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WHIP @JustWHIP

I'm just here for the jokes Chicago, IL Joined March 2012
  • Tweets
    216
  • Followers
    51
  • Following
    385
  • Likes
    432
WHIP retweeted
Cheeseboy22 Profile Picture

Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22

15 years ago

Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 1 second, but instead I am going to run over 100 times with the vacuum at different angles.

WHIP retweeted
TheBernReport Profile Picture

The Bern Report @TheBernReport

11 years ago

Bernie Sanders Gains Key Endorsements In South Carolina: thebernreport.com/bernie-sanders… - via:@TheBernReport #FeelTheBern @People4Bernie

WHIP retweeted
CarouselMouse Profile Picture

Mouse on a Carousel @CarouselMouse

11 years ago

ET: Now phone home... And get your muthafuckin shinebox Joe Pesci (smashing jar full of Reese's Pieces): MUTHAFUCKA

WHIP retweeted
david8hughes Profile Picture

David Hughes @david8hughes

12 years ago

Wife: Why is there a bouncy castle in the garden? Me out of breath with no shoes on: I'm not sure.

JustWHIP Profile Picture

WHIP @JustWHIP

12 years ago

Looks like David Schwimmer has been cast to play Marcia Clark in the new 'People vs. O.J'

WHIP retweeted
david8hughes Profile Picture

David Hughes @david8hughes

12 years ago

[1st date] Me: I don't mind admitting I find these fancy menus confusing. What does that say? Her: chicken Me: no, after that Her: nuggets

WHIP retweeted
SenSanders Profile Picture

Sen. Bernie Sanders @SenSanders

12 years ago

Why does it happen that most of the new jobs being created today in America are part-time, low wage jobs?

WHIP retweeted
errdayhustlah Profile Picture

Amy K @errdayhustlah

13 years ago

I'd be an optimist, but then I'd be wrong about everything.

WHIP retweeted
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Brendan O'Hare @brendohare

12 years ago

I love this quote by @neiltyson

WHIP retweeted
AndyAsAdjective Profile Picture

Andy H. @AndyAsAdjective

12 years ago

So class, explosions in space are inaudible. The physics of Star Wars is a joke. [class is silent] [from the back] EAT A DICK, MR. GRAYSON

WHIP retweeted
TheCatWhisprer Profile Picture

mark @TheCatWhisprer

13 years ago

Sorry I hung up on you, I didn't mean to answer the call.

WHIP retweeted
Valdemort_Arg Profile Picture

Val @Valdemort_Arg

13 years ago

"No! Don't go into the church! Nooo!" "Honey, what movie are you watching?" "Our wedding video."

WHIP retweeted
deardilettante Profile Picture

∀LLEY C∀T @deardilettante

12 years ago

A kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette & told him so was talking to strangers.

WHIP retweeted
donnie_fairburn Profile Picture

Donnie @donnie_fairburn

12 years ago

[Frantically pressing Jeopardy buzzer] Me: (5th time now) What is updog? Alex Trebek: God dammit! Will someone take his buzzer away already?

JustWHIP Profile Picture

WHIP @JustWHIP

12 years ago

One good thing about getting old. If the middle of my back itches I can just keep clawing at it until my skin stretches

WHIP retweeted
MrDelFreaky Profile Picture

Mr. Del Freaky @MrDelFreaky

12 years ago

Shhhhhh. *places finger over her lips* I want our first time to be special. Now, pay attention. Give me a #1 combo with cheese, all the way.

WHIP retweeted
online_shawn Profile Picture

chip malfunction @online_shawn

12 years ago

The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain't good.

WHIP retweeted
TheMichaelRock Profile Picture

Rock @TheMichaelRock

12 years ago

Me: What's for dinner? Wife...it's 9am. Me *leans in* I didn't ask you for the fucken time.

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