Brandyn Mac @brandynmacd
I write and do things. Not your doppelgänger. I do my own stunts. Nova Scotia, Canada Joined June 2011-
Tweets36K
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Followers3K
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Following193
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Likes72K
It’s just a matter of time before Swifties start dressing like a quill pen or something now
Someone should tell Scorsese that we don’t need 4 hour long movies with DiCaprio anymore in roles that don’t suit him
I measure dudes under 5’8 in Subway subs like oh yeah that guy is 5 and a half subs
Get you a man that makes you chicken pot pie when you get home from work
Writers sending off a script like, “Here’s my latest, I am pretty proud of it! But it might be awful haha. No rush on reading it! But if you don’t respond in the next hour I will assume you set it on fire...which is totally fine! Love that for you. Thanks so much!!!!"
Imagine marrying someone and finding out they scream at the top of their lungs when somebody says “make some noise.”
I’ll never feel bad enough about anything to make an apology video
Pretty sure Coca-Cola can stop advertising now unless they put cocaine back in it
Harry Styles sounds like a made-up name that Big Foot would use to sneak into a fashion show.
If I got possessed by a demon I wouldn’t even notice it with the way my life is
My life is going like the Louisiana challenge episode of naked and afraid.
I’m the opposite of whatever people that do cold plunges are
Visited a used book store and asked the owner what made the shop smell so good (like Christmas trees) and he said “oh that’s just the ghost” I’m sorry the WHAT
My lawyer has the McDonald’s app on his phone, I’m going to jail man
Fun Prank: if you have a friend that hates Pepsi, make his rum & Coke with Pepsi, when he's done drinking it, tell him you fucked his wife.
If u can show me something crazier you’ve ever seen just sitting out in a restaurant I’ll be blown away.
Nothing is certain, except for the fact I see people every day that make me question how we survive as a species
Congratulations on working 40 hours! You are now free to dissociate for 2 days
The best way to tell if a girl is crazy is to see if she owns a coloring book and crayons
Everyone wearing a neck cast should have to hold a sign saying why
January James-Riggs @JanuaryJames
19K Followers 2K Following Not interested. Sometimes I'm funny. Armed and dangerous. I have an affection for tall dead guys. @JohnnyRiggs9 is buried in my backyard.
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2
Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
75K Followers 16K Following writer of dumb tweets, founder of the @LuvPugFDN for homeless & disabled animals 🐾 🐾🐾Instagram: -luvpugpetcare -harrywaddlebottom -luvpugfoundation
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets
18K Followers 9K Following This mind intentionally left blank. https://t.co/n3wD8D0ICA
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
55K Followers 50K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvo
Lucia Norg @NorgLucia38462
42 Followers 5K Following
Melanie Mcgregor @MelanMcgrego
91 Followers 5K Following
Argentina Laurole @ArgentinaL27340
96 Followers 5K Following
Shawnee Dudash @ShawnDudas
58 Followers 5K Following
Eun Galindez @EunGalind
51 Followers 5K Following
Alane Sueltenfuss @a_sueltenfu
44 Followers 5K Following
Fiona Murphy @FionaMu62598264
97 Followers 3K Following
Elizabeth Harris @ElizabethH41513
118 Followers 3K Following
Lillian @viesselman_lill
122 Followers 3K Following
Krista @Kristasunshine1
7K Followers 5K Following My hair is blond, but my brain isn't. Grateful cancer survivor. 💪💪 I think making toast is cooking. I'm just some girl on Twitter.
Evelyn @evelyn_cruce
164 Followers 3K Following
John Varner @Varnerism
4K Followers 5K Following Called “Fat Boy” by Iggy Pop. Reply stud. #wareagle #burrite #doggos #sfgiants #squirrels #roses #federalroad #Ukraine Blocked by @aublog
𝙴𝚗𝚗𝚞𝚒 .. @blueeyesgreene
12K Followers 3K Following let's get out of here ☁️: https://t.co/FXCn4TBLu7 more tweets @ link ⤵️
Opioid Cunningham @anthracitedub
3K Followers 3K Following Fiddler, Dubber, Father, Brother, Daddy has passed but I still have a Mother.
Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence
13K Followers 12K Following Multiple Gracie Award Winning Radio Host, TV chick @sunriseon7, Published Author, Irritant. Listen to me @CBSNewsRadio
Lynn tiffany @Lynntiffany16
429 Followers 3K Following former food service worker at lee manor county of grey
em dash, pharm.d., et.. @shelldash
9K Followers 4K Following if you see a stupid checkmark next to my name PLEASE understand that I’m only paying to keep my bookmark-folders-obsessed OCD happy (@shelldashing on IG)
Carmely Sandiego @orangecrushable
3K Followers 3K Following Silly but odd. I’m scared of your DMs. https://t.co/pxNPHrKTzk
Greg One Leg @Greg_1_Leg
9K Followers 3K Following I’m Greg and I have one leg. It’s the most interesting thing about me.
