Olly iConic @OllyiConic
s c u m Boston, MA Joined March 2013-
Tweets20K
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Followers16K
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Following811
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Likes104K
If your hazard lights are flashing, it doesn’t matter how you drive, or where you park. Do what you like. Even if you stole the car, just flip on the hazards and it’s all good. Science has no master.
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Arrive early for your job interview (one week early) and stand motionless in the lobby like a statue until they call your name.
if you wanna make a real butterfly (from scratch) you gotta glue two falling leaves to a worm and throw it in the air
here is my cat and jack nicholson
Olly iConic retweeted
ME: may i see a milk list WAITER: a milk list ME: that’s right WAITER: we only have 3 kinds ME: you got chocolate WAITER: yes ME: what year WAITER: why this one of course ME: bring the jug
Olly iConic retweeted
please no spoilers i will never see this movie but i do want you to stop talking
Olly iConic retweeted
had to say goodbye to my grandpa today he says he needs to cut the losers out of his life
Olly iConic retweeted
[watching porn] this is none of my business
Olly iConic retweeted
Surprise your buddy by putting on clown makeup and dying in his attic.
Olly iConic retweeted
took my dog out to do her business (she is a drug dealer)
Olly iConic retweeted
doctor: your wife is not responding husband: is she mad
kidnapper: we have your son dad: let me talk to him kidnapper: ok you’re on speaker dad: idiot
Olly iConic retweeted
i have to cry for the facial recognition to work
cop: you get one phone call me: [dials 911] help
Olly iConic retweeted
*scrolling* what is wrong with people? *scrolls for 9 more hrs*
Olly iConic retweeted
suspect: i ain’t talkin cop: [sharpens knife] we got ways of making people talk [cuts a piece of cake] suspect: can i have some cop: cake is for talkers
Olly iConic retweeted
[standoff] NEGOTIATOR: hey chief the gunman says he has all the poetry you wrote in high school POLICE CHIEF: tell the snipers to stand down
Olly iConic retweeted
my dad used a rolled up dollar bill to smell the table really hard every morning
Olly iConic retweeted
[uses the term ‘balls deep’ six times during a job interview at khols]
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@OllyiConic @witty_sim I’d fear the cat more than Jack.
@OllyiConic @JoshMankiewicz "Heeeeere's Fluffy!"
@OllyiConic @JoshMankiewicz What did you do to make your cat angry?
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I'm having a great time I wish like half of you were here
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