David Harris @DavidHarrisLive
Nationally Touring, Regionally Emmy Award Winning Comedian/Magician/Actor/Host/Person. Mostly a person. davidharrislive.com Minneapolis, MN Joined March 2012-
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Followers1K
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Following940
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Likes2K
Caitlin Clark chose Indiana over Iowa. Traitor.
I almost forgot how to shovel. Almost. Dumb winter.
Disappointed that no one ever yells “speech” at the oscars. #oscars
I don’t know if this is a sign of loneliness but I just waved at a dog in a neighborhood window.
I hated those 3d hologram magic eye pics from the 90s. I could never relax enough to see them. I still can’t. I looked at one recently and was like yeah that’s a picture of blue fuzziness.
Usher changed costumes like 18 times in 5 minutes. I get tired putting on new clothes daily. #Usher #Usher #SuperBowl2024 #clothes
Pears are the unsung heros of the fruit world; don’t even try to fight me.
Loving watching the Grammys. My favorite part is watching the stage hands run back stage as if we can’t see them. I see you stage hand! I see you! They should have a special award for that.
If you see me in a Super Bowl commercial, let me know because that would be weird as I never auditioned for one.
I think it’s weird that people try to eat their gold medals.
Please DON’T share with me the last photo you took on your phone. Thanks.
I’ll never “quiet quit.” I’m loud as hell all the time. Especially when quitting. Not proud.
When they showed Taylor and the golden globes, for a quick second I thought i was watching football. I might be, hard to know. Everything is everything these days.
Artificial snow is dumb. Just save up all the snow from the past year, dummies.
My therapist: don’t you ever just look out the window? Me: no, I’m just always in my head.
I just read a motivational meme that said “It’s not my job to like you, it’s your job to like you,” and I was like no. So yeah I’m not following that page anymore.
I hate when someone sees a new celebrity and dismissively says, “never heard of them.” It’s like no one’s heard of you either, Karl. Relax.
Lots of people are in open relationships. I’m in a closed one - with myself. And that’s a problem for many reasons. For one, I’ll be dying alone.
My Roku player flashed an “overheating” message after I searched for and started watching a movie. Apparently it really didn’t want me to watch “Scrooged.” It was right.
Minneapolis 4/26-27 @tommybayertime
19K Followers 871 Following doin stand up for now @wecoolpodcast email me for stuff [email protected]
drew janda @drewjanda
13K Followers 2K Following writer with like two credits. ready to have a baby. also i did @biden4pres. repped by @aschauer_esq. @dogballs.info on bluesky
Bryan Miller @realbryanmiller
3K Followers 457 Following Writes jokes & scary stories. CBS Late Late Show, fiction at Intrinsick & Drabblecast, Doug Loves Movies winner. https://t.co/g8BdnnntK6. Insta:@funnybryanmiller
Adam Ordahl Quesnell @AdamQuesnell
2K Followers 1K Following Co-Host Trek in the Valley Podcast. I also tell jokes and write scripts. (He/Him) ACAB.
Like Mester @JustMikeLester
2K Followers 1K Following joe lester fan account. smash the link below into absolute oblivion. ⛳️🦧
Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt
1K Followers 354 Following MPLS Based Comic. Writer for @thenordly Co-founder of Uproar Performing Arts. https://t.co/Y14XbwDfvx
Patrick Strait @PatrickStrait
707 Followers 1K Following Author of “Funny Thing About Minnesota” available now from @mnhspress. Comedy/arts writer for @racketmn, @minnesotacomedy.
Robert Baril @RobertBaril2
475 Followers 408 Following Comedian 4/10-13 Acme Comedy Company 4/19 River House Hutchinson MN 4/25 Johnnie's Bar River Falls WI 5/9-12 St Louis Funny Bone
Calvin Murata @CalMurata
691 Followers 568 Following
Cullen Ryan @cullenryanwisco
787 Followers 931 Following Held in high regard for my fundraising work, and in 1967 was named Outstanding Vice-President of the Waterloo Jaycees.