Lamin Yarboe @lyarb592929
25 Followers 2K Following Hello greeting 🙏 to everyone I'm Lamin from Gambia 🇬🇲 in west africa an I'm living with my siblings an out Grandma who is now old an friendship is my dream
🦋~Tynk~🦋 @Dixie88Tynker
539 Followers 2K Following 🎱🪢 I'm a fragment of ur imagination,Smile at urself inwardly🥀☆exist☆ homeless- Donations appreciated~Cash app- $Tynk3rb3ll Venmo @Tynk3rb3ll/ PayPal @tynk946
🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨�.. @NikonianChick
5K Followers 3K Following Conservative ! Just saving you and me time 😜 😉 petrol head-i support all my jewish friends 🇮🇱
Jakery never said @jakery
8K Followers 4K Following @jakerydont on TikTok, Twitch, and YouTube. Playing simulation games with far less fear than is appropriate.
❤️🔥𝕊𝕚.. @MyFadedRainbow
21K Followers 5K Following Chaos, panic & disorder – my work here is done. OF creator. Message me for the link 😘
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.
ChiChi Greenblatt @ChiChiGreenblat
71K Followers 43K Following I'm a little ball of crazy and one fucked up rollercoaster ride. Married. #🟦
The Nostalgic @TheNostalgicCo
43K Followers 6K Following We all have stories where the contents are way better than the cover. type1diabetes celiac advocate for a cure. insulinshouldbefree
Horrible Group @horriblegroup
962 Followers 2K Following I’m a horrible person. https://t.co/jfsEXOHhZ1
ᴄʜ @nontenefare
831 Followers 2K Following
Frank Berlin @FrankBerlin125
327 Followers 871 Following crypto expect 🔭📣 crypto analysis 📊📈 crypto currency trader
Cara Rothenberg @cararothenbergg
1K Followers 863 Following Comedy Writer. Olympic Overthinker. Rep: Logical Talent MGMT
J. Motoki @J_Motoki
80K Followers 69K Following #writer of the weird #ownvoices | https://t.co/PhXY6TBQFw | #WritingCommunity | she/her 🌈
Basically Broken @SalorMoon_Shine
30K Followers 4K Following Waiting for someone to finally take me seriously, so I came to Twitter
Bob Stegall @StegallBob
640 Followers 940 Following white southern male Retired Republican dob:12/11/44
January James-Riggs @JanuaryJames
19K Followers 2K Following Not interested. Sometimes I'm funny. Armed and dangerous. I have an affection for tall dead guys. @JohnnyRiggs9 is buried in my backyard.
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2
Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
75K Followers 16K Following writer of dumb tweets, founder of the @LuvPugFDN for homeless & disabled animals 🐾 🐾🐾Instagram: -luvpugpetcare -harrywaddlebottom -luvpugfoundation
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
55K Followers 50K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvo
Krista @Kristasunshine1
7K Followers 5K Following My hair is blond, but my brain isn't. Grateful cancer survivor. 💪💪 I think making toast is cooking. I'm just some girl on Twitter.
𝙴𝚗𝚗𝚞𝚒 .. @blueeyesgreene
12K Followers 3K Following let's get out of here ☁️: https://t.co/FXCn4TBLu7 more tweets @ link ⤵️
em dash, pharm.d., et.. @shelldash
9K Followers 4K Following if you see a stupid checkmark next to my name PLEASE understand that I’m only paying to keep my bookmark-folders-obsessed OCD happy (@shelldashing on IG)
Carmely Sandiego @orangecrushable
3K Followers 3K Following Silly but odd. I’m scared of your DMs. https://t.co/pxNPHrKTzk
Greg One Leg @Greg_1_Leg
9K Followers 3K Following I’m Greg and I have one leg. It’s the most interesting thing about me.
🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨�.. @NikonianChick
5K Followers 3K Following Conservative ! Just saving you and me time 😜 😉 petrol head-i support all my jewish friends 🇮🇱
Jakery never said @jakery
8K Followers 4K Following @jakerydont on TikTok, Twitch, and YouTube. Playing simulation games with far less fear than is appropriate.
