Jason Mustian @jasonmustian
loveable-ish misanthrope. if it’s of interest to you, i've run a few startups (poorly.) and i have a funny-ish mindfulness journal you can buy 👇 linktr.ee/storyofmyfucki… Port Aransas, TX Joined January 2010-
Tweets9K
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Followers16K
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Following850
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Likes39K
I thought this was Julia Louis-Dreyfus
I thought this was Julia Louis-Dreyfus
It was an honor to give President Trump my latest artwork of our beautiful first lady Melania, and I hope it brings him as much joy on his bedroom walls as it did ours!
dating apps aren’t working anymore, i’m gonna start sitting next to couples at challengers screenings
Ken Griffey Jr had 172 Home Runs by then, what’s your point
when it’s my turn with the coke plate
this really the craziest tweet in history
When your 7 year old cousin wants to “show you something cool”
When your 7 year old cousin wants to “show you something cool”
I’ll be damned if my son ever asks to go hunting. Get back in that room and don’t come out until you’re fucking gay
haha, well. let’s justr say. My peanits
there's only one thing that brought these three people together..
I'm pretty sure I see some police
I'm pretty sure I see some police
Ken Bone coming out of retirement to be based 8 years later was not on my 2024 bingo card
Ken Bone coming out of retirement to be based 8 years later was not on my 2024 bingo card https://t.co/j70xVs1qBB
Hes gonna ride the sybian
Did a 12th century plague write this?
Nobody discretely coughs blood into a handkerchief while wearing a top hat anymore.
Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit
91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharksMike Drucker @MikeDrucker
202K Followers 5K Following Emmy-nominated TV writer and comedian. Wrote a book about games and now writing another. Newsletter: https://t.co/9mOMgDuvfv Email: mikedruckerisdead @ gmail .comJosh Gondelman @joshgondelman
200K Followers 4K Following Year round iced coffee drinker. Stand-up special "People Pleaser" out now. Previously: Last Week Tonight, Mrs. Maisel, Head Writer/EP Desus & Mero.Megan Amram @meganamram
1.0M Followers 4K Following it's this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that's 'in' right now. - my momCarey O'Donnell @ecareyo
68K Followers 3K Following Writer. Co-host of @sexyuniquepod. You didn’t go up there to fish.Louis Peitzman @LouisPeitzman
80K Followers 4K Following Mary Testa once said I was great. Bylines: NY Times, Vulture, Time, BuzzFeed. [email protected]Napcore Influencer @SortaBad
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114K Followers 1K Following Elon Musk is a piss baby. Rarely checking this account. Follow me at mauraquint on bluesky, insta, tt, etc. Contact: quintmaura@ gmailMike Scollins @mikescollins
34K Followers 1K Following From Marshfield MA. Writer for Late Night with Seth Meyers. Love horror movies. Usually have to pee. He/Himlauren ashley bishop @sbellelauren
53K Followers 2K Following comedy writer. comedy performer. mother of all dogs. AR native. my brain is @deeppawghts on IG tiktok: @sbellelaurenandy™ @andylevy
194K Followers 978 Following co-host of the daily beast podcast “the new abnormal.” "one of the former greats" - paul f tompkinsdonni saphire @donni
60K Followers 2K Following Skeptical of most squirrels. Friendly comedian. More jokes on @[email protected]. Producer on The Love Below at Beermiscuous in Lincoln Park. Hat avoider.Rex Huppke @RexHuppke
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80K Followers 2K Following Finally a bearded white dude in comedy. https://t.co/z1EDZmqdBo Bluesky: https://t.co/XkLVhTtCfvCullen Crawford @HelloCullen
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110K Followers 3K Following Dr. Venture on The Venture Bros., Grant on Review, Arthur on Difficult People, Rolf on The Office. References available upon request.Natasha @Natasha07162
28 Followers 309 Following Don’t lose yourself trying to find something that doesn’t exist. YoloPhillyChitChat @HughE_Dillon
