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Tweets20K
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Followers2K
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Following1K
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Likes73K
At my age, a band from the 90's is not the only answer to what is a Limp Bizkit.
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Tried to complete an online survey. It timed out before I could scroll down to my year of birth...
My doctor said I'm qualified to be in a Fatigue Studies group. No thanks. I'm too tired...
Kevin retweeted
Before people discovered how to make coffee, where did they find the energy to discover how to make coffee?
Kevin retweeted
Sadly, due to the Sears store near me closing, my Christmas letter will not contain a picture of me with Santa this year.
Retirement has provided me with so much more time to procrastinate
Kevin retweeted
Don’t think of it as winter weight. Think of it as your body manifesting destiny.
Apparently, holiday shopping brings out the I don't know how to park in people.
Kevin retweeted
Visiting a friend. She has nothing hanging on her treadmill. Mind. Blown.
Kevin retweeted
I do my best workout when I stretch my fingers for Cyber Monday.
Kevin retweeted
My boss doesn't understand I used up my brain power this morning getting two paperclips untangled.
Kevin retweeted
It’s kinda neat how during the holiday season you can stuff a corpse in a festive Christmas tree storage bag and leave it out by the curb for pick up
Kevin retweeted
The last word in creepy dolls would have to be my childhood Barbie with the chewed-off feet. She knows what she did.
Kevin retweeted
Sometimes I’m like, “What the fuck is wrong with me?” but other times I’m all, “What the fuck is wrong with me?”
Kevin retweeted
I’ve never looked at a pizza and not been like, “That could use more cheese.”
There are days during one's retirement when tough choices have to be made. Today is one of those days. Should I drink a cup of coffee or take a nap?
Kevin retweeted
Hung my Christmas lights on the house across the street so I can see them.
Scott Linnen @ScottLinnen
15K Followers 2K Following Hamburger Helper. Because a severed hand told me to.
Ivsy @Ivsy01
38K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
71K Followers 8K Following divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
CrankyPappy @CrankyPappy
184K Followers 166K Following Aging simpleton • Fluent in silence • Live & let live • Mind your own business • We huddle together & tweet for courage in the dark • deservedly modest • gfy
Shane @shanethevein
17K Followers 3K Following I don't care about politics, especially yours. Padres fan. Crodie lover. I block trolls.
uncle mom @mayamanion
12K Followers 6K Following subpar mom, shitty waitress, Columbo aficionado https://t.co/V8Yq5kdfIh
Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
71K Followers 15K Following writer of dumb tweets, founder of the @LuvPugFDN for homeless & disabled animals 🐾 🐾🐾Instagram: -luvpugpetcare -harrywaddlebottom -luvpugfoundation
Tony P. @Tbone7219
52K Followers 18K Following
Lori @loribuckmajor
8K Followers 5K Following Loving wife & mom, fun friend. LOVE to laugh. Oh I'm a model and an actress, isn't everyone? sometimes I lie. Why am I always hungry?
C’est La Vie @Robert_Beau
55K Followers 48K Following Real Deal ~ Part Time Penis Model ~ Full Time Asshole
John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets
17K Followers 9K Following This mind intentionally left blank. https://t.co/n3wD8D0ICA
💙 Something Wicked... @CamusOverEasy
17K Followers 15K Following I like Albert Camus and eggs over easy. Former cabbie/bartender/band manager/insurance guy. Veteran. The Shit Show has begun. Buckle up. 凡人
tazz @noneofyours99
79K Followers 43K Following Army Veteran, atheist, here to share some laughs, it's the universal language I ❤️Animals #supportmentalhealth squirrel mama ,wildlife rescue 🔥Memphis🔥
Just Call Me Frank™... @JustCallMeFrank
14K Followers 5K Following Nightmare with legs | Creator, writer, sayer of things and stuff. Mostly things | My YouTube channel: https://t.co/XlCXxMHyH0
HuldaGregory @eV277364242J0L
120 Followers 4K Following Wanderlust warrior collecting sunsets and passport stamps 🌍✈️
Adream @Adream300278312
39 Followers 4K Following
Sofie @Sofie414050
34 Followers 3K Following
sunflower @sunflower732220
38 Followers 4K Following
Lisabug @Lisabug74
19K Followers 8K Following Welcome to Lisa World! | Love food | Enjoy puns | Cake addict | Cat Mom |DMs are closed, but replies are welcomed.
