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Tweets11K
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Followers10K
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Following2K
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Likes57K
Who up trying to decide if it’s too late for chicky tendies?
I'm not funny enough for my life to be this big a joke.
What do you mean my cat's a bully? She's 7 lbs and missing a leg
You meet a black market music salesman in the forest behind the barn. You wait as a Listener Drone passes slowly overhead. All melodies are outlawed. All harmonies, punishable with death. The man opens his coat to reveal a long grey saxophone. "How much?" You ask. "It's free."
You're not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.
“the horrors persist but so do we” actually the horrors are kind of lapping me right now
Everything you did today will age badly
ME: I’m looking for funding for my prison-based creative writing workshops. ARTS COUNCIL: OK. What is the name of this project? ME: Prose and cons. ARTS COUNCIL: Get out.
If you wear cowboy clothes are you technically ranch dressing
The existential burden of living in this particular era of humanity
The existential burden of living in this particular era of humanity
standing over the sink eating leftovers with my dad like we are two bears that just broke into someones home
hey sorry i'm late. i was thinking about all the opportunities i have squandered
LaLaLyds @LaLa_Lyds
19K Followers 4K Following nostalgic for last week's tuna sandwich. knock it off.vision bored @visionbored2
43K Followers 984 FollowingSneezingWithWetMascar.. @WetMascara
20K Followers 2K Following Yes, THAT Thanksgiving tweet. My Faves: https://t.co/90HdOEinlH Recent Tweets in Link Below.Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 965 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4PwMatty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.Granite Man 🏴�.. @GraniteDhuine
18K Followers 5K Following The unacceptable face of Scottish Twitter. Whisky drinker, kilt wearer, sweary AF.natalayhehoo @highprobably1
38K Followers 3K Following This is not the profile you’re looking for. Gemini and Vol for life. Taken not stirred.meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link belowStabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmoVillage Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️Barry BeNiceButNotSic.. @barryjohnharper
10K Followers 8K Following English accent - please adjust your inner dialogue. Atheist, but fine by me if you believe in fairytales. Peace ✌ https://t.co/kWKnRGy10oShauna Crook @ShaunaCrook13
319 Followers 742 Following ...Child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars...Johannes.B. @YohannesBe75020
18 Followers 531 FollowingLorna King @LornaKing1
75 Followers 162 Following Follower of Jesup. So blessed to be a wife and mother. Live in beautiful Auckland New Zealand.youll have to excuse .. @thee_love_witch
24 Followers 405 Following Welcome to the intersection of self-awareness, modern feminism, nuanced obsevations and critical thinking. xoxoBrad Wade @bradwade371
40 Followers 22 FollowingJenelle V @JenelleComedy
698 Followers 1K Following Artist, Aesthete, Autodidact, Alliterator, AmericanConLaw Aficionado-AndNowStandUpComedian —🌻🇺🇦🌻 #StopPutin #NeverAgainDylanRoberts8008 @Roberts8008D
265 Followers 776 Following I’m here for fun and to find likeminded people who likes to express their sexuality freely and https://t.co/DmLo1FKwC6 to chat on lonely nights and when https://t.co/SU9ee3WV4k openJust JP @ThisisJohn18
305 Followers 970 Following Can someone explain what's going on here in ten words or less LI NYI Don’t Know Her @urnxtexwife
1K Followers 376 Following “She was a goddess of torment and understood the eloquence of violence”Chris Rubino @chrisrubino930
29 Followers 39 Followingelchapo @leonneri1
5 Followers 3 FollowingB @bmoore8712
33 Followers 197 FollowingOhio Sports fan @Cleveland___fan
