PAT_E_ROCK @PAT_E_ROCK
Fat, bald and I have a small dick, Emmy winning comedy writer @caspermartinez lets me write with him. https://t.co/jy79dwjiq9 twitter.com/search?q=from%… Bronx-NY- 🇺🇸🇲🇽🇩🇪 Joined May 2011-
Tweets71K
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Followers5K
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Following5K
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Likes145K
"Wow, this blew up!" - Oppenheimer at the end of the movie
Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh! I can’t WAIT until y’all see me on First Take tomorrow. Especially you @michaelirvin88! Oooh, Especially YOU!
Hopefully the NYR can end their losing streak against the DSNY!
Leonardo DiCaprio abruptly stops putting gas in his car's tank as soon as it reaches $24.99.
Toaster ovens go from "This will never be warm." to "This is now on fire!" within about 45 seconds.
Every stand up clip now is titled something like 'Audience member goes to the bathroom during my set!???'
*Ordering drive-thru in NYC* Me: I'll have one *train goes by* and two *people yelling* with a side of *music blasting* and a *police sirens* *Restaurant closes due to rent increase*
Today NASCAR announced that in July 2023 it'll hold its first-ever street race through downtown Chicago. That makes sense. With everything happening there, the only way to get through Chicago safely is to go 200 miles an hour.
Kicked out of a museum for calling all the historical figures influencers.
Gas in some places is over $5 a gallon. Gas is so expensive that now Uber has three service tiers: UberX, Uber Pool, and Uber Piggyback.
The Rolling Stones had to postpone a concert today when Mick Jagger tested positive for Covid-19. It's really his own fault he got Covid-19. He said when he heard "19" he just had to have sex with it.
Italians protesting outside of the Tony Awards until they change their name.
If it happened to Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle it could happen to you, comic who regularly performs for 5 people in a basement.
Who is in the mood for Mets baseball ?
"A virus we can't see." Unlike all the other ones that are visibly walking down the street and tackling people.
Just moved a big rock and found 5 more comedians.
I wonder if my heating pad thinks I’m cheating on it when I sleep with my electric blanket.
In 7th grade Catholic school one of the nuns told me all my freckles were kisses from the angels. Asking her then why do I have some on my penis was not the reply she was looking for.......
The Bible only says masturbation is a sin on two pages, and they're stuck together anyway.
Researchers in Wales report that men wearing a mask may appear more attractive to women. That's because a well-fitting N95 mask on a man filters out 95% of his airborne catcalls, putdowns, and pickup lines.
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
Henry 3000 @Henry_3000
31K Followers 12K Following Bad but not evil. I asked @JacCarly and she said, YES. 💍
Hal O' be thy name. @Halbeerz
17K Followers 14K Following Polar bear whisperer. Weed whore. Merkin model.
The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUa
MisoSilly @SeiYoung83
16K Followers 12K Following just read the fucking tweets https://t.co/OnMlrENZi4
Envy @envydatropic
89K Followers 11K Following
tazz @noneofyours99
85K Followers 46K Following Army Veteran, atheist, here to share some laughs, it's the universal language I ❤️Animals #supportmentalhealth squirrel mama ,wildlife rescue 🔥Memphis🔥
Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVph
Lazor @Lazor2828
22K Followers 12K Following Boil-the-Rabbit kind of crazy- South Florida/ pro-shopper. Trying to survive a body that wants me dead.
Marl @Marlebean
40K Followers 7K Following If you innocently act like you don't know, people will explain dirty words to you and it's hilarious.
