Close to Classy @closetoclassy
Writer. Humor enthusiast. Fluent in sarcasm. https://t.co/8DZJseSJw1 favstar.fm/users/closetoc… Joined March 2016-
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Don’t forget to check on your friends whose kid always has to have the last word. We are probably in the middle of a 3-day argument, but go ahead and check.
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You may have to sit in the bench for a while, but remember friends, the karma bus always shows up.
Parenting right now is wild. It’s like, “Hey kids, do you want name brand cereal or do you want to go to college?”
Close to Classy retweeted
I’m no social butterfly but if you want a disassociating moth hmu
Work Tip #238 Instead of “You’re a dumbass” try “I feel you may not be intellectually equipped for this task.”
Some days I wear lip gloss, other days I look like a raccoon who fell out the back of a garbage truck. There is no in between.
So are we just going to keep going to work everyday and paying too much for everything until we die then?
You might think you’re OK, but wait until you feel floor crumbs under your bare feet
Brain: Don’t make it weird. Mouth: Eyebrows look like tiny mustaches.
Not to be dramatic but when floor crumbs touch my bare feet, I feel like I might die
I don’t want to be an alarmist, but there is a bright ball in the sky that hurts your eyes if you look at it.
You guys remember when we were younger and used “lolz”. God we are embarrassing
Have you tried not being a dumbass? This is apparently not the “appropriate” response to a coworker’s request for help. Sharing for awareness.
Close to Classy retweeted
Hey sorry I didn’t text u back for 2 weeks I just became completely jaded with the entire human experience haha anyways what’s up
Email from school the first week of winter weather: Greetings fellow survivor. The coldness is cold, and they are calling for more coldness. Please stay safe and warm at home today. The email I just got: Girl you better put ice skates on that minivan. See you soon, boo.
Brain: You can’t do stuff when it’s cold and dark outside. Me: I think it’s probably fine to still do stuff. Brain: No, get your sweatpants on and hunker down— eat carbs to stay warm. Me: I’m not a bear. Brain: CARBS AND SWEATPANTS NOW
Close to Classy retweeted
What if we all took the week off and just screamed.
Am I a vibe? Mirror: I think you might actually be a felony, but let’s see where the day takes us.
Close to Classy retweeted
I love when I try to unlock my iPhone in the morning and it's like "ummmmm we actually don't know a puffy bitch with one eye shut"
Winter has me feeling like my mental health came from Temu
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@daylight_poetry For some reason August came to my head right away
I’m no social butterfly but if you want a disassociating moth hmu
Statement from the Kansas City Chiefs
Students made fun of me today for drinking out of a Hydro flask. Apparently, I’m 3 water bottle generations behind?
According to your town’s community Facebook page, there was a coyote in a yard recently
Hey sorry I didn’t text u back for 2 weeks I just became completely jaded with the entire human experience haha anyways what’s up
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What if we all took the week off and just screamed.
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It’s so funny that one of Santa’s reindeer is named Vixen. He’s like “and this…is the sexy one.”
@closetoclassy Journey’s Stone in Love and it’s not good.
@closetoclassy Jesus. But we told them we didn't know how to do that. 🤣🤣
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