Emily Zauzmer @EmilyZauzmer
Writers’ assistant at @JimmyKimmelLive // comedy in @Reductress @McSweeneys & more // past: writer at @GMA & @People // @Harvard 2018 Los Angeles, CA Joined January 2015-
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Wow! Woman Shares More of Her Recent @Reductress Headlines
Wow! Woman Shares Recent @Reductress Headlines
Anatomy of a Ball! Delighted to work on the 96th Oscars with the amazing @JimmyKimmelLive team.
New headline!
the sweetest Valentine’s Day text ❤️
New headline!
presenting: Woman Who Doesn’t Follow Sports Attends a Super Bowl Party
New headline!
Happy Groundhog Day! Here’s a story about Punxsutawney Phil’s balls and me!
New headline!
New headline!
New headline!
I wrote this headline in the awkward 47-year period where I'm too young to write a memoir and too old to play Webkinz
I wrote this headline in the awkward 47-year period where I'm too young to write a memoir and too old to play Webkinz
Annual favorite-Reductress-headlines-I-wrote-this-year post!
New headline!
New headline!
New headline! ☀️🌧
New headline!
Emily Zauzmer retweeted
Rodrigo & Rodriguez! 😜 #GetHimBack @oliviarodrigo @IAMGUILLERMO
Max Gross ☻ @maxgotjokes
18K Followers 2K Following Headlines @Reductress, features @TheOnion. Words @Slate @Autostraddle and more. The nation’s foremost scholar on “And Just Like That.” He/him
Kristen Mulrooney @missmulrooney
14K Followers 2K Following Editor @The_Belladonnas. Writing in The New Yorker, McSweeneys, Gilmore Girls: The Official Cookbook kristenmmm on Insta
sleepiest girl in the.. @v_dcknz
9K Followers 3K Following headlinezzzz @theonion @reductress • Hyperfocus: A Neurodivergent Comedy Show @caveatnyc next show May 12 😇
Miriam Jayaratna @Jayaratnahhh
1K Followers 456 Following clinical psychologist 👂🏻 and writer 😩 | words in @newyorker @mcsweeneys @Reductress @bostonglobe @the_rumpus @realpunknews @identitytheory et al.
Lillian Stone @originalspinstr
8K Followers 4K Following culture writer // author: EVERYBODY’S FAVORITE, out now from @deystreet 💋 @wgaeast shrew 👊
zach silberberg @zachsilberberg
53K Followers 4K Following tv in new york. no views my own. my birthday is this year
Ian Goldstein @iangoldsteinyes
3K Followers 3K Following Writer/Producer (comedy, podcasts, crohns!) When I die I'd like to be claymated. @newyorker, @mcsweeneys, @vulture, @byrdiebeauty. ianscottgoldstein at gmail
Seth Rubin @setherubin
6K Followers 3K Following writer @jackboxgames // headlines @theonion // words @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys @reductress etc // they/he 🏳️⚧️
limp brittzkit @Brittymigs
19K Followers 2K Following she/her. just a little snail girl trying to get by. @meatcats @reductress @cracked mgmt: [email protected]
Jennie Egerdie @hijennieblair
4K Followers 2K Following 🇨🇦 Author OH BOTHER + Frog and Toad Are Doing Their Best (@vulture Best of 2021) | Words @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys | Rep @LauraMazer | she/they
meg✨✨ @mjhorgss
2K Followers 976 Following copywriter, humor writer, crier | words in @reductress @realpunknews @realoverheardla
chase @_chase_____
12K Followers 1K Following girl writer | associate editor @reductress | writing in @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys | https://t.co/ywCjXok4HX | she/her
lana schwartz @_lanabelle
7K Followers 2K Following writer bitch/freelancer/@newyorker, @theonion, @realpunknews + more/the book BUILD YOUR OWN ROMANTIC COMEDY/i think that my horse is regular sized (she/her)
Abby Barr @1AbbyRoad
7K Followers 7K Following social: @switchedonpop @plex @theankler prev: social for 🦚, @20korg. comedy writing @funnyordie++, other writing @shoptoday++, Obie, memestress
Meg Reid @meg_it_happen
805 Followers 1K Following Contributor @theonion @reductress @mcsweeneys @pointsincase @the_belladonnas @weeklyhumorist @endofbench A pretty impossible lady to be with. she/her
darren incorvaia @MegaDarren
5K Followers 2K Following PhD 🐝 | science journalist | words @NYTScience @sciam @ScienceNews @undarkmag @Reductress and more | inveterate invertebrate evangelist
meredith @dietz_meredith
18K Followers 2K Following too tired to pee, too full of piss to sleep. staff writer @lifehacker. headline contributor @TheOnion @reductress.
