Simone @SimoneSpringer

Comedian 🎤 Author 📚The Motherhood Comedy 🎭 Sunday Singles Insta @simonejspringer simonespringer.com Perth, Western Australia Joined July 2012

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Bernie Sanders @BernieSanders

7 months ago

Great rally in Kenosha. 4,000 people came out to say: NO tax breaks for billionaires. NO cuts to Medicaid. NO oligarchy. NO authoritarianism. NO MORE billionaires buying elections.

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

8 months ago

Optimist: “Glass is half full.” Pessimist: “Glass is half empty.” ADD: “Where did I put my glass?”

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

a year ago

I’m “I remember when tomatoes had taste” years old

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

2 years ago

When someone says “my friend is so hot I don’t know why she’s single!” It’s her personality Sharon. It’s her personality.

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

2 years ago

Hear me out… Monopoly but with sugar daddies. So if you land on someone else’s property they’ll pay your rent.

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

2 years ago

Titles of books I’ve never written include:

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

2 years ago

The irony of it almost being hump day for No Nut November.

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

2 years ago

Ditto https://t.co/dflS5tfQ0x

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Greg One Leg @Greg_1_Leg

2 years ago

Once you’ve been single awhile you realise there’s no sex good enough for you to be putting up with anyone’s shit

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Why aren’t people nicer to their exes? I think we should be nice to anyone who could describe our genitalia to a forensic composite sketch artist with the accuracy that would have us picked in a line up.

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

2 years ago

I had no idea OG stood for “Old Guy”

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

2 years ago

My mum doesn’t get hangovers she “gets tired” A couple of times she was SO tired she asked us to go get her McDonalds at 10 in the morning.

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

2 years ago

What you want seems to change with age. In your 20s you’re looking for fun In your 30s you’re looking for marriage material In your 40s you’re looking for a place to nap

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

2 years ago

AI has generated the most attractive man in each country, I think Australia’s spot on. #ai #Australia

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

2 years ago

West Australia got their first @tacobell . Just after all of the Covid lockdowns ended. I guess toilet paper companies were looking around going, How can we keep increasing sales? … and decided to give everyone diarrhea.

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Simone @SimoneSpringer

2 years ago

Why can Zombies eat what they want and never gain weight? Because they’ve got worms. I had to… I promise you don’t hate me more than I hate myself for this one.