Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues

Writer. Editor. Eater of green things from the ground. https://t.co/zWmEYTiCTJ abbyheugel.com Michigan Joined July 2011

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Following

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Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues

17 hours ago

I don't subscribe to any magazines, but if they came out with "Good Enough Housekeeping," that's one I might read.

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Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues

7 days ago

I don’t have the energy to ride or die, but if anyone wants to sit and snack, I can be available for a couple of hours tomorrow.

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Me: Bathroom is cleaned. Wife: Thank you. Me: Why do we keep the toilet brush in the shower? Wife: What? Me: Why is the toilet brush in the shower? Wife: What the hell are you talking about? Me: The puffy thing with the handle. Wife: MY LOOFAH?! Me: You named the toilet brush?

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Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma

a year ago

Our doorbell is broken so we called someone over to fix it. He might be here already. There's no way to tell.

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Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues

a week ago

My personal style could best be described as, "I wasn't expecting to leave the house."

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Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues

2 years ago

I’m actually really fun and outgoing when I’ve had nine hours of sleep, four meals, two snacks, tea, and am not required to wear real pants or have more than five minutes of social interaction.

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John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

10 years ago

Me: Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know. Waiter: I asked if you were dining alone. Me: Oh, sorry. Yes.

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Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues

2 weeks ago

Calling customer service is a spiritual journey: You enter with hope, transform into a raging maniac screaming “REPRESENTATIVE,” and emerge questioning your will to live. So I wrote about it. provokedmagazine.com/the-5-stages-o…

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Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues

9 months ago

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

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Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer

7 years ago

Me, “There’s a warning light on in my car.” Husband, “What does it say?” Me, “It’s just a picture of an oblong thing.” H, “The engine?” Me, “It looks more like a submarine.” H, “WHY WOULD THERE BE A SUBMARINE WARNING?” Me, “Exactly what I thought. We are so connected.”

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Darla @ddsmidt

3 months ago

I've got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in middle the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

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Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues

4 weeks ago

I've never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that's running 15 minutes over time.

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Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues

4 weeks ago

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake and reported them for harmful content.

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Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom

8 months ago

*writes down password on a random envelope* This should be fine.

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Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues

a month ago

As a kid I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

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Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues

a month ago

My favorite part of cleaning a mini-blind is when I take it down, throw it away, and buy a new one from Walmart instead.

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Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues

a month ago

Other people: I’m really sad it’s getting dark earlier now! Me, on the couch in my pajamas at 6 pm with snacks already hibernating: Oh, yeah. Totally agree.