Cameron Bradford @camerobradford
25K Followers 979 Following Take my hand, we'll weather this storm together.
Brandon Follick @follickacid
2K Followers 787 Following comedian & writer @reductress @theonion @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys @latestagelive he/him
Tom Smyth @Tom_Smyth_
2K Followers 985 Following headline contributor @theonion, @reductress | writing in @vulture, @thecut, @latimes, @teenvogue, @mcsweeneys, @newyorker, and fan letters to Ina Garten
Fern @E2P5uq56S33Q777
42 Followers 1K Following I am a lively and cheerful girl who would like to meet a good friend.
Lillie Mullen @LillieMull64254
128 Followers 3K Following
Lex Vaughn @AlexaVaughn
3K Followers 3K Following Founder & Editor of @TheNeedling, Seattle's Only Real Fake News. Pulitzer Prize-winning real real news reporter. @4culture 2024 Arc Artist Fellow
Jay Kogen @JayKogen
10K Followers 2K Following Remarkably handsome Emmy winning writer/director for The Simpsons, Frasier, Malcolm In The Middle + #PhilosophyPhriday many others. RETWEETS = LOVE ❤️
Dan Pasternack @DanPasternack
5K Followers 992 Following With or without a blue check, a continuing and trusted source of comedy nerdery.
Will Post 🔜 🇯�.. @WillPostTweets
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Patrick @ThePatrickRollo
565 Followers 698 Following What can I do for you? Seriously, Ask. I'll say no if I can't. he/him/his Creator of Alphabetical Order, you’re welcome.
Dan Cronin @croninwhocares
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Ashley Gott @Pistol82
28 Followers 618 Following
Jesse McLaren @McJesse
1.1M Followers 1K Following Board Certified Comedy Writer. Didn't pay for Twitter Blue, just cursed.
Ariel Dumas @ArielDumas
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Herb Marselas @herbmarselas
264 Followers 282 Following Coffee? Games | Graphics | Words | Opinions my own | [email protected] | 425-829-4418
[email protected] @johntiptonunro1
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Crunchwrap Supreme Cl.. @TweetsVanZandt
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MTGs thigh sweat @GatorChomp13
829 Followers 2K Following Card carrying democrat & atheist bringin the thigh sweat, blue dot in a sea of Florida red. #GoGators #GoBraves #VoteBlue #fairways&greens
Danny Ricker @dannyricker
4K Followers 751 Following Co-Head Writer & Supervising Producer @JimmyKimmelLive (+ @TheEmmys & @TheAcademy Awards.) Tweets infrequent because I'm trying to live a rich, meaningful life.
Mister Slats @Mister_Slats
94 Followers 1K Following Also on the blue place, same handle except no underscore.
Girl Who Married TV @grlwhomarriedtv
104 Followers 2K Following I like snacks and TV. #rhap Pronouns: she/her
Lolo Lacava @farmerberry76
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Bet. NFC North Champs.. @MrSharpElbows
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WaitWhatWasITalkingAb.. @wait_about
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Professor Driggs @ProfessorDriggs
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Morgan Hannah @morganhsang
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Garrett Clayman @ClaymanIslands
849 Followers 1K Following where’s your wife Nick? where’s your PREGNANT wife?
David Lopez @Dizmix2024
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Jillian @JillianChili
4K Followers 965 Following 🇦🇲 I @offscrncentral Co-Founder/ Artisans Editor | @theOAFFC I WFCC I @IFCS I 🍅meter-approved I [email protected]
José David Ernand @Both_Coasts25
1K Followers 4K Following 🤖Joke & Genre Nerd. @NBC Writers Assistant & Script Coordinator. Best day = Saw the "killin me Smalls" Sandlot kid at Subway. My abuelos' VCRs led me here🇨🇺
Ebrima Gassama @EbrimaGass27621
78 Followers 1K Following
donna helene moeller @ababyartist
423 Followers 2K Following love god. earth🌎 art. social justice🏳️🌈BLM. music maker. liberal. democratic socialist. attorney. disabled/chronic illness. sagittarius/libra 🌌 catholic.
