Thermos Jeeperson @flatuselatus
Can count to 20 without taking off my shoes. Once described as “not entirely stupid”. He/him twitter.com/search?q=from:… Somewhere out there Joined February 2019-
Tweets5K
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Followers593
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Following888
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Likes36K
Honestly, the writing was on the wall the moment they called it “Bonza”. Unless they were going to go the whole hog. Bonza: Sorry folks. Flight’s cancelled cos one of the engines is totally rooted. Can’t rebook you either, as the only other flight today is fucken chockers.
Honestly, the writing was on the wall the moment they called it “Bonza”. Unless they were going to go the whole hog. Bonza: Sorry folks. Flight’s cancelled cos one of the engines is totally rooted. Can’t rebook you either, as the only other flight today is fucken chockers.
This is one of the greatest interviews. Ever.
This is one of the greatest interviews. Ever.
This interview is incredible. How many times can one person get goaded into punching themself in the dick in a single interview!?
This interview is incredible. How many times can one person get goaded into punching themself in the dick in a single interview!?
A lady in a Norwich care home requested a Butler in the Buff for her 99th birthday. We could be best mates.
“This is how I laid the egg, and it was thiiiiiiiiiiis big! I shit you not.”
The mower of Christ compels you
This is a very excellent response from the credit union.
This is a very excellent response from the credit union.
Hi @PAFC, This sucks, In a cost of living crisis as well. Pay people for their work Be better
Yes!
Happy Turtles are Not “inside” Their Shells Day for all who celebrate 🐢
Happy Turtles are Not “inside” Their Shells Day for all who celebrate 🐢
Tonya Harding (whispering): May your blades chip and shatter. Nancy Kerrigan: What?
34. I need someone to write a book about @octopuscaveman.
34. I need someone to write a book about @octopuscaveman.
T’would be a shame…
T’would be a shame… https://t.co/Wc3sg4iuTO
So. A question for people who think Trump won the last election, and is still President. Wouldn’t that mean he’s barred from the 2024 election under the 22nd Amendment, as that would be a third term?
OK. So hear me out.
Why can’t they just wear the same uniform? Is that a dumb question?
Why can’t they just wear the same uniform? Is that a dumb question?
The Daleks are on the move.
The Daleks are on the move.
What a defibrillator is called in eight different languages… 8. Defibrillator (German) 7. Defibrillator (Albanian) 6. Defibrillator (Indonesian) 5. Defibrillator (Latin) 4. Defibrillator (Igbo) 3. Defibrillator (Afrikaans) 2. Defibrillator (Hindi) 1. Hjertestarter (Danish)
At a rainy deserted Portmeirion, soaking up some Prisoner fandom nostalgia (apparently the big Con is this weekend; was always in September in my day). Meanwhile this plaque has me wondering when Clough Williams Ellis’s Goth Birthday was and if we all get one.
cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname
11K Followers 2K Following slowly backing away. TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/K8oKqyuL84 click below for recent. I’m the same guy at the other places.
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
32K Followers 3K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokes
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
Fomo Simpson @HaliPhacks
8K Followers 3K Following Keeping it funny on Twitter since its early days as a radio show. My tweets ➡️ https://t.co/Z2tnWjzeDx
DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
That Mom Tho @mom_tho
47K Followers 3K Following contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
He's Back And He's Sc.. @SchmuckOnAHorse
7K Followers 5K Following Mild-mannered CPA by day, miserable curmudgeon by night. Followed by @mrsdash.
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
17K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
Daft Pun @AllanForsyth
7K Followers 3K Following Humour account. Don't take anything I write on here seriously, you muppet. Please don't add me to DM rooms.
He Called Me Greenhor.. @WhatsAGreenhorn
9K Followers 3K Following He called me Greenhorn. I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.
