A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 @AsclepiasRosa
professional ruminator / gluten-free Canadian noodler 🇨🇦 * good soup maker * LEGO lover * carbon-neutral tweets * spends every storytime with @perlhack* #BLM twitter.com/search?f=top&q… mi cofre del tesoro escondido Joined January 2020-
Tweets7K
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Followers4K
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Following4K
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Likes22K
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
Criminal wine drinkers are sent to a pinot colony.
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A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying "steam me up, scotty" a few too many times
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
Sorry can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
Your apology is noted. Acceptance is pending.
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
the two wolves inside of me woke me up at 6 am demanding leftovers
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
If only the workout my eyes get from rolling all day could go straight to my abs
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
79% of watching TV with your wife involved adjusting the volume, and the remaining 21% is getting her snacks
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
Okay, let’s not kid ourselves. I basically just had Fancy Feast for my dinner.
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
@eorden @hugolowell Judge is contemplating the life choices he made to have to listen to this nonsense.
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
@jjackso0614 Love it! When Mini Angry was around that age, their favorite joke was ‘Why didn’t the zombie eat the clownfish?’ ‘Because they TASTED FUNNY!!’ Then they would collapse in an adorable fit of toddler giggles.
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
There are no chicken ghosts, only poultrygeists.
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
The battle wasn't going very well for the classical composers, until Mozart showed up to save the day. Amadeus ex machina.
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
a haunted house but there's a kid in every room who needs help with homework
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
What idiot called it a witch’s roof and not Hexual Ceiling
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
The establishment GOP finally officially waves the white flag — it’s now clear that the anti-woman, pro-insurrection ‘wing’ of the party is firmly in charge of this goat rodeo.
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
A positive mental outlook? In THIS economy???
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
*watching James Blunt mouth "not you" to me after singing You're Beautiful in concert*
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
I don’t know this modern music. I come from the pre-Malone days
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
the only way I can handle hearing about the news these days is getting it from the cat who hangs out on my side porch. every morning I ask him about the state of the world and he replies: “can’t complain” and then I go back inside until the next bulletin
A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 retweeted
Huh. Turns out Sidney Powell did release the kraken. On Trump. 🤷♂️
Saint Vivica, Patron .. @QueenVofCoffee
18K Followers 2K Following DM Room cheerleader & typo goddess. 56% funny. TH: @Conchvegas1 . Avi by ToonMe. Header: @dimplesticks. https://t.co/dRgjRopfud
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Mis-Anthropologist @shroudmoth
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Dean @dakarrier
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𓅃 𝐄𝐭𝐡𝐞.. @WhiteFox138
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77 Followers 908 Following Khi mình gìa rồi , Thì mình cũng đều trải qua tuổi thanh xuân với nhau
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Saint Vivica, Patron .. @QueenVofCoffee
18K Followers 2K Following DM Room cheerleader & typo goddess. 56% funny. TH: @Conchvegas1 . Avi by ToonMe. Header: @dimplesticks. https://t.co/dRgjRopfud
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd
.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2
ADHDean @ADHDeanASL
23K Followers 5K Following BLACK LIVES MATTER. Husband, dad, friend. Ally. ASL Interpreter. Doofus. Midvale School for the Gifted alum. Mastodon: [email protected]
Leen McBeans ꪜ @LeenMcBeans
13K Followers 7K Following ✨Good intentions, questionable methods✨ Recovering academic. Mother of Dad Jokes. A third fun sounding thing. 🏳️🌈
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
Nate Limit Exceeded @.. @perlhack
22K Followers 6K Following @natesmith.jawns.club homeless pirate. sustainable, carbon-neutral tweets. butterfly whisperer. official soup taster. likes LEGOs BLM. He/Him.
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
WH Aide 🌊 @tr_politicaide
4K Followers 5K Following #TrustScience #BidenHarris2024 - Used to tweet as a sad Trump aide. Now giving unneeded political commentary. I generally follow for any positive interaction.
Christine Obert @cdpsolutions1
2K Followers 2K Following I used to be a scientist. Since I hit menopause, now I’m a mad scientist. Go Cougs. https://t.co/dc7XhKyIjM
Turgid Verse @gullyvuhr
3K Followers 1K Following I drink scotch, read poetry, and know things | ENTP | Prior military | Virgo in love | Expert in Data | Outlaw in Peru
Bryan With a Why @doublewenis
4K Followers 1K Following Stuck between wanting to be a better person and not really knowing how to steal someone’s identity.
Usman Ahmed 🦴🔨 @OrthopaedicOz
2K Followers 566 Following MBBS PhD FRCS(Tr&Orth) Orthopod, HEEWM Virtual Learning Head, BOA EdCar Committee, https://t.co/QiOEICCrxO (RT≠endorsements, own views)
cosita 💌 @luna_leia_
11K Followers 1K Following America’s sweetheart | Love like Lili 🌷| LLJA 🤍 | priv: @luney_t00ns
Jesse @jverona77
16K Followers 15K Following dad of 2. blue voter, always….also @jverona77 on BlueSky but never there - Occasionally funny.
