the Mom TruthBomb @momTruthBomb
Being a Mom is unbelievably rewarding, except for when it makes you want to sob uncontrollably. https://t.co/wzrOWbeSRu twitter.com/search?q=-http… Rhode Island, USA Joined July 2015-
Tweets20K
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Followers7K
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Following1K
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Likes22K
Getting the kids ready for school in the morning would be so much easier if it weren't for the kids.
"JUST PUT YOUR SHOES ON IN THE CAR!!!" - A Mother's Battle Cry
The other day in Costas, my 10 yr old ruined her straw so I went to get her another. She then proceeded to do the same things that she did with the last one. Losing my patience I told her to stop doing that as that was the last straw.
The NBA should have jeans night. I wanna see how good they play in jeans
At some point, everyone has to grow up, hang up their going out clothes, and put on their "watching YouTube videos about the latest Costco deals" sweatpants.
What's great about older kids is that there's no longer food crumbs everywhere and they pick up after themselves and if you believed this I'm sorry. I'm totally lying. It's actually way worse. More crumbs. Hope this helps you younger parents out there.
Motherhood is a lot like one of those cooking competition shows except the goal is to finish making dinner and eat it before you have to take a kid to some sort of activity, the judges tastes change from meal to meal, and you always lose.
Being in charge of feeding your family is hard work. -coming up with meal plans -buying the ingredients -cooking -taste-testing the food to make sure it's good -explaining to your family why all the chips and guacamole are gone It's exhausting.
Forgot it was Bring Your Kids to Work Day, so now I'm making them stay up with me while I watch TV & complain about everything I have to do.
Age 25: I need cute shoes for this event. Age 45: I need cute shoes for this event that I can also wear to work and walk several miles in, don’t make me look old or like I’m trying too hard, won’t hurt my little toe or lower back, will last a minimum of 10 years & are on sale.
“This is such a huge financial loss” me, after accidentally dropping a blueberry.
The clean laundry baskets and the sink are perpetually full in our house, but some days, I get a spurt of energy, which prompts my husband to text me things like this.
Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.
Why do I check my voicemail?...1% to hear the message....99% To get rid of that annoying icon
[cleaning the house] *need something from upstairs *go upstairs *get distracted by other stuff I need to do *go back downstairs *realize I forgot the thing I went upstairs for *go back upstairs *get distracted by more stuff I need to do *go back downstairs [repeat forever]
We had fraudulent charges on our credit card so now I have to have a new credit card issued. And it’s a credit card I’ve had forever and I actually have the number memorized and so there goes my one cool trick.
What I said: HURRY UP! WE’RE LATE! What my kids heard: Nothing. Because kids don't listen.
I always like to leave at least one little task that would probably only take me five minutes to complete on my to-do list, and it carries over to the next to-do list. It's my emotional support task.
For some reason, when I woke up this morning, I thought it was Friday. I quickly realized that it wasn't, but decided that it was actually Wednesday. So imagine my disappointment when I looked at the calendar and realized that it's only Tuesday.
Welcome to Motherhood. Hope you like being tired all the time. For reasons you can't pinpoint. Forever, apparently.
Simon Holland @simoncholland
171K Followers 1K Following My wife bought low sodium bacon and now I know what it means when someone says they love you but aren’t IN LOVE with you.
Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
The Dad @thedad
142K Followers 590 Following Welcome to the club. 🔥 https://t.co/E3irT7D7mM 🏆 https://t.co/EFPhC0SEeE 🎮 @thedadgaming
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4
116K Followers 6K Following I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. https://t.co/m6TcvYNqfm
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
66K Followers 9K Following divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal
136K Followers 2K Following Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM. https://t.co/jv3VQ5CW4O
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom
14K Followers 942 Following wife || mom of three || perpetually late || relatively unsociable || my tweets ➡️ https://t.co/zTOnobXohj
Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
15K Followers 975 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!
I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇
@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfK
McDad @mcdadstuff
9K Followers 2K Following I like dad jokes and I cannot lie. https://t.co/bbtLUiYKKg Find more of my tweets here ⬇️
That Mom Tho @mom_tho
47K Followers 3K Following contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6
Momsense Ensues @momsense_ensues
18K Followers 2K Following Working mom of two boys, happily married, trying to bring a little joy to the nonsense of parenting 💕 https://t.co/ujkBfo5Yxt 💕 #BLM
Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVph
Burning Mom ⚡️ @MomOnFire
75K Followers 2K Following Smooth like nitroglycerin. Sidekick to @gingerhotdish
Char @LadukeCharlotte
2K Followers 5K Following Character is wht U R in the dark when No1 is Looking 😇😈 when determining yr #SelfWorth ALWZ Round Up☝️#SobrietyRocks😎😃🤓 be Kind. Don't be a jerk.