Belief @belief95247
43 Followers 5K Following
Dolores @dolorescorell82
248 Followers 3K Following
Nesesmo @nesesmo48847
31 Followers 1K Following
Dos Sombreros @StoopidTree
430 Followers 619 Following Just another snarky prick...but with a little more class. This place is cheaper than therapy. Part time co-host of @Atomic_Rubbish . #warrior #LoverOfBooze
I Am Oscar 🐾😻 @IAmOsca62636948
1K Followers 3K Following I am world's best cat keep stalking me for the Oscar level cat's understanding.
Funny Tweeter @thefunnytweeter
12K Followers 4K Following If we retweet you, that means your tweet was published in https://t.co/Sjvvd3oshD. To submit a tweet, mention @thefunnytweeter
Laura Marie @lmegordon
24K Followers 2K Following I'm a mom, an aspiring novelist, and a political activist.
Kissy @Xx_HoneyComb_xX
4 Followers 134 Following
soo over it @CArmanthegirl
39K Followers 12K Following Please retweet my retweets, that’s what they are for
DawnM @DawnM43091820
2K Followers 5K Following Occasional adult content, because I'm occasionally an adult.
Kent Graham @KentWGraham
9K Followers 415 Following RECENT https://t.co/DAzM91Nrif CREAM OF THE CRAP: https://t.co/Tyl4VDKe2a
MarGinalCallGirl @wrenn_rebecca
6 Followers 315 Following
Basically CNN @basicallyCNN
517 Followers 3K Following Bringing you the latest mockery of CNN blasphemy.
The Chosen One @WxckyG
295 Followers 1K Following
Young Patriot @youngfreenproud
23 Followers 138 Following 17 years old | proud American | firm believer in the principles of the United States Constitution and founding documents
Caden @Cadenzimmerman
1 Followers 36 Following
#econcaptain @Captain_Econ
34 Followers 183 Following Hello citizens of America. I'm here to save you from the dastardly bad policies such as the democratic ones.#Libertarian
NOT Popular Opinion @right_AMERICA_
31 Followers 601 Following Freedom of speech activists, libertarian, and most importantly American.🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
name @FunnyAsPiss
26 Followers 400 Following
trump @hhfdjauayevdja
7 Followers 90 Following
Patrick @pcole_776
78 Followers 470 Following you know this life only temporary so why not be extraordinary 🤷🏻♂️
Yankee Mike @YankeeMike1776
110 Followers 1K Following All American. Burgers, Beers, and Babes. 50 Stars and 13 Bars of eagle screechin' freedom. Yee yee.
Jacques Debeuneure @JDebeuneure
28 Followers 58 Following
Breathless @Breathless4now
3 Followers 43 Following Just an old lady who can't breathe. I've been listening to my grown ass daughter read tweets out loud for years. I'm here to see it for myself.
Dick Cox-Johnson @ttherateof
4K Followers 4K Following (18+) NSFW unless you wanna get fired. My TL: https://t.co/GEjIJVD9aj I once was the man from Nantucket. https://t.co/WX7IunjiKI
Dawn Springer @DawnSpringer82
24 Followers 179 Following
Brian DiBartolo @bdibar
402 Followers 1K Following Faculty/Chair - Geography Dept. @VVCEdu. Father, husband, ⚽️aficionado & referee, geoscience geek. Tweets do not reflect the opinion of Victor Valley Col.
MarQuis Trill | Crypt... @marquistrillx
1.9M Followers 3.8M Following Bitcoin Class of 2017 | Crypto Trader of The Year 2018 | Binance Top 50 Influencers | I help Americans & businesses with credit repair, funding. Internet Broker
CassFullofJoy🩺❤�... @Cassfullofjoy
2K Followers 2K Following Hope with a Stethoscope Nurse in the Hood Be Kind INFJ-T
Keetha Frey @KeethaFrey
6 Followers 74 Following
Lucy @LucyKebr
17 Followers 206 Following
Scott Linnen @ScottLinnen
15K Followers 2K Following Hamburger Helper. Because a severed hand told me to.
Ivsy @Ivsy01
38K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
71K Followers 8K Following divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
CrankyPappy @CrankyPappy
184K Followers 166K Following Aging simpleton • Fluent in silence • Live & let live • Mind your own business • We huddle together & tweet for courage in the dark • deservedly modest • gfy
Shane @shanethevein
17K Followers 3K Following I don't care about politics, especially yours. Padres fan. Crodie lover. I block trolls.
uncle mom @mayamanion
12K Followers 6K Following subpar mom, shitty waitress, Columbo aficionado https://t.co/V8Yq5kdfIh
Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
71K Followers 15K Following writer of dumb tweets, founder of the @LuvPugFDN for homeless & disabled animals 🐾 🐾🐾Instagram: -luvpugpetcare -harrywaddlebottom -luvpugfoundation
Tony P. @Tbone7219
52K Followers 18K Following
Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin
14K Followers 7K Following
Lori @loribuckmajor
8K Followers 5K Following Loving wife & mom, fun friend. LOVE to laugh. Oh I'm a model and an actress, isn't everyone? sometimes I lie. Why am I always hungry?