Burnaby Fire Departme.. @BurnabyFirePIO
431 Followers 427 Following News & Events about @BurnabyFireDept @CityofBurnaby I #FIRE / #PIO Officer connecting with the community I Not monitored 24/7 I Call 911 for emergencies.
Olaf Falafel @OFalafel
78K Followers 1K Following Funniest Joke Edinburgh Fringe 2019-2022. Comedian, kids book author, illustrator, Art person. #LTFC All my stuff here: https://t.co/cvc5YqdPXo
The New Westminster T.. @NewWestTimes
1K Followers 394 Following The Capital of BC News & Opinion. #NewWest #NewWestminster #BritishColumbia #Canada
Paul @Grommit56
12K Followers 7K Following My dogs, golf, work, general stupidity. Same @ everywhere https://t.co/AJUSJolsUN
William Bean @wbeans
2K Followers 3K Following ENTP powered by tea, cycling and sarcasm. German in America. Einen Scheiß muss ich. Pro science, anti stupid, anti racism #StopAsianHate #BLM #ANTIFA #LGBTQIA
Andrew Batson @andrewbatson
11K Followers 523 Following China research director for Gavekal Dragonomics. Aspiring blogger. Former Wall Street Journal. Places I've lived: Louisiana, Beijing, Pacific Northwest.
superastrofemme @superastrofemme
3K Followers 1K Following cranky on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside
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14K Followers 527 Following Former zygote. Mastodon @[email protected]
Dazz 💀🌹 @lostingoodvibe
692 Followers 377 Following || Numerical Connoisseur || Data Aficionado || Plucker of Strings || Insta: lostingoodvibe1 || Bluesky: lostingoodvibe || @the_lalalandd is my boo ||
DΛVID @_davidlucas_
17K Followers 10K Following Not owing explanations to strangers on the internet since 2011. Proudly blocked by @3AWNeilMitchell.
L(assitude) @lmwortho
15K Followers 3K Following yadda yadda, you've heard it all before. My crap: https://t.co/C7L5zdrhTh
Chode to Joy 🐘 @bigschembo
246 Followers 804 Following Seeking an accelerated course of study • Rebel, Ally, I’m With The Resistance
Olivia @labias_corpus
2K Followers 1K Following @OhioU alumna. @CapitalLaw 3L. Cats, coffee, & true crime. She/Her.
A words worth @justAwordsworth
452 Followers 439 Following words and more words, images always mine main account @justmebutnot1
JuliaGoolia9 is on �.. @JuliaGoolia9
2K Followers 4K Following live & let live 🤝 love & let love 🌈 let’s go to the beach 🏝 manatees are the best she/her
🫐 ☠️ stella �.. @_STELLAAA___
211 Followers 2K Following
Teqi @Needyhelpy
5K Followers 1K Following If yall would act right I wouldn't be here https://t.co/2WfcptjIbF
Lonny Hall @UncleLonny63
30K Followers 30K Following I may not always be right, but I promise you, I’m always LEFT. 💙💙💙It was an honor to serve in the Army 🇺🇸, #DemVoice1 #USDemocracy
OyVeyLady @OyVeyLady
4K Followers 2K Following Social worker, Jewish mother, rocket scientist wife. Lived in Belgium for 8 years; should’ve learned French, complained about the lack of tacos instead.
Obi Juan Jalapeño @jaimeas2000
2K Followers 4K Following Inaugural Race Director USAC F2000 Series 🧢EB Club. Don't mind the sarcasm, it's the only language that makes sense here. @jzd67 is mah gurrl!
LA_NY_KY @kyhankinla
585 Followers 1K Following Born in Louisville KY - lived in NYC for 10 years - now in Los Angeles...Blue Collar Dem my whole life...it is up to the people to solve this mess
Nachozempic 💊🕴�.. @kickitupanacho
2K Followers 1K Following An analogue mouse in a digital world with a robot butler I inherited from a crazy uncle. Searching for glow-worms amongst the maggots. Link is a great video👇🏼
Sarah and Nippy @alittlebitculty
4K Followers 24 Following Two former #NXIVM members-turned-whistleblowers figuring our shit out in public with help from fellow survivors and experts. #alittlebitculty
🌊Sandy 🪶#GunRef.. @CynthiaHarless1
73K Followers 74K Following Political/environmental boots on ground activist 40yr #Democrat iᏅᏩᏙᎯᏯᏓc @glennkirschner2 @joncoopertweets @mmpadellan @morgfair @funder @7Veritas4 @MarkHamill
🍩 @gregreckons
552 Followers 290 Following I think I speak for everyone here when I say I shouldn't be allowed to speak for anyone here.
