Tits McDick @Tits_McDick
only the slightest whiff of mental illness. she/her 🏳️🌈 twitter.com/search?vertica… Joined June 2009-
Tweets45K
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Followers3K
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Following2K
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Likes47K
Tits McDick retweeted
"you shouldn't let your cat jump on the counter" my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to
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Tits McDick retweeted
If by "spice rack" you mean a kitchen drawer full salt and pepper and Soy Sauce packets from Chinese takeout then yes, I have a spice rack.
Tits McDick retweeted
me: dating is hard me on a date: there was a dog in your dating profile pic why are they not here
I’m the only person at work who knows how to change the toner in the photocopy machine.
Tits McDick retweeted
Oh no. The moon hit my eye like a big pizza pie
Tits McDick retweeted
I'm gonna need y'all to stop making up new slang words I am exhausted
Tits McDick retweeted
What genius puts a windmill in the middle of a miniature golf course?!
Tits McDick retweeted
Call me crazy, but I think I’m fucking crazy.
I was in a meeting today. One of my shirt sleeves was irritating me. I reached inside my sleeve and pulled out one of my husband’s socks. Everyone saw me. Thinking quickly I yelled “TAH DAH! And for my next trick…”
Tits McDick retweeted
drunk god: tuxedo chickens angel: those are penguins
Tits McDick retweeted
Once all social media gets banned I'm gonna start peddling my jokes door to door
Tits McDick retweeted
I wish my name was Dale. People would say "Hey Dale, shut the fuck up."
If you could be any animal, what animal would you be? Me:
Tits McDick retweeted
now is it just me or does this dress look like she’s making pasta from scratch.
Tits McDick retweeted
She murdered her puppy, wrote about it, and called it worthless. This has nothing to do with politics. She’s a psychopath with a $200 haircut
Tits McDick retweeted
Shush. I have the talking stick.
Tits McDick retweeted
You seem like you'd be impossible to live with, hmu
Tits McDick retweeted
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but they faked little house on the Prairie
Tits McDick retweeted
i’ve killed every plant i’ve ever owned but sure I’ll babysit your kids for the weekend.
Tits McDick retweeted
Sir, your wit is that of a drunken lobotomized squirrel with no friends.
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9K Followers 7K Following Polish Queen. I’m gonna offend you. Relax. I’m every chick in the movie The Fighter in real life. Hey - Watch. Me. Get. Down.
Post a selfie from your gallery and turn it black and white.
"you shouldn't let your cat jump on the counter" my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to
If by "spice rack" you mean a kitchen drawer full salt and pepper and Soy Sauce packets from Chinese takeout then yes, I have a spice rack.
me: dating is hard me on a date: there was a dog in your dating profile pic why are they not here
Oh no. The moon hit my eye like a big pizza pie
I'm gonna need y'all to stop making up new slang words I am exhausted
What genius puts a windmill in the middle of a miniature golf course?!
I feel like I’m an ass hair away from just leaving everything behind to become a worldly vagabond. Let me crash at your place and I’ll cook dinner. Or help sow crops or clean. Fix your irrigation system. Or bang your wife/mother/daughter. I have services to provide.
drunk god: tuxedo chickens angel: those are penguins
Once all social media gets banned I'm gonna start peddling my jokes door to door
PR’d my age AND half-marathon on the same day
I wish my name was Dale. People would say "Hey Dale, shut the fuck up."
now is it just me or does this dress look like she’s making pasta from scratch.
Nith out paik yon can not knon pleasare….
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