C’est La Vie @Robert_Beau
55K Followers 48K Following Real Deal ~ Part Time Penis Model ~ Full Time Asshole
Drew (some assembly r... @dmc1138
6K Followers 2K Following if it wasn't for this nonsense, I'd have no sense at all.
Nayele18 @nayele18maybe
8K Followers 792 Following I don’t want to hold your baby. https://t.co/QgYIS4j9WI
Alan Felyk @AlanFelyk
142K Followers 70K Following Author of the Infinity's Trinity series—two science fiction/romance/humor novels on Amazon. https://t.co/bSsYzoYscb
Dettman pacaya nos @dettmanpacayano
7 Followers 96 Following
Victor D Crews @VictorDCrews2
19 Followers 180 Following
A⚡️ @abnkluh7
144 Followers 1K Following
vemula ramana @VemulaRamana
481 Followers 3K Following
xxxxx @marymetzler773
338 Followers 3K Following
pumaprincess @JAM55378008
75 Followers 241 Following
Jenny Wit da Juice @OGJennyThug
1K Followers 3K Following The Ghetto Asian Philosopher. It's not so hard out here for a pimp. Reality is only a condition. ♒AQUARIUS♒
Eva Rudner @EGRudner
2K Followers 4K Following Fellow human :) I tweet & retweet random human thoughts. I like Humor, Politics, Pets & Common Sense. (NO DMs, please.)
Laura Pupo @vpupo7laura
21 Followers 103 Following
B @bibi_aga
110 Followers 267 Following Maybe this time I'll stay around longer https://t.co/WuSX0e9s5s
Anil Verma @anil3dndr
211 Followers 532 Following Entrepreneur I Animation I Architecture I BIM l Furniture
Miguelito Armelin @MikeArmelin
281 Followers 2K Following I Wake up early before its time.. check da list of the Richest People in the World in Forbes mag. If I'm not there ,I Go to Work....
Rough Redneck @RedneckHQ
42K Followers 28K Following I love my Country, Guns & Beer! Rednecks do it right. Trucks Jeeps And Women.
KSLove @KSJ9102016
5 Followers 67 Following
Галя Лазаре... @uvarovaalma2
44 Followers 2K Following
Lucy @LucyKebr
17 Followers 206 Following
CassFullofJoy🩺❤�... @Cassfullofjoy
2K Followers 2K Following Hope with a Stethoscope Nurse in the Hood Be Kind INFJ-T
MarQuis Trill | Crypt... @marquistrillx
1.9M Followers 3.8M Following Bitcoin Class of 2017 | Crypto Trader of The Year 2018 | Binance Top 50 Influencers | I help Americans & businesses with credit repair, funding. Internet Broker
Dawn Springer @DawnSpringer82
24 Followers 179 Following
Dick Cox-Johnson @ttherateof
4K Followers 4K Following (18+) NSFW unless you wanna get fired. My TL: https://t.co/GEjIJVD9aj I once was the man from Nantucket. https://t.co/WX7IunjiKI
Breathless @Breathless4now
3 Followers 43 Following Just an old lady who can't breathe. I've been listening to my grown ass daughter read tweets out loud for years. I'm here to see it for myself.
Jacques Debeuneure @JDebeuneure
28 Followers 58 Following
Yankee Mike @YankeeMike1776
110 Followers 1K Following All American. Burgers, Beers, and Babes. 50 Stars and 13 Bars of eagle screechin' freedom. Yee yee.
Patrick @pcole_776
78 Followers 470 Following you know this life only temporary so why not be extraordinary 🤷🏻♂️
trump @hhfdjauayevdja
7 Followers 90 Following
name @FunnyAsPiss
26 Followers 400 Following
NOT Popular Opinion @right_AMERICA_
31 Followers 601 Following Freedom of speech activists, libertarian, and most importantly American.🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
#econcaptain @Captain_Econ
34 Followers 183 Following Hello citizens of America. I'm here to save you from the dastardly bad policies such as the democratic ones.#Libertarian
Caden @Cadenzimmerman
1 Followers 36 Following
Young Patriot @youngfreenproud
23 Followers 138 Following 17 years old | proud American | firm believer in the principles of the United States Constitution and founding documents
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