yung mozzarella @iheartgunts
overrated and underwhelming NYC Joined May 2012-
Tweets42K
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Followers13K
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Following4K
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Likes81K
When you put it in her butt and she says “OOOUUUCCCHHH.”
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Started watching The West Wing like some boomer.
yung mozzarella retweeted
I'm a trusting soul, but once I find out you keep peanut butter in the fridge, all bets are off.
When my friends try to get me to leave the bar before last call.
When my friends try to get me to leave the bar before last call.
My chili crisp addiction is really starting to tear my family apart.
Getting a snow day is like earning an extra life in a video game.
They’re arguing about chicken parmigiana over on Facebook again I’m glad we’re finally settling all the age-old questions
yung mozzarella retweeted
the way we handle conflict with people we love versus people we don't really care about
Me eating my lunch as soon as I get to work at 7:30am
yung mozzarella retweeted
I know I'm old because I woke up one day and realized a bunch of people were saying: "Yeet" "He ate" "It's giving..." "Cook" "Cap" And all made me feel angry and confused
Blue Eye Samurai is as good a tv show as I have seen in awhile as long as you don’t mind cartoon dicks and titties.
Pookie from New Jack City would like a word.
Pookie from New Jack City would like a word.
yung mozzarella retweeted
I hate it when healthy me does the groceries, because now fat me needs a snack.
People call me a pussy but that’s just because they’ve never seen how cool I look in my rollerblades.
yung mozzarella retweeted
Love getting rid of this hideous pimple on my face by digging a gaping wound in its place
Tony P. @Tbone7219
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خالد مفلح م�.. @mflh_mr
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Jason Shirley @Sh11692998Jason
214 Followers 1K Following This particular day. I'm just passing through 🌪️👀🤬🎭.Have a nice day, I'll be sleeping 😴!
chucky098 @chucky0982
590 Followers 2K Following I’m single no kid ready for a relationship no fakes please
Vaxxed to the max @Verajlopez
1K Followers 3K Following Loves dogs, science & maga tears. She/her ✊🏼🏳️🌈🌻
𝕵𝖔𝖍𝖓(𝕸.. @John_B_east72
291 Followers 2K Following 𝕭𝖔𝖗𝖓 𝖔𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 972𝖓𝖉 𝖞𝖊𝖆𝖗 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 2𝖓𝖉 𝖒𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖚𝖒.ʟxxɪɪ 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕾𝖍𝖔𝖌𝖚𝖓'𝖘 𝕯𝖊𝖈𝖆𝖕𝖎𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗-𝖜𝖎𝖓𝖉-𝖚𝖕 𝖒𝖊𝖗𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖙
Judge Smails @EsterhouseMrs
292 Followers 1K Following If you can't get on a plane without your donkey, you shouldn't be flying.....
Joshua Bustamante @azaccountant
27 Followers 111 Following Learning to find the truth; live one moment at a time, and enjoying every second I breathe. Life is short, and my tolerance for bullshit is even shorter.
Barb Twisted @BarbTwisted
937 Followers 1K Following Oh trust me, I’ve earned every dirty name anyone has ever called me
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Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Trey @treydayway
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Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
Ivsy @Ivsy01
40K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
C’est La Vie @Robert_Beau
57K Followers 50K Following Real Deal ~ Part Time Penis Model ~ Full Time Asshole
PieGuy @ilovepie84
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Burning Mom ⚡️ @MomOnFire
75K Followers 2K Following Smooth like nitroglycerin. Sidekick to @gingerhotdish
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
66K Followers 9K Following divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
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Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric
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The B. @anerdonfire2
37K Followers 14K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, Inferno
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
Angie Davis ❤️’.. @AngieDavisHaha
17K Followers 4K Following I'll always be the jester,in a world that idolizes the princess.Goodnight @davidduchovny girl. Comic of Twitter tour @TweetComedians ,knows how to make a salad.
Amish Super Model �.. @AmishSuperModel
56K Followers 18K Following Gracing the hottest runways from Paris to Lancaster! Also featured in Amish Vogue & Amish GQ https://t.co/izJtz2t0DD
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5K Followers 4K Following 🎶 My Pics with Music LyRics 🎶 Sun,Moon,Skies,Beach,Nature, Architecture, Sports٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶....... Humor...\o/..
Jay @theshamingofjay
11K Followers 3K Following Court jester "Foul Mouthed True Crime Guy From Up North" I livestream trials on YouTube & Kick. Just a moron yelling at a screen. #teambidet
MELapalooza 🐈⚽�.. @MELisCrazyInAZ
32K Followers 15K Following MY ONE AND ONLY PROFILE $MelisCrazyInAz https://t.co/rjxWV6PjFA 🤪Teetering on the edge of insanity 🤣98.2% of my tweets are jokes. Respond accordingly
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Steve Cohen Standup @stevecohenfun
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CarpeDiem89 @Carpediem4989
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Catherine Robinson-Ma.. @chmarinello
65 Followers 141 Following
fightgeek @fightgeek
11K Followers 9K Following i wander around outside and hangout with dogs mostly
Mike B @poppunkpolaroid
62 Followers 158 Following I play bass in a mediocre pop-punk band, and take shitty pictures
Alexander Stolerman @xand29
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Kangaroo Jake @KangarooJackoff
3K Followers 4K Following Had a good scooby doo tweet once https://t.co/0WeJUIbJJt
StacIE @EnvyInOhio
93 Followers 151 Following Came back to write more mediocre tweets, and to annoy the shit out of my followers with retweets of random things that make me laugh uncontrollably.
