NotTHATSheila @peb671
Make me laugh or go the fuck away. I follow funny. I'm still around.. lurking tweets→→https://t.co/rb252N3JFR in a galaxy far, far away Joined December 2013-
Tweets54K
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Followers4K
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Following1K
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Likes59K
Instagram is helpfully suggesting more people and topics for me to follow while I scroll through ads trying to find the people I already follow.
I talk a lot of shit for someone who lists naps as my favourite hobby.
“we take pasta” me: like it so far. “it’s ice cold though” me: oh. “then we add mayonnaise” me: excuse me? “and then call it a salad :)”
You don't have to tell us you're an only child. We can all tell.
All the clouds look like my ex's with various weapons to me.
[Shoveling snow] Her: This is too much Me: It’s only 6 inches Her: Yeah that’s a lot Me: Make up your mind
hey, on the outside I might have a lot of flaws, but when you get to know the REAL ME you’ll be grateful that it prepared you for the actual shitshow
having sex is like riding a bicycle, knees ache, might fall off, lots of reflectors
welcome to [INSERT AGE GROUP HERE], you write tweets like this now
"Fear gripped her heart, knowing she'd need to reach into the abyss if she was ever going to move forward" - narration in my head when I realize my keys had fallen to the bottom of my purse.
All I’m asking for is someone who will eat food with me ……….. naked ….. in my moms basement, whilst referring to me as kermy! Now is that to much to ask for ?
I learned karate by kicking public bathroom doors open.
You know you've gotten old when you need a pill planner because you can't remember if you took your meds, and Alexa to remind you to take them. I am not amused.
I wasn't mad, then my wife texted me to see if I was mad right before she called me to ask why I seemed mad in my texts. Now I'm mad as fuck.
tom cruise: *running full bore into a tree* keebler elves: just on time tom grab a hat let’s get to work
[Blind date] Him: Why didn’t you tell me you were in a wheelchair? Me [from my wheelchair]: Why didn’t you tell me you could walk?
My friend said he didn't have 'time for coffee'... I'm going to miss him.
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Trey @treydayway
41K Followers 6K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1X
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
Grant Tanaka: Honky @GrantTanaka
37K Followers 5K Following Anatomically correct. For the most part.
Ivsy @Ivsy01
40K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin
10K Followers 6K Following
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
66K Followers 9K Following divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
The Evolving Arm @leftarmisme
37K Followers 9K Following So it goes. Tweets👉 https://t.co/CJQMENmWqd @LuvPugFDN 👉https://t.co/WvSLwFgf9x
Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
55K Followers 50K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvo
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBV
Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
75K Followers 16K Following writer of dumb tweets, founder of the @LuvPugFDN for homeless & disabled animals 🐾 🐾🐾Instagram: -luvpugpetcare -harrywaddlebottom -luvpugfoundation
B. @AddledPixie
10K Followers 4K Following Currently reading (audiobook) The Outsider by Stephen King // Music right now: TTPD // Currently watching Fallout
Alfie @DownFrontArtist
54K Followers 48K Following There is no show without business. https://t.co/X2EN341vnk
Michelle Collica @michrbrown
26 Followers 328 Following
Ria Lindeland @RLindeland39122
96 Followers 5K Following
Myrtice Teaster @TeastMyrt
81 Followers 5K Following
Kira Frankel @FrankeKir
82 Followers 5K Following
Isla-rose Strzalkowsk.. @RoStrzalkow
60 Followers 5K Following
Ling Ulmen @LingUlmen32476
61 Followers 5K Following
Eleni Kersten @EleniKerst37655
74 Followers 5K Following
Cassey Caputi @CaputiCass2280
73 Followers 5K Following
Jim Davis Cruz @JimDavisCruz2
0 Followers 26 Following
Abdullmanan Afghan @AbdullmananAfg1
0 Followers 2K Following
courtneybonneauimages @cbonneauimages
47K Followers 13K Following
KlausieKlaus Vünde S.. @SpinApex
1K Followers 2K Following Just Klausie Klause klausin' around as if Eugenics was all the rage.
🇺🇸🍊RJ Reynol.. @RRjxpress
944 Followers 1K Following Wildlife Photographer, 2x Covid Survivor. Retired USAF Vet, Deplorable living free in SW Florida.🏝🌊🐊☀️🍻
Armani Khan @ArmaniK83000388
0 Followers 117 Following
AJ Yeah @ajkotati
492 Followers 4K Following Bored Cuban vet. Just looking to pass my time. Maybe make some friends.
Thom Wright @Thomrit6951
1K Followers 4K Following back in twitmo again for 3 days. will follow back when I break free plez don't leave me out in the Twitter-verse rain
Son Of SA 🇿🇦 @SonOfSA1
831 Followers 5K Following
Roger Iman @RogerIman
568 Followers 3K Following World traveler, Veteran, Native American, cop, ironworker, financial management!
Ct Hennings @ct_hennings
440 Followers 4K Following
Larry’s Twin 99 @LarrysTwin99
31K Followers 22K Following I am not leaving my wife. Unless something better comes along. Which I hope is tomorrow. Single dad. Former Student Government President at Faber College.
