jake @jakecurrie
@tldrwikipedia | writer & emotional support animal instagram.com/tldr.wikipedia New York, NY Joined February 2009-
Tweets14K
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Now give The Onion a dollar or we will close it forever. theonion.com/give-us-1-or-t…
This is literally a tactic the Predator uses
This is literally a tactic the Predator uses
This looks like the cover art for an absolutely incredible album
This looks like the cover art for an absolutely incredible album
Jesus fucking Christ he’s such an idiot
Wait these are Gremlins rules
Wait these are Gremlins rules
The sad irony is, if Jack Torrance had just written down what was happening to him, he would have written The Shining, a very successful book.
this looks like the first thing a dog would make to eat after turning into a human
this looks like the first thing a dog would make to eat after turning into a human
The funniest thing about the new Joker trailer is that if I saw a bunch of clowns wreaking havoc in the NYC subway, my first reaction would be “ugh. I guess there’s some fucking clown thing today.”
I retook the SATs as an adult so you don’t have to. When I read how excited The NY Times was about the test, this is all I could think. @mcsweeneys
I retook the SATs as an adult so you don’t have to. When I read how excited The NY Times was about the test, this is all I could think. @mcsweeneys
Wow, I would hate to have to fight my way either up or down this across 90 action packed minutes
Wow, I would hate to have to fight my way either up or down this across 90 action packed minutes
Who says one person can't make a difference?
Who says one person can't make a difference?
She dressed like Scooby Doo in that movie
She dressed like Scooby Doo in that movie
*ice t SVU voice* the kids call it GROUCHING
*ice t SVU voice* the kids call it GROUCHING
these essays are just reality tv for people who got a liberal arts degree
it’s called self care!!!
it’s called self care!!!
"I don't get why you set so many alarms" congrats on being able to rocket back to existence every morning but some of us have to be gradually raised from the depths like the remains of an ancient shipwreck being brought to the surface
The new season of Girls5eva is so funny and wonderful. Everyone should watch the whole series if you haven’t because if it doesn’t get renewed I WILL throw up!
Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman
200K Followers 4K Following Year round iced coffee drinker. Stand-up special "People Pleaser" out now. Previously: Last Week Tonight, Mrs. Maisel, Head Writer/EP Desus & Mero.
Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit
91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharks
Borscht the T is sile.. @InternetHippo
343K Followers 276 Following
shauna @goldengateblond
340K Followers 2K Following I didn’t pay for this shit. goldengateblond on all the platforms.
Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein
155K Followers 4K Following Emmy-losing Writer/Director/Comedian (#Shrinking, @nbcSNL, #StrangePlanet, @Netflix, @Hulu, @Dreamworks, @JimmyKimmelLive, @NewYorker)
Jason Mustian @jasonmustian
16K Followers 850 Following loveable-ish misanthrope. if it’s of interest to you, i've run a few startups (poorly.) and i have a funny-ish mindfulness journal you can buy 👇
Ginny Hogan_ @ginnyhogan_
165K Followers 6K Following thank you for bearing with me, links to everything below
gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi
64K Followers 7K Following “you miss 100% of the shots you take” -my high school basketball coach
Dan Wilbur @DanWilbur
12K Followers 2K Following My 3rd grade teacher told me I had a "great way of ruining things for people." Now I do comedy. My debut album is available now: https://t.co/aA3kYgFcBR
Maggie Serota @maggieserota
31K Followers 4K Following journo/writer/copywriter repped by @CRSRipley formerly: @spin @tumblr bylines: a whole bunch of places. [email protected]
maura quint @behindyourback
114K Followers 1K Following Elon Musk is a piss baby. Rarely checking this account. Follow me at mauraquint on bluesky, insta, tt, etc. Contact: quintmaura@ gmail
Chris Regan @ChrisRRegan
31K Followers 1K Following I write for Family Guy and have written for many other television programs including The Daily Show. Also, GIF replies to my tweets will make me hate you.
Alison Leiby @AlisonLeiby
26K Followers 2K Following you probably know me from my abortion. co-host of @ruinedpodcast
LaneMoore🔮NYC 5/16.. @hellolanemoore
73K Followers 6K Following "I Thought It Was Just Me" podcast on https://t.co/o1LBLOFvyA🎧Tinder Live🤳🏻Author: You Will Find Your People, How To Be Alone📚Musician @itwasromance
Julia Claire @ohJuliatweets
49K Followers 1K Following writer of screeds/jokes @crookedmedia, all of my teeth are real.