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287 Followers 3K Following Definitely find something better to do than troll. Retweets, Follows & Likes ≠ (NOT) Endorsement. Opinions are my own, not my employer's. Troll on cowboy/girl.Miles @Miles622628
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5 Followers 371 FollowingCarson Hunter @TheCarsonHunter
355 Followers 649 Following Nerd. Basketball Player. YouTuber. Minecrafter. Introvert. Iron Man kid. And I'm kind of good at technology sometimes.Fahmi Dina @FahmiD59783
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192 Followers 472 Following Marine first and foremost.....War is conclusive evidence there is no god.TiTi-BG @TT15427807736
100 Followers 251 Following The world's leading economic platform for Web3 short video creatorsDylan S. Phillips @dylsphillips
285 Followers 710 Following Content Lead @tryfondo. Previously co-founder at PizzaBottle (25M monthly active readers & 1M+ followers on fb).Andrea (Szymczak) Wor.. @alynnworkman
157 Followers 295 Following research scientist at UPitt, immunologist in the broadest sense possible, mother to the best humans. *opinions here are my ownEfrat_the_curious @Efrathecurious
19 Followers 344 FollowingUsman @Usman8099646229
114 Followers 817 FollowingAWalkingCorpse @roxanneroets394
22 Followers 58 Following Lyrics that come to mind. @Vocalist @poppunk @punkrockdaksh jain @dakshja8506803
0 Followers 115 FollowingChase Mitchell @ChaseMit
91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharksMike Drucker @MikeDrucker
202K Followers 5K Following Emmy-nominated TV writer and comedian. Wrote a book about games and now writing another. Newsletter: https://t.co/9mOMgDuvfv Email: mikedruckerisdead @ gmail .comJosh Gondelman @joshgondelman
200K Followers 4K Following Year round iced coffee drinker. Stand-up special "People Pleaser" out now. Previously: Last Week Tonight, Mrs. Maisel, Head Writer/EP Desus & Mero.Megan Amram @meganamram
1.0M Followers 4K Following it's this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that's 'in' right now. - my momCarey O'Donnell @ecareyo
68K Followers 3K Following Writer. Co-host of @sexyuniquepod. You didn’t go up there to fish.Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel
47K Followers 1K Following Writer -- Single Parents, President Show, New Girl, Kroll Show, Workaholics. On Bluesky with the same handle.Louis Peitzman @LouisPeitzman
80K Followers 4K Following Mary Testa once said I was great. Bylines: NY Times, Vulture, Time, BuzzFeed. [email protected]Napcore Influencer @SortaBad
62K Followers 797 Following @sortaokaytbh if we are pals. Solana + Metis + Avax ecosystem maximike ginn @shutupmikeginn
209K Followers 1K Followingmaura quint @behindyourback
114K Followers 1K Following Elon Musk is a piss baby. Rarely checking this account. Follow me at mauraquint on bluesky, insta, tt, etc. Contact: quintmaura@ gmailMike Scollins @mikescollins
34K Followers 1K Following From Marshfield MA. Writer for Late Night with Seth Meyers. Love horror movies. Usually have to pee. He/Himlauren ashley bishop @sbellelauren
53K Followers 2K Following comedy writer. comedy performer. mother of all dogs. AR native. my brain is @deeppawghts on IG tiktok: @sbellelaurenandy™ @andylevy
194K Followers 978 Following co-host of the daily beast podcast “the new abnormal.” "one of the former greats" - paul f tompkinsdonni saphire @donni
60K Followers 2K Following Skeptical of most squirrels. Friendly comedian. More jokes on @[email protected]. Producer on The Love Below at Beermiscuous in Lincoln Park. Hat avoider.Rex Huppke @RexHuppke
96K Followers 1K Following (VERY SERIOUS) @USATODAY humor(ish) columnist. Hypocrisy enthusiast. WOKE MOB, CO-FOUNDER. ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE (2017 to present).lauren former worm @laurenthew0rm
55K Followers 194 FollowingKG 🤍 @3kidneys_
9K Followers 881 Following welcome to my crib | dm $7.77 non moots bc bitch i’m tiredzou bisou bisou where.. @lilgrapefruits
40K Followers 832 Following aspiring metal detector at the beach guychel @cee_ryan