❤️🔥𝕊𝕚.. @MyFadedRainbow
21K Followers 5K Following Chaos, panic & disorder – my work here is done. OF creator. Message me for the link 😘
ChiChi Greenblatt @ChiChiGreenblat
71K Followers 43K Following I'm a little ball of crazy and one fucked up rollercoaster ride. Married. #🟦
The Nostalgic @TheNostalgicCo
43K Followers 6K Following We all have stories where the contents are way better than the cover. type1diabetes celiac advocate for a cure. insulinshouldbefree
Cara Rothenberg @cararothenbergg
1K Followers 863 Following Comedy Writer. Olympic Overthinker. Rep: Logical Talent MGMT
Kate’s Fate @katvonwitt
9K Followers 2K Following I bake a lot of banana bread. Mutuals @katvonwitty
J. Motoki @J_Motoki
80K Followers 69K Following #writer of the weird #ownvoices | https://t.co/PhXY6TBQFw | #WritingCommunity | she/her 🌈
Basically Broken @SalorMoon_Shine
30K Followers 4K Following Waiting for someone to finally take me seriously, so I came to Twitter
SpatialKimtamine @kimmalien
1K Followers 724 Following I’m a reptilian humanoid and a psychonaut 🧠 🛸 nobody/nothing
Fulkery, A Parody Wra.. @Fulkery1
11K Followers 10K Following Ruminations from a human that errs. Not 'available' so move along.
Parody Whitney @ParodyWhitney
5K Followers 591 Following Singer/Songwriter/Silly (NOT a parody account, it’s my name) Here to commiserate on the good, bad & ugly of life and share my music. Weird Al = my hero 🎤
Elon Musk @elonmusk
181.6M Followers 584 Following
Keri MacKinnon @KeriMacKinnon
506 Followers 131 Following
𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃.. @im_all_id
6K Followers 1K Following middling jokes & existential dread // been seen in a meme
MisoSilly @SeiYoung83
16K Followers 12K Following just read the fucking tweets https://t.co/OnMlrENZi4
𓊆ྀིsophia𓊇�.. @sosilenthill
39 Followers 173 Following
Amy @bitter_german
7K Followers 5K Following Thought validation #ENTP born old. heathen. tall. I think about all the thoughts. it’s 2024 now but 1984 soon. NOT the zodiac killer. Candy connoisseur.
Sin & Tonic 🇨🇦 @CrownsAndThings
14K Followers 8K Following Hi, I’m human and it hurts. Not a dude. Live, laugh, toaster bath. A-romantic. She/her. #AbortionRightsAreHumanRights
Wolfmann 🇨🇦 @wolfmannjr
10K Followers 6K Following Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light. Some people need Michael Knight https://t.co/jRDoXPnZjm
🌎Gaia 🌌🪶🖖.. @GAIAAENEAS
15K Followers 6K Following 🌌Ad Astra Per Aspera🌌Combat Veteran Army ➕️/ social moth /🌎E. Sci.Teach/2A/Phd-candidate/space nerd 🪐 nature lover🌿🌸/ 🖖🏻/ *FTP*
Ardent Siren @ardentsiren
5K Followers 3K Following Just a nerdy Latina stumbling through life. Join me? 😉 Writer, bookdragon, lover of pickles, film, & comics (not necessarily in that order). 🖤🌈
Jack Nicholson at home smoking a joint and listening to records… real
@Realdevinhaney Bruh u lost to this guy 😭😭
Costume ideas for next concert 🖊️
It’s just a matter of time before Swifties start dressing like a quill pen or something now
Are you… ok
My bf is listening to “unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield while driving to work
Just witnessed a grown man whimpering on the phone saying “I want to be your slave” at CVS. Ahh yes, Tuesday.
Every straight man thinks they have a friend who is a “legend” but in reality they just have a friend named Paul who thinks anger isn’t an emotion and occasionally drinks beer out of a bathtub.
Lmao this happened to me and then they charged me and I disputed it on my credit card and now when I try to use Uber eats or Uber they won’t let me move forward until they recharge me for it and I’m like naaaah DoorDash and Lyft it is
Yo @UberEats @Uber_Support I’ve never seen worse customer service in my life.
Get you a man that makes you chicken pot pie when you get home from work
People who can sleep without white noise or a fan are psychopaths.
i have a friend who’d betray me for kohl’s cash so i get it jesus.
Hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream but GOD DAMMIT I forgot my cardigan
*my laptop overheating because I have 600 tabs and 50 final draft docs open* Me: “oh really you’re gonna EXPLODE?? okkkkkk drama”
Never had anyone crave me but a few girls have pepper sprayed me & that stuff could be kinda expensive for all we know
Yeah, US immigration is completely backwards: trivial to enter illegally and nightmarishly difficult to enter legally! I strongly support increasing and expediting legal immigration.
AMERICA, LOOK AT SWEDEN AND BEWARE THE CHAOS OF UNCONTROLLED IMMIGRATION (NYP) I don’t think many Americans realize how difficult it is to come to America legally. Among my own friends, I know an academic who has spent the past year in legal limbo, not allowed to work between…
@brandynmacd 😂🩷
at the end of the day it's the person you watched barbie with in July 2023
Martin Scorsese on the set of Taxi Driver (1976)
Don’t Talk To Me Until I’ve Had My Morning Cup of Existential Dread
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