Kris P. Kreme @krisv_723
I played a corpse on my honeymoon. Header by @bucmarvin #autismmom💙 https://t.co/4DLR5ox4PD 2nd Star to the right Joined September 2015-
Tweets201K
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Followers34K
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Following9K
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Likes217K
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
Please stop describing crappy things as "janky" thank you
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Kris P. Kreme retweeted
This just in: karma arrives late
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
Maybe you should stop being dumb for Lent.
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
In Canada, sex is called zamboning.
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
Your Fuck-Marry-Kill can all be the same guy, right?
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
imagine filling out a loan application and putting "ancient astronaut theorist" as your occupation
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
Growing up with both sets of grandparents actively in your life
Growing up with both sets of grandparents actively in your life
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
and that’s how you know she really loves you
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
Keep your hands to yourself lady, I invited you over to craft and that's what we're going to do.
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
I bet all these rumors go around about her, but she's actually super boring, in bed every night by ten pm, loves cats, and has only murdered 3 people.
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
I guess what I want in a streaming service is stuff that's good and not stuff that's not good.
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
My therapist once asked me if I was stuck in an elevator who would I want to be stuck in it with. I said "I don't know, an elevator repairman?"
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
I'm GenX and the only thing that worries me is I might have to start wearing a porkpie hat and an open Hawaiian shirt over a dago tee
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
Taylor Swift could save a baby from a burning building and you guys would find something negative to say.
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
If you can suck a dick, you can eat black licorice.
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
The only time you get your hands dirty is if you get ink on your fingers from the bank pen while you're taking money out of your trust funds
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
Me: So did you get all your tools at the heartware store lol Cardiac Surgeon: How are you still even awake?
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
My search history is a mixture of evening whimsy and concerning perversion
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
I like girls that work out and have muscles. Big muscles. Like a man. I like men
Kris P. Kreme retweeted
Got tazed at the zoo again for telling a group of kids that the dominant male in a pride of lions was called 'The Mane Man'.
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