CynicalTherapist @CynicalTherapi1
15K Followers 8K Following LMFT-LADAC Addictions Expert, Not your therapist, both traumatized and trauma informed. Sometimes a writer https://t.co/Y7o1NsmtJh Bad words ftw. 🏳️🌈
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
Bob Golen @BobGolen
33K Followers 23K Following Hey, give me a try. Mainly old jokes (spruced up a bit) and sentimental musings. Big believer in kindness. Leaning left, but not very woke (Boomer, ya know).
Una Allcock @AllcockUna68107
78 Followers 5K Following
Amy Williamson @amy_willdoit
2K Followers 3K Following
Cassandra Kruit @kruit_cass18126
70 Followers 3K Following
Sean - (plebeian rand.. @pharnzwurth
5K Followers 5K Following A curated enigma. Bebe I was born this way. Tell your dog I said hi; tell your cat I said pspsps. He/Him; Cis, Bi. Same @ in other places.
Remy Demyan @DemyanRemy14664
58 Followers 5K Following
Bridget Cragar @BridgCraga
56 Followers 5K Following
Maybelle Bonucchi @BonucMaybel
8 Followers 3K Following
Katrina Castlen @CastlenKat60083
78 Followers 5K Following
Adam Sharp @AdamCSharp
52K Followers 23K Following 1. Writer 2. Obsessed with lists 3. COMMON PEOPLE 4. THE CORRECT ORDER OF BISCUITS 5. THE WHEEL IS SPINNING BUT THE HAMSTER IS DEAD, out now! (https://t.co/xahvo4CqJT)
Pamella Krucke @PamellKruc
65 Followers 5K Following
Joyce Hill @HillJoycedW
2K Followers 2K Following
Emily-rose Pikey @ros_pik
19 Followers 5K Following
Simon_Long @Simon_Long
2K Followers 4K Following Some kind of a lawyer, actively LibDem, Brexit resistance, and rides a Barracuda Rogue 🇺🇦
Masterchief @Hazel__S_Torres
77 Followers 2K Following Free chat and meet with nice singles ➡️ https://t.co/obToRYCJac
Beula Dausch @BeuDausc
74 Followers 5K Following
Teysothe @teysothe43004
60 Followers 2K Following
Kiera Vancil @VancilKier47760
69 Followers 5K Following
mary mcwalters @mary_mcwal89891
206 Followers 4K Following
Carry85 @CarolRodri48453
28 Followers 56 Following Lover of books, coffee, and spontaneous dance parties with my crew 👩👧👦✨ #MomLife"
*Greenie Girl* @PatriciaGr65337
26 Followers 264 Following Self proclaimed comedy aficionado navigating life one laugh at a time | Always on the lookout for the next hilarious stand-up special or witty blog
Steve Hill @stevehillwriter
19K Followers 17K Following Brit in the US. Author of 'The Blood of the Cutlass' series. Works w/ homeless, mentally ill & AODA . Please check out https://t.co/lZiwl7PYYx
Naynee @Naynee1083885
67 Followers 2K Following
Anamaria Zachery @ZacheAnamar
74 Followers 5K Following
Rozella Pitruzzello @RozellaP19256
84 Followers 5K Following
Ava Santti @AvaSantti90737
31 Followers 5K Following
Keesha Thornberry @thornberr_kees
38 Followers 5K Following
Nyreshi @nyreshi11373
19 Followers 2K Following
Richard Norman @duckbytheoboe
330 Followers 788 Following BBQ Dad. Canberra appreciator. Audio nerd. Wrote a thing that went viral in Azerbaijan once. Trapped in the APH basement. same handle at the blue sky place
Lesa Ingrassia @IngrassiaL69933
52 Followers 5K Following
Soughsl @Soughsl29756
51 Followers 2K Following
Darcie-mae Sosby @DSosby2919
99 Followers 5K Following
Trash Cult ⚒️ �.. @TheTrashCult
102 Followers 98 Following Worship at the Trash Altar! I work in a bunch of different mediums so if you’d like to commission something more fancy, please drop me a DM ❤️🔥 𓅃
Katie ⚒️ @KatieArmours
185 Followers 183 Following Armourer-in-training, just documenting my ongoing relationship with various metals, dirty hands and a southpaw hammer-bias. 𓅄
Senosat @senosat49100
30 Followers 1K Following
Katie ⚔️𓅃⚒�.. @SpookyLovejoy
2K Followers 2K Following half-arsed amateur medievalist person. into HEMA. trainee armourer and the daftest little thorn on the fior di battaglia. @KatieArmours @TheTrashCult 🏳️⚧️𓅃🏴
Nova_Nudge @NudgeNova15591
16 Followers 1K Following
Nicola (again) @Nicola52032027
616 Followers 1K Following left handed | she/they | waiting for vouchers to Almack's | will not wash dishes | https://t.co/GgAs1cnvTv
FlashFlux @FlashFlux17262
67 Followers 2K Following
Duchess_ @Duchess66140948
28 Followers 2K Following
Adam @adamgreattweet
63K Followers 3K Following Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/Him
Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
59K Followers 986 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. (she/her)
cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname
11K Followers 2K Following slowly backing away. TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/K8oKqyuL84 click below for recent. I’m the same guy at the other places.
