Not your dream girl @nettie0918
Spuratic, chaotic, and slightly neurotic. favstar.fm/users/nettie09… 'Murica Joined November 2012-
Tweets47K
-
Followers19K
-
Following15K
-
Likes52K
Not your dream girl retweeted
If it’s a deal, it’s worth buying. It doesn’t matter if you can use it.
2
4
7
0
0
Not your dream girl retweeted
*Me, losing an argument... Oops. My titty popped out! *Wins.
I came back because your opinions matter to me. Or I’m bored. I can’t remember which one is correct
Not your dream girl retweeted
My cover letter is just a picture of me in a sleeveless turtleneck karate chopping the word 'unemployment'.
Ppsssstttt.....Hey buddy, you got any of them please Jesus don't let me kill people when I want a fucking cigarette pills?
I just made chips and cheese deluxe burritos if you were wondering how good this weed is......
Not your dream girl retweeted
A woman is like a great bottle of wine. Empty and in the trash. Wait, no. She's like a flower. Pretty to look at and soon wilted and dead. ?
Not your dream girl retweeted
Nobody important is reading your Tweets.
I came for the laughs..... .......I stay for the steady flow of rejection and disappointment.
Of course you are not the reason I drink so much, I just make bad choices. Didn't you choose me? You're right, it's your fault.
Not your dream girl retweeted
My Twitter account has been linked to the rise of microwave popcorn sales in the last 4 years
Not your dream girl retweeted
I'm not even remotely religious but some of you fuckers need Jesus and some Thorazine.
Not your dream girl retweeted
Me: "Hey doc, what's that condition where you wake up and everything hurts?" Doctor: "40"
Not your dream girl retweeted
I keep incredibly busy for someone that doesn't do anything.
Not your dream girl retweeted
I just burped and fogged my glasses up. Line forms to the left ladies.
Not your dream girl retweeted
I'm fat, so when I get mad, I get massive aggressive.
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
tazz @noneofyours99
85K Followers 46K Following Army Veteran, atheist, here to share some laughs, it's the universal language I ❤️Animals #supportmentalhealth squirrel mama ,wildlife rescue 🔥Memphis🔥
Miss Treated🇺🇸&.. @RejectedRedhead
27K Followers 7K Following Just a ginger looking for a new soul, mine is tainted. Probably won’t answer your DM
The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUa
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBV
Shae Aaron @ShaeAaron
13K Followers 6K Following Don't believe anything you read.. If I wrote it, it’s a joke
jenntrify @_jennatural
92K Followers 5K Following can someone tell Elon to chill 🌻 Cap ♑️🌻 IG: jen_natural 🌻Venmo: Jenna-G-11🌻Cashapp: https://t.co/R8d6waSX5z 🌻 : https://t.co/no0sIw9ICL
Cat From Nowhere @kv8
17K Followers 10K Following omnipresent in absentia, perchance frittering my time away on twitter. ok fine, X. .•| sui juris |•.
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Dr Pepper M.D. 🥤 @JustLikeMikee
24K Followers 24K Following All answers questioned here. I’m definitely not a doctor. Partial facts and stuff. I read a book about it.. once.
C’est La Vie @Robert_Beau
57K Followers 50K Following Real Deal ~ Part Time Penis Model ~ Full Time Asshole
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
Angie Davis ❤️’.. @AngieDavisHaha
17K Followers 4K Following I'll always be the jester,in a world that idolizes the princess.Goodnight @davidduchovny girl. Comic of Twitter tour @TweetComedians ,knows how to make a salad.
Jack Boot @IamJackBoot
13K Followers 1K Following The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, Harper's, Rolling Stone. I've read some of these magazines.
Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
75K Followers 16K Following writer of dumb tweets, founder of the @LuvPugFDN for homeless & disabled animals 🐾 🐾🐾Instagram: -luvpugpetcare -harrywaddlebottom -luvpugfoundation
fr289638qf8l @oru7usovbbyp
1 Followers 238 Following If you want to make friends, you can contact me anytime TG：https://t.co/BKxj9wUbDv WS：https://t.co/19kwiKBhqp
hectareacre shimzumar.. @DJBREAKTHRU
152 Followers 255 Following I love reading, writing, short stories, poem's, Song's that are derived from my stories & poem's. I play most any instruments I pick up. Blame God's will.
Setasme @setasme37024
59 Followers 2K Following I live alone now and enjoy business, traveling, shopping, food and music. I have a calm personality and I hope we can be friends.
