SurvivingMyBoys @SurvivingMyBoys
Life raising three boys. My tweets let you know I've lived to tell the tale. https://t.co/2zJccidaQU Bloomington, Indiana Joined July 2009-
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Following3K
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Pretty excited for Taylor going to Super Bowl. This is the closest she's ever gotten to a ring with a guy.
If you buy your kid new pants that fit perfectly, it triggers a growth spurt. It's science
Thrift stores should have after hours party bookings. Groups of friends with snacks and beverages trying on all the fashion combos.
Husband: I'm about to go on a big cleaning spree and just start getting rid of stuff. Me: That's hot Husband: I'm being serious Me: Keep talking sexy like that
Interviewer: What experience do you have working under intense circumstances? Me: Well, I've been guessing what my kids drew for about 12 years now
Family game nights are just moms reminding everyone whose turn it is.
What if we aren't early birds or night owls? What if we're just living in a time zone that's wrong for us?
Husband: Has anyone ever checked to see if queso is bad for you Me: Why would someone do that? There's a chance it could be bad and why would anyone want to know that
Have you ever thought about how Chuck E Cheese is just a casino for kids?
On January 17th wear all white to honor what would have been the 100th birthday of Betty White. Thank you for being a friend. #BettyWhite
8yo: What if they took opera and pop and rock music and combined it. What would that even sound like? Me: Queen
Work smarter, not harder. #parentingtips
My kids going through laundry like everyday is a quick change magic show.
Scattered throughout the country are women in their 40s with Aqua Net, a teasing pick, curling iron, and a hairdryer on the ready just waiting for the word go
Sorry that I parked so close to you in the drive thru. I was getting static further back and Faithfully was playing. You're welcome for the free concert though.
You know at midnight your phone is going change to December 32nd. This year just won't quit.
Don't eat cookie dough. You'll get salmonella from the raw eggs. Also, do you want some eggnog?
If anybody got me motivation for Christmas, I'm going to need to open that present early.
Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
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20K Followers 4K Following 🍔 Recipes, Hacks & Humor _👨👦👦 Father of Boys __📚 Author of Books ___👇🏼 Join in the Fun!Marl @Marlebean
40K Followers 7K Following If you innocently act like you don't know, people will explain dirty words to you and it's hilarious.Michelle says "Dance .. @RageMichelle
41K Followers 41K Following I am the short, female, old, Samuel L Jackson of Twitter. Only not rich or famous. Also, I can't act. I'm just good at saying motherfucker.Stephanie Ortiz @Six_Pack_Mom
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56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezburJessie @mommajessiec
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39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.The Dad @thedad
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66K Followers 8K Following Founder/CEO @LITXCHANGEllc, Hot Shot Logistics, Podcast Host. Tweets are not financial advice, nor an offer to buy/hold/sell any security. https://t.co/0wo9IDeaRmTaraBull @TaraBull808
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649K Followers 521 Following Congressman, husband, father and follower of Christ proudly serving #SWFL fighting for freedom, liberty, 2A & school choice. Official Account: @RepDonaldsPressI only have free radio in my car and i have to say, i find it very difficult to believe you people want to hear Hotel California and Tom Petty this often
@CBSBigBrother Watching you ruin your own show. Long time viewer. I don't know who's changing this stuff up but it's for the worst.
Why would anyone ‘pick a side’ when it’s the same psychopaths who are controlling all sides?
Please excuse the state of my house, it will be clean if you can come back in 2053 when all my kids have moved out
For those who don’t watch the UFC, something incredible happened last night Bryce Mitchell whose from Arkansas, while he was being introduced brought a Bible into the Octagon and yelled freedom, the commentators said that was the first time that a Bible has been brought into the…
Is there a more delicious scam than the mini apple cinnamon donuts at the pumpkin patch?
I think we are all ignoring the healing properties of biscuits & gravy.
Is New Mexico a test run for a nationwide “health emergency” where gun rights are suspended for all in the name of public health? This is what happens when the federal govt does something insane like declaring gun violence an epidemic (which is ridiculous) & making it a “health…
The way Felicia and Cirie gaslight someone is crazzzzy. #BB25
Felicia and Cirie talk to fbj like shit... but everyone loves them. They are mean girls, and I dont even like fbj, but come on, don't tell a grown woman to stop crying and put your big girl panties on. #BB25
14 yo boys are more disgusting than when they were toddlers. sorry for the bad news, toddler parents. it gets way worse.
Shortly after Covid started, in July of 2020, my father died. Before I ended the call with my stepmom, who called me when my my father collapsed, my girlfriend already had the car packed. She knew what to do, and I didn’t need to say anything. By the time I hung up the phone,…
@Travis_in_Flint @Kriscilicious "America,That's Not My Concern!"
@CBSBigBrother Nether region is an interesting choice of words.
@CBSBigBrother @evett_chiu AND the most boring to watch! #BB25