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
32K Followers 3K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokes
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
Fomo Simpson @HaliPhacks
8K Followers 3K Following Keeping it funny on Twitter since its early days as a radio show. My tweets ➡️ https://t.co/Z2tnWjzeDx
DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
That Mom Tho @mom_tho
47K Followers 3K Following contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
jon drake @DrakeGatsby
112K Followers 2K Following they must have amnesia, they forgot that im him. 1/2 of @blastzonepod. senior brand strategist for @trymetafy
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
17K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
Daft Pun @AllanForsyth
7K Followers 3K Following Humour account. Don't take anything I write on here seriously, you muppet. Please don't add me to DM rooms.
Daveastated @Daveastated
7K Followers 1K Following Now I am become Dave, the destroyer of words. *Inventor of the flinglong* I only sleep to give my phone a break
He Called Me Greenhor.. @WhatsAGreenhorn
9K Followers 3K Following He called me Greenhorn. I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.
CynicalTherapist @CynicalTherapi1
15K Followers 8K Following LMFT-LADAC Addictions Expert, Not your therapist, both traumatized and trauma informed. Sometimes a writer https://t.co/Y7o1NsmtJh Bad words ftw. 🏳️🌈
Heather Thomas @HeatherThomasAF
93K Followers 32K Following Actress writer activist flyfisherwoman closet farmer patriot co-founder LA CAFE co-founder DontGetPurged
Sean - (plebeian rand.. @pharnzwurth
5K Followers 5K Following A curated enigma. Bebe I was born this way. Tell your dog I said hi; tell your cat I said pspsps. He/Him; Cis, Bi. Same @ in other places.
Summer Ray @SummerRay
28K Followers 1K Following voiceover/writer/illustrator/absolute joke. https://t.co/nwwRcZusqj
Damion Schubert - @Ze.. @ZenOfDesign
18K Followers 2K Following Creative Director at Boss Fight (a Netflix game studio). Focused on MMOs, RPGS, social systems, monetization. Advocate for putting treasure behind waterfalls
💧Appletreechappo @cha001
288 Followers 2K Following Bryan Chapman. Part-time (amateur) farmer at Appletree Flat, been accurately described as an abrasive loudmouth.
Adam Sharp @AdamCSharp
52K Followers 23K Following 1. Writer 2. Obsessed with lists 3. COMMON PEOPLE 4. THE CORRECT ORDER OF BISCUITS 5. THE WHEEL IS SPINNING BUT THE HAMSTER IS DEAD, out now! (https://t.co/xahvo4CqJT)
Purplepingers @purplepingers
26K Followers 476 Following I hate real estate agents - join your union x
AstroPunk @AstronoPunk
1K Followers 726 Following AstroPuNk Anarchy Under The Stars Join My Astronomical Journey Of Discovery. Omnipresent AstroPuNk with ADHD All opinions are mine https://t.co/loE1q2OIGa
#MusicBrownlow @MusicBrownlow
2K Followers 2K Following Ranking songs by some of the biggest acts of the last 60 years, using the Brownlow 3-2-1 method.