237 Followers 4K Followingenis soares @enis_s37958
124 Followers 777 FollowingJohn Evans @JohnEvans45830
46 Followers 1K FollowingBele @Bele861646
12 Followers 3K FollowingLadiesmanou812 @mccoy_bobbytx
799 Followers 843 FollowingCM @CDMcD23
488 Followers 2K Following Far from perfect Christian, Father, Husband, Patriot, Seeker of Truth, Sports fan (Cowboys, Atlanta Braves, MSU Bulldogs), Golfer, Weenie dog Dad.Tommy lejeune @To94047Tommy
24 Followers 57 Followingbugi jablonska @bugi2209
556 Followers 3K Following Art, If I paint something, I don’t want to have to explain what it is Only hear from your heart while drawing.lrivx @lrivx
92 Followers 453 FollowingRyan @therealryanter
174 Followers 122 Following Just out here looking for positive people who have fun doing similar activities 420 supporterDanny @Danny472601
139 Followers 851 FollowingRetail Lifer @Retailiated
929 Followers 2K Following Just some lady. I talk way too much about Ghostbusters and ska.Destry @DestryBrod
18K Followers 16K Following Not quite cool enough to be Canadian.I live close enough to Canada to smell the healthcare. Pretty liberal, pretty democratic not that pretty tho. pro choice.sly Fox @Jfox3985Fox
168 Followers 177 FollowingJohn R. Shields @JohnRShields1
820 Followers 5K Following Artist, Video game nut (especially FPS's and RPG's).and love Movies (mainly SciFi, Horror and Action).Success Isaac @SuccessIsa14296
5 Followers 74 Following hell0 great buyer am professional digital marketing for many years a professional digital marketer specialised in Onlyfans promotion and marketing I help OnlyfaCody Alford @ashley_buh66314
24 Followers 113 Following I'm here to learn people how to get a military formAshmedia @AshmediaKOD
208 Followers 586 Following 28 /m🤷🏼♂️ I like tattoos, piercings and bad decisions - Pisces - Sunsets are my specialtyHilario chay Canché @HilarioCanche
447 Followers 4K FollowingAllDayDreamin🌻🐸.. @Jessica51321686
342 Followers 2K Following #AUTISMAWARENESS #AUTISMPARENT #ATHEIST #PUTINISAWARCRIMINAL #STANDWITHUKRAINE🇺🇦 #LOVEISLOVE 🏳️🌈 #STOPBANNINGBOOKS #BOOKWORM #PLANTMOM #🤘HEADSmiling Chimp @Smiling_Chimp
529 Followers 5K Following I have this shit eating grin on my face but no-one is smiling with me. I'm only 13% of the population & crying for all the attention. Heading back to Africa..LaLaLyds @LaLa_Lyds
19K Followers 4K Following nostalgic for last week's tuna sandwich. knock it off.vision bored @visionbored2
43K Followers 984 FollowingSneezingWithWetMascar.. @WetMascara
20K Followers 2K Following Yes, THAT Thanksgiving tweet. My Faves: https://t.co/90HdOEinlH Recent Tweets in Link Below.Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 965 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4PwMatty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.Granite Man 🏴�.. @GraniteDhuine
18K Followers 5K Following The unacceptable face of Scottish Twitter. Whisky drinker, kilt wearer, sweary AF.natalayhehoo @highprobably1
38K Followers 3K Following This is not the profile you’re looking for. Gemini and Vol for life. Taken not stirred.meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link belowStabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmoVillage Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️Barry BeNiceButNotSic.. @barryjohnharper
10K Followers 8K Following English accent - please adjust your inner dialogue. Atheist, but fine by me if you believe in fairytales. Peace ✌ https://t.co/kWKnRGy10oDestry @DestryBrod
18K Followers 16K Following Not quite cool enough to be Canadian.I live close enough to Canada to smell the healthcare. Pretty liberal, pretty democratic not that pretty tho. pro choice.View Porn @interiorvilla1
350K Followers 25 Following we post lit contents . we don’t own any content.Leggy Del Pain @coffeeandvinyl1
23K Followers 6K Following 🥇Gold Medalist at the 2022 Messy Bitch Olympics. Demotivational Speaker. Shrill Woman.✨ Tara Wine-Queen W.. @TaraWineQueen
