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Tweets15K
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Followers9K
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Following5K
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Likes39K
If my math is correct, Video is up for parole soon for killing the Radio Star.
drive thru lady: are you using the mcdonalds mobile app today me: no I would rather die drive thru lady: okay go ahead with your order
[uses a chopstick as a little bat when the hibachi chef tosses a shrimp my way]
As a little boy watching “Evita” on Broadway, I dreamed that one day I'd work at a call center for Mastercard. Today that little boy's dream came true.
who in their right mind would build a bear into this world right now???
Girls mature faster than guys because men don’t usually develop breasts until their mid 40’s.
you can’t even shout awooga and have your eyes pop out on stalks with heart shaped pupils when you see a beautiful woman anymore because of woke
using all purpose flour for purposes never intended
fred flintstone committing su*cide by running in place in his garage
How I do anything: 3 days to psych myself up to it 30 min to do it 3 days to recover
I don't dance to seduce, I dance to scare people away
The lost art of being happy for other people’s happiness
How old is that baby??
Ant farm torn down to make way for ant shopping center.
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.
driving on the white dotted lines pretending i'm tearing open a bag of cheese with my car
Me: sorry I’m late. I broke down on my way to work. Boss: oh no is your car ok? Me: car?
If somebody says You remind me of someone. Buckle up. You’re about to get your feelings hurt.
(spilling my bag at the airport in an attempt to show off) oh sorry lol these are just my Hot Wheels
They just called for “Jennifer” three times in the waiting room, and I have anxiety so there was a second where I wondered if my name was actually Jennifer
💯ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕫�.. @Crazy_ButCute2
249K Followers 14K Following I lift things up and put them down. I love food. I look good naked. link in bio 💁🏼♀️ SLE/Fibro warrior! Every day stronger 💪🏻❤️💯
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Tipsy Angel Smoo🤍�.. @blonde_opinion
124K Followers 6K Following a kind person who occasionally likes pineapple on her pizza
Jules @julcasagrande
78K Followers 7K Following Q ⚔️ energy. coffee cups and thoughts https://t.co/V349QaXUGV
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
ChiChi Greenblatt @ChiChiGreenblat
71K Followers 43K Following I'm a little ball of crazy and one fucked up rollercoaster ride. Married. #🟦
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Helleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard
56K Followers 3K Following 🥪 take these broken wings and learn to fly 🏔
Leen McBeans ꪜ @LeenMcBeans
13K Followers 7K Following ✨Good intentions, questionable methods✨ Recovering academic. Mother of Dad Jokes. A third fun sounding thing. 🏳️🌈
Destry @DestryBrod
18K Followers 16K Following Not quite cool enough to be Canadian.I live close enough to Canada to smell the healthcare. Pretty liberal, pretty democratic not that pretty tho. pro choice.
Burning Mom ⚡️ @MomOnFire
75K Followers 2K Following Smooth like nitroglycerin. Sidekick to @gingerhotdish
Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
MELapalooza 🐈⚽�.. @MELisCrazyInAZ
32K Followers 15K Following MY ONE AND ONLY PROFILE $MelisCrazyInAz https://t.co/rjxWV6PjFA 🤪Teetering on the edge of insanity 🤣98.2% of my tweets are jokes. Respond accordingly
Tracie Breaux @traciebreaux
31K Followers 4K Following Book writer. Dog petter. Mental Health/Child Abuse Awareness Advocate. https://t.co/r0jtKGqvbl
Ⓜ️isterD @MisterD78UK
9K Followers 5K Following This is a page of silly and fun, don't take it seriously. my fav tweets - https://t.co/gmfzikX1Fh
Crissie @CrissieC
42K Followers 4K Following Mom. Pickle connoisseur… Certified meat-eater…I have a potty mouth...Leafs fan.I like my coffee black because it’s a lot like me…bitter, dark and hot (flashes)
Chukwu Ebuka @ebu9383
10 Followers 155 Following
mehrab @mehrabdhar
7K Followers 7K Following
Mado Fro @MahAndrey
493 Followers 213 Following
Andy Brown @spuzle_brown
64 Followers 241 Following I FIGHT FOR EARTH I FIGHT FOR THE USA I STAND FOR - LOVE! - https://t.co/NFca8DoiJb Thank You!