Kevin Lunseth @KevinLunseth
237 Followers 350 Following Minnesota #AMC ape. 1/3 rugged outdoorsman, 1/3 amateur grease monkey, 1/3 gamer and electronics junkie.
Sarah Plamondin @sar_plamon
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Susan Ragonese @RagoneseSu60365
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Arria Hochschild @ArrHochschil
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_yearn_ @yearn472879
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Cathey Bagron @bagr_cat
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Leila Heigl @HeiglHe
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Sharice Keiswetter @ShariceK40458
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Elaina Kivisto @KivistElai
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Arabella Capasso @ArabellaCapa
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Neaneeson @neaneeson64633
133 Followers 4K Following “Working from the heart with passion is an art!”
lin29 @autumn_snow08
14 Followers 87 Following I look at you leave always laugh, blurred the lights.
Stiranu @Stiranu175794
99 Followers 1K Following I'm new to Twitter accounts so I tried the messaging feature and it's great to meet you.
Alissa Roe @AlissaR33580
0 Followers 18 Following
Staythoa @staythoa98093
2 Followers 512 Following The garden is full of spring scenery, with a few red flowers falling all over the ground
Alice Noble @AliceNoble77219
5 Followers 89 Following
Alissa Roe @AlissaR16553
0 Followers 14 Following
Rudy Pavich @Rudy_Pavich
17 Followers 30 Following
Cathy Bradberry @CathyyeBradber
8 Followers 470 Following Lured the best beauties from all US states 😉 They are ready to meet Some have naked profile photos! Watching this https://t.co/QYDeiJ1utR
Big Labia Energy @biglabspod
6 Followers 15 Following Big Labia Energy The Podcast hosted by comedians Maggie Faris + Pascha Dunbar + Julie Bane
kale 🦢 @kale_cob
127 Followers 3K Following | $KaleCob | https://t.co/TwXKVGL2XF | https://t.co/dVna7xJyoQ
NDgirl🌻 @deborah_hemstad
18 Followers 454 Following
ceebee @deejayceebee
242 Followers 1K Following
Nancy @nancy66thomas
230 Followers 3K Following
Sarah Johnston @sjohnsty6969
9 Followers 80 Following I love to surround myself with people who don't take life so seriously, who love awkward humor, and owning their true nerd. "Allonsy!"
Sandra linder @lindersand
57 Followers 585 Following
Nathaniel Hood @natehoodstp
7K Followers 1K Following Dad, Planner, Aspiring Developer & Stand-up comic; 2023 semi-finalist at Acme's Funniest Person Contest & co-producer of the St Paul Comedy All-Star Show
Justin Johnson @LeftyCrumpet
39 Followers 78 Following I can't touch the moon, because it is in space.
Deborah Arthur @Debra5577
162 Followers 693 Following I'm 35 year old widowed with one son called James, he's 4 years old and his father died after only 6 months he was born in a car wreck.
Robert Revering @robert22904
101 Followers 278 Following
Minneapolis 4/26-27 @tommybayertime
19K Followers 871 Following doin stand up for now @wecoolpodcast email me for stuff [email protected]
drew janda @drewjanda
13K Followers 2K Following writer with like two credits. ready to have a baby. also i did @biden4pres. repped by @aschauer_esq. @dogballs.info on bluesky
Bryan Miller @realbryanmiller
3K Followers 457 Following Writes jokes & scary stories. CBS Late Late Show, fiction at Intrinsick & Drabblecast, Doug Loves Movies winner. https://t.co/g8BdnnntK6. Insta:@funnybryanmiller
Adam Ordahl Quesnell @AdamQuesnell
2K Followers 1K Following Co-Host Trek in the Valley Podcast. I also tell jokes and write scripts. (He/Him) ACAB.
Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman
200K Followers 4K Following Year round iced coffee drinker. Stand-up special "People Pleaser" out now. Previously: Last Week Tonight, Mrs. Maisel, Head Writer/EP Desus & Mero.
