ste(ph)en @stephenjmolloy
My surname is sausage. Stevil Dead Joined February 2009-
Tweets12K
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Followers16K
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Following505
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Likes29K
Bruce Wayne: I'm going to become a vigilante and fight crime using a pseudonym. Alfred: A better idea would be to use your vast wealth and work with communities, tackling crime before it can start. By giving young people oppor- Bruce: I will call myself Batman!
When someone is a dick to you, just remember they are probably hurting inside. You can use that to destroy them.
they’re called hooves, dummy🙄
Me: *trying to swallow a pill for 30 minutes* I've done it. Nope. It's still in my mouth. Morpheus: You probably aren't the One.
Barber: Do you want to see the back? Me: Sure *2 minutes later* Barber: So, this is the staff room.
[not too distant future] TEACHER: Please turn to page 400,976 of your 2020 History book
ME: You gonna finish that? SURGEON: If you lay the fuck back down I will
ME: I'll see you in a month WIFE: Don't forget to write ME: It's highly unlikely I'd forget such a basic skill, Sharon
In other news the S Club 7 reunion has been postponed again.
In other news the S Club 7 reunion has been postponed again.
[reincarnated as a giant squid at the bottom of the ocean] i did something right
Me: [uncontrollable sobbing] I can't see you anymore. I won't let you hurt me again. Trainer: It was a sit-up. You did 1 sit-up.
just sneezed into the crook of my arm to protect you all EVEN THOUGH I LIVE ALONE AND YOU PEOPLE ARE NOT EVEN REAL you're welcome
There's no Klingon word for virgin. If you speak Klingon, it's implied
Is anyone ever going to make a movie about a drug deal that went *right*!?
me: i miss swimming pools lifeguard: yea [bandaging my smashed skull] i've never seen such an atrocious dive
Snakes make perfect pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
The week in Tory (Cummings special): 1. Dominic Cummings, one of the few men to have ever been found in contempt of Parliament, moved onto contempt for everything 2. When the story broke, and he was accused of doing things that look bad, he said he didn't care how things looked
Me: I need a loan to start a new business. Bank manager: We are currently offering 0% interest. Me: Great. So, my business idea- Bank manager: Like I said, I'm really not interested.
Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain
139K Followers 3K Following He/him. Illustrator, cartoonist, husband, father, son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, second cousin, grandson, friend, acquaintance, enemy. @[email protected]
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
jon drake @DrakeGatsby
112K Followers 2K Following they must have amnesia, they forgot that im him. 1/2 of @blastzonepod. senior brand strategist for @trymetafy
Sir Michael @Michael1979
247K Followers 1K Following Maker of @SturdyPodcast and How to (Almost) Make Friends on the Internet. Persecuted for wearing jean shorts to my grandad's funeral https://t.co/C0gsnmxKIS
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams
26K Followers 783 Following Engineer I'm also on BlueSky. Same name.
octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
32K Followers 3K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokes
Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
89K Followers 1K Following Comedian, Writer, Founder of Persona Essential Social Media Management, writer of @GrimAndGraham
David Hughes @david8hughes
119K Followers 876 Following Writer. I wrote this bio. Mock the Week | Trailer Park Boys | The Project
Adrenalin @adrenalindenver
26K Followers 820 Following Local pop punk band in Denver. DM for booking info! Guitar/vocals: @Woody_B_ Bass: @dave_cactus Drums: Ripcord Lead Guitar: Duncan
Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 655 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIb
joe heenan @joeheenan
66K Followers 3K Following Award losing stand up comedian. Co host of Stu & Joe's Big Dumb Film Show. Subscribe here https://t.co/Ts0zTiHNI9
dan mentos @DanMentos
88K Followers 654 Following
fredesque @FredTaming
27K Followers 894 Following black & trans lives matter | stop asian hate | 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ friendly | he/him | fka taming fr*d s*vage |
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Craig Deeley 🇪🇺.. @craiguito
21K Followers 7K Following I do stand-up and tweet silly things. My podcast Trish of the Day out now, link below.
Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit
21K Followers 754 Following Pilot. Mancub. Liar. 🍸🤘avi by @fro_vo / header by @marfsalvador https://t.co/6bJSdwHf8w
jo @whatsJo
48K Followers 972 Following b-side. I eat popsicles for breakfast. Trial ft error. 🤖rights. crusha bit, lil bit✨
Fake Name @FakeNam60496460
16 Followers 91 Following
🇺🇦Willie Nilly�.. @was_at_crows
772 Followers 994 Following You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a mask.🇨🇦 Ornamental hermit
PeggyPegwin 🏒🥅 .. @PPegwin
824 Followers 3K Following Die hard Wild/Vikings/upper Midwest sports fan (and the other schools the kids chose to attend). Vote Blue!