Avery_Wright @WrightAver10023
20 Followers 2K Following
Smasean @Smasean148954
21 Followers 623 Following
Chason Gordon @chasongordon
480 Followers 327 Following Writer / piteous wretch of a man. Words in Slate, Splice, McSweeney's, SlackJaw, Vice, Globe and Mail, other places words go. Find less on https://t.co/YAYeEFj0oj
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MeadowHarbor @HarborMead60941
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Lucy Huber @clhubes
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Max Gross ☻ @maxgotjokes
18K Followers 2K Following Headlines @Reductress, features @TheOnion. Words @Slate @Autostraddle and more. The nation’s foremost scholar on “And Just Like That.” He/him
Kristen Mulrooney @missmulrooney
14K Followers 2K Following Editor @The_Belladonnas. Writing in The New Yorker, McSweeneys, Gilmore Girls: The Official Cookbook kristenmmm on Insta
sleepiest girl in the.. @v_dcknz
9K Followers 3K Following headlinezzzz @theonion @reductress • Hyperfocus: A Neurodivergent Comedy Show @caveatnyc next show May 12 😇
Miriam Jayaratna @Jayaratnahhh
1K Followers 456 Following clinical psychologist 👂🏻 and writer 😩 | words in @newyorker @mcsweeneys @Reductress @bostonglobe @the_rumpus @realpunknews @identitytheory et al.
Lillian Stone @originalspinstr
8K Followers 4K Following culture writer // author: EVERYBODY’S FAVORITE, out now from @deystreet 💋 @wgaeast shrew 👊
Dylan Adler @DylanAdler6
40K Followers 2K Following If Yzma was Asian. Writer on @latelateshow @Dylanadler_ on insta He/Him
zach silberberg @zachsilberberg
53K Followers 4K Following tv in new york. no views my own. my birthday is this year
Ian Goldstein @iangoldsteinyes
3K Followers 3K Following Writer/Producer (comedy, podcasts, crohns!) When I die I'd like to be claymated. @newyorker, @mcsweeneys, @vulture, @byrdiebeauty. ianscottgoldstein at gmail
Seth Rubin @setherubin
6K Followers 3K Following writer @jackboxgames // headlines @theonion // words @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys @reductress etc // they/he 🏳️⚧️
Karen Chee @karencheee
111K Followers 1K Following comedian & writer! @LateNightSeth @waitwait etc etc 👩🏻💻 she/hers
limp brittzkit @Brittymigs
19K Followers 2K Following she/her. just a little snail girl trying to get by. @meatcats @reductress @cracked mgmt: [email protected]
Timothy McSweeney @mcsweeneys
261K Followers 1K Following The official twitter feed of McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, & McSweeney's Books. Publisher of @illustoria and @believermag.
broti gupta @BrotiGupta
91K Followers 1K Following Simpsons writer Indian women’s humor twitter account https://t.co/5I6PCj7FlM
Jennie Egerdie @hijennieblair
4K Followers 2K Following 🇨🇦 Author OH BOTHER + Frog and Toad Are Doing Their Best (@vulture Best of 2021) | Words @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys | Rep @LauraMazer | she/they
meg✨✨ @mjhorgss
2K Followers 976 Following copywriter, humor writer, crier | words in @reductress @realpunknews @realoverheardla
Audrey Burges @Audrey_Burges
8K Followers 5K Following Author, A HOUSE LIKE AN ACCORDION (2024) & THE MINUSCULE MANSION OF MYRA MALONE (2023); scribbler of humor, flash, & pretty flowers; thinks you're awesome
chase @_chase_____
12K Followers 1K Following girl writer | associate editor @reductress | writing in @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys | https://t.co/ywCjXok4HX | she/her
kenzi @kenzianidiot
62K Followers 4K Following follow me for my dads weekly agendas! im also medium funny and have a very cute dog. | marketing at @dropout | she/her
Snigdha Sur @snigdhasur
10K Followers 3K Following founder & ceo of @bethejuggernaut / diversifying media tech / bollywood encyclopedia (ask for recs!) / @ycombinator @HarvardHBS @Yale
Sachi Ezura @misstrionics
3K Followers 2K Following Animation @comedycentral @paramountplus. Prev @thegreenespace, Irony Point, https://t.co/3iNm16StSF, IFC. 1/2 Japanese, 1/4 rican, she/her, feminist killjoy, Ellie's mom.
