Shawn Stew @stu_shawn

Eastbound & down, loaded up & truckin’... https://t.co/Pu9GTgbWJ4 youtu.be/7qmgT8SFFyg Michigan, USA Joined December 2018

Tweets

5K
Followers

355
Following

341
Likes

3K

🇨🇦SueCorvette🇨🇦 ❎ @suecorvette

2 years ago

my daughter is such an anti vaxxer that she refuses to get her dog vaccinated for rabies because she heard it causes pawtism

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Shawn Stew @stu_shawn

2 years ago

The socks by the fire were all hanging The Christmas bells merrily clanging But what she had spied As her innocence died Was clearly mom and dad banging They’ve asked that I stop submitting entries.

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Shawn Stew @stu_shawn

2 years ago

Not even two hours before some square had to unfollow and ruin it.

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Shawn Stew @stu_shawn

3 years ago

The App Store: double click side button to install… My fingers suddenly:

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Shawn Stew @stu_shawn

3 years ago

I can’t be the only one that thought this was a skateboarder in a huge halfpipe, right?

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Adam @adamgreattweet

3 years ago

[checking out a new restaurant] and is your chicken tendered or are they of the nugget variety?

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Shawn Stew @stu_shawn

4 years ago

I owe my ability to spell bologna to the things I watched when I was little. I owe my ability to spell amateur and voyeur to the things that I watch now.

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Paige Kellerman @PaigeKellerman

5 years ago

Me:*Gets pulled up on stage at a concert in my thirties* Lead Singer: Are you ready to rock? Me: Ok, so that was right in my ear.

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Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit

4 years ago

ME: *takes communion wafer* thank you father PRIEST: did you just put a little pepperoni on that

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Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix

4 years ago

Me: [practicing guitar] Son: Hey, dad- Me: NOT NOW I'M LEARNING CAT'S IN THE CRADLE

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🇨🇦SueCorvette🇨🇦 ❎ @suecorvette

4 years ago

God made clowns by pulling a McRib out of Ronald trust me on this. I know a lot about the bible

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Canadian Tiger @AddictedToNaps

4 years ago

I saw a short inmate sitting on a stool. He was a little conceited.

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Dr Pessimus Prime, rat edition 🐀 @BigJDubz

4 years ago

It's only real French bread if it's from France otherwise it's Sham Pain

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Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox

4 years ago

I would like a mildly criminal version of GPS that’s like, “would you like to make an illegal u-turn here to save 10 minutes?” And if you say no, it’s like, “nerd”.

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Jude Atwood @JudeAtwood

4 years ago

I submitted ten puns to a competition hoping that one would get accepted...but they hated all of them and said I didn't really understand how puns work.