What are you going to.. @1999_jab
3K Followers 4K Following Just here for the lols/snark. If I lol I follow. Dad to 2 teens. Cat wrangler, gas-station hot dog connoisseur. A little lead guitar. What a time to be alive.😬
Kristian Mortensen @KristianMo75558
2 Followers 11 Following
Sautocap @Caleb6178237486
69 Followers 273 Following
Buddy @TheDilmanator
61 Followers 164 Following
l'enfant terrible @seantcronin
786 Followers 4K Following A one man army named Sean. Formerly of MKE and NM. Anarchist. 1312. he/him #bucksin6
Soho Bites Podcast @BitesSoho
959 Followers 867 Following Podcast about films set in Soho◾produced & presented by @dom_delargy◾co-created by @sohoonscreen◾ Also: @KinoQuickies◾https://t.co/PqHzBr7wrY
Will Wilson @willwilson100
8K Followers 8K Following Personal account. [email protected]. [email protected]
Gareth Willmer @GWillmer_Mktg
2K Followers 3K Following Senior #DigitalMarketing Manager | #Digital #SocialMedia #Sport #Tech #Piano | Views are my own
بهشاد قربان.. @qrbany60120
64 Followers 130 Following
Sam @jamminsam97
82 Followers 2K Following
david willingham @dbod
5 Followers 487 Following
Pinky Hunter @PinkyHunterUK
140 Followers 694 Following Creature of the night ... well, at least until bedtime
Richard Sykes @richardsykes24
100 Followers 501 Following 💛Leeds🤍United💙 Portishead. Bad Seeds. The Wedding Present. Votes Labour.
Cute Face🇺🇦 @CuteFaceAI
694 Followers 679 Following I love naughty stories and my OH. Proud to be Scottish. Proud to be British.
Rachel Morrison 💙 @Supermozza
64 Followers 858 Following
silent_spook @silent_spook
31 Followers 211 Following
Musa @Musa93552970816
278 Followers 6K Following no human is above occurring remedies but be ever ready to correct the remedies,
Multi Family Guy @904beachboy
140 Followers 138 Following
your worst night mayo.. @FrescoKit
628 Followers 535 Following Proud to be named one of the "People to Look Out For" in my city, according to pedestrians.
Mark Rickert @rickert994
34 Followers 452 Following
piggyblanco @enfys72
155 Followers 835 Following
Jean Grosjean @JeanGrosjean2
2 Followers 121 Following
Dave @Dave08477046
62 Followers 388 Following
tayma @t_goofie
62 Followers 191 Following maverick to the core — jack of all trades, master of none
trey @trey_boudreaux
261 Followers 384 Following
michael thorsen @michthor
32 Followers 291 Following
Mark Spoors @mark_spoors
102 Followers 449 Following
SarcasticMoose @SarcasticMoose
647 Followers 2K Following Just your average moose. Get to know me. Ask me questions, and I'll answer them moose-style.
Mohamed Kabbay @MohamedKab89808
250 Followers 1K Following My name is Raymond mohamed kabbay am a Sierra Leonean
Justin Davidson @justinld12
176 Followers 1K Following
HoodyHoo @Hoodyhoo5
794 Followers 2K Following The girl your mama warned you about. I also know exactly how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.
Keemo @Keemo2010____
117 Followers 193 Following
GorillaIGuess @YBwsyrh21741
59 Followers 113 Following
拜登棋牌室offici.. @outinusi666
69 Followers 230 Following 塞里斯在读大学生/润ing/反修/自认为←/马恩列斯毛理论知识学习中/不喜汴京/维护发言权利/即使你是🇹🇼🇭🇰我也尊重/看V乐子人
Aldis Sipolins @AldisSipolins
2K Followers 450 Following Let's talk XR, science, and games. I have a PhD in cognitive neuroscience but can't find my slippers. XR inventor @ Adeia. Doting husband to @tinatworek.
Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain
139K Followers 3K Following He/him. Illustrator, cartoonist, husband, father, son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, second cousin, grandson, friend, acquaintance, enemy. @[email protected]
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
jon drake @DrakeGatsby
112K Followers 2K Following they must have amnesia, they forgot that im him. 1/2 of @blastzonepod. senior brand strategist for @trymetafy
Sir Michael @Michael1979
247K Followers 1K Following Maker of @SturdyPodcast and How to (Almost) Make Friends on the Internet. Persecuted for wearing jean shorts to my grandad's funeral https://t.co/C0gsnmxKIS
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams
26K Followers 783 Following Engineer I'm also on BlueSky. Same name.
octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
32K Followers 3K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokes
Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
89K Followers 1K Following Comedian, Writer, Founder of Persona Essential Social Media Management, writer of @GrimAndGraham
David Hughes @david8hughes
119K Followers 876 Following Writer. I wrote this bio. Mock the Week | Trailer Park Boys | The Project
Adrenalin @adrenalindenver
26K Followers 820 Following Local pop punk band in Denver. DM for booking info! Guitar/vocals: @Woody_B_ Bass: @dave_cactus Drums: Ripcord Lead Guitar: Duncan
Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 655 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIb
joe heenan @joeheenan
66K Followers 3K Following Award losing stand up comedian. Co host of Stu & Joe's Big Dumb Film Show. Subscribe here https://t.co/Ts0zTiHNI9
dan mentos @DanMentos
88K Followers 654 Following
Wilde Thingy @wildethingy
31K Followers 2K Following I have nothing to declare except my top tweets - https://t.co/YApmhRImR4
fredesque @FredTaming
27K Followers 894 Following black & trans lives matter | stop asian hate | 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ friendly | he/him | fka taming fr*d s*vage |
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Craig Deeley 🇪🇺.. @craiguito
21K Followers 7K Following I do stand-up and tweet silly things. My podcast Trish of the Day out now, link below.
Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit
21K Followers 754 Following Pilot. Mancub. Liar. 🍸🤘avi by @fro_vo / header by @marfsalvador https://t.co/6bJSdwHf8w
Jenna Quigley @JBomb11
10K Followers 3K Following I work in social media and it's broken my brain; please don't yell at me online, I'll cry ✨ taylor stan and #Colts fan 💙
Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart
2K Followers 527 Following If my tweets look familiar it's because of the alphabet https://t.co/2EQmSWJ9Q4 https://t.co/WMj4oQzMFD
Currys @currys
278K Followers 2K Following Welcome to Currys - where we help you live your best tech life! Talk tech, with tech people. For any customer service queries, please DM @CurrysServices
ghost mom @mxradtoria
121 Followers 178 Following aka @radtoria - creating this account to get help logging back into my original account
Kristen 〽️ @myveganlife
47K Followers 4K Following Follower of Christ ✝️ Alpha Female 🧠 Actual Goddess ✨ Blessed and Divinely Protected ⚔️ “Aᴍᴏʀ Fᴀᴛɪ”
The Alternative @GetAlternative
25K Followers 3K Following Real music fans talking about the best tracks we can find. Funded via our Patreon: https://t.co/FoVbrDxzqz.
Washed Up Emo @washedupemo
16K Followers 1K Following The home for emo / Listen to the podcast / Publisher https://t.co/evGwbe4ecg
WWE Home Video Tribut.. @WWEHomeVideoUK
20K Followers 845 Following A tribute to WWE Home Video, former distributor of WWE DVD and Blu-ray in the UK.
Russ Jones @RussInCheshire
304K Followers 1K Following Writer, 'The Decade In Tory', 'Four Chancellors and a Funeral' and 'Tories: The End of an Error' (expected soon after the election).
Dani Fernandez @msdanifernandez
105K Followers 2K Following Chicana 💃🏻 Actress • Writer (Netflix, Max, DC Comics) • Disney Character • [email protected]
Jedi Cheesy Grits @JediGigi
13K Followers 1K Following https://t.co/SvW1qutjQg Header by @dorsalstream venmo Jedigigi she/her
Jason Pargin, author .. @JasonKPargin
59K Followers 1K Following Author of John Dies at the End & the Zoey Ashe series. Former Editor at https://t.co/rPxhhz6fP4, now: https://t.co/rHIoNS0xCv
Adam Cerious @Browtweaten
55K Followers 992 Following high speed, aggressive, non-action. also jokes. venmo: adamcerious
Amish Super Model �.. @AmishSuperModel
56K Followers 18K Following Gracing the hottest runways from Paris to Lancaster! Also featured in Amish Vogue & Amish GQ https://t.co/izJtz2t0DD
nicky the friendly sh.. @mostlysharks
24K Followers 1K Following probably a shark | she/her | https://t.co/GeMHhYLWnW | https://t.co/FLfoEAz7uW
Pete Lynch @PJTLynch
6K Followers 1K Following (Not actually the) Co-founder of Long John Silver's and other budget fishtaurants. Humor in McSweeney's, New Yorker, Points in Case, Slackjaw, and here
Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
75K Followers 16K Following writer of dumb tweets, founder of the @LuvPugFDN for homeless & disabled animals 🐾 🐾🐾Instagram: -luvpugpetcare -harrywaddlebottom -luvpugfoundation
𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛�.. @KLobstar
92K Followers 1K Following leading social media food scientist | 3d printer guy | stuff I make https://t.co/6wFoCu7oTV | contact: [email protected]
Spanky McDutcherson �.. @thatdutchperson
19K Followers 897 Following Dutch. My mom smoked during pregnancy. I do jokes sometimes. Mental health. He/Him
Nick Harvey @mrnickharvey
61K Followers 912 Following I write music for TV so you don’t have to. Baskerville’s dad. Paul’s son. Ember’s accompanist.