Paul Anderson @PaulAnd92430742
260 Followers 844 Following
Will Smith @Will103162
469 Followers 1K Following Successful Confident Conservative, Patriotic 🇺🇲, AF Pararescue 23rd Special Tactics Squadron, Proud Veteran. Divorced, Florida, DMs are for friends.
Scott Oliveres @ScottOliveres
3 Followers 57 Following
Hurt by Bagels @hurtbybagels
100 Followers 146 Following I miss the old mtv, oiled up and pedicured is the only way to live. hey did you find what you needed ? pending a subscription service for my fans 😝
Anirban Chakrabarti @Anirban180298
46 Followers 1K Following Melancholic Musician Pianist Keyboardist
Terrence M.C. @terrence_mc85
521 Followers 5K Following Artist, painter, songwriter, poet, AFOL. I literally wear many hats. 🚫🧢
Ken Adams @11KenAdams11
194 Followers 1K Following
Jason @Nudemodel_pa
122 Followers 1K Following #malenudemodel #photographer #writer 🔞 @fatalesphotos is my photography page
bidemi Taiwo @BTaiwo59713
13 Followers 67 Following
Bad. Boy Monnies @BadBoyMonnies
5 Followers 37 Following
dennis @cowboysevens
270 Followers 2K Following boom...... soon will be the time and payments will come due. patience will pay off and I'm expecting big dividends
That Guy @SocialOutcast82
8K Followers 6K Following It's ok if you don't like me, I don't like me either. The so-so shit: https://t.co/JpkHXDRSok
Sam @333666bbb
7K Followers 6K Following A quiet man with the loudest fucking mind. 2nd account @3366bb
nerome Jimmy @NeromeJ50019
147 Followers 2K Following
Ed @EdwardM52175060
248 Followers 3K Following
Donny @1980_donny
142 Followers 545 Following
Alex Dung @AlexDung5649
11 Followers 37 Following
Jerry Dawson @JerryDawso72579
147 Followers 813 Following
จิราวุฒ.. @cirwuth66213451
255 Followers 2K Following
Liam swsrbrick @LSwsrbrick
185 Followers 1K Following
Raja qadeer @qadeer58134
0 Followers 5 Following
Qasm Haje @HajeQasm66210
273 Followers 2K Following
gary trimmer @gtrimm71
1K Followers 4K Following I want to know if anyone is for real on here? lot of fake people for sure.
DreamyHasan @JahidHa28404859
584 Followers 4K Following i live with new hope, fill my dream, target and focus on my dream, then i run to fulfill........ then get satisfaction when overcome.......... this is me♥♪♪♪♪♪
Mr.V @yourmrv
281 Followers 5K Following
Md Bh @MdBh677517
28 Followers 78 Following
Frankarelli Dominio C.. @frankarelli
7 Followers 897 Following I’m A Ret ARMY HERO💪🏾AIRBORNE🪂PARATROOPER METEOROLOGIST Just Lookin 2Relax+Enjoy Life w/🪢 RIGHT👩 GirlieGirl👅💋Plz👎🏾Liars/Cheater’s🙃NNTR🥺🧔🏽🇮🇹🐎
He Man Ez @KenJimenez2
3K Followers 5K Following Lifelong Democrat, cancer survivor, LGBTQIA rights proponent. Absolutely no MAGA followers please 🙏🩵🩵🌊🌊
Joseph Holubeck @jholubeck
16 Followers 474 Following
Live Porn Cam Show @PrivateCam66
18 Followers 1K Following Join fun sex with girl, lesbian, and mature: https://t.co/Z0NWsdP4iy
Mark Arthur @USMC16_mc10
62 Followers 438 Following 31/ resides in socal/ multiple kids/ living a single father life/ driving fast cars/enjoy life/ work hard while your young/ and have fun when you have free time
buddy bud budderson @cadlacklo
2K Followers 5K Following
scott ford @scott50059
102 Followers 247 Following
💯ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕫�.. @Crazy_ButCute2
249K Followers 14K Following I lift things up and put them down. I love food. I look good naked. link in bio 💁🏼♀️ SLE/Fibro warrior! Every day stronger 💪🏻❤️💯
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Tipsy Angel Smoo🤍�.. @blonde_opinion
124K Followers 6K Following a kind person who occasionally likes pineapple on her pizza
Jules @julcasagrande
78K Followers 7K Following Q ⚔️ energy. coffee cups and thoughts https://t.co/V349QaXUGV
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
ChiChi Greenblatt @ChiChiGreenblat
71K Followers 43K Following I'm a little ball of crazy and one fucked up rollercoaster ride. Married. #🟦
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Helleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard
56K Followers 3K Following 🥪 take these broken wings and learn to fly 🏔
Leen McBeans ꪜ @LeenMcBeans
13K Followers 7K Following ✨Good intentions, questionable methods✨ Recovering academic. Mother of Dad Jokes. A third fun sounding thing. 🏳️🌈
Destry @DestryBrod
18K Followers 16K Following Not quite cool enough to be Canadian.I live close enough to Canada to smell the healthcare. Pretty liberal, pretty democratic not that pretty tho. pro choice.
