The last 10 seasons of 'The Simpsons' is like:
@TheRock I got into it with my girlfriend's daughter the other day...
To the young comedians, hang in, never give up, meet me at the top.
All you nerds out here buying $250 sneakers just to feed Michael Jordan's gambling addiction.
Meanwhile Adidas is giving the people what they really want. And what we want is $450 Ned Flanders patterned urban loafers. Prayer Force 1s
I often say that living well is the greatest revenge. It is also an excellent way to throw off suspicion from my actual favorite revenge, arson.
You strike me as the type to name your kid Taylor, spell it Taelir then get mad that everyone spells it wrong
Beloved comedian Norm MacDonald's cause of death has been revealed as cancer.
O.J. Simpson no longer the lead suspect.
Norm MacDonald on battles with cancer: “I’m pretty sure, I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure if you die, the cancer dies at the same time. That’s not a loss. That’s a draw.”
A person called OwlKitty changed the Business Card scene from “American Psycho” to the guys showing each other pictures of their cats on their phones… and it could possibly be the greatest masterpiece ever 😂
Does anyone have any good tips for reminding myself to "live, laugh, love"?
how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions
She wanted a night out. Before Quarantine 2.0 begins indefinitely. Next month.
Idea for a cologne:
-half filled bottles
We call it: "tester"
Happy National Orgasm Day!
Only one minute left before it's over!
60... 59... 58....... I'm sorry
Happy National Orgasm Day!
National Female Orgasm day is 4 months later and most men will already be asleep.
@marcmaron Where do you land on ZZ Top? Overrated? Underrated? Appropriately rated? Badass beards?
Michael Jordan doesn't play when it comes to competition. This hilarious story by Marc J. Spears is just another example of that.
@drewbarth @TridentDeck Yes. That is my Variant self from an alternate dimension where the Mariners make the playoffs 😁
To the makers of cybernetic marketing droid Russell Wilson; why even install a personality chip if you're just going to leave it at the lowest setting?
Top 5 Greatest Wrestlers of All Time:
1) Ric Flair
2) Charlotte Flair
3) Ric Flair's limousine driver
4) Ric Flair's jet flyer
5) Ric Flair's alligator shoe salesman
R.I.P. Comedy Underground.
You were an excellent backdrop for basic chicks who signed up for one open mic and then made that their Tinder profile pic.
I don't know why people struggle so much with pronouns these days. Just ask people what they prefer and they'll tell you.
The real challenge is with common nouns. What is the most appropriate designation to use without offending anyone?
Chief? Pal? Sport?
Are finger guns "woke"?
The Actual Tonight Show Lineage -
Steve Allen ➡ Jack Paar ➡ Johnny Carson ➡ Joan Rivers ➡ David Letterman ➡ Conan O'Brien