Veronica Kwiatkowski @veronicakallday
💫contributor @awfmag instagram.com/veronicakallda… Joined October 2017-
Tweets3K
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Followers10K
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Following3K
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Likes12K
I will name my first born son Gus, short for Gustard
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Put him in the next Dune
The depths of my IG story views tells a rich narrative of lust, heartbreak, and your ex who is still stalking my page religiously ♥️
“Lots of guys but I’m only thinking about Taylor Swift” - me watching football and me having sex with a man
“Fun for a little but ultimately so boring” - me watching football and me having sex with a man
“Longest 2 minutes of my life” - me watching football and me having sex with a man
No one: Everyone on social media this week: So I got laid off
Veronica Kwiatkowski retweeted
It's the last weekend of SF Sketchfest! Don't miss these shows TONIGHT with @SplitSingleband & Michael Shannon playing REM @FacialRecComedy @lizmiele @jestom @zachsherwin @moshekasher @theashleyray @AsianAFshow @veronicakallday and Brew HaHa! Tickets: sfsketchfest2024.sched.com
Veronica Kwiatkowski retweeted
Interruption Show is returning to @SFSketchfest on Saturday Feb 3 at 9:45pm at @BravaTheater w/@DALIA & guest co-host @badiniadones interrupting @BeckyFromAlaska @PallaviGunalan & @veronicakallday mid-performance! Last year sold out, get yer tix early 🛎️ sfsketchfest2024.sched.com/event/1VUqJ
I suggested to my male therapist that we both hold microphones during our session so he feels like he’s recording a podcast
Single as a Pringle? You mean the chip with the most built in companions of any chip on the marketplace?? Sure.
Hey I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die would you like to build a life together?
Soft launch (a photo of his flaccid penis)
If a guy was even mildly funny I would join a cult for him
Guys are obsessed with getting shoulder surgery
Taking therapy from a coffee shop because I’m not afraid of healing
Love when someone slacks me “hey!” Hey you have a work question? Hey my whole family is dead? Babe clarify
Men explaining their fantasy draft to me:
Veronica Kwiatkowski retweeted
yeah i'm a first responder. to her story
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@veronicakallday GODDAMN RIGHT PUT HIM IN DUNE PART THREE
It's the last weekend of SF Sketchfest! Don't miss these shows TONIGHT with @SplitSingleband & Michael Shannon playing REM @FacialRecComedy @lizmiele @jestom @zachsherwin @moshekasher @theashleyray @AsianAFshow @veronicakallday and Brew HaHa! Tickets: sfsketchfest2024.sched.com
Interruption Show is returning to @SFSketchfest on Saturday Feb 3 at 9:45pm at @BravaTheater w/@DALIA & guest co-host @badiniadones interrupting @BeckyFromAlaska @PallaviGunalan & @veronicakallday mid-performance! Last year sold out, get yer tix early 🛎️ sfsketchfest2024.sched.com/event/1VUqJ
🫢🫢🫢
Hey I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die would you like to build a life together?
U say something funny and guys r like hmm.. it would be so funny if someone said that
hate when i follow a bitch and they don’t follow back like Sorry to disturb u kim kardashian
Talk about a hard launch.
Fuck a soft launch. Here’s a photo of us having sex
mine barely opens bc it’s packed to the brim with vibrators
@veronicakallday bwahhhva
the process of buying a podcast mic in america needs to be made as or more difficult than buying a gun
Yeppers peppers
Me: *has my dating preferences open to everyone* Everyone: no thanks
u start liking a man now u pissed at 7am sharp
you’re in her dms but she’s in my bed and we’re taking online quizzes in order to figure out if either of us have autism
me 1 hour 57 minutes after I’ve said I’m on my way
golden retriever bf is not a real person, rather the manifestation of subconscious psychosexual obsessions, all women fantasise about neutering him, shooting him in the head & euthanising him at will,
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