Christine Obert @cdpsolutions1
I used to be a scientist. Since I hit menopause, now I’m a mad scientist. Go Cougs. https://t.co/dc7XhKyIjM Seattle, WA Joined May 2015-
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Followers2K
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Following2K
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Likes134K
Christine Obert retweeted
Drop, cover and hold on is the recommended action, but this is a close second.
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Christine Obert retweeted
life is short. deny the meeting request.
Christine Obert retweeted
The penalty for poaching was both a fine and imprisonment. That was why Gary gathered his eggs in secret.
Christine Obert retweeted
Because every timeline should have a butterfly playing with a puppy 🦋 Happy spring! 🌷🌸🪻
Christine Obert retweeted
i want a small, tasteful wedding. no family. no friends. no groom. just me eating a big cake
Christine Obert retweeted
Nothing’s more relatable than the loud sigh a bus makes when it has to do its job.
Christine Obert retweeted
I’m actually really fun and outgoing when I’ve had nine hours of sleep, four meals, two snacks, tea, and am not required to wear real pants or have more than five minutes of social interaction.
Christine Obert retweeted
Turns out when someone asks, “What kind of idiot do you think I am?”, the correct answer is not, "What kinds of idiot are there?"
Christine Obert retweeted
Can’t decide whether I need a hug or a flamethrower.
Christine Obert retweeted
My daughter came downstairs an hour earlier than normal this morning and caught me hiding eggs. I had no choice but to tell her the truth: I woke up early to steal the candy that the Easter Bunny had left her.
Christine Obert retweeted
You say “leftover bacon” like I’m supposed to know what that is…
Christine Obert retweeted
That little snort I get from my dog when I make him get off the couch. Don't need to be Dr. Doolittle to translate what he said. But where he got that guttermouth remains a mystery.
Christine Obert retweeted
Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush plays as the camera pans to me chasing an ice cream truck in my flip flops.
Christine Obert retweeted
So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I'll own a bank after 30 years?
Christine Obert retweeted
We didn’t need photoshop in the 70s because everything was already that fucking weird to begin with …
Christine Obert retweeted
Welcome to your 50s. You'll spend 95% of your time forgetting and resetting and forgetting again and resetting your passwords!
As my father told me, “Measure twice, cut twice because dammit it still isn’t right.”
Christine Obert retweeted
The older I get the more I realize the people on Gilligan's Island were lucky.
Christine Obert retweeted
Will I ever love anyone as much as I love having my whole bed to myself
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“Cozy”, “rustic” and “unique” mean different things to realtors than to the rest of us.
Today I learnt, I can workout without posting about it.
Don't forget to beat yourself up about something that happened 20 years ago today
It’s only common courtesy. You should call first before visiting, so I can make sure to be out.
My dog turning immediately around at the door when he sees the rain like eight-year-old me when I saw my first outhouse at daycamp. No thank you I’m good.
if Hunter Biden failing to pay his taxes on time has you outraged, wait until you hear about the guy who tried to overthrow his own government because he was mad about being a big fucking loser and then stole classified war plans and stashed them in the shitter of his tacky…
I'm on twitter because I like to watch the world burn in real time.
I'll be honest, if I had mind control powers, I'd use them for stupid reasons like compelling the person making my taco bowl to add an extra scoop of guac.
It might look like I have “pride in my work” but really, I don’t want to get yelled at.
Nobody should be a billionaire, it should literally be illegal. You should immediately be taxed out of being a billionaire the minute it happens.
Collection of empty boxes in the garage, you mean my archives?
I can't get into anything I have a meeting in 3 hours
I can have a clean house or I can keep my kids off screens, you can’t have it both ways Karen!
Cats aren’t pets. They’re squatters.
Fire: *burns you* Friendly fire: *compliments you*
I hate when people start a meeting with “everyone having a good day?” Yeah Tina, I’m at work, on a Teams meeting, and I’m on camera…doesn’t get better than this.
stop saying you wanna die then start crying when i come get you. don't waste my time smh.
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