Cary Phillips @wilfil24
160 Followers 231 Following Taylor Kay/Tess Phillips’ Dad. Becky Blades’ husband. I drive the car. Public Speaker, Comedian, Actor, Influencer and Twitter Trend-Setter (now 160 followers!)
Hayley Tillett @hayley_tillett
88 Followers 521 Following i hate this platform and want to delete my account. do writers need to be on here? seriously asking. pieces in @NewYorker @mcsweeneys @buzzfeed @cosmopolitan
Lior Zaltzman @liorca
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Gwen Gowen @GwenGowenABC
36 Followers 649 Following Producer ABC News 20/20 and Primetime Specials, hockey mom
Sean Doherty @seanwdoherty
377 Followers 994 Following producer @teamcoco / former Wahlburgers employee
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Double J Cox 🦓 @jocelynjanecox
6K Followers 4K Following Essays, Humor, CNF ✍: @press_roi @SlackjawHumor @The_Belladonnas @havehadhavehad @chillsubs @penn_review @roanokereview @FiveMinuteLit @Slate @Nytimes, MFA
K.E. Flann @kathyflann
4K Followers 3K Following Writer, 4 books, Words @washingtonpost @Slate @bostonglobe @mcsweeneys @WeeklyHumorist @The_Belladonnas @PointsinCase Rep'd by @millercallihan #binders HWA SFWA
Julie Klam @JulieKlam
15K Followers 1K Following Mother of amazing trans boy 🏳️⚧️~NYT bestseller repped by Esther Newberg ~ new THE ALMOST LEGENDARY MORRIS SISTERS, Washington Post best books of 2021
Greg Mania @gregmania
4K Followers 3K Following 📚author of the memoir, BORN TO BE PUBLIC |📝writes SOS (Save Our Serotonin) on substack l 🎤co-host of Empty Trash |🤪DSM-5 darling | IG: gregmania
Maureen McEly @maureenmce
1K Followers 3K Following Disabled writer of screenplays, short humor & short fiction | Nicholl & Slamdance SF | Tin House ❄️ Workshop | @Respect_Ability Lab Fellow | Words @McSweeneys
Hannah Grieco @writesloud
25K Followers 7K Following writer, editor, prof. non-zionist Jew. your twitter mom. i love you, okay? 🌈 she/her
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2K Followers 955 Following Author of the Feminist's Guide to Raising a Little Princess https://t.co/jL5Zt0GU44
Dennard Dayle / Blind.. @See_More_Evil
2K Followers 631 Following "Local prankster." -NBC. Wrote "How to Dodge a Cannonball," out soon via @HenryHolt. Wrote “Everything Abridged," out now. Chaos vendor at @1900hotdog.
Kevin Burke @Ke7inBurke
5K Followers 1K Following hey! | headline contributor @theonion @reductress @bwaybeatnews | he/him
Nate Odenkirk @birthdaynate
17K Followers 373 Following I do Weekend Update jokes every Thursday, look at link for proof
Lisa Borders (she/her.. @lisaborders
3K Followers 2K Following Geriatric Gen Xer. New novel, Last Night at the Disco, coming in 2025. Humor @mcsweeneys & more; founded, leads Novel Catalyst & Reactor workshops.
Talia Argondezzi @TaliaArgondezzi
2K Followers 1K Following writing/English professor. satire: McSweeney's, New Yorker Shouts, Points in Case, Belladonna, Slackjaw. my book! https://t.co/2GIjISyJiO…
Diya Basrai @diyacomedy
2K Followers 444 Following stand-up comic and neuroscientist watch my comedy special here: https://t.co/tMaBPg8gPw
thebeginningofthelong.. @JennJefferys
4K Followers 2K Following auntie — friendly femme(inist) — ½ @citynuuchimii — 2old4tiktok — personal account/içi tj moi 🍞🌹
irem @irmboz
369 Followers 540 Following Eurovision historian | words in @flexxmag | features contributor @theonion
Koby Mozes @kmbuyer
354 Followers 1K Following Husband, father, grandfather, son. Haifa-Los Angeles-Brooklyn-Cedarhurst. Learning with @8minutedaf #TeamBroadfield @Dodgers @LAKings @Lakers @RamsNFL 🎷
Holly Theisen-Jones @hollytheisen
539 Followers 735 Following Author of The Green Dumb Guide to Houseplants (2023) from @chroniclebooks. Evergreen humor @mcsweeneys and @PointsinCase.
anna borges @annabroges
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Dara Kaye @DaraKaye
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Charlie Lee @ActiveCopywrite
352 Followers 562 Following copywriter, editor, and proud punster Talk wordy to me 😉
Sean @SeanCTV_
2K Followers 1K Following Hungry & Humble. | producing stuff @GMA | #FAMUAlum #NewmarkJ19 ♦️ IG: @SeanCTV__ | Thoughts are my own.