Like Mester @JustMikeLester
2K Followers 1K Following joe lester fan account. smash the link below into absolute oblivion. ⛳️🦧
Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt
1K Followers 354 Following MPLS Based Comic. Writer for @thenordly Co-founder of Uproar Performing Arts. https://t.co/Y14XbwDfvx
Patrick Strait @PatrickStrait
707 Followers 1K Following Author of “Funny Thing About Minnesota” available now from @mnhspress. Comedy/arts writer for @racketmn, @minnesotacomedy.
Robert Baril @RobertBaril2
475 Followers 408 Following Comedian 4/10-13 Acme Comedy Company 4/19 River House Hutchinson MN 4/25 Johnnie's Bar River Falls WI 5/9-12 St Louis Funny Bone
Calvin Murata @CalMurata
691 Followers 568 Following
Laurie Kilmartin @anylaurie16
106K Followers 6K Following Comedian / Emmy-Nominated & WGA Award-Winning Writer / Seen on After Midnight, Conan, Corden / NYT Best Selling Author / "Cis Woke Grief Sl*t" out now.
Katie Ervine @KatErvine
70 Followers 5K Following
Big Labia Energy @biglabspod
6 Followers 15 Following Big Labia Energy The Podcast hosted by comedians Maggie Faris + Pascha Dunbar + Julie Bane
Nathaniel Hood @natehoodstp
7K Followers 1K Following Dad, Planner, Aspiring Developer & Stand-up comic; 2023 semi-finalist at Acme's Funniest Person Contest & co-producer of the St Paul Comedy All-Star Show
Justin Johnson @LeftyCrumpet
39 Followers 78 Following I can't touch the moon, because it is in space.
🎙The Art Of Bombin.. @artofbombingpod
219 Followers 217 Following In the Art of Bombing podcast, comedians talk about comedy and how sometimes it just does not go as planned. Hosted by Dan Bublitz Jr and @JShirleyComedy
PatDon @donnelly612
2K Followers 1K Following suds slinger, trivia dude, writer, editor, 23rd in line to the throne
Alex Jaffe @AlexJaffeComedy
56 Followers 181 Following Minnesota based comic, pro wrestling fan, dating and fun facts! #FirstShiftLife #LookingForLove
OMGFiction @OMGFiction
341 Followers 109 Following The ultimate useless fiction source on twitter. Retweet and tell your friends to spread the fiction. The truth, all made up.
wicked nick @wicked_nick
122 Followers 3K Following I'm awesome. - https://t.co/9KWa5lhhOq - https://t.co/LJ4VMiiARX…
Jay Whitcomb @JayWhitcomb
377 Followers 1K Following Community Banker, Volunteer, Reader and Dog Walker. Comments my own.
Corey Bork @CCXNewsDirector
499 Followers 494 Following News Director. Baseball-coaching dad. Love a good story. Love a good run even more. Like George, very curious.
Jennifer Zuehlke @LolaWBT
26 Followers 317 Following
TheBigWif 🥋 @TheBigWif
745 Followers 1K Following
Aaron Fritschner @Fritschner
28K Followers 6K Following House guy. DCoS/CD @RepDonBeyer | along the way @JenniferWexton @DeborahRossNC | he/him | Hendersonville, NC native | SciFi + RocknRoll | Tweets mine/dumb
Jessica Kirson @JessicaKirson
71K Followers 3K Following Comedian 🎤 Traveling Clown 🤡 Producer ⭐️ NYC 🗽Follow me on Tik Tok @jessicakirson Follow me on Instagram @jessykirson #alwaysbesilly
stevenorthcomedycoach @stevenorthCC
293 Followers 52 Following new book out now🥳https://t.co/Htwr6D0PTf
Rep. Katie Porter @RepKatiePorter
1.3M Followers 97 Following Minivan-driving single mom, law professor, consumer advocate 🚙👩🏻🏫 Usually carrying a whiteboard, always bringing the receipts 🧾
Elie Mystal @ElieNYC
518K Followers 5K Following Justice Correspondent: @thenation. Alfred Knobler Fellow: @typemediacenter Str:12 Dex:8 Con:15 Int:13 Wis:10 Char:14 Author: Allow Me To Retort
burnunit - free Pales.. @burnunit
654 Followers 658 Following jon stark olsen. music, sf poetry, systematic theology. they/them. vnmo @burnunit 💙🌻👁🏳️⚧️ cease fire now! trans rights are human rights
Ryan Busse @ryandbusse
26K Followers 1K Following Montanan. Ranch kid. Leader. Hunter/Angler. Lover of wild places. Believer in something better. Candidate for Governor of the last best state!