Newmpear @NewmpearFV9V
0 Followers 39 Following
RobertaDoris @hD6HchoHj71RhhI
51 Followers 1K Following
Cristin Kerber @KerbCrist
56 Followers 5K Following
Kristle Widmann @krist_widman
76 Followers 5K Following
Mardell Alesi @AlesiMardel
48 Followers 5K Following
Alyona Horne @hor_alyo
51 Followers 5K Following
Bianca Nesbitt @NesbiBianc
59 Followers 5K Following
Annastasia @Annasta16356587
7 Followers 97 Following
Wren Sangster @SangsterWr15103
52 Followers 5K Following
Martin Robinson @MartinRobi47722
62 Followers 3K Following
Liu Li @Mona86088
132 Followers 2K Following I am from Singapore 🇸🇬 I living now in New York,United States 🇺🇸 I am a fashion designer👗 I am investing in gold to earn income in my spare time 🧏🏻♀️
Ardath Woodliff @ArdathWood2629
43 Followers 5K Following
Kenny Winters @KennyWinte64599
136 Followers 3K Following
Paris Kalima @KalimaPari
30 Followers 4K Following
Mardell Piner @MardellP39473
47 Followers 5K Following
Jaleesa Scouten @ScouteJale
51 Followers 5K Following
Cliona Demming @cli_demmi
61 Followers 5K Following
Penny Wilkowitz @WilkowPen
34 Followers 5K Following
Beth Kounthong @BKounthong10857
79 Followers 5K Following
Kizzie Cipponeri @CipponKizz
37 Followers 5K Following
Aleta Delucia @AletaDeluci
72 Followers 5K Following
Kara Lacek @KaraLacek48953
80 Followers 5K Following
Kathaleen Elieff @ElieKathal
57 Followers 5K Following
Samira Tutko @SamiraTutk87251
52 Followers 5K Following
Felecia Hourani @HouranFelec
73 Followers 5K Following
Ashwin Rodrigues @shwinyo
3K Followers 2K Following writer. bylines on my website. email is best for contacting me. have fun out there
Reba @zmolekreba69
160 Followers 3K Following
Grace Stanley @gracealastanley
1K Followers 595 Following deputy editor covering creators @passionfruit4us @dailydot ✨ they/them ✨ tips and pitches: [email protected]🤘
James Del @JDel
2K Followers 1K Following Good people know good people. Publisher @passionfruit4us / Writer @ Down The Pipes / Podcaster @osirispod / Prior: Futurism, Gravity Blanket, GMG. ⭕️
SolliesToucas @ToucasSollies
170 Followers 1K Following
Threwlys @Threwlys2023
68 Followers 902 Following This world is a great asylum-circus. Politics is a moral quagmire where the worst worms of the human species wallow. No Trump, no Biden! No Lula, no Bolsonaro!
D.R. Initially @DRinitially
787 Followers 2K Following Hater of bunk. Lover of beer. Horrible speller. Occam’s razor cult member. Decendant of the Tau'ri. Racism is Terrorism!
Louis Ling(Jake) @LouisLing17
53 Followers 283 Following Independent Contractor, Contract Content Partnerships Manager | Founder, Deals Releases. Pay full price? Don't let it be! Visit My Deals Blog @DealsReleases.COM
John-Michael Bond @BondJohnBond
4K Followers 2K Following Groucho Marx then Richard Marx then Karl Marx. Photos. Standup. Listen to my jokes: https://t.co/sveF3au4nf
jakuzi @j4kuz1
14 Followers 44 Following
ckw @kennyfrmtheblok
401 Followers 499 Following
Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker
202K Followers 5K Following Emmy-nominated TV writer and comedian. Wrote a book about games and now writing another. Newsletter: https://t.co/9mOMgDuvfv Email: mikedruckerisdead @ gmail .com
Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman
200K Followers 4K Following Year round iced coffee drinker. Stand-up special "People Pleaser" out now. Previously: Last Week Tonight, Mrs. Maisel, Head Writer/EP Desus & Mero.
Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt
4.5M Followers 5K Following Head over to https://t.co/RxSAvjPK2W for tour dates, comics & whatever else I’m working on. I like making stuff. IG, Threads & BlueSky: @pattonoswalt
Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit
91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharks
Borscht the T is sile.. @InternetHippo
343K Followers 276 Following
Patrick Monahan @pattymo
150K Followers 1K Following cannot stress enough that I am not the Train guy | cohost, @whatatimepod | IG: pattymo | contact: pattymo at pattymo dot com
The Volatile Mermaid @OhNoSheTwitnt
372K Followers 1K Following ~*Jewish-American Disney Princess*~ @HarlanCoben once compared me to a whiskey sour without the whiskey.
andy™ @andylevy
194K Followers 978 Following co-host of the daily beast podcast “the new abnormal.” "one of the former greats" - paul f tompkins
rob delaney @robdelaney
1.5M Followers 2 Following You can get my new book, A Heart That Works, at the link below.
shauna @goldengateblond
340K Followers 2K Following I didn’t pay for this shit. goldengateblond on all the platforms.
Michael Hobbes @RottenInDenmark
216K Followers 5K Following Currently @MaintenancePod and @IfBooksPod. Formerly @YoureWrongAbout, @HuffPost, @Highline. Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short.
Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein
155K Followers 4K Following Emmy-losing Writer/Director/Comedian (#Shrinking, @nbcSNL, #StrangePlanet, @Netflix, @Hulu, @Dreamworks, @JimmyKimmelLive, @NewYorker)
Andy Richter @AndyRichter
1.0M Followers 2K Following @richtercommaandy on Instagram and Threads, Podcast: The Three Questions. And new Sirius XM Call-in show, link below for callers
Cullen Crawford @HelloCullen
45K Followers 2K Following husband to nine father to a beautiful Christian marine son to a wife father (all that matters) marine to a beautiful son comedy writer but TO WHAT END?!
Ken Jennings @KenJennings
465K Followers 559 Following Your Jeopardy! pal. Author of 100 PLACES TO SEE AFTER YOU DIE (https://t.co/pxwTQ2d7lo) and a bunch of other stuff. OMNIBUS co-founder (https://t.co/aURWrO4dAO).
Jason Mustian @jasonmustian
16K Followers 850 Following loveable-ish misanthrope. if it’s of interest to you, i've run a few startups (poorly.) and i have a funny-ish mindfulness journal you can buy 👇
Ginny Hogan_ @ginnyhogan_
165K Followers 6K Following thank you for bearing with me, links to everything below
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace
865K Followers 4K Following The Official George Wallace Twitter. Trying to serve it up with hot sauce for you. God bless.
Merry Kish ☮️ @MerryKish
52K Followers 2K Following Director of Community Marketing & Production @Twitch. 1/3 @fireescapecast. What's life if you never take off your pants and slide on the ice once in a while.
Rick Perlstein @rickperlstein
45K Followers 186 Following The only reason I write about politics is to attract the attention of jazz musicians.
Williamsburg 365 News @Williamsburg365
5K Followers 173 Following W-365 News platform, breaking news, events and more. Please contact us for ads and news tips at: [email protected]
Greenpointers @Greenpointers
10K Followers 2K Following Neighborhood news from Greenpoint, Williamsburg and North Brooklyn.
Donald J. Trump Posts.. @TrumpDailyPosts
463K Followers 12K Following Trump Posts From Truth Social & More So They Can Be Shared With Millions On X. Make Sure To Tap (🔔Notify+) So Tweets Cannot Be Suppressed. No Affiliation.
New York Metro Weathe.. @nymetrowx
110K Followers 1K Following NYC weather forecasts without the hype, supported by our own community. Tweets: @jhomenuk
NOTUS @NOTUSreports
2K Followers 21 Following A new DC newsroom from @AJI_Fellowships *More about our newsroom: https://t.co/Z5MpHDNl2K *Get our newsletter: https://t.co/GDcvw0mJq9 *We're hiring! https://t.co/ohsnQfZUga
beer person @CantEverDie
132K Followers 2K Following JUNE - L’CHAIM - TRANS DISINFO INFLUENCER - podcasting on @WesternKabuki & @CrateDiving - streaming games on https://t.co/kXjet8u2M2
Chandler Dean @chandlerjdean
4K Followers 997 Following Comedian & Speechwriter / @WestWingWriters / Satire @newyorker @mcsweeneys @reductress / Performer @ucbtny @CaveatNYC / Prev: @harddrivemag, Lovett or Leave It
James Del @JDel
2K Followers 1K Following Good people know good people. Publisher @passionfruit4us / Writer @ Down The Pipes / Podcaster @osirispod / Prior: Futurism, Gravity Blanket, GMG. ⭕️
passionfruit @Passionfruit4Us
1K Followers 726 Following A twice weekly newsletter packed with expert tips and insider news—for creators, by creators.