Michael G.E. @mikehasoul50
872 Followers 3K Following Independent. Human rights. Freedom. Preserve and Protect Democracy!
ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz
19K Followers 5K Following Winging this life. Check back for no helpful tips whatsoever. https://t.co/8mX27QK6yN
Bart @bartandsoul
11K Followers 2K Following What is this place? Is it like FB? Music. Sarcasm. I RT, a lot.
Phil @geowizzacist
10K Followers 7K Following Words. he/him. Ally. SC&IG2. Stories+art+more: https://t.co/TfXDQCIUyn
The Angel 🖤 @Angel_150913
12K Followers 5K Following ᛚ᛫ᚹ᛫ᛖ 🔆🚜🍻 ——————————— Farmer’s Daughter. Girl Mama. Viqueen. Advocate for others with different abilities.
Sooz @CruisinSoozan
30K Followers 5K Following Erotically whimsical, clinically awkward 🔞💋 https://t.co/RTwJsrQhgu
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn
18K Followers 4K Following _______Sit UBU, sit......good dog____________ NEW Tweets ➡️ https://t.co/VpGo73atvG Favstar / Top 200 ⬇️⬇️⬇️
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Nuclear Pasta @nuclearpasta_
3K Followers 2K Following Let’s be internet friends first. Cooking IG: https://t.co/zPME8dAept…
@CorkyKneivel.bsky.so.. @CorkyKneivel
3K Followers 844 Following Hit mics like Ted Koppel #BlackLivesMatter #TransLivesMatter he/him
SpunkyDame @DameSpunky
8K Followers 7K Following
Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2
L.A. Dad @LADaddy
9K Followers 6K Following Everybody was not kung-fu fighting. Some of us had a cramp. Tweets n' such: https://t.co/PAbVbAVaIH
GrumpyBear @darksidesith75
3K Followers 1K Following I’m a never nude, there are dozens of us………..DOZENS!
empanada senpai @ShittyRambo
19K Followers 11K Following Married to the lovely @DankNotStank. Raising the shit outta three kids.
ScarletClinamen @SClinamen
123 Followers 226 Following Life requires an unpredictable swerve, at its atomic level, to prevent falling into the void. To avoid becoming less than nothing.
MIsassyass @rlk6818
2K Followers 5K Following
kitten @sparkmond2
4 Followers 435 Following mistress seeking slaves and findom cuckolding etc ask me
Franko0106. I Vote Re.. @Franko01061
690 Followers 4K Following
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Trey @treydayway
41K Followers 6K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1X
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
The B. @anerdonfire2
37K Followers 14K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, Inferno
Grant Tanaka: Honky @GrantTanaka
37K Followers 5K Following Anatomically correct. For the most part.
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2
Ivsy @Ivsy01
40K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin
10K Followers 6K Following
Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric
27K Followers 9K Following Gen X Superhero. Old people jokes for my old people followers. 90’s Kid Alumni. #cheeseburgers
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
66K Followers 9K Following divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
The Evolving Arm @leftarmisme
37K Followers 9K Following So it goes. Tweets👉 https://t.co/CJQMENmWqd @LuvPugFDN 👉https://t.co/WvSLwFgf9x
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
55K Followers 50K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvo
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBV
Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
75K Followers 16K Following writer of dumb tweets, founder of the @LuvPugFDN for homeless & disabled animals 🐾 🐾🐾Instagram: -luvpugpetcare -harrywaddlebottom -luvpugfoundation
B. @AddledPixie
10K Followers 4K Following Currently reading (audiobook) The Outsider by Stephen King // Music right now: TTPD // Currently watching Fallout
Larry’s Twin 99 @LarrysTwin99
31K Followers 22K Following I am not leaving my wife. Unless something better comes along. Which I hope is tomorrow. Single dad. Former Student Government President at Faber College.
k e i t h 🐤🥔 @KeetPotato
144K Followers 216 Following 🏠 england, united kingdom, great britain [email protected]
Natty Lumpo @nattylumpo88
6K Followers 2K Following I know this guy who tries to write jokes. He goes to another school. You probably wouldn't know him. nattylumpo at BlueSky
ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz
19K Followers 5K Following Winging this life. Check back for no helpful tips whatsoever. https://t.co/8mX27QK6yN
Dudish @TheRealDudish
5K Followers 85 Following Comedian, writer, and music producer. Recent tweets: https://t.co/2bIrgNWX4Z
courtneybonneauimages @cbonneauimages
47K Followers 13K Following
David Hughes @david8hughes
119K Followers 874 Following Writer. I wrote this bio. Mock the Week | Trailer Park Boys | The Project
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt
24K Followers 2K Following https://t.co/HREAfSgLSJ https://t.co/RXZ32W17IY geriatric millennial
Phil @geowizzacist
10K Followers 7K Following Words. he/him. Ally. SC&IG2. Stories+art+more: https://t.co/TfXDQCIUyn
Bart @bartandsoul
11K Followers 2K Following What is this place? Is it like FB? Music. Sarcasm. I RT, a lot.