Burning Mom ⚡️ @MomOnFire
75K Followers 2K Following Smooth like nitroglycerin. Sidekick to @gingerhotdish
Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
MELapalooza 🐈⚽�.. @MELisCrazyInAZ
32K Followers 15K Following MY ONE AND ONLY PROFILE $MelisCrazyInAz https://t.co/rjxWV6PjFA 🤪Teetering on the edge of insanity 🤣98.2% of my tweets are jokes. Respond accordingly
Tracie Breaux @traciebreaux
31K Followers 4K Following Book writer. Dog petter. Mental Health/Child Abuse Awareness Advocate. https://t.co/r0jtKGqvbl
Ⓜ️isterD @MisterD78UK
9K Followers 5K Following This is a page of silly and fun, don't take it seriously. my fav tweets - https://t.co/gmfzikX1Fh
Crissie @CrissieC
42K Followers 4K Following Mom. Pickle connoisseur… Certified meat-eater…I have a potty mouth...Leafs fan.I like my coffee black because it’s a lot like me…bitter, dark and hot (flashes)
Will Smith @Will103162
469 Followers 1K Following Successful Confident Conservative, Patriotic 🇺🇲, AF Pararescue 23rd Special Tactics Squadron, Proud Veteran. Divorced, Florida, DMs are for friends.
Ken Adams @11KenAdams11
194 Followers 1K Following
That Guy @SocialOutcast82
8K Followers 6K Following It's ok if you don't like me, I don't like me either. The so-so shit: https://t.co/JpkHXDRSok
Sam @333666bbb
7K Followers 6K Following A quiet man with the loudest fucking mind. 2nd account @3366bb
gary trimmer @gtrimm71
1K Followers 4K Following I want to know if anyone is for real on here? lot of fake people for sure.
DreamyHasan @JahidHa28404859
584 Followers 4K Following i live with new hope, fill my dream, target and focus on my dream, then i run to fulfill........ then get satisfaction when overcome.......... this is me♥♪♪♪♪♪
He Man Ez @KenJimenez2
3K Followers 5K Following Lifelong Democrat, cancer survivor, LGBTQIA rights proponent. Absolutely no MAGA followers please 🙏🩵🩵🌊🌊
Joseph Holubeck @jholubeck
16 Followers 474 Following
buddy bud budderson @cadlacklo
2K Followers 5K Following
Chris Christian @introspective13
374 Followers 718 Following
Spring time Slim @A_Barsavage
3K Followers 4K Following Always be yourself, 👑of typos, #RepBX #herewego #knicks, lap 40, taken
Khart577 @khart577
171 Followers 249 Following
Lenny Sarro @lennysarro
193 Followers 2K Following I am a father of two beautiful girls, and a clinical therapist, and I also coach ice hockey.
mohammad uzair @mohammaduzair1
152 Followers 2K Following
Greg Flores @GregFlores55194
149 Followers 1K Following
RedRumForever @RedRumForever
7K Followers 7K Following METAL=LIFE🤘🏻 Horror movie and game enthusiast. I'm just here to hide from my friends on Facebook.
Joke Writers Utopia @jokewriteutopia
886 Followers 539 Following An Online Joke Writer Training and Career Center. Mindchild of Dr. Dan French (Late Late Show, Dennis Miller, etc). Turn life into jokes, turn jokes into money.
