Lava Ninj @equinelover137
Welp, I'm a Travel ER RN and I have a mighty fine Southern accent. Marriage killed my funny. https://t.co/GFK5mfUZWA #BlessTheBlueEyedBoy #EnvyDaStrength bit.ly/EquineTwitrSrch Instagram: lava_ninj Joined August 2010-
Tweets17K
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Followers3K
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Following3K
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Likes16K
@RepSwalwell Like the vaccinated don’t spread the virus…riiight.
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Lava Ninj retweeted
Single men are not fancy because they have a lavender duvet, single men are fancy because they call it a duvet.
Lava Ninj retweeted
Depression can be a real bitch. It’s that illness that only you can see and feel, so to explain it to someone that has never had it can be difficult. They may be sympathetic, but they don’t know how to deal with an illnesss they’ve never had, which leaves you feeling more alone.
Lava Ninj retweeted
Whenever my wife tells people we’re starting obedience training next month I always feel compelled to add “for the dog”.
50 shades of grey...the middle aged version Where the red room of pain smells like Ben Gay and safe words are “ibuprofen” or “I think I broke a hip”
Lava Ninj retweeted
[waiting for tacos] Me: excuse me sir, where’s your restroom? Cashier: no speak-a English Me: Oh, sorry...RESTROOM?! WHERE IS YOUR RESTROOM?!
Lava Ninj retweeted
I’m “I can’t keep track of who is dead” years old.
Lava Ninj retweeted
As you get older, you get smarter about what’s really important in life.
Fun challenge: Try taking someone’s oral temperature without opening your own mouth a little bit
Lava Ninj retweeted
Settle down middle-aged white guy...it’s a pick up game of basketball at the gym, not the NBA finals.
Who the hell is Nigel and why are they making plans for him?
Lava Ninj retweeted
The past is the past. All that matters is what you do next.
Lava Ninj retweeted
Be strong ... even when you feel like running away would be easier.
Lava Ninj retweeted
Be genuine. It's that simple.
Lava Ninj retweeted
What’s it called when you try to make things weird but you can’t? I’m that.
Lava Ninj retweeted
My wife just used two paper plates to warm up leftovers in the microwave like we're some kind of millionaires.
Lava Ninj retweeted
I'm not saying most people lie, I'm just saying the difference between facts and relevant facts depends on your agenda.
Lava Ninj retweeted
Sorry you don’t have an exciting and glamorous job but we can’t all be accountants.
Lava Ninj retweeted
All I’m saying is I never realized how many things could be monogrammed until I got married.
Lava Ninj retweeted
If your doctor has to google something right in front of you, you’re probably going to die.
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