7K Followers 5K Following 🌈 Kindness and written word enthusiast. Mostly interested in laughing and crying and being good to other humans here in the cosmos. 🚀 she/herAlexander Pennington @Authoralexp
83K Followers 55K Following Aspiring YA Author and founder of the Aspiring Writers United Facebook group (150K+ members)R D @Duffman815
115 Followers 191 Followingpoorly drawn lines @PDLComics
319K Followers 320 Following Comics by Reza Farazmand | Watch "Poorly Drawn Lines" on Hulu | Prints, books, and merch:𝒥𝑒𝓈𝓈 @worldreads
46K Followers 9K Following english lit & history grad | book reviewer | crochet artist | dog mom | probably thrifting or planning my next trip 📖🏛️🌿Natasha Carter @NatashaCL7
172K Followers 54K Following #Indie #Author of #romance and #suspense novels. 2nd book released 11/24/23, many more to follow! DMs for book stuff only. 🌈Ally.🪬#writingcommunityBen Fowlkes @benfowlkesMMA
51K Followers 3K Following Sports writer. Talk on the Co-Main Event Podcast. Previously: The Athletic, USA Today, Sports Illustrated, Best American Short Stories. Novice hockey league MVPShea Swauger @SheaSwauger
2K Followers 2K Following Senior Policy Analyst at @futureofprivacy, PhD student, abolitionist, Queer, ADHD, views my own. he/himRedBeard @OleSaintPat
11K Followers 6K Following Former USAF. Former U.S. Ambassador. Netflix Connoisseur. Hoarder of Books. Amateur Chef. Twitter: Because therapy is expensive.Amy Miller @amymiller
27K Followers 3K Following 💜✌️ female comedian / coastal elite white trash / not talking to you, talking to your dog / never not touching my headVixx @VexingVixxen
41K Followers 2K Following I am the titty whisperer. Will not DM you. Liberal AF she/her. Alt for @_JizzabelleCooney 🇨🇦 @_Cooney_
3K Followers 3K Following Just trying to exist in a cruel world and taking life one day at a time.SomeoneYouDontKnow @justwritewhatev
6K Followers 2K Following Founding member of the OG Bad Mom’s ClubPhilosophalopod @Philosophalopod
6K Followers 2K Following Worship of the Cephalogods. #MicroFiction. https://t.co/0lDMWK0Pd7 https://t.co/Idr7L5aUb5 https://t.co/RD2n0xJdgj(A)$ke₩ @Askew_74
5K Followers 3K Following [uh-skyoo] out of proper alignment; not level; uneven; irregular; oblique; awry. https://t.co/Gjq9OYnFLrAndrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
89K Followers 1K Following Comedian, Writer, Founder of Persona Essential Social Media Management, writer of @GrimAndGraham♡ @JustMegAgain
9K Followers 982 Followingjason jasonson @jasonjasonsons
2K Followers 825 Following celine dion fan account https://t.co/4HEVQLVaOsCall Me Ishmael @ObservableLies
2K Followers 514 Following it's not personal, I just don't wanna live in your world. BLM, Love is Love, Trans Men are MenDylano | Essayful @DylanoA4
8K Followers 531 Following “All is built on sand, but we must build as if the sand were stone.” Working on books @OSVenturesLLC. Working on writing @Essayful. Bylines @TheSpectator, etc.Tim Bertsos @BertsosTim
3K Followers 3K Following #WritingCommunity #WritersOver50 #photography #amquerying #noAI. Grumpy Grammarian-Baker-Amateur Photographer-Hiker-Nature-Humor-Movies. Photos mine. FWIW.Ꮙι†αϻιŋ ℃-.. @XO_writing
8K Followers 5K Following You're reading the lyrics of my soul↝ @XOPrompts =Alt ↝𝚂𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚂𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚢↝ © ᴀʟʟ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ɪꜱ ᴍɪɴᴇ ᴜɴʟᴇꜱꜱ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴇᴅ ©↝🚫DM's ↝ₓₒOintmental @Ointmental
1K Followers 1K Following 'Cartoon, Camera, Caffeine' freak with an awesome hental mealth. I may be older, but I am certainly not wiser. Don't believe a word I say unless you want to 😾Whiskey Twisted @whiskeytwisted1
337 Followers 780 Following Whiskey cause it doesn’t love me back and it’s gone in the morningvintage.stuff @vintagestuff4
21K Followers 20K Following Rediscovering the past. Photos and interesting facts from all periods of history. #vintage #retro #colorized #history #humour Amazon affiliate program member.Art of Architecture @artofarchitect
