School
Hannah Waddingham. @hanwaddingham
289K Followers 1K Following UkRep:Peter Brooks @CAM_London.LA:Nick Todisco @atlasentertainment. Global publicist: Annick Mueller @wolfkastelerpr.com
Woof The Wolf @HowlingWolf1980
166 Followers 128 Following If you're confused about what's between your legs I don't want to know about what's going on between your ears! Wolves Beer Fishing
Miss Marjorie Regrets.. @coffinsneeze
3K Followers 3K Following mother / anarchist / sentient shitpost since 1982 / black lives matter / #mmiwg / respect my trans homies or catch these hands, homies
Mike Cobraman @MKupperman
29K Followers 8K Following Snake'n'Bacon, Tales Designed to Thrizzle, All the Answers, etc. As seen in or on SNL/The New Yorker/The NY Times/Vice/Adult Swim/Comedy Central
Fascinating World @fascinatefeed
120K Followers 25 Following Interesting Photos & Videos on History, Science, Nature, and More | Follow Us!
Beef & Dairy Network @beefanddairy
15K Followers 8K Following Winner: Best Comedy at British Podcast Awards 2017 & 2018. For those involved or interested in the production of beef animals & dairy herds. By @benpartridge.
𝙱𝚘𝚋𝚋𝚢�.. @SalvadorDafti
9K Followers 3K Following Rolling Stones. Captain Beefheart. Stooges. Sly Stone. East Coast Hip-Hop. Arthur Lee. Poneil.
Bruce Gorrie @bsgorrie
11K Followers 8K Following Psychedelic hepcat with a cat. St. Patrick's Hibernian SC, Gerard Manley Hopkins. I'll climb the hill in my own way. MD Alternative National Treasure
Greyfriars Bobby @GreyfriarsKirk
2K Followers 2K Following Memorial Device Alternative National Treasure & 5th Most Stylish MD ANT. Dug. Statue. Style Icon. Legend.
Matt Oakley @MattOakleyMojo
2K Followers 2K Following Creative/Graphic Designer (https://t.co/B2N0oMb3aR). Artist (https://t.co/QikkkYRyjF). Comedy Writer (https://t.co/eOfiu8hsB8). Black Country/West Country.
Dan Cairns @dancairns123
2K Followers 759 Following
Capcom Europe @CapcomEurope
246K Followers 454 Following Official Twitter for Capcom Europe follow for updates on all your favourite Capcom games 🔴 https://t.co/h7ALRC9B1N 🟢 https://t.co/hSn8WhPkq6
Marc Riley ⚽️🍺.. @marcrileydj
97K Followers 3K Following Donkey. Music type. Husband. Father. Not a real Doctor. Broadcaster of sorts.
80s Kidz @80s_Kidz
203K Followers 264 Following Was you born in the 70s & grew up during the 80s? Then this is the page for you! Lets reminisce about the greatest decade there ever was. 70s stuff may appear.
Fred Sirieix @fredsirieix1
252K Followers 11K Following 💫 Enjoy life, learn forever and make a difference 🍷 Marks and Spencer Wine Ambassador [email protected]
Liz Truss @trussliz
668K Followers 2K Following Former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. MP for South West Norfolk. Promoted by Liz Truss of Shirley House, 23 London Street, Swaffham, Norfolk, PE37 7DD.
Looks Unfamiliar @looksunfamiliar
7K Followers 7K Following Looks Unfamiliar - a podcast looking at some of the things that you remember that nobody else ever seems to.
Mark (TWI2T3D) @_TWI2T3D
287 Followers 519 Following Making shit music is my superpower. https://t.co/tOZNDDLQiB Also, NUFC 🖤🤍
Lucy & Sam's Perfect .. @perfect_brains
2K Followers 4 Following Can comedy’s biggest fruitcakes - Lucy Beaumont and Sam Campbell - conquer the podcast movement? Imagine if they did! A @plosiveprods podcast.
What Is Music?: A Mus.. @whatismusicpod
5K Followers 290 Following A podcast exploring discographies, one artist at a time. Currently: R.E.M. Previously: Radiohead, Manic Street Preachers, Muse, Billie Eilish, Lauryn Hill
Andrew Male @Andr6wMale
41K Followers 6K Following Writer at MOJO, Guardian, and Sunday Times. Sight & Sound TV columnist. Rife with anomalies. Grounded for dreaminess. You have muted tweets from this account.
𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚊 .. @loulayorke
3K Followers 881 Following ✨live modular synths 🌊 ‘Volta’ OUT NOW 🪩🫧 3rd and final edition of CDs, cassettes & postcards up on my bandcamp 👇
Brian Roemmele @BrianRoemmele
270K Followers 31K Following we can only see what we think is possible...
KSB @kfRedhot
55K Followers 886 Following The guy from that thing. Lord Forgive Me For My Scenes 🎬 Ghosts | Stath Lets Flats | Taskmaster S15 [email protected]
Dr HOX ENDUCTION HOUR.. @hoxtonwanka
3K Followers 5K Following Let’s party like it’s 1929/1919. Stick yer Brexit up yer bumhole
Podcast Secrets of th.. @PodcastPharaohs
15K Followers 1K Following The home of the podcast ‘Podcast Secrets of the Pharaohs’ - #1 TV & Film Podcast
Stevie Martin @5tevieM
82K Followers 2K Following comedian/writer and @nobodypanicpod and same handle on IG and its fine ok its really fine no reallySuspect was last seen guarding a Soviet base in GoldenEye 64.
Investigators have released a computer generated image of a man they would like to identify in connection with a burglary in Tunbridge Wells. kent.police.uk/news/kent/late…
@LeeAndersonMP_ You are, and the mad thing is you know this, a truly thick cunt. Imaging knowingly being a thick cunt and still being all “As a thick cunt, I should be an MP.” I suppose being fucking stupid is all part and parcel of being a thick cunt.
@Trev0rSwole @TwopTwips The funniest thing about Trev’s endless trolling is his delusion in thinking he has the ability to embarrass anyone other than himself.
░A░N░K░L░E░S░░I░N░ ░B░I░O░G░R░A░P░H░Y░
@TwopTwips @Trev0rSwole Oh my god is that a literal incel? I’ve never seen one out in the digital wild before.
@TwopTwips @Trev0rSwole Dude seriously he's into this shit. Look at his timeline.
look how happy he was the day he ruined his life and everyone else's nice time, the simple delight of one obscenely rich friendless imbecile and the lamest joke ever activated in the anglosphere.
@elonmusk @_Drew_2_U Ahh there it is. The statement followed by the infamous Elon caveat.
Happy birthday Ludwig Wittgenstein 🥳🍾 "I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves" is the quote that always came back to haunt him when nobody ever invited him to parties.
@Leanne_Henson1 @AndyGilder @LozzaFox When he put his kids in blackface you mean?
8/ When Musk talks about protecting “free speech” he really means supporting provocative and/or violent voices — and *esp* trolls who hate the idea that all people are equal. Conversely, Musk is quick to *stifle* speech if it embarrasses him or his companies. He’s a hypocrite.
7/ I cringe every time journalists and others refer to Musk as a “free speech absolutist.” Nothing could be further from the truth. The only absolute is Musk’s hypocrisy, as he repeatedly contradicts his so-called principles to serve himself and his pet causes.
3/ Musk is a poster child for divisive racist, sexist, and plutocratic tendencies that undermine democracy’s commitment to equality for all. No amount of hand-waving can hide what Musk is doing. Destroying Twitter’s value is the tell: It’s not about the money. It’s worse.
“The windmill blades of the Moulin Rouge in Paris have fallen. Bloody horses run in the streets of London & Big Ben no longer kept the right time. The age of the west is over man.”
When I joined here 14 years ago, it seemed such a nice, silly, friendly place to anyone who ambled in. The only improvements I ever suggested were relentless pornbots, promotion of Nazi accounts, adverts and constant misinformation, so it's nice to feel heard.
@difensordidixie Raging you’ve been outed as a top tier wanker
@Mz1n00 @lylukk @MUFC_Mullans @JunglistYid Yes pls bro
@NUFC Why do yous use this layout for the line ups does my head in🤣
@NUFC Love the back line of Schar, Gordon, Isak and Barnes ..... admin you're killing us with this number order malarkey
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