Char @Char61303798
4K Followers 5K Following #MentalHealthMatters BPD biploar 12-Step #RecoveryPosse #odaat I love kindness, animals & I celebrate #Sobriety 6-5-20 Plz, No politics on ANY side here, ty.
Captainmorgan22 @Cptmorgan22
1K Followers 1K Following Jesus, US Army ret., Ole Miss, JD, MAGA, Deadhead
AhmedBashir @da_beshoo
42 Followers 429 Following Our hearts know the truth. Let's not ignore their voices. Opinions are my own and don't represent any organization.
Kids Books @KidsBooksio
21 Followers 73 Following Our books focus on Nurturing Love, Strengthening Bonds & Fostering Moral Values in Children, accessible to all, amidst a World Defined by Detachment.
LaNinibella @l_ninibella
83 Followers 442 Following
Amazing Pop Culture P.. @AmazingPopPod
27K Followers 13K Following The most powerful pop culture podcast ever created. Official 80s expert. The #1 authority on pop culture and hyperbole. Podcast available everywhere.
Woke-Mob 🌊💙🌎.. @ChasingBabies
2K Followers 4K Following 🌊WokeAF🌊 SoberAF 50+AF Finance/AccountingAF Former RepublicanAF Gun OwnerAF
Cindy Huggett @cindyhugg
6K Followers 5K Following Leading Virtual & Hybrid Training Expert | 20+ year online learning pioneer | 5x Author | Speaker | Helping orgs create engaging online learning | Hockey mom.
Luna @Sheneth246833
12 Followers 899 Following
MargaretaMaccini @MargaretaM58866
42 Followers 2K Following
[email protected] @loriahogan23
77 Followers 251 Following
Sherr_Donovan @njpinkkiss
93 Followers 194 Following I am a strong supporter of humans complimenting other humans ❤️ VENMO SherrieD1977
⛰️Mountain Mama�.. @mtnmamamd
4K Followers 4K Following 🇺🇸PATRIOT🇺🇸 Sharing Politics & Memes. Lover of Stand-up Comedy & Horror movies! NO DMs‼#Trump2024 #MAGA #AmericaFirst
Jerry Fitzsimmons @JerrytheFitz
33 Followers 134 Following
ShLuBsTeR @ShLuBsTeR
169 Followers 300 Following
Alex @AlexXxXx1989
408 Followers 6K Following
Molly Grimes @MollyGr99650745
3 Followers 48 Following
Clystol Pete @AlltheTime_4_T
311 Followers 2K Following On the spectrum. All of them. Ghost/Dragon type.
Heather @Heather_Escobar
849 Followers 5K Following
Laurie S Hurley #Vote.. @LaurieSHurley1
14 Followers 105 Following Voting Blue. Save Our Democracy.🇺🇲🗽 Detroit born and raised 🚗California is my home now.🏜🌄🌞 Dog & cat lover. 😺🐱👤🐶 Lymphoma warrior 🎗️🇺🇲🗽
Mysti Eason @EasonMysti1
0 Followers 165 Following
Crazy_Old_Cat_Guy @Big_Cat_Guy
155 Followers 292 Following 1&2 A Red Pill Christian Conservative. God, Country, Family. Supporter of Law Enforcement and Military 🇺🇲 Free of All Indoctrination, 100% Pure Blood 🩸🐈 ✝️
PosterArtPrintStudio @PosterArtPrint
74 Followers 234 Following We create beautiful low cost poster art prints for your home, print & frame them yourself or have them professionally printed on archival paper or canvas.
coco crabioco @brokegirlarch
412 Followers 2K Following 1 ex/2 kids/a few wild pets. ❤ Architecture, animals, hiking, the BoSox and all of you who make my days bearable. Florida A&M grad.
Seasoez @Seasoez184885
42 Followers 2K Following I live alone now and enjoy business, traveling, shopping, food and music. I have a calm personality and I hope we can be friends.