Ivsy @Ivsy01
40K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Amish Super Model �.. @AmishSuperModel
56K Followers 18K Following Gracing the hottest runways from Paris to Lancaster! Also featured in Amish Vogue & Amish GQ https://t.co/izJtz2t0DD
Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt
24K Followers 2K Following https://t.co/HREAfSgLSJ https://t.co/RXZ32W17IY geriatric millennial
kanye’s bhole @bossy_bootz
42K Followers 10K Following Syrian Import ✝️ Mother. Cat lover. Stay-at-home therapist. Recent: https://t.co/tvlKhCxxNi%
Alfie @DownFrontArtist
54K Followers 48K Following There is no show without business. https://t.co/X2EN341vnk
Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
75K Followers 16K Following writer of dumb tweets, founder of the @LuvPugFDN for homeless & disabled animals 🐾 🐾🐾Instagram: -luvpugpetcare -harrywaddlebottom -luvpugfoundation
Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin
10K Followers 6K Following
Jillian Onisick @onisick47901
60 Followers 5K Following
Laure Falsetta @l_falset
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Inaya Crites @crites_cri
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Geraldine Langwell @g_langwel
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Roseanna Chmelik @RoseannChmel
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Rosemary Frazey @frazey63428
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Mar Chauncey @chaunce_m
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Tegan Coffin @tegan79062
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Nina Ulicnik @NUlicnik64789
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Rosalinda Tubman @RosalindaTubm
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Tameka Pieroni @TamekPiero
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Laura Gibbons @LauraGibbo2122
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Scarlet Piatt @PiattScar
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Taya Fugua @TayaF16905
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Faina Canning @cann_fain
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Gracie-mai Eggert @EggertMai40595
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Magan Dunlavy @DunlaMag
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Gricelda Remmie @GriceldaRe13814
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Ada Spurzem @AdaSpurzem33503
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Lida Disalvatore @LDisalvato86857
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Sara Bela @SaraBel27497659
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Minda Hartleben @hartle_mi
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Barbi 🍬 @tsprada7139356
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Missy 💋 @Missysweet8798
68 Followers 3K Following TS girl 🏳️⚧️ private account 🤗 follow my main @transmissy
Markita Majeski @marki_majes
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Hillary ❤️ @tshila30377062
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Artemesia Sheriff @ArtemesiaS43593
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Malia Stadtler @ma_stadtl
66 Followers 5K Following
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
Henry 3000 @Henry_3000
31K Followers 12K Following Bad but not evil. I asked @JacCarly and she said, YES. 💍
God @TheTweetOfGod
6.0M Followers 1 Following Come join Me at @[email protected]. Still can't help plugging My book "The Book of Pslams" out now: https://t.co/3h3qRbmo7c
Hal O' be thy name. @Halbeerz
17K Followers 14K Following Polar bear whisperer. Weed whore. Merkin model.
The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUa
MisoSilly @SeiYoung83
16K Followers 12K Following just read the fucking tweets https://t.co/OnMlrENZi4
Envy @envydatropic
89K Followers 11K Following
tazz @noneofyours99
85K Followers 46K Following Army Veteran, atheist, here to share some laughs, it's the universal language I ❤️Animals #supportmentalhealth squirrel mama ,wildlife rescue 🔥Memphis🔥
Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVph
Lazor @Lazor2828
22K Followers 12K Following Boil-the-Rabbit kind of crazy- South Florida/ pro-shopper. Trying to survive a body that wants me dead.
Marl @Marlebean
40K Followers 7K Following If you innocently act like you don't know, people will explain dirty words to you and it's hilarious.