HowDidThisGetMade? @HDTGM
76K Followers 10K Following Official Twitter for the award-winning weekly comedy podcast on @Earwolf that celebrates bad movies.
Nautilus Magazine @NautilusMag
91K Followers 740 Following Science's boldest ideas decoded by the brightest living thinkers and writers. Click the link to subscribe to the newsletter.
John-Michael Bond @BondJohnBond
4K Followers 2K Following Groucho Marx then Richard Marx then Karl Marx. Photos. Standup. Listen to my jokes: https://t.co/sveF3au4nf
Joe Calvello @the_vello
28K Followers 3K Following Chief Strategy Officer for the City of @Chicago and @ChicagosMayor
Grace Stanley @gracealastanley
1K Followers 595 Following deputy editor covering creators @passionfruit4us @dailydot ✨ they/them ✨ tips and pitches: [email protected]🤘
Andrew Lawrence @ndrew_lawrence
70K Followers 4K Following Deputy Director of Rapid Response @mmfa but views here are my own - 99% of RTs are endorsements
Kat Abu @abughazalehkat
211K Followers 1K Following I watch Fox News so you don’t have to. | @mmfa | 🇵🇸 | views are my own
nikki mccann ramírez @NikkiMcR
36K Followers 3K Following Politics Reporter at @RollingStone • i write about brain poison • 🇲🇽 • takes my own • tips: [email protected]
Michael Tae Sweeney @mtsw
22K Followers 6K Following I cut movies and TV. Host of @thenabeshow and guy on the internet. #Orioles
Cashmere Magazine @ReadCashmere
2K Followers 272 Following Cashmere Magazine is an online media outlet about sex and the economy, work, culture, education, and laws that surround it.
Victoria Gagliardo-Si.. @xovicsilver
1K Followers 296 Following hot girl + head of creator relations @youpay_official. ex: @readcashmere, @dailydot, @vox, @independent bylines: @vice @teenvogue @bitchmedia + more.
Ramón Ramirez @AThousandGrams
1K Followers 2K Following managing editor @dailydot | tip or pitch: [email protected]
Oklahoma Department o.. @OKWildlifeDept
248K Followers 1K Following We manage & protect fish & wildlife, along with their habitats, while also growing a community of hunters & anglers, partnering with those who love the outdoors
Dan Polish Last Name @danjan13
21K Followers 816 Following Jokes on the web. I RT a lot of funny things. Big hit with moms.
Threepeat Emmy Winner.. @wtflanksteak
24K Followers 1K Following A wise guy with a big mouth and bigger dreams. management: the twilight zone gremlin contact: wtflanksteak @ gmail . com
Regional American Foo.. @RegionalUSFood
174K Followers 4 Following Shining a light on regional dishes from around the US since 2021 — featured in @Salon, @SFExaminer, @AtlasObscura, and more. Curated by @bromf3. Submit via DM
southpaw @nycsouthpaw
257K Followers 7K Following Writer, lawyer, Dodger fan, idealist, hater. nycsouthpaw18 at gmail. RTs = endorsement or scorn. Insta / bluesky / threads same handle.
TaylorLorenz.Substack.. @TaylorLorenz
342K Followers 10K Following Tech reporter, host of Power User podcast on Vox Media. Buy my book EXTREMELY ONLINE (out now!) Subscribe to my YouTube 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
soul khan @soulkhan
31K Followers 2K Following aging beautifully. bisexual lightning. antizionist jew. spotify: https://t.co/3nuNsFPsMM ytb: https://t.co/hzMcvJCVk6 ig: https://t.co/k2qME6jIPf
Will Stancil @whstancil
81K Followers 510 Following I research metro policy and civil rights, focused on housing and schools. Proud member of Do-Something Twitter. Running for MN House! https://t.co/Q5xzs7kUmw
Caitlin Swain @Caitlin0Swain
1K Followers 812 Following Co-Director & Co-Founder @Forward_Justice & @_FJAN_| mom ❤️ civil rights lawyer| change the south, change the nation | expand the we, live in truth, love fully.
