Mikeintheburbs @mikeincamelot
AI wrote this bio Connecticut, USA Joined December 2008-
Tweets43K
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Followers3K
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Following3K
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Likes55K
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
"Uh oh." - first human to see the sun set
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Mikeintheburbs retweeted
There should be a hotline people can call if they feel like they might start a podcast.
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
unfortunately i often find out without even getting to fuck around
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
Simone Segouin, mostly known by her codename, Nicole Minet, was only 18-years-old when the Germans invaded. Her first act of rebellion was to steal a bicycle from a German military administration, and to slice the tires of all of the other bikes and motorcycles so they couldn't…
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
So, if I don’t go big I can go home?
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
#NationalRobinDay My lad painted this watercolour when he was 17.
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
My phone is always within reach, so if you think that I’m ignoring you, I am.
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
Hotels be like, it’s $150 a night and you’re staying 2 nights so that brings your total to $947.43.
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
This year for Halloween I’m handing out Xanax.
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
since we can't use plastic straws anymore i've just been choking turtles with my bare hands
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
Performing surgery on a guy I found
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
A haunted house but it’s just me in a house full of people who write ‘could of’ instead of ‘could have’.
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
Availability of broth by mail means the world has left me behind.
An unexpected bendy straw is a harbinger of doom.
Mikeintheburbs retweeted
saying things like “perhaps” and “i suppose” during sex
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My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.
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We should have a tweet-up. I think we'd all fit in a Denny's now.
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This is the future the atheists want
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Atheists in JAPAN are now capturing Christians, putting them in perspex boxes and making them fight COCAINE BEARS! This is not OK!
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335 Followers 5K Following believe in yourself make sure you work hard to build a good future for yourself never underestimate your dreams because tomorrow might be better than today.
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39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
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26K Followers 2K Following hard to get over, apparently ❤ coffee & boob appreciation account (not necessarily in that order) https://t.co/DiyDW5X7Vl
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Lyddie loves puns @luvleelyd
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6K Followers 5K Following Democrat. Sarcastic. Figure Skater. Writer. Analyst. Feminist. I’m nice. I have the heart of a caring kind woman. In a jar…on my desk.
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kenzi @kenzianidiot
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177K Followers 975 Following Studio analyst on YES Network. 4-time NYT bestselling author. I've run more than 1 marathon. Love eclectic music. Wish I'd interviewed Cash, Strummer & Marley
denise @Stellacopter
30K Followers 835 Following i never know how much air to put in my tires, I just stop when I get bored.
Bebe Neuwirth (she/he.. @BebeNeuwirth
96K Followers 346 Following Dancer, Singer, Actor, Animal Lover, Honorary Ziegfeld Girl.
Suzanne MD 🖤🤍NU.. @Davies0831
73K Followers 4K Following https://t.co/RbcDwOlroM https://t.co/Bk8eTx8Xs6
SeriousYoungNos @Nostrafartface
889 Followers 909 Following Pleasure to tweet you. I spit inane refrains, sometimes profane, obtained from my insane brain, but they're mostly absurd word turds, and I'm just havin' a laff
Jen Psaki @jrpsaki
1.5M Followers 1K Following Mom of 2, Host of @InsideWithPsaki on Sundays at Noon ET on @MSNBC. For more on Say More Book tour: https://t.co/uLFVqXDYXi
JD @jdun1031
18K Followers 3K Following Mom | Yankees | Giants | Yankees | Knicks | Yankees | Fitness | Yankees | Rangers | YankeesEveryone is getting right on my nerves today. No exceptions.
I tried to pull a tick off my husky, turns out it was a nipple and now she has trust issues.
Now Kristi Noem is telling people the dog pulled a knife on her.
End the stigma. #mentalhealth #depression #bipolar
Well I guess I’m a shoplifter now.
I’m not quite sure that punishment fits the crime 👀😂😂😂!
People with business cards can't wait to give you their business card
By now, everyone here knows I've only got 12 jokes, so from now on, I'm just going to tweet the number.
Tomorrow I’m going to get up really early and go run really far like a psychopath.
How y’all look in black? 🤷🏼♀️
How y’all look in black?
Would like to see more accordions in the wild.
If this new rapture is the one that finally sticks, can I have your dog?
If you eat enough peanut butter you can call it dinner.
I don't understand the Lego hype. When I was a kid, we had Lincoln Logs, and we could build anything with them. Big cabin, small cabin, you name the cabin.
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