Jason’s Blue Advoca.. @j_blue_advocacy
25K Followers 20K Following I advocate for: Women’s Rights - LGBTQ Rights - Anyone who doesn’t look like me. Blue dot in Texas. Married. Photographer. US Navy Vet. Strong meme game!
🇺🇦💙KT🌷 & .. @Dogs4Ever11
7K Followers 8K Following 🇺🇦 Slava Ukraine!! 🌊 Vote Blue 💙 Owned by a Standard Poodle🐾Formerly owned by a Golden Retriever ♥️Dog is my co-pilot ⛔DM ⛔MAGA
Ask Your Mom @letsaskyourmom_
176 Followers 113 Following ☕️ so much unsolicited advice to give, so little time. 📥 Subscribe to my blog for parenting, travel, food knowledge from this NYC mom.
Fight for Democracy @sevenheismans
2K Followers 4K Following Love is the strongest force on earth. Empathy is free. Truth matters. #Resist #BLM #VoteBlue #Decency #GOPClownShow
Wanda Monroe @WandaMoCats
2K Followers 3K Following I read nonfiction tomes, cook, walk, love British detective stories. 🚫 No professional christians/patriots/DMs. Vote 💙. #CPP #resist, 🇺🇦
Doc Gregith @DocGregith
774 Followers 744 Following I’m an old ass Doc that fucking hands out coke for headaches https://t.co/33Ek27k5rT
John McElhenney #mind.. @jmacofearth
20K Followers 405 Following Writer, Dad, AI-pilot #ATX https://t.co/r3qW9cyZCe blog: https://t.co/lfZO4Z80ZN #ai #writer #musician #avpro #poet #dad #buzzie https://t.co/cUgeHltJxb #love
SmartassChef @SmartassChef
16K Followers 6K Following Beverage enthusiast, raconteur, chef. Culinarily promiscuous. Come for the food. Stay for the snark and smartassery.
Alf @whoelsebutalf
16K Followers 15K Following Devon Comedian Chris Leworthy from #BGT. Oh no, I've just won the UK Humblebrag championships again. #TraitorsUK #TheTraitorsUK #MaskedSingerUK #UKPunDay
Tara Trudel @Tara_Trudel
2K Followers 927 Following Fractured: Fairy Tales Remixed is out now! LISTEN HERE: https://t.co/rXtT8gf3NG
Pierre Pressure @ZeBosster
87 Followers 692 Following
Simran Jeet Singh @simran
87K Followers 4K Following Director, Aspen Institute's Religion & Society Program l Author, The Light We Give: How Sikh Wisdom Can Transform Your Life I Speaking: @prhspeakersWhat does Sonic say during Ramadan? “Gotta go fast!”
Canadians have to be nice because it's very cold there, and you never know when you might need to cuddle a stranger for warmth.
I keep falling asleep while pretending to fall asleep to get my kid to fall asleep, and I’m starting to think my bedtime should also be 8:30
got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying "steam me up, scotty" a few too many times
@lostinausten_ Girl, I barely even like musicals, but Bollywood/Tollywood movies? They are an absolute exception. So good.
Your apology is noted. Acceptance is pending.
the two wolves inside of me woke me up at 6 am demanding leftovers
Number of times I’ve cooked Mac and cheese: 1000 Number of times I’ve thrown the box and then picked it up from trash to read the instructions: 1024
my mom: get out of the kitchen NOW also my mom: wow, nobody helps with thanksgiving
Missed Connection: You made a funny reply to my tweet, but I forgot to like it 3 years ago, so I'm doing it now. WE COULD HAVE BEEN FRIENDS! I liked it now. I hope we can make up for lost time.
If only the workout my eyes get from rolling all day could go straight to my abs
I don't even know what I look like anymore unless my teenage daughter tells me. She's great at keeping it short, but devastating. Her best is when she looks me up and down, and simply says "Oh." Failure. Complete failure. Not even worthy of an actual insult, just "Oh."
79% of watching TV with your wife involved adjusting the volume, and the remaining 21% is getting her snacks
I have a test in an hour that I’m not ready for, a huge paper due Tuesday that I haven’t started, a podcast episode to write and record, and I’m working overnight tonight. AMA.
Some people have voices in their heads I have elevator music playing in mine for some reason
THIS TWEET IS TO BE READ IN A NORMAL VOICE BUT YOUR BRAIN IS CONFUSING IT WITH SCREAMING 😊
[Limbo contest] Everyone: *Chanting* How low can you go? How low can you go? Me: I once stole a guide dog
Aight @Bedlam_Beersie, ya forced my hand...um, voice. x.com/bedlam_beersie…
ELROND: I was there 3,000 years ago. I was there the day the strength of men failed... but even my memory pales in comparison to the memory that Tupperware containers have when you put spaghetti sauce in them.
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