Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled @abl1981
Spock, with a sick sense of humor-Friend, describing me. Pronoun: Ninja twitter.com/search?q=from%… Midwest, USA Joined August 2009-
Tweets10K
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Followers732
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Following599
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Likes20K
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
Me: *trying to get comfortable on your wicker chair* I wonder if this is what sitting on shredded wheat feels like.
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Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
rub my lamp
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
hello, clarice.
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
The best future I ever saw in a movie was in The Fifth Element where a flying Chinese restaurant pulls up to your window.
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
If they rearrange your grocery store you should be allowed to shoplift one item for the inconvenience
T-shirt idea: Miners make the best lovers. Grammar matters
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
This could be us but you won't take a chance and DM me
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
psa: we're bringing back t-shirts over long sleeves in 2024, let everyone know
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
Every episode of "The Curse of Oak Island"
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
Welcome to your 40s: you talk to people in line now. Great.
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
Absolute masterpiece. *Van Gogh down by the river.
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
Sure, I miss the 80s. You know who really misses the 80s? Serial killers. No cameras, no developed forensics, no social media... Dinner guests: (shifting uncomfortably in their seats)
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
breaking news: reporter’s 12 edibles finally hit
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
Terrified to visit my girlfriend’s small town for the holidays because I’m a workaholic from a big city and everyone keeps trying to teach me the true meaning of Christmas.
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
cause i am subject to seeing this, so are you
10yo: Mom, let's get this book. It's about the Titanic.
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
The years really fly by
Bland Ma'am, Damsel Disgruntled retweeted
girls don’t want flowers girls want to go to scotland to pet a highland cow
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MOMther @PezzleStick
2K Followers 2K Following I have a theory about Jack Lord's hair. I break search links. https://t.co/EXnO4GD9LJ she/her/mom. Mom. MoOoI’m sorry to report that I am one of these “nepo babies” you’ve been hearing about. My father, Robert Wilson, was an office manager for Jim Dandy Sewer in Seattle for 17 years and the world of Hollywood just opened up wide for me. #Grateful #Blessed #Gratitude #hollywood…
Look between E and Y on your keyboard.
@rn_murse Mother Earth is PISSED
forgot to leave a plate of dirt out for earth last night.
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Thread on the beauty of wildlife 🧵 1. When it’s cold enough to see the melody
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IT’S A BIRD!!!! IT’S A PLANE!!! NO—It’s
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Damaged my eyes by staring directly at 5th grade math homework
This eclipse is gonna cut into my perineum sunning today and I’m not happy about it
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Kids talking at bedtime are like the marketing emails which you’ve unsubscribed to multiple times
@NotTodayEric Let's stare at the ceiling and think about all the things we don't want to think about. Yay!!!
Body: ok we’re going to bed. Brain: lol that doesn’t mean we’re going to sleep.
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