Thonity @thonity28370
3 Followers 509 Following
Shynet @Shynet1070956
25 Followers 446 Following
amer @amersho
52 Followers 230 Following
Cannyth @Cannyth188078
33 Followers 1K Following
Jarry James @JarryNice27701
942 Followers 5K Following 🔺Joining the Illuminati is not all about being rich and famous, but it is about helping others when you are at the top🔺
John Pete @Neon_Dragon
2K Followers 2K Following It’s a weird wonderful place that I enjoy visiting quite often.
James ,(exotic)⛽�.. @JamesStrai31543
469 Followers 2K Following let's grow🌱 420 community 🌱, medical strains for pain🌱 sleeping troubles,🌱no till 🌱sustainability 🌱compost and more🌱
Goddess Of Mischief�.. @AsgardianRose
25K Followers 6K Following • Ryan Reynolds once liked my tweet • 🤌🏻 • #GoPackGo
Enobong Matthew @hallowedoilgas1
49 Followers 408 Following [email protected] facebook@proffessor221
Kathy Breslin @bornintheusa24
50 Followers 57 Following
Dayne Ried @DayneRied
39 Followers 180 Following I know who I came here to be and I have to be me I don't care what people have to say because people always say.
Amy ThirdEstate @AmyThirdestate
490 Followers 2K Following Joe Biden is officially a Usurper!! Riddle me this, Im awake, but not Woke.Therefore truth is important, not what a contrived “tribe” believes.Aaron Russo knew.
Mike Abbott @JackrabbitMike
145 Followers 602 Following
Carl Beattie @FriarMacBeth
413 Followers 514 Following Judge this book by its cover, because the pages are blank. 🤣🤣🤣
LSU Fan Up North @br93765960
702 Followers 4K Following All praise and glory to Yahuah, Yeshua (Yahusha) and the Ruach Hakodesh!
Amazing Human / Geniu.. @redtapecowgirl
6K Followers 6K Following Nerd. Geek. Fan. Hall H Survivor. Trekkie. Whovian. Dog mom. Lover of sarcasm, courage, kindness, honesty, and a boy genius with a box.
Dhiraj Mohate @DhirajMohate
17 Followers 121 Following
Vic Soprano @VicSoprano78
514 Followers 2K Following I made both my sides my good side and my next move Is always my best move...
Kev @Kev2dash
105 Followers 527 Following Oh every morning I rise, I stare at the sun I know it is a blessing, Lift up my eyes to the hills I'm blessed
qamar ghulam💔 @qamarghulam258
186 Followers 2K Following
🌎 @TeflonPawn
4K Followers 273 Following 29 years ago I shit myself and ditched my soiled superman underwear inside the spiral tube slide. The playground was evacuated and quarantined. Now you share.
St7286 @st7286
7 Followers 653 Following
Alex Mitchell @AlexMit19985386
1K Followers 5K Following Real Spontaneity is Replete with Buddha's Perfections - Wisdom and Compassion
Tharanga Dance Academ.. @tharangaharsha
11 Followers 261 Following Hi this is tharanga . I have a big dance crew. so if you get some dance acts for any cooperative events ,abord events & wedding.Please contact us +94713914002
Andrew gray @Andrewg72379501
224 Followers 976 Following My name is Andrew just a good ol boy tryna make it in life. Add me on Snapchat agray_199
shana... @shanaonthepiano
46K Followers 15K Following lost in the music, found in words 🪷 ig: _shanalynn_
🌖🎼☮️💜Mid.. @BigDeeKlyn
894 Followers 5K Following Be you. Improve. Repeat. Hope. Heal. Help. Music and Movement are Medicinal, Magical and Miraculous. #GoOilersOnTurtleIsland
Pradeep Kumar @Pradeep03546339
4 Followers 3 Following
Andray Pall @Andray_Pall
97K Followers 103K Following ♥I Love music And Guitar ♥ I love to do Random Acts of Kindness★♫*¨*•(◕‿◕)KeepSmiling.♬ I ♥ Wild Women *¨*😻*¨*
Aaron @Fearsfiltered
389 Followers 2K Following
yu @cbthetrigga
270 Followers 1K Following
Sean_ 🌎✌🏻 @spn814
2K Followers 2K Following I'm on a Bus on a Psychedelic Trip readin' Murder Books, tryin' to stay Hip.