Tim Rogers @TimRoge32101021
807 Followers 111 Following
Mark Lewis @marklewismd
88K Followers 39K Following Director, GI Oncology, @Intermountain. Interests: neuroendocrine tumors, cancer syndromes, empathy (even had a Whipple myself). Tweets my own.
Riley @RileyAlbarn
1K Followers 529 Following 29 • all pronouns • trans*script zine • black lives still matter • header by @starsleeps @rileyalbarn.bsky.social •transmasc butch • musical theatre kid
The Annasthesiologist @fuzzymittens
45K Followers 4K Following Tweets are my own, frequently profane. "Mom of Anesthesia ." Being horrible to people is never a virtue.
leda immortelle @immortelle_leda
318 Followers 116 Following somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue and the dreams you dare to dream really do come true 🔮⏳
Lucy Huber @clhubes
80K Followers 2K Following editor @mcsweeneys Mother of: 👦🏼👶🏼🐈⬛🐈🐠🐌 Writer? Hungry. Tired.
Keeley Burwinkel @BurwinkelKeeley
487 Followers 2K Following My mind is an unsupervised playground masquerading as a school. she/her. chaotic good coaching - integrated wellness. Trauma-informed yoga. 🌈🥄🤘🧠
Steve Hill @stevehillwriter
19K Followers 17K Following Brit in the US. Author of 'The Blood of the Cutlass' series. Works w/ homeless, mentally ill & AODA . Please check out https://t.co/lZiwl7PYYx
Noah: A Dork Knight �.. @SophicThunder
1K Followers 465 Following I have become a symbol of the nerdy, because I want my enemies to share my awkwardness. A watchful weirdo. A silent silly. A dork knight.
Barnes & Noble copy o.. @flieldy
7K Followers 812 Following Alexander Edward. Teamster. Host @miniondeathcult
Dunning Kruger Escape.. @knee_capn_jazz
335 Followers 550 Following Landscaper / bookstore worker. Squalor Index: 97.
Trash Cult ⚒️ �.. @TheTrashCult
102 Followers 98 Following Worship at the Trash Altar! I work in a bunch of different mediums so if you’d like to commission something more fancy, please drop me a DM ❤️🔥 𓅃
Katie ⚒️ @KatieArmours
185 Followers 183 Following Armourer-in-training, just documenting my ongoing relationship with various metals, dirty hands and a southpaw hammer-bias. 𓅄
Verity Bell @verityebell
4K Followers 3K Following Public law barrister: environment, planning, data protection & mental capacity. She/her, 🏳️🌈. Tweeting in a personal capacity, likes/retweets not endorsement
Mark Arby @markarby
5K Followers 283 Following Londoner, scientist, Arsenal supporter, lover of cake.
Liam Nissan™ @theliamnissan
327K Followers 14K Following What I have is a particular set of skills; skills that make me a nightmare for Nazi dickbags on the internet. I joke, and drive a Nissan (parody)
Nicola (again) @Nicola52032027
616 Followers 1K Following left handed | she/they | waiting for vouchers to Almack's | will not wash dishes | https://t.co/GgAs1cnvTv
rose @ATFujoshi
2K Followers 1K Following your phone's off the hook, but you're not 🚨 i retweet a lot of red pandas! (banner 📸 @bluerosetori)
Alfalpha Male 💙�.. @SeymourDLindsay
3K Followers 5K Following Lifelong Lib, Persister, Musician, Former kid-future corpse. Dudeness, Duder or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing. BLM & LGBTQ ally.