Jacob Givens @jacobgivens
9K Followers 1K Following I Write/Act/Tell Jokes and try to save the planet. I was born with jazz hands.
Ivsy @Ivsy01
40K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
peach 🍑🇵🇸 @peachontwitta
9K Followers 2K Following getting people drunk for a living since ‘08. please don’t fall in love with me.
Nucleus Films @NucleusFilms
3K Followers 2K Following Cult film distribution and documentary/featurette production. Run by Marc Morris and Jake West. Extras production / Editing / Blu-ray authoring etc.
Joan of Arc @joanfrc
2K Followers 18 Following Final Album Tim Melina Theo Bobby Out December 4th Via Joyful Noise Recordings
Phil @geowizzacist
10K Followers 7K Following Words. he/him. Ally. SC&IG2. Stories+art+more: https://t.co/TfXDQCIUyn
jÏnzæsckhkö ↗️ @sckhko
2K Followers 2K Following Friend of the show. Twitter's BIGGEST locked account. Inventor of the famous 'Joke of Y'kréme' and star of multiple comic book spin-offs. I tweet my funnies.
Fairy Nuff 🧚♂.. @FlightyF
4K Followers 4K Following Frozen but with extra toppings https://t.co/pezlbGoUx8 4CD1236 🐜
Phteve @PhteveE
3K Followers 4K Following Interested in all sorts of nonsense.https://t.co/uLiSZVMwzJ
unmehlievable @unmehlievable
3K Followers 2K Following Parody of a parody | Crocodile Wrangler |Chocolate Cage Fighter | Compulsive Liar | 🇬🇧
Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife
13K Followers 1K Following life, spicy chips, ghosts, history and jokes 🇨🇦 Insta: @ thatmummylifeofficial
Dr Alex Thornton 💙 @AllyThornton27
2K Followers 3K Following One of those leftwing, feminist, vegetarian, Formula One fanatics with a passion for clinical psychology and perinatal mental health.
ArrowFilmsVideo @ArrowFilmsVideo
87K Followers 935 Following Distributor of classic, world, cult, horror cinema on Blu-ray & UHD. Try the alternative streaming service at @ARROW_Player
YouLookLikeAMom @youlooklikeamom
44K Followers 12K Following Goody two shoes. Boob pic queen. Don’t tell me what to do. Manchester United! FEMA Region 69
Shameless Films @ShamelessFilms
8K Followers 450 Following Welcome to the official Shameless Screen Entertainment Twitter page! Grab a bottle of J&B, your favourite cult Italian film and make Twitter Shameless...
everything is not ok @dimestorenerd
20K Followers 1K Following
handsome handsock @handsock_butts
5K Followers 565 Following If my jokes don’t make you laugh, you’re probably every girl I’ve ever taken on a date
@stephenjmolloy Where's the 'Frankie Says' bit?
before Twitter crashes forever, please know this is my favorite tweet of all time 🫡🫡🫡
*air horn sound* *second air horn sound* Me: "This isn't deodorant."
@stephenjmolloy Weird. I hadn’t seen this on your Twitter recently and I just posted it as one of my classic favourites!
Mat of mines fella sprayed Sheen under his arms one morning
@stephenjmolloy I just spit out some coffee. Thank you 😆
@stephenjmolloy This is such a classic, I laughed for days when I first saw it
@stephenjmolloy ah yes that's what made me follow you
«give me back my childhood, but let me keep my beard» (Matt Kadane, The New Year)
When someone is a dick to you, just remember they are probably hurting inside. You can use that to destroy them.
Want to know why Black Friday is better than normal Fridays? We're giving away 2x £500 Currys vouchers to help you live your best tech life! 💰 To be in with a chance, follow @currys, like this post & comment with #CurrysBlackFriYAY 👇
Excited for the #FIFAWorldCup to begin? To celebrate, we're giving away 2 55" TCL Smart 4K TVs, 4 @RokuUK Streambars, 8 Steaming Sticks & 8 Express 4K Media Players!📺 Simply like this post, follow @currys & comment below what team you're rooting for along with #CurrysKickOff👇
@stephenjmolloy never once seen him fix a pipe, and he comes across thousands with plants living in them!
@stephenjmolloy @KaTpAwZ this nice person tagged me to follow for a dm, and i instantly thought of your 'piers morgan follow so i can dm/nobody likes you' tweet (and others). however i misread the situation and it was actually a sincere message. [this does not mean that ppl like me tho]
@stephenjmolloy see that's where they get you, making you pay retail
@stephenjmolloy @WWEHomeVideoUK Not today apparently
@stephenjmolloy @btvjim Like asking for a cappuccino with very light foam
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