Nom_de_Benoît.pdf @NomDeBenoit
5K Followers 2K Following taco enthusiast. artless dodger. [email protected]
The Angel 🖤 @Angel_150913
12K Followers 5K Following ᛚ᛫ᚹ᛫ᛖ 🔆🚜🍻 ——————————— Farmer’s Daughter. Girl Mama. Viqueen. Advocate for others with different abilities.
Nayele18 @nayele18maybe
6K Followers 766 Following I don't want to hold your baby. https://t.co/j5EntsyPAc
Sooz @CruisinSoozan
30K Followers 5K Following Erotically whimsical, clinically awkward 🔞💋 https://t.co/RTwJsrQhgu
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Blather Wince Repeat @xerxesbigboy
2K Followers 2K Following Showing blithe disregard for those who so blithely disregard.
Nuclear Pasta @nuclearpasta_
3K Followers 2K Following Let’s be internet friends first. Cooking IG: https://t.co/zPME8dAept…
Mike @Parentpains
10K Followers 2K Following Don’t worry, you’d hate me in real life too. My Tweets are in the link👇
SpunkyDame @DameSpunky
8K Followers 7K Following
regular david @OrdinaryAlso
12K Followers 2K Following God’s little goober. he/him looking for may/hem.
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Adam Cerious @Browtweaten
55K Followers 989 Following high speed, aggressive, non-action. also jokes. venmo: adamcerious
Adam @YSylon
8K Followers 2K Following Humor | Music | Misc | latest: https://t.co/BmbpshxRP9 | More & better ⬇️
Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2
Eric Schmeric @HepatitisAtoZ
3K Followers 964 Following Don't Follow Me Here....Follow Me In Real Life and Make My Paranoia A Reality|https://t.co/DmIlfKVXcL
L.A. Dad @LADaddy
9K Followers 6K Following Everybody was not kung-fu fighting. Some of us had a cramp. Tweets n' such: https://t.co/PAbVbAVaIH
GrumpyBear @darksidesith75
3K Followers 1K Following I’m a never nude, there are dozens of us………..DOZENS!
Dean @dakarrier
7K Followers 852 Following contributor to @sorrowscopes also https://t.co/17upRD4mrt
Naïve American @nahdude83
395 Followers 674 Following I'm a middle aged man restarting life. I also need help. See my GoFundMe or I can make something for you through my Etsy shoppe below 👇🏽 DM for custom art!
🇨🇦 Garth Collin.. @Voiceofgarth
10K Followers 6K Following Voice overs and narration from the wintry woods of Western Canada. Pro-science secular humanist.
Angie B @Angibangie
14K Followers 925 Following research scientist, horror movie lover, feminist, anxious. I like people who make me laugh and who eat quietly. avi by @obscureaaron
Jeremy Jorts Parody @iLikeCatShirts
11K Followers 617 Following stop looking at my butt. avi by @fro_vo https://t.co/t70qyGzVgh
Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie
44K Followers 23K Following This bio can't handle me I'm too many characters. Also fuck you
@Rotten_Wendy Was he delivering to your home, or were you picking up at the warehouse? Context matters
I was sitting in a meeting, about 25 employees from our program and the CEO, and a 20 something asked the CEO "would you rather be chased by a bear sized duck, or 12 duck sized bears?" This was his ice breaker, and it was hilarious.
Instagram is helpfully suggesting more people and topics for me to follow while I scroll through ads trying to find the people I already follow.
I talk a lot of shit for someone who lists naps as my favourite hobby.
Whenever I sneeze, my dog brings me a shoe. It’s like he’s saying “Bless shoe!”
“we take pasta” me: like it so far. “it’s ice cold though” me: oh. “then we add mayonnaise” me: excuse me? “and then call it a salad :)”
You don't have to tell us you're an only child. We can all tell.
All the clouds look like my ex's with various weapons to me.
[Shoveling snow] Her: This is too much Me: It’s only 6 inches Her: Yeah that’s a lot Me: Make up your mind
hey, on the outside I might have a lot of flaws, but when you get to know the REAL ME you’ll be grateful that it prepared you for the actual shitshow
having sex is like riding a bicycle, knees ache, might fall off, lots of reflectors
Butter-Bean Baby Boo & Miss Rue Honey Lady Bear told me to give you their hugs n kisses
welcome to [INSERT AGE GROUP HERE], you write tweets like this now
All I’m asking for is someone who will eat food with me ……….. naked ….. in my moms basement, whilst referring to me as kermy! Now is that to much to ask for ?
I learned karate by kicking public bathroom doors open.
Anyone else feel compelled to pose like a Price is Right model, when the delivery driver takes a pic of you holding the package as proof of receipt? I can't help myself.
…or die from it. He died from a cut…but boy did he love yoga pants
I wasn't mad, then my wife texted me to see if I was mad right before she called me to ask why I seemed mad in my texts. Now I'm mad as fuck.
tom cruise: *running full bore into a tree* keebler elves: just on time tom grab a hat let’s get to work
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