107K Followers 1 Following Your daily escape to architectural wonder.sleepiest girl in the.. @v_dcknz
9K Followers 3K Following headlinezzzz @theonion @reductress • Hyperfocus: A Neurodivergent Comedy Show @caveatnyc next show May 12 😇Emily Murnane @emily_murnane
31K Followers 1K Following writer & director & producer & editor | often crying on public transitdeath angel @angel_0f_deathx
109K Followers 1K Following pied piper of ass | gym enjoyer | switch ⛓️ MDNI🔞m@thew @TweetPotato314
44K Followers 597 Following retired: @tweetpotato314 ︎new: https://t.co/eGYheQADS5 personal: @antelopishZach Zimmerman @zzdoublezz
20K Followers 2K Following comedian, okayselling author -- the new yorker, late late show, vulture comic to watch, 🌸 SPRING TOUR 🌸 on sale nowgianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi
64K Followers 7K Following “you miss 100% of the shots you take” -my high school basketball coachDisheveled Mom @wittysnuggles
5K Followers 6K Following Not my real name. 40s toddler mom. Unapologetically blunt relationship therapist. Featured on @MSNBC @CNN @FoxNews @SternShow @NYPostVic Pinto @VicPinto_
7K Followers 488 Following little jokes • Free & Accessible Mental Health Peer Support meetings at @MHCspacesBrandon Scott Wolf @BrandonEsWolf
15K Followers 5K Following Writer, Producer, Coworker 🦀 Co-Founder of Twin Fungus Productions 🦞 Watch RUBBER BANDS now ⬇️All Shall Love Me and.. @all_shall_love
441 Followers 18 Following Human, maybe. Terrifying. Beautiful.when a guy says he doesn’t like girls who have tattoos I assume he means because he knows she’s at least 18
So is she gonna be "Zendaya Holland" or is he going to become "Tom"
Tom Holland and Zendaya are reportedly planning marriage. (Via: people.com/zendaya-tom-ho…)
They should invent a medicine with good side effects.
the zoomies r the most enviable feature of the dog mind. If u have extra energy at the end of the day your brain enters party mode, you have the most fun ever running around, and then fall right to sleep
Muting this now, because the notifications are getting out of hand and preventing me from seeing/doing what I'm ACTUALLY on this platform for, like discussing movies, sharing art, and making people laugh. ✌️
So nice of all the guys in my replies being so voluntary with telling me they're incels. Makes it easier to mass-block all of you so I don't have to ever see you again 👋
My mum recently died. I went out and got shit faced. Day after I had to go to the funeral home to organise her funeral. Was so hungover, I vomited all over the table on the coffin brochures. Staff were lovely. I cried. Got £200 off the total bill. Mum would have been proud.
My 91yo grandma just told me that she got a scam call from someone pretending to be me and needing money and at the end they said a cheque would be fine and she said “And who should I make it out to, since you’re obviously not Aaron” and they hung up on her. What a legend.
What's weird is going to someone's profile, downloading their profile picture, and then posting it to prove your point that it's okay for men to use women's photos in ways the woman had not intended.
@EmmaScott What's wierd is posting pictures you know anyone can save, and not expecting anyone to save them.
One of the biggest challenges in the workplace is trying not to eat your lunch before 10 am
I think one of the most important safety tips for women is to pay attention to how a man responds to a no, & I don't just mean a literal no. How does he respond when you disagree, when you refuse to defer to him, when you set a boundary, when you're unavailable.
I'm now rating my tweets based on their degree of Annieness. How Annie is this tweet? I give it a 4/10.
Welp. 2024 was going to be the year that I finally started to post selfies and have a little confidence in myself after a couple decades of feeling like nothing (IYKYK). It was a fun 4 months, but heading back into my little cave again...