Jimmy darrell cook j @Jimmydarrellco1
248 Followers 430 Following
Devendra Dixit @Devendr43051125
7 Followers 76 Following
Ate The Hard Way @atethehardway
171 Followers 487 Following I sprinkle gas station sushi on my wheaties every morning.
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
tazz @noneofyours99
85K Followers 46K Following Army Veteran, atheist, here to share some laughs, it's the universal language I ❤️Animals #supportmentalhealth squirrel mama ,wildlife rescue 🔥Memphis🔥
Miss Treated🇺🇸&.. @RejectedRedhead
27K Followers 7K Following Just a ginger looking for a new soul, mine is tainted. Probably won’t answer your DM
The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUa
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBV
Shae Aaron @ShaeAaron
13K Followers 6K Following Don't believe anything you read.. If I wrote it, it’s a joke
Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVph
Cat From Nowhere @kv8
17K Followers 10K Following omnipresent in absentia, perchance frittering my time away on twitter. ok fine, X. .•| sui juris |•.
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Dr Pepper M.D. 🥤 @JustLikeMikee
24K Followers 24K Following All answers questioned here. I’m definitely not a doctor. Partial facts and stuff. I read a book about it.. once.
C’est La Vie @Robert_Beau
57K Followers 50K Following Real Deal ~ Part Time Penis Model ~ Full Time Asshole
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
Angie Davis ❤️’.. @AngieDavisHaha
17K Followers 4K Following I'll always be the jester,in a world that idolizes the princess.Goodnight @davidduchovny girl. Comic of Twitter tour @TweetComedians ,knows how to make a salad.
Tim Allen @ofctimallen
1.1M Followers 34 Following Santa? Buzz Lightyear? The Tool Man? Mike Baxter? Hey, I’m still that wisecracking kid from the Midwest, looking for answers to life’s big questions.
Elon Musk @elonmusk
181.2M Followers 582 Following
Solavore Solar Ovens @Solavore
9K Followers 1K Following Women-owned, social good manufacturer of 100% fuel-free clean cooking technology. (It's a solar slow cooker). Perfect for #camping /#tinyhome & living off grid.
Stone @stoneandclark
2K Followers 0 Following
Crowdfire - Social Me.. @Crowdfire
4.9M Followers 133K Following - Social listening - Content curation - Scheduling - Analytics Start your 14-day free trial NOW! 👇
Rαη∂σм Hєяσ @randomhero997
3K Followers 3K Following middle aged dude/happily married to a beautiful woman/two kids/beer enthusiast/burger addict/live a strange existence and make fun of it here
That Guy @lowkeythrills
568 Followers 2K Following If I seem familiar, it's because I am. Without music life stops!
timmy @ttimmydee
6 Followers 42 Following
Amanda McCall @mccall_2011
522 Followers 2K Following Wife. Mother. Coffee Loving, Wine Drinking, Book Obsessed Country Girl. I might seem nice enough, but you really don't know what goes through my mind.
Bob Boyd @SpeakerBobBoyd
14K Followers 16K Following Chief Storyteller. Author. Empowering for the better. For good. Recovering attorney and hedge fund potentate. Purveyor of inmate wisdom.
4kdc🇺🇸 @_4kdc
1K Followers 667 Following My preferred adjectives are: Handsome and Skinny. I was a DEI hire
Only Fast Eddie @OnlyFastEddie
186K Followers 11K Following I had my ring finger removed just to be safe. I don't check DMs. https://t.co/mXDix6dDWN
Stay cool @indianbymind
1K Followers 2K Following Proud Hindu, Male 50, Indian, Dad of 2 Kids. Simplifying Life ☺️☺️
JaJouneOok @jannie_joubert
7K Followers 7K Following Still trying to get over the trauma of my birth.....
w @pacmanwally_w
3K Followers 5K Following
Bhupendra Singh @bhupendrabs
329 Followers 2K Following
I, Eogan T. Sveinn.. @highandidle
213 Followers 810 Following A gamer who likes a nice bottle of/to wine all day about it. One cure for #hungoverness If I've said it once, I've said it twice. Standing on the toes of fools
jason griggs @coltsjason1
130 Followers 785 Following
Alice R Fraser @aliterative
24K Followers 1K Following Join my weekly writers meetings at Patreon: https://t.co/tW11m5Pjri 🎙️ Podcasts: The Gargle; The Bugle; The Last Post; Tea With Alice; Alice Fraser Trilogy.
Her Tall Boots @fuzzlime
36K Followers 6K Following congrats i'm probs not the needle in the haystack IG: strudel boots - my one-eyed cat from the hood plus me cleaning urinals
Kelly Kelly @kellyskelly
60K Followers 60K Following ☀ Life's an Adventure! - Influencer, blogger at https://t.co/YS6mnQ6wYg, radio co-host of The Kelly Kelly Show, world traveler🌎/photographer📷/writer ✏
kevin godfrey @kevingodfrey
6K Followers 6K Following
Ship Mike @ship_mike
312 Followers 1K Following You really don't care. Point is im happy being me and life is good. I wont let you know that.... thats believable right?