Ivsy @Ivsy01
40K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Amish Super Model �.. @AmishSuperModel
56K Followers 18K Following Gracing the hottest runways from Paris to Lancaster! Also featured in Amish Vogue & Amish GQ https://t.co/izJtz2t0DD
Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt
24K Followers 2K Following https://t.co/HREAfSgLSJ https://t.co/RXZ32W17IY geriatric millennial
kanye’s bhole @bossy_bootz
42K Followers 10K Following Syrian Import ✝️ Mother. Cat lover. Stay-at-home therapist. Recent: https://t.co/tvlKhCxxNi%
Naomi & Noah @naominoah77
15K Followers 99 Following We are a passionate young couple (both 18) with an addiction to making eachother cum😈Top 0.47%🤍
Mickayla Ross @Mickayllaro
49K Followers 187 Following Your 🍆 will belong to me forever after you press this button below👇
Spittin' Chiclets @spittinchiclets
687K Followers 769 Following Podcast from @barstoolsports ft @RyanWhitney6, @BizNasty2point0 & @RearAdBsBlog presented by @PinkWhitney. New episodes every Tuesday. Advertise with us ⬇️
Joy Taylor @JoyTaylorTalks
470K Followers 2K Following Host of @SpeakonFS1 - Weekdays at 4:30 PM ET on @FS1 💗 1/2 of @TwoPersonalShow 🎤 Follow @joytfoundation
STREET FIGHT 🔞🥊.. @streetfighthard
1.8M Followers 40 Following Just follow this Twitter page ! It’s made for you if you like this crazy fight | Dm for credit or removals
Fight Haven @FightHaven
2.7M Followers 676 Following #1 Source For Combat Sports Videos / News | Email For Promo/Business | [email protected]
Adele @Liliths71387759
1K Followers 2K Following
SAY CHEESE! 👄🧀 @SaycheeseDGTL
1.2M Followers 40 Following The Good, The Bad… the Ugly. Founded by @shawn_cotton
Amouranth @Amouranth
3.8M Followers 1K Following KICK STREAMER @amouranth See my link below for more 😏
Douglas Murray @DouglasKMurray
882K Followers 2K Following #1 bestselling author of 7 books including 'The War on the West'. @Spectator. Columnist @NYPost and @TheSun. Host of Uncancelled History: https://t.co/0XzJnchlbb
Grumpy Drunk 🍻 @grumpy_drunk
4K Followers 5K Following 2X captain of my middle school drinking team. Tag me (@grumpy_drunk) in your drunk tweets. I’ll follow you back, otherwise I’m just drunk and lost. 🍻
DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!
billboard @billboard
14.3M Followers 4K Following music • charts • news • more | @billboardcharts • @billboarddance • @billboardhiphop • @billboardlatin • @billboardpride • @billboardpro
chart data @chartdata
2.5M Followers 871 Following music charts, awards, industry news and more in real time 📨 [email protected] 🗝️ Subscribe for Requests
Megi Pojani @megipojanii
625 Followers 317 Following Finally i'm on twitter too 💋💋 Instagram :@megipojani
Dissect Podcast @dissectpodcast
83K Followers 587 Following A podcast that dissects one album per season, one song per episode. Season 12 out March 26th on all platforms.
Los Angeles Scanner @LosAngeles_Scan
89K Followers 63 Following Reporting news in progress across all of the Greater Los Angeles area.
Brielle Biermann @BrielleZolciak
214K Followers 312 Following
JENNA LEE @TheJennaLee_
500K Followers 21 Following
HasbullaHive 🐐 @HasbullaHive
1.6M Followers 1K Following Team Hasbulla | Worlds biggest Hasbulla Fan Page
Reuters Fact Check @ReutersFacts
38K Followers 1 Following The official account of the social media verification team @Reuters. Have you seen something we should fact-check? Our DMs are open.
Stranger Things @Stranger_Things
5.3M Followers 79 Following
GawdyNews @gawdynews
8K Followers 8K Following Free Market Capitalism has lifted more people out of Poverty than any other economic/political system. #VoteDemsOUT #Trump2024 #BuildTheWall
Sadie Sink @SadieSink
1.1M Followers 47 Following
Ballsack Sports @BallsackSports
271K Followers 25K Following Parody/Satire • established 2021 • Featured Worldwide• IG: BallsackSportsHQ • Sack Family IG: BallsackSport
Knox Hill @theknoxhill
23K Followers 681 Following Rapper, Content Creator. 1 Million YouTube subs & counting 🔥Stream my new song with Kxng Crooked now!! https://t.co/spFDk6lL5O
🎙 HiphopSessions @AllHHSessions
5K Followers 498 Following HipHop | Music Promo | New Music 🎼 “Damn right I like the life I live because I went from negative to positive.” — Notorious B.I.G.