Sarah Harrison @SarahHa16733851
8 Followers 41 Following
notsoordinarymum @notsoordinaryA
44 Followers 113 Following I’ve tried adulting now and realise it’s not for me thanks. Mother of 👬 Wife 💃 Friend 👯♀️ #notsoordinarymum
Jopet Gonzalez @jopetgonzalez
64 Followers 759 Following “Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.” ~ The Joker
Karen S Ryan (she/her.. @Karen_S_Ryan
252 Followers 786 Following Communicator, educator, socialiser, partner, mother, friend. *she/her. Disabled, immunocompromised (RA). In favour of kindness! Fully vaxxed.
Allissa Miller @allissa_miller
9 Followers 118 Following
Kathy Kaiser @KCK1066
10 Followers 107 Following
Patricia Kuhn @PatriciaKu84047
4 Followers 19 Following
Carolyn Weber @CarolynWeber
2K Followers 1K Following Professor of Literature, DPhil. Oxon, author, speaker, wife, fun mum to darling girl+bunch of busy boys. My book now a film @Oxfordmovie. Tolle lege!
SUNPENNY @SUNPENNYSAFE
229 Followers 5K Following Concerned about safety issues for kids in & around the home. Lookin for tips & tricks to help parents keep their kids safe & healthy! #clearthelist #childsafety
Westchester Mom @WNYOpenSchools
8K Followers 3K Following I like things that make sense. I don’t like things that don’t. More unites us than divides us. #altmiddle #normalist
Letismoa @letismoa11477
100 Followers 1K Following I live alone now and enjoy business, traveling, shopping, food and music. I have a calm personality and I hope we can be friends.
laPer @laperr88
538 Followers 624 Following Half love affair with words, half bullshit. Not an autobiography.
MelLocastro @LocastroMe3552
70 Followers 2K Following
Tease and Tangle @TeaseNTangle
21 Followers 28 Following Promoting healthy romantic relationships through open communication, positivity, self-care, mutual exploration, and sexual wellness.
Bea @benebean
10 Followers 143 Following
Karl Tate @KarlTat60386511
184 Followers 211 Following
MommyNeedsaBreak @_MomNeedsaBreak
173 Followers 345 Following Teacher ✏️ Mother 👩 Wife 💍 Redskin fan for life #HTTR 🏈 Reality show lover 💜 Pain in the Ass 🍑
Simon Holland @simoncholland
171K Followers 1K Following My wife bought low sodium bacon and now I know what it means when someone says they love you but aren’t IN LOVE with you.
Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
The Dad @thedad
142K Followers 590 Following Welcome to the club. 🔥 https://t.co/E3irT7D7mM 🏆 https://t.co/EFPhC0SEeE 🎮 @thedadgaming
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4
116K Followers 6K Following I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. https://t.co/m6TcvYNqfm
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
66K Followers 9K Following divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal
136K Followers 2K Following Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM. https://t.co/jv3VQ5CW4O
James Breakwell, Expl.. @XplodingUnicorn
944K Followers 840 Following Father of daughters. Owner of pigs. Writer of books: https://t.co/V7JWbsTXJ9
One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom
14K Followers 942 Following wife || mom of three || perpetually late || relatively unsociable || my tweets ➡️ https://t.co/zTOnobXohj
Marcy G @BunAndLeggings
51K Followers 2K Following parenthood is like a box of chocolates... it's expensive
Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
15K Followers 975 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!
I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇
@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfK
McDad @mcdadstuff
9K Followers 2K Following I like dad jokes and I cannot lie. https://t.co/bbtLUiYKKg Find more of my tweets here ⬇️
That Mom Tho @mom_tho
47K Followers 3K Following contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6
Momsense Ensues @momsense_ensues
18K Followers 2K Following Working mom of two boys, happily married, trying to bring a little joy to the nonsense of parenting 💕 https://t.co/ujkBfo5Yxt 💕 #BLM
Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVph
Laura Marie @lmegordon
25K Followers 2K Following I'm a mom, a nationally-ranked complainer, and an aspiring novelist.
Mediocre Mom @MediocreMamaa
5K Followers 438 Following Always hangry. never fashionable. sometimes funny. My linktree: https://t.co/aSUIRbRWcz Featured on @huffpost @TODAY_parents @boredpanda @scarymommy
Jennay Gump 🦐 🍫.. @jovialjennay
2K Followers 1K Following Allergic to shrimp. Number is on the wall. Mom of some kids.
Kelsey Bain @KelseyBain13
868 Followers 10 Following
Viva Frei @thevivafrei
598K Followers 842 Following Former Litigator "No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up” -Lily Tomlin https://t.co/YpProR0JfY and https://t.co/tTGP3oWcM9
Dad@Home @Dad_at_Home_
4K Followers 5K Following #GirlDad at home since COVID began. I know more about frozen than anyone else on this cursed earth. Grilled cheese enthusiast and PBJ aficionado.
Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma
14K Followers 9K Following My eggs are expired, I ran out of bread, my husband got fired. I wish I was dead. https://t.co/IVfhz3nNnT https://t.co/eY8BG3lLqc
Rodney Smith Jr @iamrodneysmith
156K Followers 82 Following Founder of Raising Men & Women Lawn Care Service - 501(c)(3) | We provide free lawn care to the elderly, disabled, single parents , veterans.
Parenting Presently (.. @presentparent_
2K Followers 512 Following Best parenting hack = laughter | As seen on @BuzzFeed @HuffPost & more | 🐦 Greatest hits ⬇️
The Mom, M.Ed. 💃 @TheMomMEd
1K Followers 1K Following Mom. Writer. Chronic Pain Warrior. Animal lover. Baker, at times. I have extremely dry wit, and I’m not sorry about it. ***I do not DM.***
themomessence @themomessence
3K Followers 2K Following Welcome to this moms brain 🧠Occasionally I’m funny. Doing my best to normalize the struggles ❤️
LaughCryCoffee @laughcrycoffee
1K Followers 480 Following Here to commiserate about life with toddlers. Featured on HuffPost and Today. Now on insta!
Kristen | Driving Mom.. @DrivingMomBlog
2K Followers 2K Following Writer, mom of 3, mental health advocate & M.B.A. Fluent in memes. CPST/LDS/Aggie/Bravo fanatic 💃🏻. Contributor at @HerViewFromHome & #filterfreeparents
kindminds_smarthearts @kindminds_
2K Followers 484 Following Gentle parenting | Realities of Parenting | ADHD | Funny stuff | You can find my original tweets here⬇️
Mommeh Dearest @mommeh_dearest
9K Followers 1K Following There is no Mommy, only Zuul.✨Be excellent to each other✨Folllow me everywhere https://t.co/ItaeRTMeC2 Peep my tweets in the link below 👇🏻
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
Terri Fry @momlikethat1
3K Followers 289 Following Podcaster | Writer 🎙New episode every Tuesday. https://t.co/W2LEGUdGcM
KJ @IDontSpeakWhine
16K Followers 2K Following Just a mom trying to stay sane one day at a time with 2 teens and a silly dog!
Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish
8K Followers 3K Following Warning: alcohol leads to kids leads to lots more alcohol.
Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump
87.3M Followers 51 Following 45th President of the United States of America🇺🇸
Ernie Anastos @ErnieAnastos
5K Followers 4K Following Ernie Anastos is an author and popular talk host on WABC in New York. He’s an Emmy award winning TV news anchor and national host of Positively America.
Mommy Needs A Life @mom_needsalife
11K Followers 463 Following Mom of 3. Finder of things. Drinker of gin. https://t.co/XEuy6bHaVy
Buitengebieden @buitengebieden
2.8M Followers 74 Following Welcome to the positive side of 𝕏. I’m Sander from the Netherlands. All copyrights belong to their respective owners! DM for credits/removal/submission!
@AlexNevilAgain @AlexNevilAgain
1K Followers 1K Following I am Elon Musk. You don’t need to parody me. I’m obviously perfectly capable of doing it myself.
Do No Harm @donoharm
15K Followers 326 Following We are a national association of medical professionals combating the attack on our healthcare system from woke activists. Join us – and help save medicine.
Libs of TikTok @libsoftiktok
3.1M Followers 854 Following News you can’t see anywhere else. 📧 [email protected]. DM submissions. Bookings: [email protected]. ⬇️Subscribe to our newsletter
Be Kind Of Witty @bekindofwitty
4K Followers 1K Following Mom life - Humor | Tweets: https://t.co/bBqGN7N1hI
Defiant L’s @DefiantLs
1.0M Followers 92 Following Some Are Defiant • Most Are Hypocrites • DM Submissions
Ben Shapiro @benshapiro
6.7M Followers 378 Following Daily Wire co-founder, host of @benshapiroshow, #1 NYT bestselling author, America’s #1 ex-rapper
Upside Dad @UpsideDad
4K Followers 2K Following Father of 8 at last count. Fan of The Office and Oxford commas. Seen in @HuffPostParents @Cheezburger @TODAYshow @Someecards @BoredPanda and more. My tweets ⬇️
NYC Expat Mom @nycexpatmom
47K Followers 4K Following Pro human rights, civil liberties, free speech & body autonomy. No qualifications. Blue collar girl trapped in a white collar world.
