Emotional Support Cheese @Emotionalcheese
Dairy Godmother mobile.twitter.com/search?q=From%… Altosphere Joined June 2020-
Tweets28K
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Followers3K
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Following2K
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Likes53K
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
Trader Joe’s cashier: so any plans for your birthday me: *gestures at cart full of wine and cheese*
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Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
I’m in my prime! (I turned 43 today)
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
“You want to put that inside Elmo?” “Yes.” “And Elmo get twenty dollars?” “That’s right.” “Elmo want to see money first.”
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
Couldn’t think of the word unscented so I said unflavored smell.
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdo's were all grabby and dancing around
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade Lemonade: *kills you*
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
People should be more like dogs. I too would like to spin in a circle when I’m happy and fake sneeze when I disapprove
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
me: it’s break time them: you’re taking a break? me: no I’m having a breakdown
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
People who say video games are bad are the same people who taught me a game about murder with a lead pipe in the study when I was eight
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
[3 weeks ago] my mom: I can’t believe the Carters are still alive me: I just looked up Kissinger and he’s 100 [10 days later] me: omg mom you killed her! Now if Kissinger dies we know I too have the gift [10 days later] me: who should we do next?
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
When you are “freezing” I never need to feel your ice cold hands, I believe you
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
In a surprise hallmark twist, the big city exec burns her family’s tree farm to the ground and tells her high school crush to fuck off
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
Odor in the court!
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
I told Satan “not today,” & scheduled him in for next Tuesday
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
Do I ask questions and then answer them myself? *adjusting monocle* Yes, yes I do.
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
My dentist plays country music, so it's like a double torture.
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
If you don’t go by looks, mental stability, common sense or social graces I’m absolutely a 10.
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
are we sure the first few seconds in a tornado isn’t fun? like the first few spins
Emotional Support Cheese retweeted
I remember having to beep the dealer a week in advance to make sure we were ready for 420. Now the dispensary is having giveaways, activities, and a food truck. You’ve come a long way, baby.
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6 Followers 39 FollowingTrader Joe’s cashier: so any plans for your birthday me: *gestures at cart full of wine and cheese*
My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office
Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdo's were all grabby and dancing around
Rock paper scissors but it’s just Dwayne Johnson scrapbooking
when ppl hold the baby and the baby cries & parents say “oh he’s just tired,” we’re lying, the baby really does hate you
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Thoughts for my 6yo who is making difficult decisions in the zoo gift shop and muttering to himself “it’s not my last time here, it’s not my last time here”
OUT: using exercise equipment to hang clothes on IN: using exercise equipment to hang crocheted potted plants on
My only goal in life is to be someone that would impress Shania Twain much
Sunday’s a day of rest after doing the washing, cleaning, child’s hair, homework, shopping and attempts at gardening.
Her: I'm an Instagram model. Me: I'm a Twitter author.
I was going to make an En Vogue joke, but you’re never gonna get it.
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