Better Book Titles @betterbooktitle
188 Followers 31 Following Funny fake book covers that actually tell you what the book is about.
*Walter Bloomberg @DeItaone
731K Followers 33 Following Global markets News, Economic data, Geopolitical events
Read Max @readmaxread
2K Followers 0 Following A newsletter guide to the weird new future. Subscribe at https://t.co/95VujTXczD. For contact please email [email protected].
Museum of Soviet Arca.. @SovietArcades
1K Followers 100 Following Museum of Soviet Arcade Machines represents the world's biggest playable collection of unique arcade games produced in the USSR in 1970s-1990s.
Times Union @timesunion
114K Followers 2K Following Getting to the heart of stories that matter to New York’s Capital Region, one tweet at a time.
gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi
64K Followers 7K Following “you miss 100% of the shots you take” -my high school basketball coach
Nate Armbruster @natecomedy
3K Followers 2K Following I like to write jokes. And tell those jokes to audiences in the form of stand-up comedy.
Brandon Ream @Reamkore
4K Followers 3K Following He/Him I Dumb Jokes with typos | Co-host of The Nostalgic Front Podcast.
Horny Stock Photos @HornyStockPhoto
144 Followers 0 Following Take a cold shower, stock photo sites. DM submissions.
Matt Negrin, HOST OF .. @MattNegrin
68K Followers 3K Following Blocked by @MeetThePress; mysteriously unblocked by @MeetThePress; former "Trump never answered the Hezbollah question" guy. Host of @hardball at 7pm on @MSNBC.
wkcr students are having to counter report against journalists like anderson cooper who are repeating fact free conjecture that the people being brutalized and arrested are indeed their peers. this is insane.
What if the Seinfeld interview was priming us all because the Pop-Tart movie is Blazing Saddles-level offensive?
The WKCR reporters are delivering God-tier student radio coverage under truly insane conditions tonight
📡📡📡 WKCR broadcasting live from Columbia 🎙️🎙️🎙️cc-seas.columbia.edu/wkcr/# 📡📡📡
to be fair that could easily become an active shooter situation
Columbia issues a Shelter in Place order, usually used for mass shooters, but now being used because the NYPD is on campus
I think the fact that Trump can turn a huge sales tax popular by playing a dumb word game has implications for campaigns generally, and cuts against the notion that tweaking policy *content* (vs rhetoric) is an important lever for moving polls. politix.fm/p/donald-trump…
One does have to wonder about the popularity of tariffs, which put upward pressure on the price of goods they are applied to and also shield domestic industry, in an economy where unemployment is low and people are unhappy about prices.
this is Mr Peanutbutter and Diane
Today’s Daily Cartoon, by Jason Adam Katzenstein. #NewYorkerCartoons nyer.cm/hrPq8Xh
If you keep your butter in the fridge I’m putting it on my toast like a glue stick.
whenever I don’t want someone to steal my style I tell them I got it in an AVN awards gift bag
I wrote about how adding "Ask Meta AI" to the search bar of Facebook and Instagram is weird because we're used to the search bar being a place of shame -- where you go to look up your ex, not these cheerful suggestions to search for like, hobbies and garden tips. It feels wrong…
Mid-credits scene of The Fall Guy is crazy!!
i’m in an elementary school and a student did a simply gorgeous rendition of the chad meme
yea i love colin jost. colin jost to say hello
Oh, god: it's happened. A No-True-Scotsman argument that genuinely hinges on whether someone is a true Scotsman.
@JohnStuartWilso @gordonmurray7 Indigenous Scot's didn't reject independence, in fact they voted overwhelmingly for it in 2014, we were scuppered because the vote on our constitutional matter was open to everyone and his dog to have their say, in other words our govt gave away our best chance of independence.
taking out Jabba's Sail Barge from Star Wars with a couple coolers of ice old beers and some bluntts would go crazy hard right now
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