Policrits @policrits
22K Followers 18K Following 3rd Infantry Division. US Army Special Forces. Been Everywhere And Done Everything. #darts #pickleball #DockDiving #FastCAT
AIDA (702) @LadyAidaDiva
86 Followers 2K Following I love when a nigga say you could never stop fcking with me I loveee proving mfs wrong
Andrew B @Papahomebound
3K Followers 5K Following First time father and stay at home dad who is just try not to screw up his daughter, or drop her on her head or anything like that. Blogger, and writer too.
That Music Junkie @ThatMusicJunki
139 Followers 294 Following Album reviews, blog posts, videos, and more!
Disillusioned Millenn.. @SomeRandoDude89
352 Followers 237 Following Owner of That Music Junkie @ThatMusicJunki Writer. Musician. Miniature Painter. Fitness Enthusiast
cyrus bishop @bastion009
120 Followers 2K Following Fiction is waiting for a book to be taken out of the fiction shelf
Justaducky @Justaducky
317 Followers 2K Following Nickname: Ducky Age: 47 Status: Every day I am amazed at the diversity and similarities between us as a species.
MOHAMMED HANSBHAI @MOHAMMEDHANSBHA
209 Followers 5K Following
Cro1978 @chadrolstad
155 Followers 2K Following
Why is Biden traveling 6500+ miles to discuss increasing oil production with the Saudis? He should be meeting with American producers in Texas, Oklahoma, and more states at home. We have the energy here!
Took some kids to Disneyland and overheard a 13 year old boy wondering if he may be pansexual since he loves skillets.
If that ruined your childhood, I hope you didn’t watch Full House. Three single men, living under one roof raising kids in San Francisco....
The new Disney Cruella with Emma Stone just ruined my childhood with an openly flamboyant gay in the movie. Disney persist shoving the LGBT agenda down our throat.
Sure fire way to get over her is to get under me just saying
If it’s a deal, it’s worth buying. It doesn’t matter if you can use it.
*Me, losing an argument... Oops. My titty popped out! *Wins.
me: you'll eat canned tuna but not salmon date: yep me: [red in the face] canned tuna date: me: [steam coming from my ears] but not salmon
date: haha yes me: [my head has literally turned into a steam whistle] CANNED TUNA?!
My cover letter is just a picture of me in a sleeveless turtleneck karate chopping the word 'unemployment'.
wife: omg you got a Pokemon tattoo? lol me: MATCHING Pokemon tattoos wife: ...what me: show her 5 y/o: [slowly lifts sleeve]
The coolest dog ever is not allowed:
*pretty girl asks me out for a drink* "Sorry, but I'm busy mentally preparing for a fantasy football draft that is 6 days away. Next time."
[Roller skating] Me: Isn't this a great first date? Her: well yeah, but I said I like roller derb- *hip checks her into a 5th grader*
Is stealing a kid's hotdog while in a hair salon an arrestable offence...or... He's barely paying attention to it.
Searching for deliverance in the bleeding pigments soaking into canvas.
A woman is like a great bottle of wine. Empty and in the trash. Wait, no. She's like a flower. Pretty to look at and soon wilted and dead. ?
You can't ever really know if you've had a succubus encounter until it's too late.
Trends for United States
7.812 posts
39,7 B posts
223 B posts
7.352 posts
5.201 posts
28,4 B posts
2.117 posts
16 B posts
1.077 posts
3.027 posts
114 B posts
3.773 posts
4.804 posts
75,9 B posts
2.519 posts
91,8 B posts
84,4 B posts
8.757 posts
8.188 posts
You might like
The Ciscokidder
@TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers
Scott’s Tots
@JefeJK47
25K Followers
Mmmkay?
@missekay
30K Followers
Miss Moneypenny
@MoneypennyNaked
48K Followers
Annekinns
@Annekinns
25K Followers
Nic
@ChickenFrecklez
10K Followers
The Eh Factor 🇨�..
@AngelaEhh
54K Followers
Temperance & Desire
@LRDellacourte
6K Followers
The Real Bom Trady
@Alex_LaVallee
33K Followers
kanye’s bhole
@bossy_bootz
42K Followers
❄️snowjob❄️
@canadasandra
20K Followers
heidi
@heidi420x
14K Followers