🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 @Wine_honey1
Classy drunk coming to a liquor store near you https://t.co/3d9c5icsIh twitter.com/search?q=from%… Joined December 2018-
Tweets30K
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Followers4K
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Following3K
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Likes30K
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
Beastie Boys: ya wanna party? me: sure *assumes fighting stance*
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🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
They say flip your mattresses every six months but I can't seem to turn a profit, do I bedazzle them or add shiplap or what?
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
If I could control my dreams, you'd be with me every night
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
a woman told me to smile while i was wearing a mask and as a man i feel like i deserved this
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
Just drank three hard ciders. Welcome to life on the edge
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
Maybe my wife does love me. She just kissed me in my special place. Out in the garage by my beer fridge.
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
I’m a grown man, I can do whatever the hell my wife says I can
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
son: he’s got his blinker on dad, you can go me: yeah… well… people lie son. people fucking lie.
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
I had a dream in which Twitter replaced the like button with audible farts.
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
A company has developed a magnet that has the power to lift an aircraft carrier. You have to admit that such a demonstration would attract a big crowd.
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
*gets into lotus position, breathes deep and begins eating pizza
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
We’re not put in this world to pay bills and die. Start doing things outside the normal box and become the fearless, unstoppable, you.
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
Stories Become us #3wordspoet #Story
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
You're the ink that fills my story with words that mean everything.
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
“Dad, what do you love most about Friday night?” “I don’t have to make goddamn school lunches.”
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
Things that make me nervous: - Water snakes - Elderly ladies spinning The Price Is Right wheel - Why all Erins are on Twitter - “Jackass Forever”
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
*Looks up at clock* So that’s how it’s gonna be?
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
How many times do I have to tell my husband not to drink the Fiji water? It’s for the dogs and he knows it.
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
Sometimes I can’t remember if I had a good time last night, but then I find a twig in my hair and everything comes flooding back
🍷Wine_Honey™🐝 retweeted
Ok. I did the adult thing. Had kids. Raised them as good as i could. Now that they're grown ups, can i go back to being a kid?
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1K Followers 4K Following I try my hardest to encourage open dialogue, free speech and intelligent banter.... Comedy is my drug….Beastie Boys: ya wanna party? me: sure *assumes fighting stance*
They say flip your mattresses every six months but I can't seem to turn a profit, do I bedazzle them or add shiplap or what?
If I could control my dreams, you'd be with me every night
a woman told me to smile while i was wearing a mask and as a man i feel like i deserved this
Just drank three hard ciders. Welcome to life on the edge
@Wine_honey1 @sweetmomissa … it happens… don’t beat yourself up…
@Wine_honey1 @DianeP89 Excellent! What did you fix your new pet for breakfast?
Maybe my wife does love me. She just kissed me in my special place. Out in the garage by my beer fridge.
I’m a grown man, I can do whatever the hell my wife says I can
son: he’s got his blinker on dad, you can go me: yeah… well… people lie son. people fucking lie.
I had a dream in which Twitter replaced the like button with audible farts.
A company has developed a magnet that has the power to lift an aircraft carrier. You have to admit that such a demonstration would attract a big crowd.
*gets into lotus position, breathes deep and begins eating pizza
We’re not put in this world to pay bills and die. Start doing things outside the normal box and become the fearless, unstoppable, you.
You're the ink that fills my story with words that mean everything.
“Dad, what do you love most about Friday night?” “I don’t have to make goddamn school lunches.”
Things that make me nervous: - Water snakes - Elderly ladies spinning The Price Is Right wheel - Why all Erins are on Twitter - “Jackass Forever”
Sometimes I can’t remember if I had a good time last night, but then I find a twig in my hair and everything comes flooding back
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