J R I C H O L @jricholl
29K Followers 22K Following Just a simple man enjoying his life and family. Grateful for every moment. Life is beautiful & God is good! #BLESSINGS
Alexis Argueta Garcia @AlexisArguetaG1
2 Followers 7 Following
BrianExists @BrianExists
24 Followers 133 Following Former U.S. Marine - He/Him — I like it all, gaming, music, movies, you name it. I also happen to stream on Twitch!!
John E Johnston @JohnEJohnston
146 Followers 163 Following Works for Brooklyn Tool, loves KISS and metal music plus the Big Damn Band!
Chelsea @FlipFlopsChels
710 Followers 978 Following Photographer, 📸 Book Lover, 📖 Flip Flop Lover, 🩴 Music Lover (Especially Country), 🎶 Twins Fan, ❤️💙⚾️. Minnesotan.
R D Ronald @RDRonaldauthor
170K Followers 140K Following A transgressive novelist for All and None. Now writing more books while getting older and more miserable. #TransgressiveFiction #TFDI
Ethan Yeshaya @EthanYeshaya
270 Followers 409 Following
El Arntson @Elarntson
182 Followers 463 Following I used to tell jokes for money. Now I'm a psych nurse, so I push drugs and stab people for money. Somehow, this makes me more respectable.
Jody Reale Total Land.. @jodyreale
2K Followers 2K Following Nonzero sum game player. Belletrist. Fluent in Movie Quotes and Sarcasm. 25 pieces of flair. Doesn’t negotiate with terrorists. Me/mine.
Touré @Toure
220K Followers 8K Following I make media… Prince podcast docuseries "Who Was Prince"... Prince biography Nothing Compares 2 U... podcast Toure Show... IG @toureshow@DavidHarrisLive It's like riding a bike: something I don't do
@DavidHarrisLive A sign of compassion... and anthropomorphism... a dash of loneliness perhaps... but you're good people.
@DavidHarrisLive By don’t you mean do, right?
See, I think THIS Taylor would have at least smiled at
When they showed Taylor and the golden globes, for a quick second I thought i was watching football. I might be, hard to know. Everything is everything these days.
@DavidHarrisLive You got it right, it's just a funny concept
You lost me at "motivational meme"
I just read a motivational meme that said “It’s not my job to like you, it’s your job to like you,” and I was like no. So yeah I’m not following that page anymore.
During harrowing times like now you really miss your pals. Never take friendship for granted. 🙏❤️✌️
they should invent a drug that helps you go outside during winter
don’t talk to me till I’ve had my daily cinnamilk and fruit loops milk ✋
My dad is just yelling at people in front of him to sit down at the vikings game lol
@DavidHarrisLive You should make a bourbon. I'd love to take a shot of David Harris
At the Denver airport having the time of my life with a bunch of friends. They're all just out of frame, laughing too.
Out on the town having the time of my life with a bunch of friends. They're all just out of frame, laughing too.
Albert Brooks hive we're eating
The funniest man in the world. Albert Brooks: Defending My Life, an @HBO Original Documentary from Director @robreiner about his best friend - comedian, actor, and filmmaker @AlbertBrooks - premieres November 11 on @StreamOnMax. #AlbertBrooksHBO
@DavidHarrisLive congrats on your new job at target bud
@DavidHarrisLive “I had some blow on my hands in the Colorado Springs airport” sounds like a good weekend
We are sickened by the hatred and racial slurs directed toward Alexander Mattison following last night's game.
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