Karl-Heinz Stengel @Karl_Stengel
5K Followers 4K Following Reclusive homunculus; 💙 Beatles, books, cinema, comics, dogs, fantasy, history, horror, humor, justice & sci fi—Don’t know what happens after death.
cameron “im on leav.. @cameronwilson
31K Followers 5K Following internet explorer @crikey_news send tips: [email protected] he/him also fyi my notifications are turned off, email me if u want me
Republic of Kiribati @KiribatiGov
47K Followers 682 Following Diplomatic dispatches from the Government-in-Exile. 𝓢𝓲𝓬 𝓖𝓸𝓻𝓰𝓲𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓼 𝓐𝓵𝓵𝓸𝓼 𝓢𝓾𝓫𝓳𝓮𝓬𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓸𝓼 𝓝𝓾𝓷𝓬
thank you for this @dril
1.8M Followers 425 Following My posts help mentally ill peoples brains. I want to do good. I Want to bring value to this platform. That is my Quest. My Dream
Farha Khalidi @KhalidiFarha
28K Followers 116 Following
F. Scott Fitz Jesse (.. @FScottFitzJesse
8K Followers 6K Following I'm just here to make fun of myself.
Batshit Moments in Au.. @batshit_auspol
64K Followers 96 Following A collection weird and wonderful moments from down under. Smash follow.
jar jar minx 🍉 @jasecordova
1K Followers 380 Following writer, parent, procrastinator. one half of @DYSLMpod, the other half of @ttdrpod.
Britthausen - @BrittA.. @BrittA2211
1K Followers 3K Following Clinically Tired, Chronically Online. Music photographer, wrestling aficionado, history buff with a terrible memory. Show me a photo of your dog.
Gerard McCulloch @DrJavaBeans
3K Followers 574 Following Comedian, writer, behind-the-scenes TV guy, resting surly face. Mainly 🇦🇺 politics and AFL here. 🦁🇷🇴 Stamp nerdery mostly quarantined to @punkphilatelist.
Ryan Reynolds @reynoldsrd
886 Followers 475 Following Melbourne based economist | Libertarian | YIMBY Melbourne #1 ticketholder | NAFO expansion is non negotiable
joe bro 3 @jbromovies
7K Followers 952 Following you will be warm again- reading Bleach, Daredevil, and Superman. I like movies- 27 he/him I can’t take the 3 out of my name yet
Wingstop guy asked me how my day was and when I said it was not great he smacked his hands together and said “nah son, I got you— hold up” and tripled the wings in my order you’re right Wingstop guy, you do got me 🫡
@JayHulmePoet I too have a photo of this on my phone, for the same minge font based reasons.
it is two thousand and twenty four; there is no excuse for blackface in your morris dancing. Victorian era does not a tradition make
Huge ground Mighty six 99’s cricket rocked
I've been trying to figure out who's been stealing the parsley from my container garden and folks I think we just cracked this case wide open:
Everyone was wary of the menswear guy when he first blew up because we have never seen someone who got popular on this platform quickly and didn't do a heel turn. The fact that he continues to deliver reliably good content is something we may never see again in this lifetime.
@NewBooleanQuery She doesn't actually say it's all hers...
@WornhamHelen What a terrible thing to say. Shame on you.
I’d pay $2000 to listen to menswear guy watch the Brownlow medals
@heyitsandy_ I buy all these dairy substitutes randomly to put in my smoothie. There's no rhyme or reason to it. Macadamia Nut Milk, Fairlife, Oat, Almond. If you catch my eye as I'm walking through the store you have a chance.
next they should make FALL OF THE PLANET OF THE APES: ALL MY APES GONE
@normaltiffany Forgetting one (1) great guy!
@BANKU_2 @PeterMurray23 @normaltiffany His swamp near Duloc Hills
seriously can’t believe the most notable scottish characters in popular media are Shrek, Fat Bastard, groundskeeper willie, the cast of trainspotting and now that Martha off baby reindeer we are cooked as a country
Mental illness exists. It’s not a myth. The anti-psychiatry movement willfully ignores psychiatry’s biopsychosocial model of mental illness. Let’s continue to improve mental health literacy.✌️
Tricia also gets new shoes and her hooves trimmed every 6-8 weeks by her farrier.
Anyone need anything from bogan ikea?
Books in for some minor surgery just to get out for the day next week.
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