Chris Illuminati @chrisilluminati
14K Followers 1K Following Yes, it's my real last name • 5x author • rasslin' fan • I like to lift heavy shit
Twinstant Family | Li.. @twinstantfamily
4K Followers 1K Following Twitter is just like real life. I talk about my kids and our life only to find out I’m just talking to myself. 100% mom, wife, mess. #IVF #ASD
Unfiltered Mama 💗�.. @UnfilteredMama
24K Followers 8K Following I made this cocktail with a Capri Sun, so what? (she/her)
I Might Be Funny @imightbefunny1
8K Followers 327 Following Mom ❤ Humorist 😄 Author 📚 I pour the milk before the cereal. I thought a sloth was a mythical creature until I was 42. I’ll understand if you leave right now.
Chelsea Kunz (Karen D.. @KDisapproves
907 Followers 138 Following All things Karen would disapprove of🥳 As seen on Scary Mommy & Today Parents ❤️ [email protected]
Jenna S. @Thatmidwestmom
1K Followers 193 Following Worlds okayest Midwest mom who needed an outlet for her jokes
HoneyMustardMama @HoneyMustardMa
633 Followers 160 Following Booboo kisser, Fruit snack opener, Fellow human encourager, General life enthusiast. Follow me on IG: HoneyMustardMama
Modern_MomProbs @Modern_MomProbs
1K Followers 631 Following Hey! I'm Tara Clark Author•Podcaster• Content Creator• Mom• Tackling modern motherhood one problem at a time
New_England_Dad @new_england_dad
1K Followers 805 Following Zach Gobeil | Boy Dad | Featured on Today Parents, Momsplaining, Masslive, The Dad, Scary Mommy, The Chive
The Daily Laughs @Daily1Laughs
182 Followers 721 Following https://t.co/jBqo8Zmp9k Sharing laughs on the interwebGetting the kids ready for school in the morning would be so much easier if it weren't for the kids.
The other day in Costas, my 10 yr old ruined her straw so I went to get her another. She then proceeded to do the same things that she did with the last one. Losing my patience I told her to stop doing that as that was the last straw.
Having fun with the window cleaner.. 😊
The NBA should have jeans night. I wanna see how good they play in jeans
It sometimes seems hard to make friends as an adult but a little kid at the grocery store smiled and waved and said “Hi, what’s your name?” and maybe it’s just that simple.
What's great about older kids is that there's no longer food crumbs everywhere and they pick up after themselves and if you believed this I'm sorry. I'm totally lying. It's actually way worse. More crumbs. Hope this helps you younger parents out there.
9: This tastes like s-h-i-t 7: Shit? 9: Oh no, I didn’t know he could spell shit. 7: I can spell shit!! Me (questioning my parenting): Perhaps let’s all stop saying shit?
10: I like Lily and Jo but Jo doesn’t like Lily so I want to have a sleepover with Lily and Jo but Jo said she won’t come if Lily comes but Jo said she’d come if Vi comes but Lily and Vi don’t like each other so.. Hubs: Where’s your mom? 10: so Jo wants to.. Hubs: BABE!
Age 25: I need cute shoes for this event. Age 45: I need cute shoes for this event that I can also wear to work and walk several miles in, don’t make me look old or like I’m trying too hard, won’t hurt my little toe or lower back, will last a minimum of 10 years & are on sale.
“This is such a huge financial loss” me, after accidentally dropping a blueberry.
Very obsessed with how my 1.5 year old babbles nonsense while turning the pages of her board books, but when she comes to the last page and closes the book she states a very decisive AMEN
9 was telling me goodnight and he dared me to try to catch him and throw him in my cold plunge. He egged me on 3 times and said "I double dog dare you". I had to do it. Knowing full well he'd be crying soon. Not only did it end in tears but he was screaming bloody murder as he…
Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.
I had a moment of feeling lost and not knowing what im supposed to be doing with my life. I thought to myself, "please give me a sign," and then Eye of the Tiger started playing. I think I'm supposed to fight someone.
You're not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.
Been watching the sunset from this spot for 20 years.
I was backing out of my driveway when all of a sudden I see my son running toward me with a sense of urgency. I roll down my window, sure he’s going to tell me something important. He yells at me, “ARE WE OUT OF PEPPER JACK CHEESE?” so I guess that’s an emergency now.
Why do I check my voicemail?...1% to hear the message....99% To get rid of that annoying icon
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