Cara Kupferman @carakupferman
748 Followers 1K Following formerly: @jstreetdotorg, @wisdems, @harvard; always: progressive, jewish, union, 🏳️🌈 | she/her. views mine
Andres (future wife g.. @Andvanant
183 Followers 226 Following It’s just one rock bottom after another. Contributor to @flexxmag and @reductress Comedy writer 🙄
Lauren Grimaldi @laurengrimaldi_
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Pastrami Mommy @Ewelannawhite
4K Followers 4K Following a half-sour pickle | *ctor, vo artist and comedy writer | contributor @realpunknews @harddrivemag @bwaybeatnews
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4.0M Followers 2K Following Recognizing and upholding excellence in the motion picture arts and sciences.
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311 Followers 232 Following angeleno, executive assistant, pop culture nerd
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6K Followers 2K Following Social Media Lead @weathernetwork, critic @thatshelf, @rottentomatoes. Member: @awfj, @tfca. Prev: ET Canada. Former grave-digger, future Arby's owner.
Miesha Miller @MieshaMiller_
773 Followers 768 Following WA on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Prev: Colin in Black & White, Jupiter’s Legacy, Twenties +More. Writer. Producer. Hodophile. Bougie but will twerk on them headlights.✨
Suzanne Monyak @SuzanneMonyak
13K Followers 1K Following Reporter covering the judiciary+DC Circuit for Bloomberg Law (@blaw). Georgetown alum, Georgia native. Send me tips: [email protected]Let’s all follow @EmilyZauzmer Add a funny writer to your feed. It’s offsets the jerks.
Wow! Woman Shares More of Her Recent @Reductress Headlines
Hahaha bangers all of them
Wow! Woman Shares More of Her Recent @Reductress Headlines
@EmilyZauzmer @Reductress the car repair had me squealing “this me 😭”
my latest headline for reductress 👴🏼👶🏼😘✨
Why I Stopped Dating Guys My Age and Started Dating Guys Who Were Born as Old Men and Are Aging in Reverse: ow.ly/VPNt50R6YGt
Thank you so much for coming to my child’s birthday party. As a symbol of my gratitude, here is a small bag of plastic crap I didn’t want to buy and you don’t want to take home.
“Hey ladies, care to hear some old SCTV or Monty Python sketches I’ve nerdily memorized?”
If y’all ain’t start drinking and smoking until y’all was grown, what was y’all doing in high school?!
@EmilyZauzmer Writers aren’t supposed to look this glamorous, you are setting an impossible standard for the rest of us.
@EmilyZauzmer @JimmyKimmelLive How cool. The belle of the ball!
@EmilyZauzmer @JimmyKimmelLive GO YOU GO YOUUU
@EmilyZauzmer @JimmyKimmelLive That’s amazing! Thank you for allowing me to be within 6 degrees of separation from Jimmy Kimmel!!
So proud of my daughter @EmilyZauzmer!
Anatomy of a Ball! Delighted to work on the 96th Oscars with the amazing @JimmyKimmelLive team.
So proud of my sister @EmilyZauzmer, who was a writers' assistant for the Oscars this year!
Anatomy of a Ball! Delighted to work on the 96th Oscars with the amazing @JimmyKimmelLive team.
Always proud of my husband! ❤️
Global commerce and policy graduate Carter N. Coudriet is taking his newfound knowledge back to the @CommerceGov, where he works as an export compliance specialist in the Bureau of Industry and Security. Read about Carter’s Schar School experience below. schar.gmu.edu/news/2023-12/g…
@EmilyZauzmer perfect headlines perfect writer
I’m tickled pink — or in this case lime — to share exciting book news: My new children’s book, DOWN WITH LIME BOOKS!, will be published in 2025! Thanks so much to my fantastic agent Kristina Sutton @FocusedArtists and wonderful publisher Familius!
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