9K Followers 1K Following totally joking, except for when i’m not. i help put either your favorite or most hated NY sports teams on your tv. (not a joke)Ryan Holiday @RyanHoliday
681K Followers 821 Following NYT Bestselling Author of The Obstacle Is The Way & more @DailyStoic @DailyDadEmail Get my newest book here:Infinity AI (YC W24) @toinfinityai
3K Followers 36 Following A script-to-movie foundation model. Our first product allows people to generate talking-head videos. Try it here: https://t.co/vxiFOR9wpNKristi Yamaguccimane @TheWapplehouse
136K Followers 3K Following •America’s Stepdad•@jortscenterpod•alt @wapplehouse•Mark Cuban @mcuban
8.8M Followers 2K Following Dunking on the pharma industry with @costplusdrugs.com, the lowest prices on meds anywhere. check it out !Mark Cuban Cost Plus .. @costplusdrugs
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1.4M Followers 99 Following the best memes ever created… we wouldn’t be here without them (NO NSFW PROMOS)Jay Cuda @JayCuda
142K Followers 930 Following I post about #WhiteSox & sports stats • 35 • Golfer ⛳️ Woodworker🪚 MSU '11 Civil engineeringPatches O’Houlihan @sondraa
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170K Followers 643 Following Make the web you want to find. He/Him/Cis ᐧ Google Search Advocate ᐧ Posts my own, not for resale ᐧ Official: @GoogleSearchC & https://t.co/FZQ90CoJkmarabell - No PPV OF @ArabellNightly
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26K Followers 1K Following I'd rather be controversial than boring. ☼♉︎ ☽♊︎ ↑♒︎ she/her✨ https://t.co/62hOm8EB7Y $100 DM fee $bbapesDavid Hill @davehill77
11K Followers 2K Following Writer of books and other things. Player of games. New York by way of Arkansas.Work Chronicles @_workchronicles
130K Followers 185 Following 👋 Hello. I make comics about work, with love & lots of coffee. Follow to get the comics in your feed. Join the Newsletter: https://t.co/TnlvMdBJ1KVicky Aisha 🤠 @Vicky_Aisha_
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17K Followers 1K Following A tropical depression that could fall apart at any moment; not expected to get very far.Sean Kelly @StorySlug
11K Followers 5K Following Freelance writer; Haver of Batman Opinions, coined the phrase "Same Panic, Different Disco." He/HimI thought this was Julia Louis-Dreyfus
THIS GIF IS KILLING MEEEZKZKX/;(&:$!:!
Would love to see a student demonstration in behalf of peace. Not pro-Israel, not pro-Palestinian. Just good ol’ peace. Any of those?
Oh here it is: Starbucks developing a zero to low calorie energy beverage. $SBUX
It was an honor to give President Trump my latest artwork of our beautiful first lady Melania, and I hope it brings him as much joy on his bedroom walls as it did ours!
dating apps aren’t working anymore, i’m gonna start sitting next to couples at challengers screenings
@jasonmustian tryna indoctrinate my pumpkins :-) Once they baptize those things, they're just too mushy for pies.
iMessage typing indicator that shows length of the message
ARTISTS, you can only use ONE art picture to convince people to follow you. Which art piece you using ? Harkonnen Harvester and Orni Gunner
this is literally what dubai looks like
Ken Griffey Jr had 172 Home Runs by then, what’s your point
i would add my parents being proud of me and ketchup
There was a protestor in the liberated zone at @UCLA with a potentially fatal banana allergy. Counterprotestors invaded the encampment and saw all the no bananas warnings. The next day they came back waving bananas like settlers waving machine guns & smeared bananas everywhere.
do u guys like my new shower curtain
The most unrealistic thing about The Sopranos is that her name is “Meadow.” No way in hell Tony and Carmella had a baby girl in 1982 in New Jersey and didn’t name her Gianna Marie.
yea i love colin jost. colin jost to say hello
My wife’s stories are like Grateful Dead songs. I literally applaud when she gets back to the point.
Get Him To The Creek
'TAKING THE PLUNGE': The star explains his leap of faith to be "reborn into Christ's name" after an investigation into his alleged sexual misconduct. trib.al/Yx3XAVd