Lazor @Lazor2828
Boil-the-Rabbit kind of crazy- South Florida/ pro-shopper. Trying to survive a body that wants me dead. Joined December 2012-
Tweets147K
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Followers22K
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Following12K
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Likes252K
Lazor retweeted
April flew by like 4 hoes in a Nissan
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Lazor retweeted
wanna come back to my place and meet the hat man
Lazor retweeted
Met someone the other day who said their favorite color was yellow. What a psycho
Lazor retweeted
My daughter is mad at me and just informed me that when she dies her last words will be “my mom is a loser”
Lazor retweeted
I am once again eating a bucket of spaghetti
Lazor retweeted
the police are like chocolate, they'll kill your dog
Lazor retweeted
I see you are trying to communicate with me and I admire your bravery.
Lazor retweeted
I hate a girl who be funny af fr , got me giggling like a dumbass
Lazor retweeted
In hell, you're constantly helping stubborn old people with their electronics
Lazor retweeted
Doctor: your body has run out of magnesium Me: 0mg
Lazor retweeted
I love having a nap on the couch in the evening before moving to bed to sleep. It's like a sleep appetiser, a nappetiser.
Lazor retweeted
the moment i slide out his DMs
Lazor retweeted
"Meet me out back by the dumpster for the drugs" -CVS pharmacy drive-thru
Lazor retweeted
In this economy buying something necessary feels like a treat.
Lazor retweeted
I thought getting drunk with a Latina was gonna be sexy we argued for HOURS
Lazor retweeted
But what if we kissed under the demonic wendy's sign?
Lazor retweeted
I don’t think I can go out tonight. My phone battery is at 73%
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1K Followers 851 Following
Caddyshack Gopher �.. @DanColl25360581
925 Followers 951 Following Marine, Semper Fi. / I vote Blue, 🌊🌊 / 🌈 Ally Red Sox ⚾ & Rugby 🏉/ Trump is going to Prison! Think Globally, Act Locally.
Dak Harding @DakHarding
737 Followers 415 Following In laughter's embrace, scars find their place. Humor, my shield, and saving grace. An echo of peace, a quest I chase. To one day be free, in a safe space. ~DH
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1K Followers 1K Following Proud Métis, wife, mom. Fear clowns, demonic possession and spontaneous combustion. Always first to laugh at my own jokes.
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5K Followers 3K Following Transplanted Bostonian, Sales Guy, Love the Patriots, Red Sox, Celtics, and Bruins.
I attempted to survive 7 days in an abandoned city... can't believe places like this exist
when i’m stressed out it really helps to hold all the world’s bad news six inches from my face til 2am
It's strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That's just watching paint that's already dry.
@Lazor2828 Agreed, I could share 10 more
@Lazor2828 LOL never gets old
@Lazor2828 Ah ok. Well, at least you can use it as a weapon if you find yourself in a mid morning bind.
@Lazor2828 You sipping your coffee out of a 64oz Yeti? Need to see this cup 🤣
Oh, sister. We’re on drugs. 💕
i’m sorry, how tf are people surviving right now
I made him name 3 songs before he could wear the shirt
Of course I’m full of myself. Who the fuck else am I gonna be full of?
Let me eat cat food out of your belly button and I’ll never bother you again.
all kinds of animals can be gay and i can sense them judging my fashion decisions
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