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Tweets29K
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Followers2K
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Following1K
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Likes28K
I'm not saying I want Toby Mcguire to be Spiderman again I'm just saying things seemed a lot better when he was.
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G 🍟 retweeted
Samuel Owl Jackson: SAY WHO ONE MORE TIME MOTHERF-
G 🍟 retweeted
animals be 20 minutes old and already know what to do
Just wanna hear David Attenborough narrate me putting on some jeans fresh out the dryer.
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[Judge] everyone is here, the new court reporter is ready, we may begin [Me, nervously] wait did he say REPORTER? i thought it was-- [Lawyer] ladies and gentlemen of the jury... [Me, sweating] *starts playing hot cross buns*
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Had that nightmare again where T Rexes had long arms and could mad dunk on everyone
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Just filled my mask with pure cocaine
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the only reason squirrels don't chew bubblegum is because they can't. but you know they want to. look at them.
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Shoutout to my dog, who never asks questions.
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I’m high so I’ll say this: I wish I could hold my friends as babies
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What happens when I reach the end of Netflix?
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ME: I quit BOSS: you don’t even work here ME: when can I start
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*climbs into race-car bed* Get in, loser. We’re staying home.
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It’s basically just one really long meal at this point.
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I could eat cereal for all 8 meals a day
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I could fuck up a Highlights magazine right now.
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
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𝐵𝓇𝑜𝒻𝑒�... @1_swarthy_dude
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ㄥ.Ǥ. @frecklez001
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মফিগ @017Ga9bn9AEvFVy
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Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪ... @sofarrsogud
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𝐵𝓇𝑜𝒻𝑒�... @1_swarthy_dude
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