RoaringViperMyAsp @MyRoaring
93 Followers 104 Following I like to do hoodrat things with my hoodrat friends
Short circuited @Nina_Betina
235 Followers 312 Following I can do the splits and apply mascara with my mouth closed. None of this is useful as an electrician
Alpha Harlot @AlphaHarlot
3K Followers 2K Following Laughter Addict~Always Evolving~Periodic Reader~Former Smut Slinger~Perpetual Pervert~Writer
Melissa Cavanagh @TheShadowsMoon
1K Followers 3K Following Silly, serious, sarcastic, sometimes sincere. Great admirer of intelligent lifeforms. Easily offended? Leave now. #parttimehuman #writer #AmericanOnTheLoose
Heaux Pro Boner @alice_x_daniels
17K Followers 6K Following Stoner Boner Loner Goner ✨https://t.co/cfTeaY7Oz1 🍃https://t.co/yFFZtKtXx1
😈 Reputa the Beaut.. @reputathebeauta
25K Followers 5K Following Baby, you know there's somethin' on my mind
God @pradogod
2K Followers 2K Following success to ya, even if ya wish me the opposite https://t.co/bIpWVCFMNy
Pending @WineandFreckles
1K Followers 919 Following I love a sunburnt country🦘 ...https://t.co/GfRNRFQD8d
Rachel @RachelNoise
7K Followers 2K Following I woke up in a new Bugatti except it wasn’t new and it was a deck chair
Twïstëd Up Inside @twistedup_Nside
3K Followers 5K Following Art Should Comfort the Disturbed and Disturb the Comfortable. -Cesar A. Cruz.
🧜🏻♀️🧚.. @BeckaWaugh
1K Followers 2K Following Mom of 4. My toddlers run my life so I’m never here anymore 😅
Drea🩺💉 @DreaCupcake_
103K Followers 13K Following With God, all things are possible. •Registered Nurse🩺• Future FNP➡️DNP • #Steelers #GodIsLove #Faith ~NO DM’s ~
Aries Marie @AriesVgk
87 Followers 309 Following
Lo✨ @_lolo65_
100 Followers 298 Following
Eric in the 21.24th C.. @ejt___
8K Followers 4K Following Retweets are endorsements that the joke was funny. https://t.co/HmMfC14tzI
Gina Marie True Crime @gmtruecrime
4K Followers 2K Following former deputy coroner/death investigator with a passion for true crime, who drinks too much coffee and makes inappropriate t-shirts for no reason
Benny, the Dirty Moch.. @GotJbenny
7K Followers 5K Following DMs open for Dad Jokes, Chats, Boobs, whatever. My Drawings: https://t.co/ZNa7QWHSgr
eli @thisdayisyours
18K Followers 11K Following
1965~ Wow Cher looks good 1985 ~ Wow Cher looks good 1995 ~ Wow Cher looks good 2024 ~Wow Cher looks good 3035 ~ Wow Cher looks good
I think you can learn a lot about a person by how they act when they are driving in traffic and what I learned about myself is that I’m an awful human being.
I'm a trusting soul, but once I find out you keep peanut butter in the fridge, all bets are off.
Ever seen a toucan dance ?
Having a gay child doesn't mean you have failed as a parent. But thinking that it does shows your parents did.
*any time a celebrity is trending* Me: Please don’t be for something terrible… *95% of the time, it’s terrible*
This is your friendly reminder to complain about something on the interweb today
Happy birthday @saribethrose love you so 🧡🤍🧡🤍🧡🤍🧡🤍🧡🤍🧡🤍🧡
Spent the morning chasing my Husky through the neighborhood in the snow. She made it to the entrance of the parkway and opted not to use the Northern State. Too much traffic. She made her way back to the neighborhood and I managed to tackle her to the ground in a random back yard…
Since yesterday was a good brain day, it’s only natural for today’s brain to be dark & gloomy
I can’t eat food without getting it on my clothes. This is a curse I was born with.
This snow day after a three day weekend has it feeling like we’re on our third Sunday for this week
What would you like on your store playlist? Kroger Corporate: Just load that shit up with Phil Collins and Genesis!
My favorite accounts are the ones that get to 1k or 10k followers and then suddenly mass unfollow so they're only following a few hundred people. I will never be as amazing as them, and I'm just honored I got to retweet them before they became too cool for me. Bless
I’m just saying if dead people turn into zombies and most dead people are dressed in suits and dresses when they’re buried then it’s kinda safe to assume the zombie apocalypse is actually going to be a formal event
It’s pronounced adulthood, the “you’ll be tired every day for the rest of your life” is silent.
“A dusting to a foot of snow because the fuck if we know”~ weathermen.
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