Cyd A. Pikaq @a_pikaq
2K Followers 5K Following
EARNIS /vs maker-wors.. @earnis
641 Followers 5K Following J-E.M. 29/07 Ame-Ctr the ORIGINAL rok dnc scientis octav8: my art users outlaw impostors isn't honor but false accusation hence. ex @spelingtheone @THTS_HYPEJM
Brandon @brandon_MFN_B
4K Followers 3K Following Comedian, Copywriter, Podcast Host - @xyztalkradiothepodcast on #Youtube, Blogger (No soliciting DMs).
Fat Bastard On Wheels @xXxCRASHxXx
624 Followers 4K Following Aquarius, 40, single, disabled, ♿️🧑🏼🦽Just looking to have fun and make new friends! maybe even with a celebrity or two, lol
oilfield_trash406 @OTrash2020
630 Followers 2K Following ask your mom about me she will tell you about what a hand I am
Disheveled Mom @wittysnuggles
5K Followers 6K Following Not my real name. 40s toddler mom. Unapologetically blunt relationship therapist. Featured on @MSNBC @CNN @FoxNews @SternShow @NYPost
- W A C - ¯\_(ツ)_/.. @warisalicheema
764 Followers 2K Following In a world where you can be anything ✨️
Javier Ferrer @rellick82
178 Followers 900 Following
bigbit411 @bigbit411
617 Followers 4K Following
james herzoff @beachbubba1
257 Followers 111 Following
whiskeycowboy_406 @eddarnell12
708 Followers 3K Following if you want to know about me ask your mom or wife they will tell you all about me ig/whiskey.cowboy406
Brickman @BartkoBruce
4K Followers 5K Following I am just a healthy older male, that loves a woman’s body, mind and spirit. I do not own any of the pictures. Conversations welcome for all things.
tito @imyours_tito
127 Followers 631 Following
Sheila @Sheila942670017
15 Followers 78 Following
hulk @stokez90
551 Followers 3K Following Dad of 3! sfc ⚽️⚽️⚽️🇬🇧🏴 I’m here to have fun banter and laugh I need a 6-month vacation, twice a year!😜🤪🤑🌞☀️🌡 sc & Insta hulk2k22 ad away!!
Mostly True News @MostlyTrueNews_
3K Followers 4K Following Solving for what's missing culturally. Hint. It rhymes with awareness. And it starts with an ‘f’ ...fairness
kneelb4boston @KneelB4Boston
2K Followers 4K Following Italian Made 🇮🇹-Addicted 2Boston Sports 🏀 Celtics-Tattoos (lost count) Coffee☕️-Scorp Can recite the Rockys &the Sopranos backwards … Be Good
Michael Russell @samchidoo
431 Followers 2K FollowingRereading the Hardy Boys novels at this age, you notice how whiny Joe Hardy is and how far your life has strayed from what you had imagined, hoped.
Does anyone else writes hahahahaha only to delete the last six hahahas cuz it’s too many but than adds back a ha cause otherwise not enough hahas
There was a show I wanted to start watching but I dont remember the name of it or what streaming service it was on or what it was about
If my math is correct, Video is up for parole soon for killing the Radio Star.
when i’m stressed out it really helps to hold all the world’s bad news six inches from my face til 2am
Not only am I an introvert, I’m also polite and wait my turn to talk. So basically if extroverts never shut the hell up, I’ll never speak and then they think I’m shy or antisocial which makes me more introverted. It’s a vicious cycle.
My wife always complains that I pack too many rocks in my luggage but I'll be a goddamn hero if the worst should happen and someone needs to spell out SOS.
I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas
drive thru lady: are you using the mcdonalds mobile app today me: no I would rather die drive thru lady: okay go ahead with your order
I'm walking on sunshine you stupid bitch
he looks scared but his bun head will keep him afloat for a bit
I think cat is too short of a name for such a complicated creature.
when you really want to tell someone they need therapy, and then remember they would just lie to the therapist too
"Are there any other fairies that leave money for human body parts? Because I could really use some cash." -questions I hope my kids never ask me
Are you having a good night or did your kid just call you Big Mama?
I’m a 25 year old trapped inside of a 44 year old body, trapped inside of a 75 year old body. Trust me, this makes sense.
As so often happens, about the time we finally adopted a highway, we got pregnant with our own little highway.
[uses a chopstick as a little bat when the hibachi chef tosses a shrimp my way]
one more day to fuck up my job so bad i make it a forever weekend
who in their right mind would build a bear into this world right now???
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