The World’s Okayest Dad @dad_nit

Inspiring a generation of mediocre dads. x.com/search?l=&q=fr… Joined December 2020

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Wes @Wes_Hamer

2 years ago

Our release has the same feature! Elon obvi stealing our ideas

Elon Musk @elonmusk

2 years ago

Our release has the same feature! Elon obvi stealing our ideas

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Being a dad is like being the bouncer at a rough bar that tiny humans are overserved at and go from the life of the party to total disaster back and forth in a heartbeat. You can’t throw them out, and the music is terrible.

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Dads Gone Mild @dadsgomild

3 years ago

I’m not bragging or anything but with the help of a home equity line of credit I was able to make three-egg omelets for the family this morning.

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Dads Gone Mild @dadsgomild

3 years ago

There’s nothing cuter than finding your diaper wearing child who hid to poop and having them yell “go away”.

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The World’s Okayest Dad @dad_nit

3 years ago

I will agree there is inflation when pickles are no longer a nickel

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The World’s Okayest Dad @dad_nit

3 years ago

Phone storage is full. Goes to photos and videos…

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erika tucker @beetsonbikes

3 years ago

My 3 year olds love language is popcorn

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The World’s Okayest Dad @dad_nit

3 years ago

Introducing Elon, a new fragrance from Twitter.

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The World’s Okayest Dad @dad_nit

3 years ago

the answer to most 3 year old tantrums is just pushing the phone in front of them. Just don't do it with window down while driving.

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The World’s Okayest Dad @dad_nit

3 years ago

5: what if your nose was a butt and all your sneezes smelled like farts? [there's not a mommy blog or Neil de Grasse Tyson article on the internet to help answer this question]

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The World’s Okayest Dad @dad_nit

3 years ago

saw a video of a dad mocking his teenage daughter by twerking in a well-manicured backyard with @WeberGrills Genesis Built-in making smoke in the background. Man, his back is gonna hurt tomorrow.

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The World’s Okayest Dad @dad_nit

4 years ago

Me: hey, eat your waffle. It’s almost time to leave. 2 year old (to Mami): I don’t want Papi to talk to me or my waffle.

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The World’s Okayest Dad @dad_nit

4 years ago

Just took the trash out so my wife could watch me pulling my weight. I had every intention of sitting down in the garage and checking my phone but I left it inside. It weirdly felt like a walk of shame sneaking through that chaotic kitchen.

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The World’s Okayest Dad @dad_nit

4 years ago

After a long day of work, I like to come home and give my wife and both kids a big hug and a kiss. Wife: you have 3 kids.

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Xennaissance Dad @XennDad

4 years ago

As an adult you switch to crunchy peanut butter just to feel something

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Lord Vulgaris @VulgarisInsanis

4 years ago

@XennDad Then when you hit middle age you have to stop eating crunchy because you suddenly can’t digest them properly and you’re tired of your ass burning.

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The World’s Okayest Dad @dad_nit

4 years ago

Dad hack: give your kids a food they absolutely will not eat and tell them they have to finish all of it or go to bed early.

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AetherLion @BadLionGold

4 years ago

The best thing a friend could turn and say to you in a moment of grief will always be “I have bail money”.

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The World’s Okayest Dad @dad_nit

4 years ago

I found my jorts. Look out hot dad summer. Update: they don’t fit. Look out hot dad summer.

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Xennaissance Dad @XennDad

4 years ago

Me: I'm just saying, I really like how you're thorough at your job Thoreau impersonator [flicking cigarette]: yeah wiseass, real original. Look, we doing a photo in front of the pond or what?