VAMPIRE DOVE @coyote_pastel
im on hold with my pharmacy. if you call me and i decline, ill call you back 📞 💊 twitter.com/search?q=paste… Tempe, AZ Joined July 2009-
Tweets29K
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Followers2K
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Following4K
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Likes41K
Just simmer down and watch the *throne, OK? *Me clearing out the lint immediately after I empty the dryer
*on Tinder* Hey ______, I’m archaeologist too! Ya dig?
Even though I never made kids- I have fatherly instincts AKA put your kids to bed before I destroy that vag
The true test of a 6AM dive bar’s worth is if the morning cowboy and cowgirl alcoholic regulars are older than yours.
it’s 41/5 and you can click here if you want to get the fuck out of this mess
So many transgressions, so little opportunity to make art about it. 🎨
The best way to cover sex sounds through the walls is not with sexy loud music, but with washer and dryer sounds on a bluetooth
The casual late clock-in with Starbucks products.
*If my commute was a Bruce Springsteen song* I need to cross the river before 330/ Clocking in at 4 is such a chore. McDowell by 340 could be dirty/ Because on-time is such a bore. Its Christmas Eve, and my brother is in jail, like I was.
She told me she would make a 90s playlist for me and I replied, 🎼 “How’s it gonna be?”
Isn’t it the worst when you get to work and the new guy says, “THERE he is!”
being a sapiosexual, I was horny for ideas, and I came to a conclusion.
Pardon me while I recreate myself
since the music thing never worked out, I might take my talents to law school But for every serious criminal I convict, I want residuals on every year they spend in prison.
there was a little bit of weed in my bellybutton this morning in case you hoes are looking for a gregarious conquistador.
At the dispo, I mixed up my gals name with the other gal. I apologized. told her I’ve been mixed up with Josh Hartnett for so many years that I don’t feel bad, except for Josh. How is he feeling.? How is Josh Hartnett feeling? what a shit life he must have been compared to me.
Trey @treydayway
41K Followers 6K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1XMatty @bestestname
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37K Followers 14K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, InfernoBöb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
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39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
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27K Followers 9K Following Gen X Superhero. Old people jokes for my old people followers. 90’s Kid Alumni. #cheeseburgersBoyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBVAnnie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
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I was married to a single dude for 11 years
I'm glad you losers follow me then unfollow me when you realise.
older men have the benefit of e x p e r i e n c e and that’s attractive af
Doggystyle, because it’s awesome.
I don’t believe any of you today
I'm out here representing the 45+ aged women who have nipples that don't line up or point in the same direction. Respect.
On #tinder I swiped right on this fit looking chick, slightly older, but now I regret it because it was Anthony Kiedis