Eminem & Shady News @ShadyFansite
157K Followers 706 Following Follow this Page for all the latest News, Rumors, Videos & Pics mixed with some classics #TeamShady #Eminem #ShadyRecords - I am not Eminem!
MichaelRapaport @MichaelRapaport
689K Followers 4K Following Actor/Comedian/Director/Disruptor/Podcaster https://t.co/4PpdtXaCUM🎙Making Weekly Podcast History @iamrapaport @rapaportreality WORLDWIDE 🍉
RichVos @RichVos
91K Followers 871 Following My Wife Hates Me@Laugh Button Produced Women Aren't Funny, 4 CC specials, Netflix,HBO, Showtime,2 time Oscar writer Tough Crowd Sober 36 years ♥️ my kids
Shaun On Playback @iHateShaun
17K Followers 7K Following Legend before the prime. @TheKnicksWall | @impossibleop | Wordsmith. Dreamvillain. Knicks. Jets #RNF https://t.co/7ulfPnr8gJ
Brian Windhorst @WindhorstESPN
894K Followers 1K Following NBA for ESPN; 2x NY Times best-selling author
Kendrick Perkins @KendrickPerkins
714K Followers 3K Following Just a Country Boy for Beaumont, Texas!!! Standing On Business. Carry the hell on… https://t.co/g7lcCRpl32. Co-Founder and Ambassador of @Nillyus
Glenny Balls @Glenny_balls
194K Followers 1K Following @OnlyStansShow | Sundae Conversation | @BallsBeachwear | Snap/IG: glennyballs | Email: [email protected]
Brittanya 👼🏼 @waifurubi
47K Followers 0 Following special surprise for the first 100 right here ⬇️ 💕
Sasheer Zamata @thesheertruth
62K Followers 0 Following My new stand up special THE FIRST WOMAN is available now👇🏾
Meredith @meralee727
30K Followers 30K Following I’m a comedy writer and a teacher depending on the outfit and what snacks are involved. My tweets do not reflect the opinions of Punky Brewster.
David Chappelle @DaveChappelle
1.1M Followers 21 Following
Can you imagine having a hot girlfriend with a big dick and delicious milk as she has?
Normani, Victoria Monét, and Hailey Bieber look stunning in a new photo.
WHEW! MISS NORMANI
@2ToneDaSupastar Eminem is a certified legend. You are a nigga in your house with a podcast mic and high blood pressure. The audacity.
Honest question, is there another rapper that could come on stage with RIHANNA and get a reaction so loud that you can’t even hear them? I don’t think so. Eminem is just That guy
13 years ago today, Eminem joined Rihanna on stage to perform "Love the Way You Lie"
@stephenasmith @hamastariq_ @ShannonSharpe Will be the most annoying show on tv hands down.
A lot of people don’t know this but Hotel sheets aren’t tucked in tight. It’s actually the bed bugs playing a lil game of tug of war with you
"I Waited On Line Outside For Food For An Hour But Instead of a Restaurant It Was Just a Guy Who Performs a Wrestling Move on You?" - New for the Sad Blogger
"Wow, this blew up!" - Oppenheimer at the end of the movie
@ayfer_kaplan Drag Me to Hell was a chaotic masterpiece and I loved every second of rewatching it in my adulthood
Hot Girl Megan Thee Stallion 🎀🔥
More stretches & splits ❤️
@BarryOnHere To say Kobe didn’t win a ring with the team that drafted him is such pedantic nonsense seeing as how he was drafted by the hornets in name only and never set foot in one of their facilities.
@BarryOnHere MJ with 2 3peats
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